november and december 2021
Would you look at the time-- it is the final hours of an upending year and I'm about to cook a fancy dinner. Diego got the candelabras out. Maybe we'll do some things behind them. He calls them "Lumiere." After dinner, we're going to go see Possession at the artsy theatre for a 9:30 showing. And then it'll be 2022!
So, here's the thing. It is kinda wild that we're here in Minnesota and last year we were in Brooklyn. That realization has been hitting a lot over the last two months! And with the holidays, it just hits different. And by different, I mean more melancholy.
Diego and I are both tending to some low grade depressies. I went through my annual two weeks after Daylight Savings Time seasonal slowdown two weeks after Daylight Savings time, like I do every year. By then, construction on our house had ended hallelujahpraisehimglorybetogoddess, Diego was making Elaine homey, artful and lovely, and then the time changed and I was just totally over it. I go into hibernation mode during my season affectation, so I took a few mental health days at work to really cozy up to the discomfort. Because at work things like a kid bringing a gun to school and then getting arrested are happening and it's pretty shitty there right now.
This was always part of the reality of making a decision that upends your life. You leave your sense of comfort - even if you're not totally happy with it, it's still familiar - and life becomes a bit uncomfortable. We're in that part of it, where you confront what you want, or at least what you think you want, and try to make sense of it all.
And I haven't even mentioned the panini. Pandemic fatigue is really a huge part of our moving story, and it continues to evolve the same way the mutations do! I can't believe/can totally believe how we are here, again, and the CDC is the human embodiment of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It's hard to know what to do and I feel confused and exhausted by the endless confusion. I think we are eager to make connections with things in a new city - but there's a limit to what you can do during a pandemic. Ultimately, I appreciate being able to be honest with myself and the rest of our Haus about my feelings - that they aren't always positive, wonderful and "growthful" all the time. Sometimes things just feel shitty and you have longing.
And against all of those odds, we have had a lowkey but altogether happy holiday season. I guess they key to surviving these times is embracing the plurality of life! Diego's family, including Abuelita, came to visit us for Thanksgiving and we had our first guests in the house. Seeing Abuelita is always a highlight because she's the best. I've seen her twice this year!
We went to see the Saint Paul Chamber Orchestra do a little Bach. If you had told me 10 years ago that I'd be going to the orchestra and enjoying myself sober, phew. I would have taken a shot and been like "no way!" Come to think of it, if you had told me I'd be seeing the orchestra in Saint Paul, Minnesota, I'd take 2 shots. And here I am. Alas, I totally enjoyed it and would love to go back. I think what I realized is how infectious it is to watch someone perform a skill they're amazing it. Like, how can you not enjoy yourself, no matter what it is? Unless it's sports. I've tried and it's not the same.
We also were visited by the magical Christmas elves Howard and Libbie (my parents) the week before Christmas. It was a festive and lovely visit and it included a family visit to Costco (which was almost as good as the Orchestra). We visited Stillwater, a cute little bougie town on the St. Croix river and everything was snowy and frozen. We saw A Christmas Carol at the Guthrie Theater and it was great! We were happy and surprised as coastal elites to find some artistic virtue in this Midwestern fantasy.
Some other things in my Midwestern fantasy that I haven't tried yet so we can't move back to NY or somewhere else yet:
So, here's the thing. It is kinda wild that we're here in Minnesota and last year we were in Brooklyn. That realization has been hitting a lot over the last two months! And with the holidays, it just hits different. And by different, I mean more melancholy.
Diego and I are both tending to some low grade depressies. I went through my annual two weeks after Daylight Savings Time seasonal slowdown two weeks after Daylight Savings time, like I do every year. By then, construction on our house had ended hallelujahpraisehimglorybetogoddess, Diego was making Elaine homey, artful and lovely, and then the time changed and I was just totally over it. I go into hibernation mode during my season affectation, so I took a few mental health days at work to really cozy up to the discomfort. Because at work things like a kid bringing a gun to school and then getting arrested are happening and it's pretty shitty there right now.
This was always part of the reality of making a decision that upends your life. You leave your sense of comfort - even if you're not totally happy with it, it's still familiar - and life becomes a bit uncomfortable. We're in that part of it, where you confront what you want, or at least what you think you want, and try to make sense of it all.
And I haven't even mentioned the panini. Pandemic fatigue is really a huge part of our moving story, and it continues to evolve the same way the mutations do! I can't believe/can totally believe how we are here, again, and the CDC is the human embodiment of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It's hard to know what to do and I feel confused and exhausted by the endless confusion. I think we are eager to make connections with things in a new city - but there's a limit to what you can do during a pandemic. Ultimately, I appreciate being able to be honest with myself and the rest of our Haus about my feelings - that they aren't always positive, wonderful and "growthful" all the time. Sometimes things just feel shitty and you have longing.
And against all of those odds, we have had a lowkey but altogether happy holiday season. I guess they key to surviving these times is embracing the plurality of life! Diego's family, including Abuelita, came to visit us for Thanksgiving and we had our first guests in the house. Seeing Abuelita is always a highlight because she's the best. I've seen her twice this year!
We went to see the Saint Paul Chamber Orchestra do a little Bach. If you had told me 10 years ago that I'd be going to the orchestra and enjoying myself sober, phew. I would have taken a shot and been like "no way!" Come to think of it, if you had told me I'd be seeing the orchestra in Saint Paul, Minnesota, I'd take 2 shots. And here I am. Alas, I totally enjoyed it and would love to go back. I think what I realized is how infectious it is to watch someone perform a skill they're amazing it. Like, how can you not enjoy yourself, no matter what it is? Unless it's sports. I've tried and it's not the same.
We also were visited by the magical Christmas elves Howard and Libbie (my parents) the week before Christmas. It was a festive and lovely visit and it included a family visit to Costco (which was almost as good as the Orchestra). We visited Stillwater, a cute little bougie town on the St. Croix river and everything was snowy and frozen. We saw A Christmas Carol at the Guthrie Theater and it was great! We were happy and surprised as coastal elites to find some artistic virtue in this Midwestern fantasy.
Some other things in my Midwestern fantasy that I haven't tried yet so we can't move back to NY or somewhere else yet:
- Snow-shoe walking?? Is that what they call it? Snow-shoeing?
- Sledding!
- I want to walk, or be, on a frozen body of water. Better yet, I want to recreate the Joel and Clementine stargazing scene from Eternal Sunshine
- I want to go dancing (will I ever...?) at First Avenue
- Visit Paisley Park
- Visit the Walker Art Center
- Be on a boat on a lake
- Visit the Boundary Waters