(no subject)
ive officially reached the point of disgust in myself..
i also realize that i only update my livejournal when im feeling upset
so basically..according to shaun "ive ruined homecoming". It's so not fair..i didn't do anything to ruin it, and what people are hearing isn't true about me?!
i dont even want to go to homecoming anymore
so shaun basically says "when you have a boyfriend you become obsessed and ignore all your other friends".
I'm sorry..thats bullshit..i attempted to make an effort to hang out w/ shaun, but it's not like he calls me to hang out or anything so there's two sides to this story..i kno ill get blamed for ruinin the relationship..it's always my fault (sarcasm indicated here).
I feel so friendless right now? I kno i have friends..good friends..but im such an introvert. I'm so satisfied that I haven't dranken in 2 months..but HEY my parents dont believe that, I'm sure they think i drink and drive or something since i'm always driving when i go out at night
basically i feel so outta place around my drunk friends that I feel the desire to drink..even thought i dont really want to?
and then seain..wow he's such a cool boyfriend. Not to get all sappy but i seriously feel so happy in his arms..like..safe? But then i get mad at him for the stupidest things..and i kno it's stupid yet i dont seem to stop myself from gettin mad? can someone give me a word or phrase for this? Anyways, I feel like I'm ruinin the relationship because i always need to find something wrong or something that i can get mad about..which hurts him
eventually he's going to get sick of me always gettin mad for nothing..and probably dump me..gaah i'm seriously just depressing myself.
I really want a slightly more flexible cerfew. I'm sorry but my parents really aren't the coolest..and they wonder whhhyy i give them so much attitude. I dont get why they cant comprehend that i DONT drink. I'm pissed that they cant fucking trust me..I haven't lied in so long and it just angers me the privaledges they withhold from me.
and then when it comes to life in general..Ive seriously concluded that im an "average...not worth noticing..attribute to this world". Like..in my life I've never been aknowledged for my niceness, never beeen the most valuable, or most improved..basically im a big fat nothing. This makes me feel like my efforts are for nothing, which makes me feel like crap. I'm so tired of being.."ok"..at waterpolo and soccer, like i work so hard to make myself better
My coach gave me captain last weekend during our tourny when our captain hurt herself. It made me feel good b/c he chose me..but then i found out why
"while i work the hardest, you also put up with the most shit on the team".
I'm sorry but that right there makes me being captain unjustified. Like, wow i put up with the most shit equals that im not respected as a person whatsoever, so why would i want to be captain? Captain for all the wrong reasons.
ok im done ventin..i should go to bed? :-/
i also realize that i only update my livejournal when im feeling upset
so basically..according to shaun "ive ruined homecoming". It's so not fair..i didn't do anything to ruin it, and what people are hearing isn't true about me?!
i dont even want to go to homecoming anymore
so shaun basically says "when you have a boyfriend you become obsessed and ignore all your other friends".
I'm sorry..thats bullshit..i attempted to make an effort to hang out w/ shaun, but it's not like he calls me to hang out or anything so there's two sides to this story..i kno ill get blamed for ruinin the relationship..it's always my fault (sarcasm indicated here).
I feel so friendless right now? I kno i have friends..good friends..but im such an introvert. I'm so satisfied that I haven't dranken in 2 months..but HEY my parents dont believe that, I'm sure they think i drink and drive or something since i'm always driving when i go out at night
basically i feel so outta place around my drunk friends that I feel the desire to drink..even thought i dont really want to?
and then seain..wow he's such a cool boyfriend. Not to get all sappy but i seriously feel so happy in his arms..like..safe? But then i get mad at him for the stupidest things..and i kno it's stupid yet i dont seem to stop myself from gettin mad? can someone give me a word or phrase for this? Anyways, I feel like I'm ruinin the relationship because i always need to find something wrong or something that i can get mad about..which hurts him
eventually he's going to get sick of me always gettin mad for nothing..and probably dump me..gaah i'm seriously just depressing myself.
I really want a slightly more flexible cerfew. I'm sorry but my parents really aren't the coolest..and they wonder whhhyy i give them so much attitude. I dont get why they cant comprehend that i DONT drink. I'm pissed that they cant fucking trust me..I haven't lied in so long and it just angers me the privaledges they withhold from me.
and then when it comes to life in general..Ive seriously concluded that im an "average...not worth noticing..attribute to this world". Like..in my life I've never been aknowledged for my niceness, never beeen the most valuable, or most improved..basically im a big fat nothing. This makes me feel like my efforts are for nothing, which makes me feel like crap. I'm so tired of being.."ok"..at waterpolo and soccer, like i work so hard to make myself better
My coach gave me captain last weekend during our tourny when our captain hurt herself. It made me feel good b/c he chose me..but then i found out why
"while i work the hardest, you also put up with the most shit on the team".
I'm sorry but that right there makes me being captain unjustified. Like, wow i put up with the most shit equals that im not respected as a person whatsoever, so why would i want to be captain? Captain for all the wrong reasons.
ok im done ventin..i should go to bed? :-/