The Re-Education of an American Professional
So I'm an environmental consulting engineer. I've been an environmental consulting engineer for 10 years. I've been successful at it, collecting bonuses and raises and promotions along the way. I ride my bike to work. I see the results of some of my projects reported in local, and rarely not-so-local, newspapers, each article lauding the successes of my clients' projects.
When I was younger, I was vehemently anti-establishment and for the most part I haven't changed in that regard. I don't eat meat, I don't support fast-food, and I actively rally against both of our country's wars. Even though I'm an office rat, my hair is still dyed pink. It's no longer in rebellion as it was in my younger years, I realized a long time ago that hair cannot be rebellious, it's just vanity.
My self-image over the last ten years has been tumultuous, to say the least. I've hated office work with a deep-seated vitriol from the first day I set foot in one. Somehow, at the time, I didn't see that as a sign that a career in office work may be a foolish pursuit for me. I don't have a good brain-to-mouth filter, I fight the urge to launch the water cooler at any of my coworkers that try to talk to me about last night's baseball game while I'm filling my water glass, and I can't sit still to save my goddamn life.
I started out working for one year as a civil engineer. I designed sidewalks and pavement. Within 10 months, I was suffering from a case of depression so severe that I had a nervous breakdown in the dairy aisle of the ultra-sanitary big-chain grocery store that was the only grocery store near my rented house. I quit my job and moved across the country alone.
For the next 5 years, I worked as an environmental engineer for one of the largest engineering firms in the world. For the sake of anonymity, we'll call it "The Man, Inc". My new city was a much better fit, but the job was cruel. 50+ hour weeks and the requirement to wear "office casual" whilst sitting in a tiny beige cubicle without natural light. One day, the regional head honcho was in our office and he came to my desk after hours (I was working late, of course) to ask me, specifically, if snot came out of my nose piercing when I blew my nose. He said the piercing was unprofessional and that I should work harder to present a better picture of "The Man, Inc." Meanwhile, it was common knowledge that he was sleeping with one of the female office minions who was 20 years younger than he and under his direct supervision. Needless to say, the company Christmas parties, which he attended with his wife of 20 years, were perfectly professional, of course.
The breaking point for me, though, came when I was assigned my last project and I noticed, while setting up the budget tracking spreadsheet for it, that the two young male engineers that were assigned to assist me were out-earning me by TWENTY PERCENT. Even at only 6 years of experience, I had over twice the experience they did. I also had significantly better performance reviews. When I confronted the head honcho, I was told that it was the "hiring climate" and that he was oh so sorry, but he couldn't adjust my salary to match.
So, onward. I quit that job and moved to a small consulting firm that allowed flexible hours, the freedom to take unpaid vacation, a supportive environment, and the supreme lack of head honchos with idiocy issues. Sure, I'm still in a beige cubicle without any natural light, but I'm wearing comfortable clothes and get frequent compliments on my appearance, however pink or red or baby blue my hair may be. Moreover, in the 4 years I've worked here, I've never been forced to donate a single hour of my free time to the office without pay. Also, this company, we'll call it "The Best Possible Engineering Firm for Me, Inc", does only environmental work and we consult only on projects that we, as a group, find morally sound. I consider many of my current coworkers my friends. I'm frequently praised and am earning a stellar salary with a cadillac benefits package.
So here we are today. What could the problem possibly be? What do I now have to complain about? Nothing, really, except for that I still hate the office environment as much as I did the first day I stepped into one. I strain at the rigidity of the Monday-Friday cage. I am working for someone else, not for myself. I am utterly incapable of dealing with the combination of under-stimulation, over-stimulation, isolation, and stress that come with it. I stare at the little clock at the bottom of my computer screen and watch the minutes tick by and stretch to infinity while simultaneously, the weeks and months are flying by at light-speed. When every day is the same, time compresses. I woke up one morning, looked around, and noticed "Holy Fuck! I'm already in my mid-thirties!" The last ten years have passed like just one day, but every day at work feels like a year. I am done with this.
So here begins the re-education of a mid-thirties professional. I've spent the past few years trying to decide what to study and which direction to push toward. It's been a hard decision, but it has been made. I'm going to study naturopathic medicine and I'm going to start over. When I graduate, I'll be 40. It'll be too late for me to have children, but I don't mind. I've never coveted children of my own. There are already nearly 7 billion of us. Humanity doesn't need me to reproduce, reproduction has been covered, humanity needs me to do something else. Here's hoping it needs me to be a physician.
When I was younger, I was vehemently anti-establishment and for the most part I haven't changed in that regard. I don't eat meat, I don't support fast-food, and I actively rally against both of our country's wars. Even though I'm an office rat, my hair is still dyed pink. It's no longer in rebellion as it was in my younger years, I realized a long time ago that hair cannot be rebellious, it's just vanity.
My self-image over the last ten years has been tumultuous, to say the least. I've hated office work with a deep-seated vitriol from the first day I set foot in one. Somehow, at the time, I didn't see that as a sign that a career in office work may be a foolish pursuit for me. I don't have a good brain-to-mouth filter, I fight the urge to launch the water cooler at any of my coworkers that try to talk to me about last night's baseball game while I'm filling my water glass, and I can't sit still to save my goddamn life.
I started out working for one year as a civil engineer. I designed sidewalks and pavement. Within 10 months, I was suffering from a case of depression so severe that I had a nervous breakdown in the dairy aisle of the ultra-sanitary big-chain grocery store that was the only grocery store near my rented house. I quit my job and moved across the country alone.
For the next 5 years, I worked as an environmental engineer for one of the largest engineering firms in the world. For the sake of anonymity, we'll call it "The Man, Inc". My new city was a much better fit, but the job was cruel. 50+ hour weeks and the requirement to wear "office casual" whilst sitting in a tiny beige cubicle without natural light. One day, the regional head honcho was in our office and he came to my desk after hours (I was working late, of course) to ask me, specifically, if snot came out of my nose piercing when I blew my nose. He said the piercing was unprofessional and that I should work harder to present a better picture of "The Man, Inc." Meanwhile, it was common knowledge that he was sleeping with one of the female office minions who was 20 years younger than he and under his direct supervision. Needless to say, the company Christmas parties, which he attended with his wife of 20 years, were perfectly professional, of course.
The breaking point for me, though, came when I was assigned my last project and I noticed, while setting up the budget tracking spreadsheet for it, that the two young male engineers that were assigned to assist me were out-earning me by TWENTY PERCENT. Even at only 6 years of experience, I had over twice the experience they did. I also had significantly better performance reviews. When I confronted the head honcho, I was told that it was the "hiring climate" and that he was oh so sorry, but he couldn't adjust my salary to match.
So, onward. I quit that job and moved to a small consulting firm that allowed flexible hours, the freedom to take unpaid vacation, a supportive environment, and the supreme lack of head honchos with idiocy issues. Sure, I'm still in a beige cubicle without any natural light, but I'm wearing comfortable clothes and get frequent compliments on my appearance, however pink or red or baby blue my hair may be. Moreover, in the 4 years I've worked here, I've never been forced to donate a single hour of my free time to the office without pay. Also, this company, we'll call it "The Best Possible Engineering Firm for Me, Inc", does only environmental work and we consult only on projects that we, as a group, find morally sound. I consider many of my current coworkers my friends. I'm frequently praised and am earning a stellar salary with a cadillac benefits package.
So here we are today. What could the problem possibly be? What do I now have to complain about? Nothing, really, except for that I still hate the office environment as much as I did the first day I stepped into one. I strain at the rigidity of the Monday-Friday cage. I am working for someone else, not for myself. I am utterly incapable of dealing with the combination of under-stimulation, over-stimulation, isolation, and stress that come with it. I stare at the little clock at the bottom of my computer screen and watch the minutes tick by and stretch to infinity while simultaneously, the weeks and months are flying by at light-speed. When every day is the same, time compresses. I woke up one morning, looked around, and noticed "Holy Fuck! I'm already in my mid-thirties!" The last ten years have passed like just one day, but every day at work feels like a year. I am done with this.
So here begins the re-education of a mid-thirties professional. I've spent the past few years trying to decide what to study and which direction to push toward. It's been a hard decision, but it has been made. I'm going to study naturopathic medicine and I'm going to start over. When I graduate, I'll be 40. It'll be too late for me to have children, but I don't mind. I've never coveted children of my own. There are already nearly 7 billion of us. Humanity doesn't need me to reproduce, reproduction has been covered, humanity needs me to do something else. Here's hoping it needs me to be a physician.