The Beast And The Fairy -- 06. The World Is Yours
Title: The Beast And The Fairy -- Chapter 06. The World Is Yours
Authors: sphinxofthenile and _ice_lady_
Fandom: Buck-Tick, Der Zibet
Pairing: Atsushi/Issay... eventually.
Rating: NC17 altogether, though we're far away from porn.
Disclaimer: Do not own. Make no money. Mean no harm.
Summary: "I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure, which is: Try to please everybody." ~ Herbert Bayard Swope
Warning: A decade of UST. Adult topics like marriage, cheating, prostitution, coming out, mental disorders, drinking problems, abuse, parental issues and death.
A/N: Credits can be seen, in their entirety, here. Thanks to chibipinkbunny for tweaking out the banes of existence! :3
Don’t cry Baby, we’re worn out
Stopping our breath in the listless darkness
Dancing in the sky over the metropolis
In the moonlight night, so drunk I’m afraid
Sakurai Atsushi, The World Is Yours
---
Tokyo, August 1989
It was the wine, definitely. So much about wasting all this money on expensive wine when the morning after-effects were no different than any other alcohol. The moment Issay heard his pager beep maniacally from the small nightstand, he knew the only thing he could actually blame for the headache was the wine.
Or, better say, the amount of it.
He reached for the device instantly, partly because he wanted the noise to stop already, but mostly because the moment he’d become aware of his surroundings, he realised there was another body next to his, and the last thing he wanted was to wake the person up.
It did take him a moment, or three, to connect the dots and try to remember exactly why Atsushi Sakurai was in his bed, but once the memories were brought back to his consciousness, he almost felt a pang of guilt. Such an amazing evening, such an underwhelming morning.
Not that he could blame either of them, but such was life.
Then he glanced at the screen and saw the phone number from the payphone on the street below. Issay was close to cursing aloud, but he decided to control himself. He didn't want to wake Atsushi up. The man looked too cute sleeping anyway.
It was time for a shower. Right after he slipped out of the guest bedroom, as quietly as possible, and rang back to inform Hal about being down in fifteen minutes. And he had to mean it because that man was definitely not going to wait. Issay knew he was going to get hell for making the man get out of his car and walk to the nearest payphone anyway. Because Issay, of all people, simply could not be there on time.
Good god, had he actually overslept, and it was almost noon? How long had he and Atsushi been talking?
Granted, once he remembered some parts of their exchange, Issay couldn’t but pull out one of his books, scribble a quick note on a piece of paper, and leave both on the living room table together with the keys to Issay’s apartment. He had a distinct feeling Atsushi wouldn’t exactly be pleased with more homework, but at least he might actually enjoy it.
It was a shame that Issay had to leave, indeed. Many a thing were a shame in this entire situation, but Issay wasn’t in the mood to split hairs at this point. Not when he simply had no time for a decent breakfast, so he just turned the coffee machine on before slipping into the shower, and by the time he was fully dressed, the coffee was already waiting for him.
Not that he had the time to actually drink it, but tumblers were invented (and owned, and loved) for a reason. He could always grab something around the studio once they were there. Now, it was more important to not miss that free ride. Hal was going to hate him as it was. Or at least be unhappy enough.
Quietly, Issay gathered his things and slipped out of the apartment, closing the door gently, making sure it was properly shut. Not that he liked having the keys inside while he wasn’t even home, but he didn't have much of a choice. He had but two minutes left to show up in the car park, realising only once he stepped out of the elevator that he had forgotten his sunglasses. Oh well, damn. Worse things had happened... Like the fact that there was a gorgeous man in his bed and he was not there. Life was indeed quite unfair.
“Morning.” Hal raised an eyebrow sarcastically once Issay took the co-driver’s seat.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you wait. We just stayed up so late, kind of dozed off without setting the alarm,” Issay offered with the most apologetic smile he could manage.
“Do I even want to know.” The man finally started the engine, pulling out of the parking lot and onto the street which wasn’t as busy anymore due to rush hour being long past.
“Nothing extraordinary, just had Atsushi dropping by,” Issay said, opening the tumbler to finally enjoy that coffee. His brain was not up to mornings without it. Especially when such a large amount of wine had been involved. And why was Hal suddenly doing his best to stare at him while keeping one eye on the road still? “What?”
“Please, Issay, tell me you nailed that ass, so the rest of us can finally get on with our lives...”
Thank god Issay wasn’t drinking at that point. He had a feeling brown coffee stains wouldn’t have looked becoming on his white pants. “What the hell is wrong with you? We were discussing poetry, for your information.”
“Uh huh.” Hal glanced his way, obviously having a death wish. Well, too bad. Not with Issay in the same car. Once they got out, though... “If that’s how they call it nowadays...”
“And to think that you guys think that I’m the resident pervert around here.” Issay rolled his eyes, feeling that headache from earlier return with a vengeance.
“Yes, we do,” Hal added. “That’s what I’m saying.”
Issay wanted to roll his eyes again, but he knew that would have simply made his headache worse. “Oh, do shut up before I throw up.”
---
Oh god, the headache. Atsushi cursed all that was holy once he realised that his bladder wasn’t letting him stay asleep anymore. Granted, opening his eyes, the first thing he could think of was how he had no idea where he actually was. Then, of course, he remembered, and he started panicking. Thank god nobody was around to see him almost fall off the bed as he managed to somehow tangle his legs with the duvet.
Which, the moment he actually relieved the bladder issue, made him wonder... where exactly was Issay anyway? He decided to search around the apartment a bit, going directly to the kitchen simply because he could smell coffee, and that smell rarely appeared without the substance. Unless Issay was enough of a bastard to have made it just for himself, finishing it off before Atsushi had woken up.
Luckily, that was not the case. Instead, there was an almost full coffee machine waiting for him happily, together with a clean, empty cup left next to it. Without thinking, he filled it and took a few sips before he even dared wonder why exactly it had been so.
And now... why had Issay left the cup there? And where on earth was the man, anyway? Back in the living room Atsushi got some of his questions answered. He did spot a not so random book left open on the coffee table, together with a paper lying on top, a hasty scribble on it apologising to Atsushi for having to leave, as well as instructing him where to find the food if he wanted some.
With a little added post scriptum stating, “And this is what absinthe does to you...” which, the moment Atsushi read it on the paper, made him burst out laughing.
All that is not equal to the poison which flows
From your eyes, from your green eyes,
Lakes where my soul trembles and sees its evil side...
My dreams come in multitude
To slake their thirst in those bitter gulfs.*
He decided to focus on the book underneath the paper then. ‘Carmen’, by Prosper Mérimée, most likely the novella Issay had referenced after they’d watched the opera. It was a surprisingly thin book, for a story that seemed so complex, but Atsushi wasn’t going to complain.. Before meeting Issay, he wasn’t exactly known for reading all that much, but after downing just a few books, he indeed had to endure a several week period of self loathing for wasting all this time. But eventually, it proved pointless. Why waste time now when he could spend it reading, of course.
And being spoilt by Issay, but it was too early and his head hurt too much to think about this now.
He took his time getting ready, mostly because he doubted he had enough time to go back home, get ready there, and then lose another two hours to get to the studio. And besides, Issay did tell him to feel free about using the fridge or the shower or whatever else he thought he might need.
Though in all honesty, what Atsushi needed were some new clothes, and he definitely did not feel comfortable enough to dig through Issay’s wardrobe. Not that there would be anything he could fit in, anyway. It was weird enough as it was, to be all alone in the apartment, like a beckoning treasure chest of perfect decadence where everything was, well, so... Issay.
No wonder he almost lost the track of time during his far too late to be called a breakfast at this point, slowly sipping another cup of coffee and scribbling random thoughts that suddenly appeared in his mind, not really bothered to make any sense of them. There was time for that in the bus.
Just before leaving though, he realised that he had an issue in regards to Issay’s key. Which meant he had to phone the man, a task he still dreaded, regardless.
“Hello, it’s Sa--” he started the moment he heard the line being picked up on the other side, feeling so stupidly nervous because he hated phones, and he hated talking with strangers. But it had to be done.
“Hey, Atsushi!” Issay sounded so ridiculously pleased to hear him. Not that Atsushi felt any different, considering he managed to avoid talking on the phone, with strangers at least. “I hope everything’s alright? Was there enough food? I should have warned you, the shower has a tendency to skip temperature a lot--”
“It’s fine, thank you,” Atsushi decided to butt in with a chuckle. “Thank you for everything, really,” he added once more, for good measure, of course. “And for the book too...”
Issay chuckled. “Oh, please. My pleasure,” the man said, so very amused. “Everything in the service of corrupting the youth. So, what’s up?” He... did not just start chitchatting with Atsushi over the phone?
Well, not like Atsushi would have minded that. Or pretty much anything when it came to Issay, but he refused to think about that one. “The key... I mean...”
“Oh,” Issay added, chuckling. “Well...” It was obvious the man was giving it a few thoughts, and Atsushi suddenly started dreading the idea of having to knock on some neighbour’s door to leave the key there. “Just leave it in my mailbox?”
“Sure,” Atsushi said. Yes, he could do that. As long as it required not talking to strangers, he could do that. For some reason, completely unknown to him, he was tempted to ask Issay when he was going to be done, but thank god, the man seemed faster than Atsushi in that regard.
“Well, work calls,” he chimed in, with that smile that Atsushi could even hear, and before he knew it, he was saying his goodbye, thanking the deities for not embarrassing himself as much.
---
Waltzing into the studio wearing a black suit, regardless of the fact that Atsushi rolled his sleeves and left a few buttons undone (and left the tie in the pocket of his jacket, of course, because he wasn’t suicidal), was obviously enough to start a few alarms with his friends.
He was late, but only by a few minutes, because the route was completely new to him and he obviously misread something somewhere, though he had no idea what. Not that it mattered, no one would have even lifted an eyebrow had he been late in under ten minutes anyway. Waltzing in wearing a very expensive suit was a completely different matter, though.
Granted, the guys decided to completely ignore that fact, even though Atsushi wasn’t blind and could see questions written all over their faces. But he decided to avoid any sort of confrontation with them at first, trying to come up with a decent way of formulating a certain issue that had been bugging him ever since Issay had mentioned it yesterday.
Once they were at their dinner break, Atsushi decided this was as good of a time as any. “I had this idea...” he started, and suddenly got the attention of everyone in a heartbeat. Most likely because they were still curious about the suit, but too damned polite to ask about it. But they could always hope, of course... “I think we should have a concert,” Atsushi continued, forcing his lips into a smile as he discarded his chopsticks into the plastic cup, suddenly not all that hungry. “To thank the fans for the support, I mean.”
Toll just nodded, a small smile appearing on his lips. “Should be doable. I see no reason why not,” he said, and Atsushi chose that moment to glance towards the ever unfaithful Imai.
“What is... wrong with you?” the man asked, and Atsushi didn’t fail noticing the other three doing their best to cover their lips, suddenly too damned interested in the decorum of the coffee lounge.
Atsushi shrugged, deciding not to be pushed over this time. “It was actually... Issay’s idea,” he said, and had a distinct feeling he wasn’t hallucinating when he saw a small eureka moment pass through each of their faces. Well, let them think whatever the hell they wanted, Atsushi wasn’t going to mention anything about that lovely evening he’d had last night. Or the rest of the night, really.
“I really think it’s a good idea,” Toll eventually managed, ever the peacemaker.
“Fine, whatever.” Imai rolled his eyes. “We’ll book some club, and--”
“Tokyo Dome,” Atsushi blurted out, hoping that the ground would swallow him the moment he ended up on the receiving end of four rather confused gazes. “What? We should really thank them.” He shrugged. “I mean, if we’re going to go in style, then we should go in style, you know?”
“What is wrong with you?” Imai said with a raised voice, and Atsushi just shot him a rather condescending little gaze.
“How about we vote instead?” he asked, smiling as he looked at the other three.
“Pass,” Imai instantly said, shrugging and shooting a smile of his own. “This is crazy shit, and it will cost so much money. Which we don’t have.”
Atsushi decided to counter it by raising his hand.
The other three, of course, didn’t exactly look all that convinced, really. Until Hidehiko, god bless him, slowly raised his hand too. And he looked like he was tempted to back off once Imai’s eyes snapped at the man. “What?” he obviously decided to hold his ground. “Never played in the Dome before...” Oh, Atsushi was tempted to kiss the man right there.
The next to lift his hand, to Atsushi’s complete surprise, was none other than Toll, who did offer a rather apologetic look at Imai. “It’s... so dumb it might work,” he elaborated.
Three against one, though granted, Yutaka tended to do whatever his older brother did, so it was no wonder when he grinned and clapped his hands, cheering merrily, before returning to his food of course.
“Fine,” Imai said with a sigh. “But I’m not taking that to the management,” he added, and yes, suddenly that dawned on Atsushi as well. And when it came to talking to people, especially people he didn’t know all that well, Atsushi pretty much sucked at it. And it was definitely the trump card in Imai’s sleeve.
“I’ll do it,” Toll decided to butt in then, and Atsushi was once again tempted to start kissing his band mates because they were obviously that awesome. “But before we do anything, we have an album to finish, in case you forgot,” he added, eyes on Atsushi, who was tempted to just run away and hide.
Second obstacle of the day. “Yeah, um... I had a bit of inspiration earlier,” he blurted out, and thanked the deities that the guys decided against mocking him. Considering they had all the right to it. Sitting there, in Issay’s apartment, all alone and bored, with the ever present ghost of a scent of that man, old wood, leather and bitter tobacco, surrounded by nineteenth century porn... the only reason why he hadn’t written a book was simply because he didn’t have enough time.
Nonetheless, after some fiddling, he actually managed to scrap out at least two songs, though the third one still needed a lot of work. The rest, he was going to keep hidden deep in his sock drawer, never to see the light of day.
Baudelaire obviously did have an effect on him, so it seemed.
---
Tokyo, December 1989
With everything going on in the last twenty four hours, Atsushi just found himself caught up with certain realisations. And he was obviously not the only one.
Granted, the backstage rooms were overflowing with people running around with the final preparations for a concert that nobody actually believed would ever happen. Let alone in front of fifty thousand people.
Imai, on the other hand, was just sitting there, on the table, one leg bouncing as he was staring at the screen connected with one of the on stage cameras. All he needed to complete the picture of complete shock was his mouth hanging open, but at least the man had enough brain power to keep his lips tightly shut.
“You okay?” Atsushi decided to offer. After all that had happened, he could allow himself a minute break.
“Well, fuck me, it worked,” Imai said eventually, and Atsushi burst out laughing.
“I’m...” he started, still snickering. “Thanks for ruining my sex drive.”
“Not for good, I hope,” Atsushi heard a very familiar, deeply amused voice from behind his back, and he felt his heart skip a beat. He turned around quickly, mind freezing up at that smile. “Congratulations,” Issay continued, and Atsushi suddenly found himself jumping at the man, squeezing him into a tight embrace with several highly embarrassing thank-yous.
Thank god, Issay didn’t seem to be offended in the least by the outburst. Trust the man to take something so out of line with such perfect grace. He even hugged him back, making Atsushi probably the happiest man in the country.
“Well now,” Issay chuckled, “whatever I did to deserve such a warm welcome...”
“It’s all thanks to you.” Atsushi grinned, casting a vague gesture in the direction of the stage. “All of it.”
“What are you saying?” Issay countered, looking so embarrassed for a moment Atsushi just wanted to hug him all over again. “You have all worked hard, you deserve to enjoy the fruits of it.” He carried his gaze around, greeting the rest of them with a small nod of his head before turning back to him. “Naomi sends her regards. I think she might’ve even done some black magic stuff for you. Who knows.” He squinted with his eyes and Atsushi burst out laughing.
“Well, let’s pray it works, huh?”
“Like you need it.” Issay patted him on the back, and it was just then that Atsushi noticed how the number of people in the room suddenly seemed to radically diminish, with everybody looking so busy all of a sudden. It was kinda cute, really. Issay might have been a big name in their circles, but he sure as hell didn’t bite. “Told you, masses love frills.”
“Thanks.” Atsushi made the smallest of eye rolls. “I’ll remember to mention that to my stylist.”
“Oh, that’d be the day.” Issay laughed, and suddenly there was silence between them, rather tense and strange and Atsushi simply had no time thinking about it now.
“Thank you so much for coming, really. I know you are busy and all--”
“I wouldn’t have missed it.” Issay smiled again, and Atsushi’s mind was, once again, pretty much flat-lining. “Give them hell, hmmm?”
“And hope for the best.” Atsushi chuckled. One of the technicians signalled the end of the equipment check. Soon, they had to be out.
“Beer afterwards? Well, more like wine for us, I guess,” Issay added, and Atsushi knew he couldn’t hide his grin if he wanted to.
“But of course. Been a while we were out like that, hadn’t it?”
“Just as a fair warning, am not dragging your drunk self anywhere this time,” Issay threatened playfully, making Atsushi blush. Gods, if he thought he should be growing out of that already... What was it with Issay, really?
“Better not. I could never forgive myself.” Again, he added mentally. Heavens, he owed Issay so much already. Then again, if that meant they would end up repeating that semi-accidental sleepover... He cleared his throat, deciding a change in topic was in order. “Gods, so excited. So many people.”
“Come on. I’ll be cheering for you. It can only be good,” Issay offered with a little grin that could only be described as cheeky, patting him on the back once more, though his hand seemed to linger a bit longer this time.
Or maybe it was all just in Atsushi’s head. Not that he had much time to think about silly things like that. The lights were going up, blinding, and the Dome was spread out before them and there was no time to waste. With a final smile, Atsushi felt Issay’s hand squeeze his shoulder, before the man nodded and Atsushi could leave to meet his band mates.
This better be a night to remember.
---
* Le Poison, Charles Baudelaire. These verses are, of course, about la fée verte, the green fairy, better known as absinthe.