Flicker and Fail: Part 2 - For Alex
Katie stared at Leanne, stunned, disregarding the unconscious drug dealer at her feet. “How do you know-” Katie began, but Leanne cut her off.
“I live in London, Katie, in case you forgot. He’s in the Muggle newspapers all the time, but somehow, the police have never been able to get him. I just didn't recognise his face. Anyway, you’re-you’re not using, are you?” Leanne didn't know whether to sound disapproving or scared, but the truth was that she was a mixture of both.
“They’re for my mum,” Katie mumbled. Leanne gasped, and Katie bent down, opened Marino’s coat pocket and took out a small package. She straightened up and stowed it away into her jacket, a defiant look on her face as if daring Leanne to admonish her. “But we’re skint and Mum needed something, so...”
“You were going to fob him off and just take the drugs?” Leanne asked lightly. “What is she taking, anyway?”
“Heroin.” There was a sharp intake of breath from Leanne, and Katie suddenly lost her composure, pulling at her hair. “Look, okay, my mother is depressed and ill and she needs a fix. Now. She’s never gone this long without taking something. She’ll go crazy if she doesn’t get it. She really will. Fuck, she’s probably insane already, the things she’s done, to me, to my family, to everyone this summer. No, not just this summer, for her whole fucking life, actually,” Katie spat, and the anger that flared in her eyes almost scared Leanne. Katie’s hands were shaking before she clenched them into fists and continued, “Not to mention the things she’s made me do. And we can’t afford it at the moment-all the money in my Gringotts account was taken out when this all started, after I came back from Hogwarts in June, and she owes practically all of her friends money, and we’ve only got a few Sickles and Knuts left in the house, and I had no choice, Leanne, really I didn't, and if I could pay this bastard, I would, but I can’t because the little money we have left is how food is put on the table, and Mum is in no physical state to come down to London and meet him, so-” Katie, realising she was ranting now, stopped and exhaled deeply, closing her eyes.
Leanne blinked and tried to appear calm in order to hide her shock. She didn't know what to say, and her mouth opened and closed several times before she managed to speak. “How long has this been going on for?”
Katie shook her head, and suddenly, her anger seemed to dissipate. “Long enough,” she said quietly.
It wasn’t a proper answer, but Leanne pressed her. “How long?”
There was a long pause, and then Katie finally replied, “Ages. Two years, I think. But she started off with hash, which wasn’t too bad, and it was cheap too, and then she moved on to coke this year. Once the summer started, she was on heroin.”
“And who knows about it?”
“No one.”
“How come you didn't tell me any of this before?” The words were out of Leanne’s mouth before she could stop herself, and only then did she realise how callous she sounded.
“It’s my problem, Leanne, not yours,” said Katie quietly. “It’s my heart, and my burden, and I would never bring you down like that*. Especially since, well, we haven’t been very close over the past year, have we?”
The past two years, Leanne thought regretfully. She didn't correct her, though, instead asking, “And why are you buying it from a Muggle dealer?”
“They’re cheaper,” Katie replied shortly. A damning silence fell between them, and it seemed to go on forever until Katie said, “Well, I’d better get going. Mum needs-”
“I’ll come with you,” Leanne interrupted.
“No, you don’t have to...”
“I want to.”
“Fine,” Katie said, sighing. “But I don’t know how happy Mum will be to see you there.”
“It’s not a problem-but what about your dad?”
“He left Mum for good a while ago, in June,” she said, and her eyes were filled with that same aberrant bitterness Leanne had seen earlier. “Fucking bastard. I tried writing to him, asking him for money, you know, not just for food, but books for school and stuff. Anyway, he actually replied, saying he’d drop by and take me to Diagon Alley and give me money. No fucking sign of him.” Katie’s hand was twisting the end of her ponytail again, almost unconsciously, an annoying habit she seemed to have started recently.
“Katie,” Leanne said, not liking how her words were becoming harsher and harsher by the minute-but she got no further as Katie cut her off.
“Let’s not talk about it, all right? If you want to come, let’s go. I’ll take you.” Katie grabbed Leanne’s wrist and twisted on the spot, and they landed in front of a squalid block of flats, a tiny park situated on their right.
They live here? Leanne thought in disbelief. After the Bells’ majestic mansion in Worcestershire, Katie and her mother chose this place to live in?
Katie used her key to get in through the main door. Leanne followed Katie up the stairs, carefully avoiding the piss on the steps and pinching her nose so as not to smell it.
“Mum,” Katie called as she opened the door to their flat. “Mum, I’ve got it.”
“You’d better have it.” Leanne actually flinched at how horrible and cracked Mary's voice had become. But that was nothing compared to what she now looked like; she no longer wore makeup, or made any attempt to hide her dry-looking lips and red-rimmed eyes; her hair resembled a rat’s nest and her skin had an unhealthy yellowish hue that was alarmingly unlike her normal pale complexion.
Mary didn't even seem to notice Leanne; instead, she almost lunged at her daughter, who hurriedly handed over the package. Sitting at the grimy table, she tore it open, her hands shaking as she did so, and she placed the heroin on the foil before lighting a tube. She waited for it to heat up before she inhaled, and then Leanne couldn’t watch her any more. Wincing, she turned to Katie. She gestured towards a door Leanne hadn’t noticed before, presumably the kitchen, and then she followed her inside before shutting the door.
“I would have offered you a drink, or something to eat, but there’s not really much...” Katie trailed off, embarrassed.
Leanne shook her head. “Don't worry about it. Tell you what, come to mine. You look like you haven’t had a proper meal in days.”
“That’s because I haven’t,” she spat sullenly. Leanne’s face fell, and Katie quickly apologised. “Fuck, I didn't mean that. I mean, I did, but-”
“Don’t worry about it,” Leanne repeated softly. “Come on, then.”
Katie was sitting cross-legged on Leanne’s bed. She had showered and washed her hair, and she was wearing a pretty, knee-length black dress of Leanne’s, her stomach full (Angela, who had cooked dinner, had greeted her like an old friend-which, Leanne supposed, Katie was). Leanne came in, levitating a tray with two mugs of tea on it. It hovered in the air; Leanne took one mug, sat down and directed the tray to Katie with her wand.
“I didn't know how much sugar you wanted, so...”
“Thanks,” said Katie. She spooned in three heaps of sugar and stirred, blowing the steam away softly. “So... how have you been?”
“I’ve been okay,” said Leanne, sipping her tea. “I’ve been working.”
“Where?”
“The Ministry, St. Mungo’s, charities. I did a pre-Healing course for beginners, too. Just some training stuff. We learnt some useful spells as well, like the one I used on your neck.”
“Thank you,” Katie said sincerely. “I just realised-I never thanked you properly. You saved my life back there.”
Leanne shrugged and smiled. “No problem,” she said. “I know you’d do the same for me.”
“How did you manage to get jobs in all those places?” asked Katie.
“Mum helped me,” said Leanne. “She knows a few people here and there, so...”
There was a pause in which they both drank more tea, and then Katie let out a short, bitter laugh.
“Something funny, Katie?” Leanne said, frowning.
“Not funny, no. It’s just ironic, you know, how your mum, the Muggleborn, the single mother who doesn’t even know who the father of her daughter is, is the one society would expect to buy drugs from a Muggle drug dealer-not my mum.”
“Please don't say that about-”
“I don't mean it in a bad way. By all means, your mum’s done really well for herself-better than mine, anyway.”
Leanne grimaced. “I still can't believe that my mum didn't realise she was supposed to be covering for your mum.”
“What?” said Katie, confused.
“When we were in our first year,” Leanne clarified. “That Christmas...”
“Oh. But Mum shouldn’t have been cheating anyway, and then she wouldn’t need a fucking cover story.”
“True. But still. My mum was best friends with yours,” Leanne said.
“Mum overreacted,” Katie said firmly. “And she expected your mum to go crawling back to her; she didn't think that little mistake would cost her their friendship.”
“Would you do the same for me?” Katie asked her.
“What?”
“If, say, I slept with someone I shouldn’t have-”
“That depends on why you shouldn’t have slept with them,” said Leanne, smiling. “And who you're sleeping with. If it’s because you don’t love your partner and you love the other person, then yes, I would. But if-”
“-if I was lonely and I wanted companionship, but I didn't love them?”
“Darling,” Leanne said (she had no idea why she was calling Katie that, and the word of endearment felt strange on her tongue) as a slightly twisted smile formed on her lips, “we’re all lonely*. That doesn’t mean you need to-”
“But would you or wouldn’t you?” Katie pressed.
“Why does it matter, Katie? It’s not like you-unless-are you? Do you... do you have someone?” she enquired tentatively, trying to sound curious rather than apprehensive.
Katie shook her head, to Leanne’s immense relief. “There’s no one. I just wanted to know. It’s just-I know things would have been different between if your mum and my mum didn't have that argument. We would probably still be friends now.” Leanne opened her mouth as if she was going to argue, but then Katie glanced at her watch. “Speaking of which-I should go,” she said, making to stand up.
“No, why don’t you stay the night?” Leanne said without thinking. “Please, for old times’ sake?”
“What about my mum?” she asked.
“What about her?” she countered. “She’ll be fine. Besides, I’ve-I’ve missed you,” Leanne confessed. “Please?”
It took a bit more persuasion, but eventually, Katie agreed to it, on the condition that she return to the flat and check on her mother. Leanne suspected that Katie did not want to be in that seedy flat any more than she wanted her mother to be a junkie, but now Katie was responsible for Mary, she couldn’t leave her by herself for too long. She quickly Apparated to her flat and checked on her mum, who was sound asleep. Then she left some food, courtesy of Angela, on the table and returned to Leanne’s. Leanne insisted on sleeping on the camp bed, while Katie was in Leanne’s proper one, and the conversation soon turned to Katie, and how she had spent her summer.
“I’ve been doing... errands,” Katie said slowly, the smile on her face disappearing. She had changed into her nightdress and was sitting cross-legged on Leanne’s bed, while Leanne was lying on the camp bed, thankful for the distance between them.
“What kind of errands?” Leanne asked nervously, not sure she wanted to know the answer.
“Making deliveries-for Muggles. I’m a good person to use; no one-the police, other gangs-would suspect me. I’m just some scruffy blonde girl who wants a bit of cash.” She laughed humourlessly. Leanne did not join in.
“What was the sort of thing you had to deliver?”
Katie grimaced. “Drugs, knives, guns,” she said, counting them off her fingers, “even the odd body part when someone wanted to be extra cruel.”
Leanne looked scandalised. “Damn,” she muttered. “And you couldn’t find any better jobs?”
“It’s quick, easy money-”
“It’s also stupid and life-threatening-look at what happened today!” Leanne said. She sat up, ready to chastise her, but when she saw the expression on Katie’s face.
“You try funding your mum’s drug habit all by yourself when none of her posh and rich friends want to give a job to you, because you’re up to your fucking eyeballs in debt,” Katie said, suddenly angry. “And you try putting three meals on that dirty table in your tiny flat every fucking day, and you have a go at living my life. Don't you think I would much rather stay at home and not earn a Knut, or at least sit behind a desk all day and be paid peanuts? Of course I would. Do you seriously think that I would get stabbed in the leg doing one of those deliveries not knowing what the outcome of it would be? Look-” she lifted up her nightdress, and there was a bandage around her thigh. Leanne visibly winced, and then she looked away. “Jesus, Leanne, you may have six more OWLs than me but I’m not five, you know.” She took a deep breath, met Leanne’s eyes properly and said, “Listen, I’m sorry-”
“No, don't be,” Leanne said quickly. “Don't apologise. I deserved that. You're right. I didn't think.” With as much cheerfulness as she could muster, Leanne managed a grin and quickly changed the subject to Angela’s latest boyfriend. Soon, the two of them were talking and laughing and crying together, catching up on what had been going on in their very separate lives for the last two years. They finally fell asleep at three in the morning.
However, not long after, Leanne woke up to hear Katie crying in her sleep. Leanne was grateful for the soundproof spells in her room; if she hadn’t, they would have kept her mother up with their shrieks of laughter last night.
Now, the sun was rising; Leanne could see its bright glare through the tiny space in between the curtains. Katie’s eyes were full of terror as she sat up in bed, gasping. “Don’t kill me, please...”
“Katie, no one’s going to kill you,” Leanne soothed, getting up and sitting on her bed. She hesitated, and then she lightly placed her arms around Katie, pressing a soft kiss on her forehead and stroking her hair. “It’s okay... you’re safe, Katie. You’re with me. It was just a dream.”
“It was real,” she sobbed, her voice muffled because her face was against Leanne’s neck. “I’m sure it happened... he was-he was going to kill me... he had a knife...”
“It’s all right,” was the soft reply. “You were only dreaming, love.” Leanne felt Katie’s body shift upwards until her eyes, sparkling with tears, were level with Leanne’s.
“You-you promise?”
“I promise,” Leanne whispered back, biting her lip and just about managing to stay still. Katie’s mouth was less than an inch away from Leanne, and this made it difficult for her to think straight. “It was only a dream. It won't ever happen again.”
“N-never?” Katie repeated, and she was so close to Leanne now that her lips briefly touched hers as she spoke, setting Leanne’s lips on fire.
“Never,” she said encouragingly, and then Leanne couldn’t stand it a second longer. She kissed her, softly at first, and to her surprise and delight, Katie kissed her back with equal fervour and desperation. Leanne gently pushed at Katie’s shoulders so Katie was lying against the pillows, and their legs were tangled together as Leanne slowly traced the outline of Katie’s thin face with her fingers, brushing away the tears on her cheeks, running them along Katie’s eyebrows, down the sides of her nose and around her mouth. Her lips followed where her hands had been, kissing her forehead, her eyelids, her nose, her cheeks, and then they met Katie’s lips, her tongue exploring her mouth, tasting of pure, unadulterated ardour.
Leanne broke away and looked searchingly into Katie’s eyes, seeking her permission. Katie nodded, closing her eyes as Leanne’s lips moved downwards, down to the hollow of Katie’s neck, her shaking hands pulling down the straps of her nightdress. Katie helped her, and then she undressed Leanne, too, and Leanne proceeded to explore Katie’s body, hoping-no, knowing, that Katie would do the same to her. And then they were lost in each other, in a heated swirl of tongues and hands and lips, and Katie’s nightmare was completely forgotten as, afterwards, they slept soundly in each other’s arms.
“Darling,” Angela called, “don't you think it’s time you woke up?”
Leanne awoke with a jolt. She was alone, her bed feeling strangely empty. Though the curtains were shut, the sun shone brilliantly in her face through the small gap, so she shut her eyes, blocking out the light. As she did so, the memories of last night came back to her: Katie, in her bed; Katie, her body against hers; Katie, her lips trailing down Leanne’s midriff...
She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thought, and she looked around. It was two o’clock in the afternoon, much later than when Leanne normally woke up. Katie had obviously left earlier. Why? Was it because she had to get back to her mum, or-
“Leanne, I’m going to come in.” Her mother’s voice.
Fuck.
Leanne sat up, the duvet sliding off her bed and landing on the floor. Angela could not possibly come in. Not now. Leanne was sure the room smelt of sex, and she knew that that alone would trigger unwelcome questions.
“Mum, I’m up,” Leanne said loudly. “Don’t come in, though; I’m not dressed.”
“All right. Is everything okay, dear?”
“Fine!”
“Are you sure?” Angela asked.
“Yes, Mum,” she insisted crossly. “I’ll be down in a bit.”
Silence. Thank Merlin, Leanne thought as she heard footsteps go down the stairs. She got up, cast a charm to freshen the air and opened the window before going straight into the shower. The tepid water on her back was refreshing, and as she reached for the shampoo, she wondered why Katie had abruptly left like that, without even waking her. Was it because she felt it was a mistake? Or maybe Katie didn't really care about her, and she just slept with her out of... well, what was it that Katie felt towards her? Was it love, or lust? Loneliness, perhaps? Leanne knew that she loved Katie, and she had done for a long time. But when it came to what Katie thought about Leanne... she had no idea.
Was Katie embarrassed? Leanne was a girl, after all. And, Leanne remembered, wincing as soap suds got into her eyes, Katie had previously reacted badly to the idea of being anything except friends with Leanne.
But then, Leanne remembered what happened last night. She could have pushed her away and just left. Katie didn't have to kiss her back. And yet she still did. What did that mean?
Wrapping her towel around her, Leanne emerged from the shower and went back to her room, where she dried herself, and she had just finished getting dressed when the door suddenly opened and Leanne’s mother came in, bearing a breakfast tray. She flicked her wand, setting the knife to work buttering toast.
Leanne’s initial annoyance that her mum came in without knocking disappeared at the sight of food. She was about to thank her, but then Angela made her get up so she could make her bed. “Mum, can you leave, please?” Leanne said, irritated.
“Your room is a mess, Leanne,” she said sternly. “You’re seventeen years old-when are you going to learn to tidy up? And why is everything on the floor?”
Leanne froze as her mother picked up a very familiar-looking nightdress, a frown on her face.
“Did you lend this to Katie yesterday? Silly girl, she’s as messy as you. Where did she get to, by the way?”
“Mum, please just go,” Leanne pleaded, avoiding her question. But her mother remained where she was, tossing the dress into the washing basket and folding her arms.
“Is everything all right with you two?” Angela asked, creases forming on her forehead.
“Fine, Mum,” Leanne said, and then, she could not bear to look at her mum anymore. She quickly left her room and was out of the door before Angela could say anything further to her.
Leanne didn't know where she was going until she left the confines of her house. There, she Apparated outside Katie’s flat. The first thing she noticed was that there were a lot more people around than there were yesterday. Unfriendly-looking people. She tried to ignore them, instead marching up to the flat, where the door was about to close. She just about managed to get in before the door shut.
Quickly, Leanne went up the stairs and down the corridor, where, in addition to the piss she had seen yesterday, there was also the stench of vomit in the air. Reaching the door, she knocked twice, took a deep breath and waited.
There was no answer. Leanne knocked again, but after ten minutes of waiting, she realised that either they both weren’t in, or Katie’s mother was there, too out of it to answer the door.
“What you doing?” Leanne whipped around at the sound of the voice coming from a woman further down the corridor. She looked like she was in her twenties, possibly, and she wore a bandanna and had several piercings in scary-looking places.
“I’m-I’m looking for someone.”
“What’s their name?” the woman asked, frowning suspiciously.
“Katie. Katie Bell.” The stranger raised a pierced eyebrow, shaking her head. “She’s blonde, very pretty...” Leanne trailed off, unable to find the words to adequately describe Katie.
“I don't know who you’re talking about, love,” she said. “You must be in the wrong flat-I’ve lived here ten years and there’s never been no Katie anywhere. No pretty girls, either, I’m afraid.”
“Mary Watson?” Leanne tried.
“Nope. Sorry. Good luck finding them,” the woman called as she opened her door.
Leanne groaned. What was she going to do? She had to find Katie, but she was nowhere to be seen, and apparently, she didn't even live here.
So where was she?
The remainder of Leanne’s summer holiday passed rather slowly. After she went to the flat, Leanne had also Apparated to where Katie used to live, in Worcestershire. No luck there, either. She tried contacting her by owl, too. Not once did she get a reply, and then Leanne just gave up.
Somehow, it seemed inevitable that it would come to this. Leanne knew even kissing her was potentially putting their friendship into jeopardy. That was the whole reason she had hidden her feelings for so long. But Leanne had taken the risk and given in to her own desires, and now she was facing the consequences.
Her mother had not asked her about Katie again, and their relationship began to deteriorate too. Leanne no longer wished to confide in her mother, or rather, she felt she couldn’t. Her feelings for Katie had been her deepest, darkest secret, and she had suppressed it for so long that she did not want anyone, least of all her own mother, to know any more about it than they already did.
Leanne was glad to go back to Hogwarts in September, but also, she was scared about seeing Katie. She did not look for her on the train, and she was not able to at first anyway because, as newly-appointed Head Girl, she had to head the Prefects’ meeting and then patrol the train. Leanne passed the compartment Katie was in (she was with a couple of Gryffindor sixth-years), but she didn't go in, not knowing what to say. Especially in front of those girls, who she knew were infamous for their tendencies to gossip.
In fact, since they were sitting at their respective House tables in the Great Hall for dinner, and then Leanne immediately had to lead the first-year Ravenclaws to their common room, they did not see each other until the next day after breakfast. Leanne, after receiving her new timetable, had gone straight to Defence Against the Dark Arts, her first lesson, and soon, she was joined by Katie.
Leanne did not look up as she approached, instead opening her bag, intending to start reading the textbook. But then she felt a hand close on her wrist, and Leanne snatched her arm away as though burned.
“What’s wrong?” Katie asked. Leanne did not reply, stepping back, although she couldn’t stop herself from looking at her.
She looked well, Leanne thought, her face less gaunt, but still with her cheekbones jutting out at such an angle that Leanne was sure they could cut glass. Katie’s eyes, too, held that same hardened look to them, as if they had seen far too much in a short amount of time.
“How have you been?” she asked Leanne. Leanne didn't answer, trying to pretend to be engrossed in the book. “You can't ignore me forever, you know.” Against her will, Leanne looked up and shook her head, unable to say anything, and she was almost thankful when they were interrupted.
“Perhaps you'd like to continue this lovers’ tiff in detention, Miss Starr, Miss Bell,” said Snape coldly. Leanne shook her head frantically, and Snape sneered, noticing the badge on her chest. “I should think not, Miss Starr. The Headmaster certainly would not want the new Head Girl to be in trouble on her first day back. Inside,” he instructed, and Leanne realised that the rest of the class had arrived. She followed Katie in, choosing a desk well away from her, but that did not faze Katie. A few minutes later, Katie charmed a piece of parchment to fly to Leanne.
Please can we talk? I’ll be outside the Prefects bathroom at 5pm.
Please.
Katie
xxx
“I haven’t got long,” Leanne muttered to Katie, looking around cautiously. After much dithering, Leanne had finally decided to meet Katie, because despite her many doubts, she couldn’t deny the fact that she wanted to see her-very, very badly.
“That’s okay. I just... I just wanted to see you,” said Katie.
“What do you want?” Leanne asked, her tone veering close to belligerence.
“About what happened over the summer-” she began.
“Oh, when you decided that you wanted some food and a quickie with me before you left to wherever you went?”
“Leanne, that’s not fair,” Katie whispered. “I had my reasons...”
“You could have woken me up! You could have left a note! Anything!” she shouted. Realising they were attracting unwanted attention, Katie gestured at the door to the Prefects’ bathroom. Leanne, already distressed, nodded, said the password and entered, Katie at her heels. Leanne sat on the rim of the bath while Katie leaned against the opposite wall.
“I couldn’t let you know,” Katie breathed. “At about eleven that day, there was an owl knocking on your window and it woke me up. You were still asleep. It was from my dad-I had to go straight away. Mum-Mum overdosed.”
“B-but-you checked on her!” Leanne said, her demeanour changing completely. “You said she was fine! And-your dad-”
“I thought she was okay. She was asleep when I saw her. She must have taken more heroin after I left-I didn't think to check if she’d used it all up, but she obviously had. ”
“Shit. H-how is she now?” she asked. Leanne was almost scared to know the answer.
Thankfully, Katie smiled. “She’s fine. She’s doing really well now; she’s off heroin, thank Merlin. It seems, given the right treatment, she should be fully recovered eventually. It’s thanks to Dad more than anything, though. He came round on the day you did, just after I’d left, actually, and when no one answered the door, he went in anyway and found Mum.”
“That... that was lucky,” Leanne said somewhat inanely, for want of something else to say. Katie, thankfully, didn't seem to see it that way.
“I know,” Katie said sincerely. They stood in silence for a while, just looking at each other, and finally, Leanne had enough and broke it.
“So... what happens now?” she asked.
Katie looked confused as she said, slowly, “Well, Mum’s supposed to be coming home by Christmas...”
“No, Katie. I didn't mean-I meant... about us.” As soon as the words left her mouth, Leanne regretted saying them, because Katie stopped short, suddenly unsure of what to say.
“Oh. Erm, I don't know-” Katie hesitated, biting her lip as if trying to choose her words carefully, but Leanne jumped in.
“It’s okay,” she said quickly. “I understand-”
“No, you don't bloody understand, Leanne!” she said shrilly. But then Katie paused, as her voice echoed around the room. “I’m sorry-I don’t know why I-”
“Don't worry,” she assured her weakly. “I’ll-I’ll just go, then...” Leanne got up and made her way to the door, and she was about to turn the doorknob when Katie’s hand suddenly on her shoulder rooted her to the spot.
“Please. Look, I-I want to be with you,” Katie blurted out.
“Wh-what?” said Leanne in disbelief.
“You heard me,” she murmured, her arms snaking around Leanne’s waist from behind. “I want us to be together. I should have contacted you, I know I should have, but I was too busy being worried about Mum. And then-I don't know, Leanne. I just didn’t know what to say. I thought you probably hated me-”
“I could never hate you,” said Leanne. “But-”
“But nothing, Leanne. Please... just-just say yes. Isn't this what you want?”
Leanne couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. She wanted it more than anything, but she had to make sure. “I don't want this to be just a fling, Katie,” she said.
“It won’t be,” Katie assured her.
“You're sure?” Leanne managed to say as she felt Katie’s lips on the nape of her neck.
“Positive,” was Katie’s reply, and then Leanne couldn’t stand it any longer; she twisted around and kissed her full on the mouth. And as Katie’s body pushed against hers, any protests Leanne had dissolved on her lips.
The weeks that followed were some of the happiest times of Leanne’s life. They stole every possible moment with each other, and it was wonderful being able to hold hands with Katie or casually kiss her in greeting without having to worry about consequences. Better still was the fact that neither Katie nor Leanne were fifteen-year-olds anymore; no longer scared of what other students thought of them, Leanne didn't care about what was being said behind her back. No one dared to say anything to the Head Girl’s face anyway, and Leanne was keen to keep it that way. Meanwhile, she had Katie all to herself, and that more than compensated for the little trouble she received for going out with a girl.
Besides which, it was only those rumour-mongers who actually listened to the gossip. Most students, Leanne reasoned, had their own lives to be getting on with, and since You-Know-Who had returned, the Head Girl’s sexuality was the least of Hogwarts’ concerns. In fact, most assumed that they were just very, very good friends, and Leanne saw no reason to deny that, because Katie was indeed her best friend as well as her lover.
“You... you are coming with me to Hogsmeade, aren’t you?” Leanne asked as she waited for Katie in the Quidditch changing rooms. The rest of the team, thankfully, had already left, being cold, hungry and wanting dinner.
Leanne wasn’t sure if she should be asking, but although she and Katie had been together since September, they had never actually gone out, on a proper date.
Katie laughed at her uncertainty. “Of course I am,” she said, pulling on a jumper and reaching for her jeans, and with a grin, she suggested, “Would you like to go to Madam Puddifoot’s?”
“No way!” said Leanne, immediately worried.
“Good. Neither would I,” she said in relief. Katie leaned forwards and kissed Leanne before saying, “We don't need to go to some crappy café to prove we’re a happy couple.”
Leanne gazed at her, marvelling at the certainty in Katie’s eyes. Then she stole another kiss and said, “Who does?”
They looked at each other in silence for a few seconds and then simultaneously said, “Cho Chang!” Bursting into a fit of laughter, they took advantage of the empty changing room, and it was with cheerfulness and anticipation that they departed to Hogsmeade that Saturday, despite the terrible weather.
Leanne needn’t have worried. Admittedly, they only went to Honeydukes and Gladrags Wizardwear before giving up and going to the Three Broomsticks, but they enjoyed themselves immensely nevertheless. Once inside the warm confines of the pub, they ordered drinks and joined a few Gryffindor seventh-years at their table, since there didn't seem to be any free ones. Cormac McLaggen started up a rather dull conversation with Katie about Quidditch, and it was clear that he was trying to chat her up, something he had apparently tried to do before.
It was obviously not working, and despite Leanne and Katie’s clasped hands across the table, Cormac was not taking the hint. Leanne was too polite to tell him to shut up, and anyway, it was clear that Katie wasn’t falling for it as it was. Soon, Katie made an excuse, whispering something in Cormac’s ear and then heading for the ladies’. She made a face at Leanne from behind Cormac, causing her to stifle a laugh and almost choke on her drink.
Leanne wanted to go with her, but then someone tapped her shoulder from behind, and she realised that Heere Patel, a Hufflepuff in her Arithmancy class, was trying to talk to her. Flustered, she apologised and greeted her, and they were in the middle of discussing their latest essay when Katie returned.
“Let’s get going,” she said to Leanne, and the other girl could not help but frown at the absence of the smile which had been on her face just a few minutes before.
“Don't you want to finish your drink?” Leanne asked.
“Let’s get going,” Katie repeated, this time a little tersely. Leanne opened her mouth as if to argue, but not wanting to ruin what had been a good day, she pushed her Butterbeer bottle away from her, stood up, bade goodbye to everyone and followed Katie.
Leanne reached out for Katie’s hand, but she snatched it away. Only then did Leanne realise that along with her odd behaviour, Katie also had a parcel with her.
“What’s that?” Leanne asked as they made their way through the crowded pub.
“Nothing you need to worry about,” she replied, holding it closer to her.
“Where did you get it from?”
“None of your business.”
“You didn't have a parcel with you before...”
“So what? Stop asking so many questions,” Katie snapped.
“But why-” Leanne began, but she got no further.
“It’s got nothing to do with you, Leanne**!” Katie shouted as they left the warmth of The Three Broomsticks. The sleet attacked their faces, but Leanne didn't care; she tried to grab at the package, but Katie snatched it back and it tore.
And then, the roar of the wind had seemed insignificant compared to Katie’s scream. The rest of it-of Harry Potter and his friends, trying to help, of Katie falling with a crash to the icy ground, of Hagrid carrying Katie to the castle, of that kindly sixth-year girl who tried to comfort her-had been a blur for Leanne. It had been a whirlwind, just like the sleet that had flew in circles around Katie’s cursed body as she had shaken with ear-splitting screams.
Leanne takes a deep breath; she has been talking for the last hour, and she wonders if any of it had sunk in, and-most importantly-if Katie remembers.
“So here you are,” says Leanne. “That’s wh-why you’re here. Do-do you know who I am now?” Leanne asks, and a tear leaks out of her eye and rolls down her cheek. Katie doesn’t answer; instead, she instinctively reaches out to wipe the tear away, and her hand stays there, her fingers gently caressing her cheek, bringing Leanne closer to Katie-and then the door opens. The Healer smiles rather annoyingly at Leanne, as if he knows exactly what he has just interrupted. Leanne instantly shoots up at the sound, before she is instructed her to step outside while he examines her.
“Can we have a minute, please?” she asks. He looks like he will refuse, and insist that she leave the room now, but then he complies, waiting outside.
As soon as he is out of the room, Leanne leans forwards, kissing her lips briefly, and she doesn’t care that they feel dry and chapped against hers, or that she only responds weakly. Leanne only cares about the fact that Katie is here, alive. Then Leanne moves away, her face still hovering over Katie’s.
“Do you remember?” Leanne asks, reaching for her hand and squeezing it. Leanne holds Katie’s hand against her chest, and her heartbeat quickens as Katie’s eyes remain shut.
“The last thing I remember,” Katie murmurs, “is a cocky boy called Cormac McLaggen.” A grin crosses Leanne’s face as Katie goes on, “He was trying to tell me how many goals he had saved in his whole lifetime, and I remember I eventually got up and whispered to him that I didn't give a shit about that because I had a gorgeous, amazing girlfriend called Leanne Starr who was the smartest person I’ve ever known, and the day I would play Quidditch with him is the day I would stop loving her. And that day will never come, because I love her, so, so much, far more than life itself.”
For the first time in months, Leanne is rendered completely and utterly incoherent. Words fail her as she watches Katie open her eyes, and to Leanne’s delight, this time, the spark of recognition flickers-but does not fail.
The End
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