My mind is just a sickly little alibi
Well lets see... start off with something exciting... The other day I think I had a panic attack. One of my arms went numb except for a tingle and I couldnt move it at all, my heart was racing and my vision was all blurry. Frankly I thought I was finally losing control, I'm glad that wasn't the case. Exciting eh? I still need to get my tattoo finished it has been forever but I have had one day off a week for the past 2 months so I have like no time to get it done. I was thinking about investing some of my money into a cd or a mutual fund, its like free money I mean come on. Life has been crazy for me lately, a lot of old names and faces coming up. I don't know, its like I've gotten past all the bullshit of holding grudges and being the angry young kid I once was. It seems that a lot of the people I talked to had grown in positive ways as well, but if there is one thing I have learned you can't just assume that anything is real based on one instance. I hope for the best though. I think a conversation I had with someone helped me get a final grip on most of my thoughts. Everyone, be it father, son, sister, or daughter, I'm talking everyone here... will never be satisfied with what they have. This includes myself so don't think I'm trying to be all high and mighty or any of that bullshit. No matter how good someone has it, there is always the grass that is just a little more green than the stuff you're standing on. Most people would say that is a good thing, you know strive for more, this is true humans should strive for more. In the areas of life that actually matter, making the world a better place than you came into it. Not getting a "cooler" car to drive around or a "hotter" slut to fuck. Its sad and pathetic and I can honestly say that I and everyone I can think of right now is that way. For example I'm content being alone all of the time, not satisfied but content and as of now I can deal with that. I know a girl who would do anyting for me, but do I want her? No fuck that why would I want that I want the girl who has already told there is not a chance in hell. That was mostly hypothetical, mostly. Wow when I get on a rant I really fucking rant. Oh well I think this is good for now. Oh yeah Im going to donate my hair (see I am trying to do something good). Last thing the song "The Word You Wield" by Say Anything, I can fucking rock that song. Figured that out on the car ride home. I wish I could sing pretty like steve though. yeah....