an UNFORGETTABLE night and a weird lady
ok so tonight was HELLA weird. Ali called me and asked if I'd come hang with her and Nina and Jesse, so i went to Nina's house and after we talked about Jesus having wet dreams, we went to Starbucks on Lake City Way.
so we were just sitting talking about stuff and I mentioned how excited I was that Satruday was my LAST day of work! and some lady kinda close by goes "your last day forever??" and I said "at this place, hopefully! I'm going to school in less than two weeks" and she asked where, so I said "Lewis and Clark College, in Portland" and well... hook, line, and sinker.
"Portland!" she exclaimed. "Let me tell you where to go in Portland..."
that's what started it all. Cannon Beach was on her list, and the dunes, "but don't you ever ride one of those four-wheelers in the dunes, honey, you'll never survive." she proceeded to tell me how a famous man died by skiing into a tree. was it Bono Scott? he had "bono" is his name... anyway... when i told her i'd never been skiing she explained how at age 8 she babysat some famous people's kids or something, and then taught 11 children how to ski.
she was average-height for a lady, a bit on the plump side, but believe me, it's not because she's lazy it's because she's well-fed. she looked like she was made of money but made a random comment about us guessing which one of her items of clothing she didn't make, quickly followed by an "oh, nevermind, that's irrelevant."
in truth, everything she told us was irrelevant. i don't know if anything she said about herself was true or not, but she told us all the cities she had houses in, boats in, limos in, and her limo driver, always named George. she has a helicopter in Colorado and boats in Spokane and Idaho, she owns a ranch which contains a water source for Robert Redford's mountain-side property, who she knows and sees regularly. she says he owns almost the whole mountain and has the cheapest skiing in the area.
Ali, Jesse, Nina and I were just sitting with the most dumbfounded looks...
she would ask us to guess things about her, like her age, her son's name (which was Kneal - like Neil but spelled with an a, and i guess he changed it to drop the K, so he went from Kneal to Neal), she asked us all the faces on the US bills, we never found out who was on the 1,000. She told us her birthday was on Halloween, her mother's birthday was on September 11, and August was the month of Anniversaries in her family. She asked us about all the Friday the 13ths in the past 4 or 5 years and declared today Christmas in August.
she gave me a Christmas present, $20! but i objected. I mean, how can you take a crazy lady's money? It sat on the table until she finally decided to give us some ones instead, she wrote something on each of the bills.
My $1 bill has an invalid website on it, she says it's under construction, and then on the back she gave me her email address. she told me that for Christmas, I get an all-expenses paid trip to her WEDDING in December, in a CASTLE in Europe. holy FUCK.
she told us that she has a limo in spokane and the license plate says "tsunami," and that she knew the singer of the Christmas song "Feliz Navidad" and that he asked her to sing with him because she had such a low voice. she met him in a gym, high school or college, and he was playing his guitar. she said she's met someone far more famous but wouldn't tell us.
she asked us what happens if we dream in color... she asked ali what happens if she dreams in the color of her BRA STRAP, which she pulled on a little, bright pink, "vibrant dreams" Ali said... and then the woman wanted me to guess what happens when she dreams in RED. she says "it's not pretty, hun, you don't want to know... shit hits the fan."
she also mentioned that she's renting out EMP, ya know, the HUGE music builing downtown, for September 11, and gave Jesse her phone number on his $1 bill, since he'll be the only one of us not already in school, he gets to go to this party.
all through the night she was just so bizarre, she kept pulling items out of her purse, old coins and old bills, a cross, a little toy that had some connection to her son's favorite Halloween costume... it was totally weird.
she also told us she wrote this book called "Santa Mouse is in the House" but I can't find it online, and I can't find any information on her. Maybe she's just some wacky woman living in Lake City who isn't really throwing a party at EMP or getting married in a castle in Europe. I mean, she has a HOTMAIL email account, and according to her, 17 cell phones...
I need to send her an email and find out more about her. she's so bizarre but so fascinating. all we did was listen to her stories all night and she seemed to enjoy our comapny. who knows, maybe she'll pay for a semester of my college if we become friends. maybe she'll actually let me come to her castle for her wedding on December 27th.
i'm SO weirded out and jittery now. my goodness there's SO much i could write. she's been all over the world, she spoke french AND spanish to us, and she likes Vienna and Paris and had two really expensive purses... she thought Nina looked like a "Nicole" or a "N-n-n-n-nanette" and she made some comment about hunting down some house in Lynnwood... she also talked about on her travels, the nicest bathrooms are always in Starbucks, and how she tips the vallet and her limo driver but if the waiter is bad, he gets a few quarters.
OK i really need to send this lady an email. I'm gonna keep this dollar bill forever. my god what a weird night.
so we were just sitting talking about stuff and I mentioned how excited I was that Satruday was my LAST day of work! and some lady kinda close by goes "your last day forever??" and I said "at this place, hopefully! I'm going to school in less than two weeks" and she asked where, so I said "Lewis and Clark College, in Portland" and well... hook, line, and sinker.
"Portland!" she exclaimed. "Let me tell you where to go in Portland..."
that's what started it all. Cannon Beach was on her list, and the dunes, "but don't you ever ride one of those four-wheelers in the dunes, honey, you'll never survive." she proceeded to tell me how a famous man died by skiing into a tree. was it Bono Scott? he had "bono" is his name... anyway... when i told her i'd never been skiing she explained how at age 8 she babysat some famous people's kids or something, and then taught 11 children how to ski.
she was average-height for a lady, a bit on the plump side, but believe me, it's not because she's lazy it's because she's well-fed. she looked like she was made of money but made a random comment about us guessing which one of her items of clothing she didn't make, quickly followed by an "oh, nevermind, that's irrelevant."
in truth, everything she told us was irrelevant. i don't know if anything she said about herself was true or not, but she told us all the cities she had houses in, boats in, limos in, and her limo driver, always named George. she has a helicopter in Colorado and boats in Spokane and Idaho, she owns a ranch which contains a water source for Robert Redford's mountain-side property, who she knows and sees regularly. she says he owns almost the whole mountain and has the cheapest skiing in the area.
Ali, Jesse, Nina and I were just sitting with the most dumbfounded looks...
she would ask us to guess things about her, like her age, her son's name (which was Kneal - like Neil but spelled with an a, and i guess he changed it to drop the K, so he went from Kneal to Neal), she asked us all the faces on the US bills, we never found out who was on the 1,000. She told us her birthday was on Halloween, her mother's birthday was on September 11, and August was the month of Anniversaries in her family. She asked us about all the Friday the 13ths in the past 4 or 5 years and declared today Christmas in August.
she gave me a Christmas present, $20! but i objected. I mean, how can you take a crazy lady's money? It sat on the table until she finally decided to give us some ones instead, she wrote something on each of the bills.
My $1 bill has an invalid website on it, she says it's under construction, and then on the back she gave me her email address. she told me that for Christmas, I get an all-expenses paid trip to her WEDDING in December, in a CASTLE in Europe. holy FUCK.
she told us that she has a limo in spokane and the license plate says "tsunami," and that she knew the singer of the Christmas song "Feliz Navidad" and that he asked her to sing with him because she had such a low voice. she met him in a gym, high school or college, and he was playing his guitar. she said she's met someone far more famous but wouldn't tell us.
she asked us what happens if we dream in color... she asked ali what happens if she dreams in the color of her BRA STRAP, which she pulled on a little, bright pink, "vibrant dreams" Ali said... and then the woman wanted me to guess what happens when she dreams in RED. she says "it's not pretty, hun, you don't want to know... shit hits the fan."
she also mentioned that she's renting out EMP, ya know, the HUGE music builing downtown, for September 11, and gave Jesse her phone number on his $1 bill, since he'll be the only one of us not already in school, he gets to go to this party.
all through the night she was just so bizarre, she kept pulling items out of her purse, old coins and old bills, a cross, a little toy that had some connection to her son's favorite Halloween costume... it was totally weird.
she also told us she wrote this book called "Santa Mouse is in the House" but I can't find it online, and I can't find any information on her. Maybe she's just some wacky woman living in Lake City who isn't really throwing a party at EMP or getting married in a castle in Europe. I mean, she has a HOTMAIL email account, and according to her, 17 cell phones...
I need to send her an email and find out more about her. she's so bizarre but so fascinating. all we did was listen to her stories all night and she seemed to enjoy our comapny. who knows, maybe she'll pay for a semester of my college if we become friends. maybe she'll actually let me come to her castle for her wedding on December 27th.
i'm SO weirded out and jittery now. my goodness there's SO much i could write. she's been all over the world, she spoke french AND spanish to us, and she likes Vienna and Paris and had two really expensive purses... she thought Nina looked like a "Nicole" or a "N-n-n-n-nanette" and she made some comment about hunting down some house in Lynnwood... she also talked about on her travels, the nicest bathrooms are always in Starbucks, and how she tips the vallet and her limo driver but if the waiter is bad, he gets a few quarters.
OK i really need to send this lady an email. I'm gonna keep this dollar bill forever. my god what a weird night.