harsh realities
So it fucking sucks thinking that someone was your friend for a whole year and then finding out that they were totally faking it the whole time.
That's fucking lame. What a waste of time. At the end she was probably just using me to get information on her ex-boyfriend who was and still is a good friend of mine. And that hurts. I feel used yet again and like I played the fool.
I wish peoples' actions would stop triggering my mind to think and feel this way.
It's funny because after they broke up she acted like she totally just loved me and that I was fun and awesome etc etc. Turns out us being buddy-buddy really didn't mean anything. She just saw it as a good way to get whatever info she could about her ex to turn her upper crustie friends against him based on false information so she would look like the innocent one and just the victim of the whole process.
I'm fucking sick of this city. I take that back. I love this city but am really beginning to hate most of the people in it. The only thing keeping me here other than a select few humans is college. If I go anywhere else, save for University of Wisc.- Madision, I'll be paying out the wazooo for school b/c it will be out of state tuition.
Part of me just doesn't give a fuck. My dad's had this dream for his whole life that he would be able to pay for my four years of college and he's living out that dream right now. I'm beyond fucking fortunate to have my tuition covered by one of my unconditionally loving parents. It's one of the greatest gifts anyone could ask for. Despite this, I just want to say "Dad. I'm moving to (insert city here). The tuition will be more expensive but I'll make up for that extra tuition money through loans." I've got another major along with my psychology major that I'm hoping and assuming will provide me with a well-paying job upon graduation.
I love the real friends I have in this city so I want to take some of them or all of them with me. hah. These are the humans that I have a strong attachment to in MPLS whom I also love dearly: Cady, Britany, Mike, Britler, Justin, Samm, Manda, and BJ. No more no less. Sorry. If your name isn't on this list it wasn't a mistake. It doesn't mean that I don't think you're fun to hang out with or not cool. I probably think you're totally all that and a bag of potato chips but we just haven't bonded on a deeper level over sexual brownies, house fires, Chubbys, L7, vegan peanut butter cups, sleepovers, sexual abuse, Jerry O, or drunken airport trips. Didn't your mother ever tell you these aforementioned activites are essentials to any strong friendship? She didn't? Awwww that's so sad.
Seriously. Fuck. All I can see now in so many of the people whom I used to think I was tight with are just these cookie cutter products trying so hard to fit into a meaningless scene which they infuse with the ideals of revolution, equality, justice, and changing the world for the better.
When's the last time you read a newspaper or magazine article anywhere (not counting PE or some lame ass zine) where punks actually DID something and caused some sort of social change within their cities or towns?
Never.