Sing Me To Sleep [6/?]
Title: Sing Me To Sleep [6/?]
Author: Kylie SpencerCensorrr
Rating: PG13 I guess.
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon.......Eventually....
POV: First. Switches.
Summary: What do you do when you lose the love of your life?...You start falling for your best friend...
Disclaimer: Yeah, so Ryan's in my closet, Brendon's under my bed, Spencer's in my bathtub, and Jon's downstairs chattin' it up with my parents.
Teaser: Honey brown orbs flickered to my lips, eyelids lowered. Fuck I know what happens next.
Dedication: therecordskipsx And Maria, My best reader and my best friend and the waitress who recieved Pete's number in the last chapter. XD
Prologue.
Chapter One.
Chapter Two.
Chapter Three.
Chapter Four.
Chapter Five.
Ryan
"I've been hopelessly in love with you for months..."
I froze. WHAT?!? What the FUCK? Why didn't I know this? Holy shit!
So what did I do right then? I got up and left him. I fucking walked away from my best friend who'd just confessed to me probably the hardest thing he's ever had to. But I couldn't deal with this. It was so.....overwhelming...
I pushed out of the bus door, and felt the urge to vomit. Gagging before the real stuff found its way out. My fist crashed against the brick wall of the diner we were still parked outside of. I sank down against said wall, pulling my knees up to my chest, breathing into them. The breathing turned to crying, which turned to body-shaking sobs.
"Fuck!" I half-yelled to no one in particular. "Fuck, Jasey..." Okay so maybe it was to someone in particular. "God I am so sorry...I've been trying so hard to not think about you and now I feel like a fucking dick." I sniffed. "GOD DAMMIT JASE! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME?" I was screamed up at the sky. The sun was shining. It looked out of place.
"God I miss you so much..." Barely whispering now, my body fell limp against the wall.
Footsteps and voices made their way to me. I opened my eyes, but didn't look up. Four feet were staring back at me.
"Fuck what happened here? Ryan what did he do to you?" Two feet turned away, stepping up one, two, three stairs onto the bus. The other two feet found their way over to me, kneeling down so I saw two legs attatched.
"....Ryan?" Jon. "Did something happen?" His hangover was mostly gone, voice no longer slurred, no longer in seeming pain.
"H-He told me he was in love with me..." The voice that exploded out of my mouth was not recognized as my own. I finally looked up at Jon, who in turn, had an open-mouthed shock decorating his features.
"I...uh...Oh Ryan..." A hand rubbed at the nape of his neck. "Fuck...I fucking told him not to tell you..."
Pain turned to anger, bubbling at the surface. "YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS?" Jon recoiled and blinked at me, surprised at my sudden outburst.
"I um...I-yeah..." He let out a breath, "He told me and Spencer...right before you announced that you were...um...engaged..."
So that's why he ran off the bus...
"The kid's got it bad for you, Ryan."
I sighed, remembering the party, the drinking, the kiss, the dream.
"He kissed me." Jon did a double take and looked like he was about to blow up a building. "At the party, I mean. Lots of drinking, Pete told me we kissed. Um...Forcefully. And then I went into the hallway and heard him having a uh...A dream about, well, me."
"Fuck, Brendon." He whispered to no one. His head fell back against the wall. "Listen...I know you obviously don't feel the same way about him...but please, don't hurt the kid...Let him down easy, alright?"
I nodded and we sat in silence.
"Hey Ryan! Your mom's on the phone!" Spencer shouted out of the bus door.
Brendon
I can't believe he walked away. Jon was right. He was absolutely right. I shouldn't have told him. I should have kept it inside and I would have gotten over it....someday.
I refused to let myself cry over this. I didn't deserve to cry. I'm scum. I'm fucking bottom-feeding scum. Walking back to my bunk, I forced myself into sleep.
--
A shove in the shoulder jolted me out of a forced slumber.
"What the fuck did you do to him?" It was Spencer, he was livid.
"I didn't do anything," I grumbled, pushing my face into the pillow.
"You're a dick, Brendon. You deserve to be in hell." And he walked away.
Now that, that I will allow myself to cry over.
Ryan
"Hi mom. How are things at home?" I tried my best to steady my voice as I grabbed the phone from Spencer's grasp.
"Ryan...." Sniff.
"Mom is everything okay??" Worry etched itself in my voice, my face, my lungs.
Another sniff, "No."
"What's wrong?!?"
"It's your father, Ryan..."
"I-is he alright?"
Silence and muffled sobs. "He died last night, Ryan..."
"W-what?"
I'm so sorry, Honey...I know it's -sniff- such a horrible time for you..."
WHAT? First jasey and now my DAD? I suddenly felt a horrible sinking feeling. Seemed like everyone I loved was dying.
"I have to go..." I hung up the phone before I went crazy over hearing my mother cry.
--
A week had passed and we were on our way back to Las Vegas, so I could take a few days off tour to spend with my family. Brendon and myself avoided each other at all costs. I invited him to the funeral, invited all of them, But I knew that deep down, I hoped he wouldn't show up.
Seeing my mother again was bittersweet. I missed her so much, but under such circumstances, I'd rather not see her at all.
Most of my family was excited to see me and hear about everything going on during touring. I left out nothing but one major detail. No good would come from discussing that.
The night I got home was restless. I couldn't sleep knowing I'd have to bury my father in the morning.
But there was something else...
Something under the surface.
A feeling I hadn't felt for a long while.
Not since Jasey had been alive.
Brendon
Ryan had been avoiding me ever since I'd told him how I felt. I feared it would go this way. He wouldn't talk to me at all. When he addressed me, it was to the entire group, but nothing to me in particular.
We were going back to Vegas, so he could grieve with his family. Fuck...Two people he's loved...Gone in the same year. He invited me to the funeral, well, he invited the group to the funeral, and even though I'd rather be anywhere else, I agreed to go.
"Brendon?"
"Hmmm?" I was reading a book, glasses sliding down my nose as Jon spoke.
"Do you think, maybe, I could stay with you? So I wouldn't have to go get a hotel or something?"
I felt my face light up. I wouldn't have to go home alone! We could go to the funeral together so I wouldn't have to awkwardly show up by myself!
I nodded, grinning.
Ryan
Standing by my dead father's coffin, watching and shaking hands with the people who knew him was horrible. Everyone was crying and I couldn't stop. Tears fell down my face in torrents. All I could really think about though was Jasey.
...And Brendon.
I finally got fed up with all the crying and stormed out of the room, desperate to be anywhere but there.
I started running, running past all of the sorrowful faces. I couldn't get out of that room fast enough. It was driving me insane.
I ran out of the heavy oak doors and smacked right into Brendon of all people.
He looked awkward and out of place, and he wouldn't look me in the eye. I could tell he's rather be anywhere but right here, right now. As would I.
But I missed him.
I threw myself into his arms and cried. Surprisingly, he didn't push me away, or just stand there, surprised. He hugged me back, tight, an I-missed-you-so-fucking-much hug.
He rubbed my back in soothing circles and I looked up at him, into those chocolate brown eyes, looking for something.
The mood shifted entirely.
Brendon
I was pacing around the lobby by myself, decididng whether to go in and see Ryan and his father or not.
As I was about to finally give up and just go home, A body came flying into my own, sending me stumbling backwards. It was Ryan.
He looked up at me, obviously surprised. God this was so fucking awkward. I rubbed at the back of my neck and the guy just broke down. He collapsed against me and held onto me so tight.
I can't say I didn't want this.
I hugged him back, hopefully sending the message that I'd missed him.
He looked up at me, eyes pleading.
Pleading for what?
Honey brown orbs flickered to my lips, eyelids lowered. Fuck I know what happens next. God I've wanted this so fucking bad. But...I can't...It's so wrong...
But I need it.
His lips ghosted mine, barely touching, dangling in front of me what I've only dreamt of.
Pushing his softer-than-they-seemed lips against mine harder, He held me to him. I was weightless. Air was flowing through my every pore, making my head dizzy and my vision cloud.
But then I realized what was happening. Ryan Fucking Ross is kissing me.
"Ryan..." I pushed him off of me to see the look of broken etched in his face. "Ryan I-we can't...Not now. Now here. Your dad and your fiance just died...I-You're not thinking clearly."
I turned and walked out of the building, not noticing the look on his face. A face that's been a window to a broken heart too many a times.
A/n: Too fast? Honestly, I'm not so proud of this chapter. It'll get better soon. Sorry for the shortness. Bleh.
Author: Kylie SpencerCensorrr
Rating: PG13 I guess.
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon.......Eventually....
POV: First. Switches.
Summary: What do you do when you lose the love of your life?...You start falling for your best friend...
Disclaimer: Yeah, so Ryan's in my closet, Brendon's under my bed, Spencer's in my bathtub, and Jon's downstairs chattin' it up with my parents.
Teaser: Honey brown orbs flickered to my lips, eyelids lowered. Fuck I know what happens next.
Dedication: therecordskipsx And Maria, My best reader and my best friend and the waitress who recieved Pete's number in the last chapter. XD
Prologue.
Chapter One.
Chapter Two.
Chapter Three.
Chapter Four.
Chapter Five.
Ryan
"I've been hopelessly in love with you for months..."
I froze. WHAT?!? What the FUCK? Why didn't I know this? Holy shit!
So what did I do right then? I got up and left him. I fucking walked away from my best friend who'd just confessed to me probably the hardest thing he's ever had to. But I couldn't deal with this. It was so.....overwhelming...
I pushed out of the bus door, and felt the urge to vomit. Gagging before the real stuff found its way out. My fist crashed against the brick wall of the diner we were still parked outside of. I sank down against said wall, pulling my knees up to my chest, breathing into them. The breathing turned to crying, which turned to body-shaking sobs.
"Fuck!" I half-yelled to no one in particular. "Fuck, Jasey..." Okay so maybe it was to someone in particular. "God I am so sorry...I've been trying so hard to not think about you and now I feel like a fucking dick." I sniffed. "GOD DAMMIT JASE! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME?" I was screamed up at the sky. The sun was shining. It looked out of place.
"God I miss you so much..." Barely whispering now, my body fell limp against the wall.
Footsteps and voices made their way to me. I opened my eyes, but didn't look up. Four feet were staring back at me.
"Fuck what happened here? Ryan what did he do to you?" Two feet turned away, stepping up one, two, three stairs onto the bus. The other two feet found their way over to me, kneeling down so I saw two legs attatched.
"....Ryan?" Jon. "Did something happen?" His hangover was mostly gone, voice no longer slurred, no longer in seeming pain.
"H-He told me he was in love with me..." The voice that exploded out of my mouth was not recognized as my own. I finally looked up at Jon, who in turn, had an open-mouthed shock decorating his features.
"I...uh...Oh Ryan..." A hand rubbed at the nape of his neck. "Fuck...I fucking told him not to tell you..."
Pain turned to anger, bubbling at the surface. "YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS?" Jon recoiled and blinked at me, surprised at my sudden outburst.
"I um...I-yeah..." He let out a breath, "He told me and Spencer...right before you announced that you were...um...engaged..."
So that's why he ran off the bus...
"The kid's got it bad for you, Ryan."
I sighed, remembering the party, the drinking, the kiss, the dream.
"He kissed me." Jon did a double take and looked like he was about to blow up a building. "At the party, I mean. Lots of drinking, Pete told me we kissed. Um...Forcefully. And then I went into the hallway and heard him having a uh...A dream about, well, me."
"Fuck, Brendon." He whispered to no one. His head fell back against the wall. "Listen...I know you obviously don't feel the same way about him...but please, don't hurt the kid...Let him down easy, alright?"
I nodded and we sat in silence.
"Hey Ryan! Your mom's on the phone!" Spencer shouted out of the bus door.
Brendon
I can't believe he walked away. Jon was right. He was absolutely right. I shouldn't have told him. I should have kept it inside and I would have gotten over it....someday.
I refused to let myself cry over this. I didn't deserve to cry. I'm scum. I'm fucking bottom-feeding scum. Walking back to my bunk, I forced myself into sleep.
--
A shove in the shoulder jolted me out of a forced slumber.
"What the fuck did you do to him?" It was Spencer, he was livid.
"I didn't do anything," I grumbled, pushing my face into the pillow.
"You're a dick, Brendon. You deserve to be in hell." And he walked away.
Now that, that I will allow myself to cry over.
Ryan
"Hi mom. How are things at home?" I tried my best to steady my voice as I grabbed the phone from Spencer's grasp.
"Ryan...." Sniff.
"Mom is everything okay??" Worry etched itself in my voice, my face, my lungs.
Another sniff, "No."
"What's wrong?!?"
"It's your father, Ryan..."
"I-is he alright?"
Silence and muffled sobs. "He died last night, Ryan..."
"W-what?"
I'm so sorry, Honey...I know it's -sniff- such a horrible time for you..."
WHAT? First jasey and now my DAD? I suddenly felt a horrible sinking feeling. Seemed like everyone I loved was dying.
"I have to go..." I hung up the phone before I went crazy over hearing my mother cry.
--
A week had passed and we were on our way back to Las Vegas, so I could take a few days off tour to spend with my family. Brendon and myself avoided each other at all costs. I invited him to the funeral, invited all of them, But I knew that deep down, I hoped he wouldn't show up.
Seeing my mother again was bittersweet. I missed her so much, but under such circumstances, I'd rather not see her at all.
Most of my family was excited to see me and hear about everything going on during touring. I left out nothing but one major detail. No good would come from discussing that.
The night I got home was restless. I couldn't sleep knowing I'd have to bury my father in the morning.
But there was something else...
Something under the surface.
A feeling I hadn't felt for a long while.
Not since Jasey had been alive.
Brendon
Ryan had been avoiding me ever since I'd told him how I felt. I feared it would go this way. He wouldn't talk to me at all. When he addressed me, it was to the entire group, but nothing to me in particular.
We were going back to Vegas, so he could grieve with his family. Fuck...Two people he's loved...Gone in the same year. He invited me to the funeral, well, he invited the group to the funeral, and even though I'd rather be anywhere else, I agreed to go.
"Brendon?"
"Hmmm?" I was reading a book, glasses sliding down my nose as Jon spoke.
"Do you think, maybe, I could stay with you? So I wouldn't have to go get a hotel or something?"
I felt my face light up. I wouldn't have to go home alone! We could go to the funeral together so I wouldn't have to awkwardly show up by myself!
I nodded, grinning.
Ryan
Standing by my dead father's coffin, watching and shaking hands with the people who knew him was horrible. Everyone was crying and I couldn't stop. Tears fell down my face in torrents. All I could really think about though was Jasey.
...And Brendon.
I finally got fed up with all the crying and stormed out of the room, desperate to be anywhere but there.
I started running, running past all of the sorrowful faces. I couldn't get out of that room fast enough. It was driving me insane.
I ran out of the heavy oak doors and smacked right into Brendon of all people.
He looked awkward and out of place, and he wouldn't look me in the eye. I could tell he's rather be anywhere but right here, right now. As would I.
But I missed him.
I threw myself into his arms and cried. Surprisingly, he didn't push me away, or just stand there, surprised. He hugged me back, tight, an I-missed-you-so-fucking-much hug.
He rubbed my back in soothing circles and I looked up at him, into those chocolate brown eyes, looking for something.
The mood shifted entirely.
Brendon
I was pacing around the lobby by myself, decididng whether to go in and see Ryan and his father or not.
As I was about to finally give up and just go home, A body came flying into my own, sending me stumbling backwards. It was Ryan.
He looked up at me, obviously surprised. God this was so fucking awkward. I rubbed at the back of my neck and the guy just broke down. He collapsed against me and held onto me so tight.
I can't say I didn't want this.
I hugged him back, hopefully sending the message that I'd missed him.
He looked up at me, eyes pleading.
Pleading for what?
Honey brown orbs flickered to my lips, eyelids lowered. Fuck I know what happens next. God I've wanted this so fucking bad. But...I can't...It's so wrong...
But I need it.
His lips ghosted mine, barely touching, dangling in front of me what I've only dreamt of.
Pushing his softer-than-they-seemed lips against mine harder, He held me to him. I was weightless. Air was flowing through my every pore, making my head dizzy and my vision cloud.
But then I realized what was happening. Ryan Fucking Ross is kissing me.
"Ryan..." I pushed him off of me to see the look of broken etched in his face. "Ryan I-we can't...Not now. Now here. Your dad and your fiance just died...I-You're not thinking clearly."
I turned and walked out of the building, not noticing the look on his face. A face that's been a window to a broken heart too many a times.
A/n: Too fast? Honestly, I'm not so proud of this chapter. It'll get better soon. Sorry for the shortness. Bleh.