(no subject)
Title: am I only the one you love?
Author/Artist: fandrastic
Pairing(s): sam/spencer
Rating: PG
Summary: she thinks it would be beautiful here if she wasn't so sad
Notes/Warnings: none
-x-
i'm trying, trying to tell you
all that i can in a sweet and velvet tongue
but no words ever could sell you
sell you on me after all that i have done
the one you love-rufus wainwright
-x-
It’s not until she’s twenty-two years old that Sam Puckett realizes that she has no ambition.
She’d like to have a passion for something productive (there’s only so much joy she can get out of cutting people off on the expressway), but instead she finds herself stuck in an entry level job she hates, with a faded used car she hates, in a crappy apartment she hates. She thinks she’d like Seattle more if she had a reason to stay.
(dimly she thinks she’s too young to be this angry)
Carly is getting married in four months to some yuppie from Santa Barbara with a Mercedes and a faultless smile. Freddie’s debating on popping the question to the brainy redhead he met at MIT. Spencer’s still dating (half-heartedly) and sculpting (more frequently) and sending her sporadic text messages.
(they make her laugh and smile even when they’re not really that funny)
She thinks that they fit, but only in the way that they don’t seem to fit in anywhere else.
Carly gets married in May and Freddie’s already engaged and Spencer cries a little and Sam wonders how soon she can get her hands on some champagne.
She’s happy for Carly and Freddie (and so very proud of them), but she can’t help but wonder when she got so far behind everyone else. Spencer’s eyes are faraway and she wonders if he’s thinking the same thing.
(the champagne takes the edge off the weight of her thoughts)
She thinks that they fit, but only in the way that they’ve both lost track of things.
She quits her job. It’s probably not her brightest move, but she feels empowered in a way that she hasn’t felt in far too long. Carly’s words are encouraging while Freddie’s are concerned but hopeful and Spencer gives her a look that shows her that he understands (but she doesn’t know how on earth he could).
She wants to travel but she doesn’t think she has the money for it. She does it anyway.
Carly wants lots of postcards and Freddie wants lots of pictures and Spencer doesn’t say anything and Sam thinks that if he’d open his mouth and give her a reason to stay, she just might.
But he doesn’t and she doesn’t and she leaves him a note by his bed.
(if he reads it, maybe he’ll understand and if he doesn’t, maybe things will never change)
She thinks that they fit, but only in the way that they both refuse to go first.
The world is both terribly big and awfully small (she gets sick in Dresden and laughs ‘oh, I could die here and no one would know’) and she thinks it would be beautiful here if she wasn’t so sad. Carly writes and Freddie e-mails and Spencer leaves a message on her voicemail that’s hard to understand (and yet easy to at the same time).
But she worries she’ll come back to Seattle and nothing will change. So she stays away.
Carly sends a letter of mixed messages (‘I’m pregnant!’ ‘...Spencer’s hardly sculpting anymore…’) and she feels ecstatic and curious (with the familiar undertones of survivor’s guilt) but she tucks the letter (and her feelings) away. As much as she loves Carly like a sister, she’s never been more envious in her life. And she knows Spencer’s plight can hardly be her doing; she’s never been able to have that effect on anyone before.
(no one worries much over the consolation prize)
She thinks that they fit, but only in the way that they both know how to give up.
In Athens, she meets a boy (a man) that she thinks she could love (but his hands are too soft and his words are too syrupy) and she finds herself missing the rain in all of this Grecian heat.
She thinks about calling Spencer, calling him and saying to him what she wants to be the truth (‘I don’t think I need to ever come back’) and she picks up the phone to do so (even though she’s much too old to be playing these games).
But Spencer speaks first and tells her what he knows to be the truth (‘I miss you, and if I asked you to come back, would you?’) and she caves in the only way she knows how (‘Would you give me a reason to?).
She knows the moment has turned achingly honest when he answers emphatically (‘Yes, please come home’) and thinks that now is a perfectly acceptable moment to shed tears. So she does and catches the next flight back to Seattle.
(it’s as close to storybook perfect as she’ll allow)
She thinks that they fit, but only in the way that they’ve never really wanted to fit anywhere else.
x
(also, in case anyone is interested, I have more spam fics at my journal that you may read & review--or you can just search for my pen name at fanfiction.net)
Author/Artist: fandrastic
Pairing(s): sam/spencer
Rating: PG
Summary: she thinks it would be beautiful here if she wasn't so sad
Notes/Warnings: none
-x-
i'm trying, trying to tell you
all that i can in a sweet and velvet tongue
but no words ever could sell you
sell you on me after all that i have done
the one you love-rufus wainwright
-x-
It’s not until she’s twenty-two years old that Sam Puckett realizes that she has no ambition.
She’d like to have a passion for something productive (there’s only so much joy she can get out of cutting people off on the expressway), but instead she finds herself stuck in an entry level job she hates, with a faded used car she hates, in a crappy apartment she hates. She thinks she’d like Seattle more if she had a reason to stay.
(dimly she thinks she’s too young to be this angry)
Carly is getting married in four months to some yuppie from Santa Barbara with a Mercedes and a faultless smile. Freddie’s debating on popping the question to the brainy redhead he met at MIT. Spencer’s still dating (half-heartedly) and sculpting (more frequently) and sending her sporadic text messages.
(they make her laugh and smile even when they’re not really that funny)
She thinks that they fit, but only in the way that they don’t seem to fit in anywhere else.
Carly gets married in May and Freddie’s already engaged and Spencer cries a little and Sam wonders how soon she can get her hands on some champagne.
She’s happy for Carly and Freddie (and so very proud of them), but she can’t help but wonder when she got so far behind everyone else. Spencer’s eyes are faraway and she wonders if he’s thinking the same thing.
(the champagne takes the edge off the weight of her thoughts)
She thinks that they fit, but only in the way that they’ve both lost track of things.
She quits her job. It’s probably not her brightest move, but she feels empowered in a way that she hasn’t felt in far too long. Carly’s words are encouraging while Freddie’s are concerned but hopeful and Spencer gives her a look that shows her that he understands (but she doesn’t know how on earth he could).
She wants to travel but she doesn’t think she has the money for it. She does it anyway.
Carly wants lots of postcards and Freddie wants lots of pictures and Spencer doesn’t say anything and Sam thinks that if he’d open his mouth and give her a reason to stay, she just might.
But he doesn’t and she doesn’t and she leaves him a note by his bed.
(if he reads it, maybe he’ll understand and if he doesn’t, maybe things will never change)
She thinks that they fit, but only in the way that they both refuse to go first.
The world is both terribly big and awfully small (she gets sick in Dresden and laughs ‘oh, I could die here and no one would know’) and she thinks it would be beautiful here if she wasn’t so sad. Carly writes and Freddie e-mails and Spencer leaves a message on her voicemail that’s hard to understand (and yet easy to at the same time).
But she worries she’ll come back to Seattle and nothing will change. So she stays away.
Carly sends a letter of mixed messages (‘I’m pregnant!’ ‘...Spencer’s hardly sculpting anymore…’) and she feels ecstatic and curious (with the familiar undertones of survivor’s guilt) but she tucks the letter (and her feelings) away. As much as she loves Carly like a sister, she’s never been more envious in her life. And she knows Spencer’s plight can hardly be her doing; she’s never been able to have that effect on anyone before.
(no one worries much over the consolation prize)
She thinks that they fit, but only in the way that they both know how to give up.
In Athens, she meets a boy (a man) that she thinks she could love (but his hands are too soft and his words are too syrupy) and she finds herself missing the rain in all of this Grecian heat.
She thinks about calling Spencer, calling him and saying to him what she wants to be the truth (‘I don’t think I need to ever come back’) and she picks up the phone to do so (even though she’s much too old to be playing these games).
But Spencer speaks first and tells her what he knows to be the truth (‘I miss you, and if I asked you to come back, would you?’) and she caves in the only way she knows how (‘Would you give me a reason to?).
She knows the moment has turned achingly honest when he answers emphatically (‘Yes, please come home’) and thinks that now is a perfectly acceptable moment to shed tears. So she does and catches the next flight back to Seattle.
(it’s as close to storybook perfect as she’ll allow)
She thinks that they fit, but only in the way that they’ve never really wanted to fit anywhere else.
x
(also, in case anyone is interested, I have more spam fics at my journal that you may read & review--or you can just search for my pen name at fanfiction.net)