BWAH.
I have caps from the cheesetastic Swiss Family Robinson-inspired Stranded.
Enjoy these simply for the fact that he has the worst wig in creation in this film.
Oh, and the fact that he's barechested for nearly the entire movie.
1. First, they land on the island, and Fritz (Jesse...yes his name is Fritz) comes back from an expedition to find out that his dear old mum has been bitten by a snake. He is much distraught.
2. He then wonders, "Is my mum going to die! I haven't yet yelled at her for naming me Fritz!"
3. Cut to seven years later. Fritz is buffed out, tanned up, and wigged to the worst of all possible extremes. Avoid the wig, just look at the chest and arms.
4. Then, a girl washes up on the island. Her name is Emily Montrose. She's pretty, so of course Fritz takes to her like catnip. She nearly faints from fever, so Fritz, being the chivalrous one, takes her up in his arms. All together now - AWW.
They then have a lot of silent, 'i want you but no i don't' moments, and Fritz thinks that Emily likes Ernst, but that's impossible because Fritz is the better-looking of the two brothers, and it's so obvious that Ernst is gay.
I like this shot because he's staring at Emily, in that "I'm so emo in my horniness" way.
and he can even be emo laying down!!!!
Then comes the scene that was what made me buy the damn DVD for. The swimming scene with Emily. First, he just watches her float in the water.
Then, he jumps in when his sister leaves to dry off, and they spend about five or ten minutes splashing each other with water and looking pretty. I must admit, there were 4 or 5 times in this scene where I forgot who was the girl and who was Jesse because of the long hair.
ARMS.
Then they just look at each other and giggle, and suddenly, Fritz PLANTS one on Emily! The cheek! The uncouthness!
A moment of "Omg i just kissed a girl" thing.
And that surprise and innocence gives way to "I MUST HUMP YOU NOW!" pervyness. But of course, the kiss is VERY PG, closedmouth and all. Nothing like the lip smackdown he laid on Jennifer in House 2x7, Hunting.
Of course, Emily doesn't like this, and bitchslaps Fritz before swimming away, and here we have the adorable "WTF did I do?!" shots.
Then Fritz has a series of I'm Very Depressed montage shots.
He pops a slight boner when he sees his lady fair all dressed up for the first time. the look on his face in this picture seriously needs to be capped with "What's that funny feeling in my burlap trousers?"
Then, lots of fighting ensues, blah blah blah...i fastforwarded through a lot of it 'cause it was boring. But then! Fritz decides that it's okay, he can allow Ernst to marry Emily because he loves her SO DAMN MUCH.
But then Emily makes him realize that he was being a moron and that she loved him all along!! ...kind of. It's a badly written scene with a lot of "Look with your heart, not with your eyes" stuff. Again, ignore the impossible hairline.
Then the father and mother announce that they're going to stay on the island because its' better than going back to Switzerland, and Fritz announces that he's gonna stay too, and the father says with a smile "Fritz. ALWAYS disobedient." and then Emily looks at Fritz and says "Oh don't worry. He'll learn obedience. I'll make certain of it." You can practically HEAR the whip crack. And judging by Fritz's facial expression, he is going to LOVE being her bitch.
And then the obligatory "Seal our love with a closed-mouth, virginal kiss that looks insanely awkward" moment.
And Fritz's "I'm so happy it's made me constipated" look.
Tonight I'm going to start capping Jesse's scenes in Lorna Doone! Which are even FUNNIER!!!!
Enjoy these simply for the fact that he has the worst wig in creation in this film.
Oh, and the fact that he's barechested for nearly the entire movie.
1. First, they land on the island, and Fritz (Jesse...yes his name is Fritz) comes back from an expedition to find out that his dear old mum has been bitten by a snake. He is much distraught.
2. He then wonders, "Is my mum going to die! I haven't yet yelled at her for naming me Fritz!"
3. Cut to seven years later. Fritz is buffed out, tanned up, and wigged to the worst of all possible extremes. Avoid the wig, just look at the chest and arms.
4. Then, a girl washes up on the island. Her name is Emily Montrose. She's pretty, so of course Fritz takes to her like catnip. She nearly faints from fever, so Fritz, being the chivalrous one, takes her up in his arms. All together now - AWW.
They then have a lot of silent, 'i want you but no i don't' moments, and Fritz thinks that Emily likes Ernst, but that's impossible because Fritz is the better-looking of the two brothers, and it's so obvious that Ernst is gay.
I like this shot because he's staring at Emily, in that "I'm so emo in my horniness" way.
and he can even be emo laying down!!!!
Then comes the scene that was what made me buy the damn DVD for. The swimming scene with Emily. First, he just watches her float in the water.
Then, he jumps in when his sister leaves to dry off, and they spend about five or ten minutes splashing each other with water and looking pretty. I must admit, there were 4 or 5 times in this scene where I forgot who was the girl and who was Jesse because of the long hair.
ARMS.
Then they just look at each other and giggle, and suddenly, Fritz PLANTS one on Emily! The cheek! The uncouthness!
A moment of "Omg i just kissed a girl" thing.
And that surprise and innocence gives way to "I MUST HUMP YOU NOW!" pervyness. But of course, the kiss is VERY PG, closedmouth and all. Nothing like the lip smackdown he laid on Jennifer in House 2x7, Hunting.
Of course, Emily doesn't like this, and bitchslaps Fritz before swimming away, and here we have the adorable "WTF did I do?!" shots.
Then Fritz has a series of I'm Very Depressed montage shots.
He pops a slight boner when he sees his lady fair all dressed up for the first time. the look on his face in this picture seriously needs to be capped with "What's that funny feeling in my burlap trousers?"
Then, lots of fighting ensues, blah blah blah...i fastforwarded through a lot of it 'cause it was boring. But then! Fritz decides that it's okay, he can allow Ernst to marry Emily because he loves her SO DAMN MUCH.
But then Emily makes him realize that he was being a moron and that she loved him all along!! ...kind of. It's a badly written scene with a lot of "Look with your heart, not with your eyes" stuff. Again, ignore the impossible hairline.
Then the father and mother announce that they're going to stay on the island because its' better than going back to Switzerland, and Fritz announces that he's gonna stay too, and the father says with a smile "Fritz. ALWAYS disobedient." and then Emily looks at Fritz and says "Oh don't worry. He'll learn obedience. I'll make certain of it." You can practically HEAR the whip crack. And judging by Fritz's facial expression, he is going to LOVE being her bitch.
And then the obligatory "Seal our love with a closed-mouth, virginal kiss that looks insanely awkward" moment.
And Fritz's "I'm so happy it's made me constipated" look.
Tonight I'm going to start capping Jesse's scenes in Lorna Doone! Which are even FUNNIER!!!!