playing catch-up
i just double-checked and apparently i had been posting intermittently in july of this year, but before that i had posted one entry in april which give or take a month is like...a year ago.
i guess that can be where this is picked up.
march 2007:
i remember volunteering at the heifer project every day for about two weeks for several reasons. chris had dumped me at a wake and i had nothing else to do because while i was with him i had successfully severed myself from all but a few people. and i was running low on service hours for national honors society, which is a whole other bucket of crap that i am glad to have escaped from. in my state i arranged to meet with matt at panera bread to catch up because there were no longer any tensions between him and chris, and this meeting led to a series of events which continued deep into the summer and ended in the fall. panera was nice i remember, and i remember it was weird to drive around because the last time we had seen each other was like a year before that when we were both without a car or a license. then i went to florida sometime in march, at the end of march, and i remember that by that time i had already been crushed by him and i should have left it off there because what happened in march happened again in april, twice in june, july, september, and probably sometime in august. in florida i had red hair and listened to ambulance by t.v. on the radio when i fell asleep and read house of leaves.
april 2007:
this month was probably uneventful, because i can't remember anything specific happenings in there.
maybe going by months is a bad idea.
but after that was senior prom. i think that was in april, or june, i'm not sure. but i do remember that for prom i dyed my hair blonde (or tried to and chris will testify to my hair coming out an awful orange color which was fixed the next day). also in the weeks preceding prom i was hanging out with pat shanley a lot and watching 24 at his house. that was a strange thing, and at prom i think i got mad at him. i don't talk to him much anymore, but he still talks to kevin and stuff.
so i went to prom single, and had a decent time, not because i was single just because it wasn't as fun as i thought jr. prom was. junior prom was in mechanics hall, too.
graduation was pretty anti-climactic when compared to how i had expected it to be. awards night i got a lot of things, and that was unexpected, and i remember being really proud of all my friends.
the summer was fun though. i met a lot of new people through kevin, i found a four-leaf clover, i listened to a lot of new music, i drove a lot, got coffee with bridget and kaden and chris a lot, and saw kevin a lot. seeing kevin though usually consisted of me bitching about my situation. that's why i wish i hadn't deleted everything from that era. i feel like i got so wrapped up in this idealized version of what could have been and i was forgetting why I *I* I!!! had ended it in the first place. but so i had this picture in my head that was all wrong because everything was very different and we were both very very different, especially him, and i was just stupid. and i wish that my summer had not been wasted feeling like poo, or wasting kevin's time, or wasting my own time getting caught up in a dumb cycle of events.
i went to the cape also, in a creepy fairytale cottage place owned by chris's aunt who (no offense chris) somehow found my mom's email address in order to inquire us about a map book that i had borrowed when we were down there. also, we gave someone a $4 tip and got in trouble for it. we experienced p-town and transvestites and i think it made matt cloyd a little uncomfortable. i learned that it is hard to live with people, but also that i really love my friends.
i went to washington d.c. for a summit on climate change, went to a bunch of seminars, listened to speakers, learned a lot, protested on capitol hill, and then went home feeling so small and helpless and ignorant of everything going on in the world.
i started school at clark university. there is a lot to say about this, but all you need to know is NO I DO NOT KNOW WHAT MY MAJOR IS PLEASE DO NOT ASK ME, and YES I KNOW THAT I HAVE TIME TO DECIDE. also, i thought about transferring partially as a way to push myself out of my little boxed in world and partially as a means of escape and maybe somewhat of a threat? i was thinking about that for a while until about thanksgiving, and then the beginning of december confirmed that i would not transfer. i have met great people here, but still i cannot get past my only making friends with guys thing that i do.
currently: prepare yourself
i am in a relationship with a boy named ryan. this is a very new person in my life (since about december 9th). he lives in worcester, is 21 years old, and is closer to perfect i think that anyone could be. i had been single for a while and one day kevin called me telling me about somebody he wanted me to meet, a boy who lived in worcester, who was tall and skinny, musical, funny, and played guitar hero. and so naturally i was like
how old is he? and at first the prospect of being with a 21 year old is scary, and also, my parents approval? but long story short he talked me up and kevin talked ryan up and we ended up meeting and hitting it off extremely well and a week later we were dating. when people date other people they say things like he is the best, or i've never had anything like that, but when i say things like that i am really being sincere. there are so many things that are different about this relationship. most importantly it is so much more mature than anything i've ever had. it's not a highschool relationship, and its not a college hey we are in the same dorm room relationship, but it's just good. he's so sweet to me, and so polite, and he loves his family and loves my family and my family loves him, and i could go on and on but we just click really well and everything is going good. he rents a house with 4 other people, and i'm there A LOT of the time, and i just feel like i am an important part of something. i feel this will be something good. he is hardworking, very committed to every part of his life, but still is one of the funnest people i know to be around and with, even if we are just eating icecream or buying groceries or laying in bed. am i missing anything? i can't wait for the summer so you can meet him. next week also he is coming with me to florida for spring break. everything is so good right now. except for the fact that the people across the hall are playing enrique iglesias. i have one more class today, then i am going to see ryan who is sick right now, then i am seeing bridget and partying here tomorrow night as a kind of going away thing for spring break.
right now i want a grilled cheese from the bistro. this probably deserves an lj cut, but i think that this will do.
i guess that can be where this is picked up.
march 2007:
i remember volunteering at the heifer project every day for about two weeks for several reasons. chris had dumped me at a wake and i had nothing else to do because while i was with him i had successfully severed myself from all but a few people. and i was running low on service hours for national honors society, which is a whole other bucket of crap that i am glad to have escaped from. in my state i arranged to meet with matt at panera bread to catch up because there were no longer any tensions between him and chris, and this meeting led to a series of events which continued deep into the summer and ended in the fall. panera was nice i remember, and i remember it was weird to drive around because the last time we had seen each other was like a year before that when we were both without a car or a license. then i went to florida sometime in march, at the end of march, and i remember that by that time i had already been crushed by him and i should have left it off there because what happened in march happened again in april, twice in june, july, september, and probably sometime in august. in florida i had red hair and listened to ambulance by t.v. on the radio when i fell asleep and read house of leaves.
april 2007:
this month was probably uneventful, because i can't remember anything specific happenings in there.
maybe going by months is a bad idea.
but after that was senior prom. i think that was in april, or june, i'm not sure. but i do remember that for prom i dyed my hair blonde (or tried to and chris will testify to my hair coming out an awful orange color which was fixed the next day). also in the weeks preceding prom i was hanging out with pat shanley a lot and watching 24 at his house. that was a strange thing, and at prom i think i got mad at him. i don't talk to him much anymore, but he still talks to kevin and stuff.
so i went to prom single, and had a decent time, not because i was single just because it wasn't as fun as i thought jr. prom was. junior prom was in mechanics hall, too.
graduation was pretty anti-climactic when compared to how i had expected it to be. awards night i got a lot of things, and that was unexpected, and i remember being really proud of all my friends.
the summer was fun though. i met a lot of new people through kevin, i found a four-leaf clover, i listened to a lot of new music, i drove a lot, got coffee with bridget and kaden and chris a lot, and saw kevin a lot. seeing kevin though usually consisted of me bitching about my situation. that's why i wish i hadn't deleted everything from that era. i feel like i got so wrapped up in this idealized version of what could have been and i was forgetting why I *I* I!!! had ended it in the first place. but so i had this picture in my head that was all wrong because everything was very different and we were both very very different, especially him, and i was just stupid. and i wish that my summer had not been wasted feeling like poo, or wasting kevin's time, or wasting my own time getting caught up in a dumb cycle of events.
i went to the cape also, in a creepy fairytale cottage place owned by chris's aunt who (no offense chris) somehow found my mom's email address in order to inquire us about a map book that i had borrowed when we were down there. also, we gave someone a $4 tip and got in trouble for it. we experienced p-town and transvestites and i think it made matt cloyd a little uncomfortable. i learned that it is hard to live with people, but also that i really love my friends.
i went to washington d.c. for a summit on climate change, went to a bunch of seminars, listened to speakers, learned a lot, protested on capitol hill, and then went home feeling so small and helpless and ignorant of everything going on in the world.
i started school at clark university. there is a lot to say about this, but all you need to know is NO I DO NOT KNOW WHAT MY MAJOR IS PLEASE DO NOT ASK ME, and YES I KNOW THAT I HAVE TIME TO DECIDE. also, i thought about transferring partially as a way to push myself out of my little boxed in world and partially as a means of escape and maybe somewhat of a threat? i was thinking about that for a while until about thanksgiving, and then the beginning of december confirmed that i would not transfer. i have met great people here, but still i cannot get past my only making friends with guys thing that i do.
currently: prepare yourself
i am in a relationship with a boy named ryan. this is a very new person in my life (since about december 9th). he lives in worcester, is 21 years old, and is closer to perfect i think that anyone could be. i had been single for a while and one day kevin called me telling me about somebody he wanted me to meet, a boy who lived in worcester, who was tall and skinny, musical, funny, and played guitar hero. and so naturally i was like
how old is he? and at first the prospect of being with a 21 year old is scary, and also, my parents approval? but long story short he talked me up and kevin talked ryan up and we ended up meeting and hitting it off extremely well and a week later we were dating. when people date other people they say things like he is the best, or i've never had anything like that, but when i say things like that i am really being sincere. there are so many things that are different about this relationship. most importantly it is so much more mature than anything i've ever had. it's not a highschool relationship, and its not a college hey we are in the same dorm room relationship, but it's just good. he's so sweet to me, and so polite, and he loves his family and loves my family and my family loves him, and i could go on and on but we just click really well and everything is going good. he rents a house with 4 other people, and i'm there A LOT of the time, and i just feel like i am an important part of something. i feel this will be something good. he is hardworking, very committed to every part of his life, but still is one of the funnest people i know to be around and with, even if we are just eating icecream or buying groceries or laying in bed. am i missing anything? i can't wait for the summer so you can meet him. next week also he is coming with me to florida for spring break. everything is so good right now. except for the fact that the people across the hall are playing enrique iglesias. i have one more class today, then i am going to see ryan who is sick right now, then i am seeing bridget and partying here tomorrow night as a kind of going away thing for spring break.
right now i want a grilled cheese from the bistro. this probably deserves an lj cut, but i think that this will do.