A Million
There has been too much going on at this moment in time in my life for me to not make an attempt to document it. 2010 in general has been the most switched-on year in my life, contributing more memories and more learning to my brain than the previous ten years combined. Maybe that's hyperbole, since I couldn't have reached the point I was at right before things kicked into high gear without some shit to build upon. Anyway, I've learned and grown so much that the entire being I thought I was before is a bitty man compared to the me I became once I got out of my own way.
The shortest relationships in my life have been the ones that fucked me up the most and took the longest to recover from. This year contributed another one of those to my already scarred-to-shit heart, one that sent me on more highs and lows than I had been on in my life. But looking back on it presently, it was at least proof that I could access my emotions on a level I'd never been able to before. It was unfortunate that I had to question my sanity after these last few years of psychological progress, I still have no idea how much it set me back. But I guess suppositions aren't as large an element of my life since I just started doing what I want to and not wondering so much anymore. Fortunately doing what I want doesn't involve any malicious or lascivious acts (publicly) so it's a freedom without negative consequences that makes perfect sense to exercise. Wonderment is fucking fascinating, but What If Wonderment is fucking useless torture I've gotten out of the habit of implementing on myself.
The brain & heart are working in tandem. The desire and need to express myself via art has never been stronger or more focused than it is at the present moment. Fuck, I've learned how to FEEL the present moment.
Aside from that, strange awesome things are happening to my brain that no longer allow me to be skeptical about things involving chakras, jumping into the thoughts of others, auras, mental communication, and other things mocked in large. It's distracting as hell, because I know I have to work on my ability to do something with it, so when I am compelled to stop what I'm doing and investigate what's going on, I have to give in to my compulsion. I'm developing the ability to rise above the negative, the meaningless, the thick layers of chatter that kept me and keep others from thinking and accessing their own goddamn brain. It's nice to feel parts of my brain firing to life that I had never even been aware of before. This is tough to mention to people, but I figure this is my internet diary, right? Glad to have you here, old timer. There's too much to do right now, but for once I have the ability to work around time.
The shortest relationships in my life have been the ones that fucked me up the most and took the longest to recover from. This year contributed another one of those to my already scarred-to-shit heart, one that sent me on more highs and lows than I had been on in my life. But looking back on it presently, it was at least proof that I could access my emotions on a level I'd never been able to before. It was unfortunate that I had to question my sanity after these last few years of psychological progress, I still have no idea how much it set me back. But I guess suppositions aren't as large an element of my life since I just started doing what I want to and not wondering so much anymore. Fortunately doing what I want doesn't involve any malicious or lascivious acts (publicly) so it's a freedom without negative consequences that makes perfect sense to exercise. Wonderment is fucking fascinating, but What If Wonderment is fucking useless torture I've gotten out of the habit of implementing on myself.
The brain & heart are working in tandem. The desire and need to express myself via art has never been stronger or more focused than it is at the present moment. Fuck, I've learned how to FEEL the present moment.
Aside from that, strange awesome things are happening to my brain that no longer allow me to be skeptical about things involving chakras, jumping into the thoughts of others, auras, mental communication, and other things mocked in large. It's distracting as hell, because I know I have to work on my ability to do something with it, so when I am compelled to stop what I'm doing and investigate what's going on, I have to give in to my compulsion. I'm developing the ability to rise above the negative, the meaningless, the thick layers of chatter that kept me and keep others from thinking and accessing their own goddamn brain. It's nice to feel parts of my brain firing to life that I had never even been aware of before. This is tough to mention to people, but I figure this is my internet diary, right? Glad to have you here, old timer. There's too much to do right now, but for once I have the ability to work around time.