(no subject)
im not sure what to feel today. i have this guilty feeling.and i feel really bad. and im sorry. but i dont have anything to really be sorry for. or anything to really feel guilty about... really..
i was really looking forward to seeing jake. but im not gonna cry about it. really. ill see him eventually. if not no big deal. its not really a tragedy. i kinda want to go to reginas for thanksgiving. just to be around one of my actual friends.
ugh...
a friend last night asked me what i told dane i wanted for christmas. i didnt tell him i wanted anything. but i told her all i really want is him. i told mom the same thing. i said if you cant afford to get me anything its fine. i dont care. i know were poor. but if you do have the money.. then all i really want is dane. really.help me pay for plane ticket. thats it.
shes all. can you settle for a cd.. so i said. look. if you dont have money. its cool. ill just wait for my computer in march. ok. or you can pay for some work on the truck.
she needs work. badly. my dad better hop to it. jackass. hes supposed to get the house on the first. but i doubt he will. he might have the house by christmas break. if he does ill go down there.. ugh. ill end up putting most of my stuff in his garage. until i come back next year. the only thing is. if he doesnt have the house. i wont go down there. i have no place to stay. so.. i dont know.. i just dont know.
i want to feel wanted. and i kinda do.
but i just keep doubting what everyone is telling me. and im sorry. i know what you tell me is probably true. and you probably do feel it.
i just dont feel it. and im sorry. its ok. though. i just dont know anything anymore. and as much as you tell me. i just dont believe you.
either of you.
i was really looking forward to seeing jake. but im not gonna cry about it. really. ill see him eventually. if not no big deal. its not really a tragedy. i kinda want to go to reginas for thanksgiving. just to be around one of my actual friends.
ugh...
a friend last night asked me what i told dane i wanted for christmas. i didnt tell him i wanted anything. but i told her all i really want is him. i told mom the same thing. i said if you cant afford to get me anything its fine. i dont care. i know were poor. but if you do have the money.. then all i really want is dane. really.help me pay for plane ticket. thats it.
shes all. can you settle for a cd.. so i said. look. if you dont have money. its cool. ill just wait for my computer in march. ok. or you can pay for some work on the truck.
she needs work. badly. my dad better hop to it. jackass. hes supposed to get the house on the first. but i doubt he will. he might have the house by christmas break. if he does ill go down there.. ugh. ill end up putting most of my stuff in his garage. until i come back next year. the only thing is. if he doesnt have the house. i wont go down there. i have no place to stay. so.. i dont know.. i just dont know.
i want to feel wanted. and i kinda do.
but i just keep doubting what everyone is telling me. and im sorry. i know what you tell me is probably true. and you probably do feel it.
i just dont feel it. and im sorry. its ok. though. i just dont know anything anymore. and as much as you tell me. i just dont believe you.
either of you.