Under the covers I'm okay I guess
So i have recently gone into a depressed state of mind. I don't really know what has brought this on. Maybe the fact of all the stress in my life...maybe the fact that i feel like i'm loosing friends. Or maybe it's something deeper than that. Nothing to do with my relationship. More to do with friendships. I feel like i have lost people along the way...i feel like i've become my own person, a loner shall i say to the world. I feel like a lot of people are angry with me. which in turn are only a few people to be exact, like 3 to count them. but of course for some reason it feels like so much more.
Even though i'm depressed and in this state of mind i also feel equally free. But i'm not completely alright. I mean i feel like i can do whatever i want with no one complaining or bitching at me or picking on me or anything like that. But like i said it's not the greatest feeling either. I feel quite lost right now. I thought i had some type of direction but obviously that direction has lost me in turn and now i am lost without that direction. it's quite pathetic.
I miss my homie (homer) who helps keep me sane a LOT! I just miss a couple friends i guess. Homer especially. He isn't able to come up to PA cause he starts his job in a week and is busy moving from tallahassee to orlando. So i'm going to plan to see him before my fall semester starts cause i'm sure i'll be going insane by then and need another vacation. I miss my punk smartass as well.
I've found out that one of those 3 people that hate me i never believed really talked shit on me until i got proof from his g/f who i'm befriending again after he told her not to talk to me anymore months ago. And that is by far the shittiest feeling ever to realize you were being stupid and blind for how many years and now it just hits you!? yeah...that's a pretty shitty feeling especially from someone you considered a very good friend and was always there for them through all their bullshit.
but i'm out. i'm going to listen to more depressing music even though it won't cheer me up. oh well.
Even though i'm depressed and in this state of mind i also feel equally free. But i'm not completely alright. I mean i feel like i can do whatever i want with no one complaining or bitching at me or picking on me or anything like that. But like i said it's not the greatest feeling either. I feel quite lost right now. I thought i had some type of direction but obviously that direction has lost me in turn and now i am lost without that direction. it's quite pathetic.
I miss my homie (homer) who helps keep me sane a LOT! I just miss a couple friends i guess. Homer especially. He isn't able to come up to PA cause he starts his job in a week and is busy moving from tallahassee to orlando. So i'm going to plan to see him before my fall semester starts cause i'm sure i'll be going insane by then and need another vacation. I miss my punk smartass as well.
I've found out that one of those 3 people that hate me i never believed really talked shit on me until i got proof from his g/f who i'm befriending again after he told her not to talk to me anymore months ago. And that is by far the shittiest feeling ever to realize you were being stupid and blind for how many years and now it just hits you!? yeah...that's a pretty shitty feeling especially from someone you considered a very good friend and was always there for them through all their bullshit.
but i'm out. i'm going to listen to more depressing music even though it won't cheer me up. oh well.