(no subject)
I don't really care if anyone reads this or not.....or if anyone replies or leaves a nice little comment on this. I'm just...depressed.....I miss all of my friends...the few I had....It wasn't supposed to be this way...I was never supposed to live in South Korea. Never did I imagine that I would live here.....this hell hole of a place. I was supposed to do my three years in Germany and then go back home to Texas....or Ohio.......I could be there......back where I feel like myself...where I feel comfortable. I rarely leave my room anymore. I don't talk to anyone at school.....I don't want to make that effort....its not worth it when you are a military child....friends move.....very often....if you keep one for more than a year...you are lucky. All that stands between me and the states is a 15 hours plane flight....but my parents will never let me do that. I'm so uncomfortable in this enviorment.....I don't fit here....I'm that piece of the puzzle that you try to jam in...but it really doesn't belong there. I'm starting to suspect that I won't graduate highschool because of my phobia of crowds.......my parents don't understand it...but they make me take meds that just make me sick and do nothing to help with the phobia. I don't have the motivation to get up in the morning and go to school....to sit there and have my brain force fed things I know already. Its a repetative process.....I'm tired of my life.....I wish I could just find a nice little corner and keep to myself...but everyone is always trying to stick out a helping hand...usually making things worse. I mean...I want to get through with school..I want to do it...I want to go to college....I want a good life...but I can't do it the normal way that society expects me to. If they would just leave me to myself....I can accomplish stuff they never though I could do. I've always worked better alone....I've kicked people out of my room if I'm working on something. In the end....I guess I'm just a normal person...with normal problems....life just isnt fair....thats what everyone tells me. I wish it would cut me some slack...just make things easier for me for a couple years. At this point....I'm just a normal teenager.....thinking the world is against me...maybe it is....maybe it isn't. I really miss my friends...that were there for me...I'm so cold...and alone right now...I don't know if I can trust anyone anymore..why am I this way...by now...most of you have stoped reading. I don't care if you finish or not...this was more for me then you.