im trying
I'm tryin to understand this new relationship that I'm in. We've been together for six months. I'm the only one whos counting. I guess he stopped counting after his past relationship. So he tells me that he doesn't count because he likes me alot.. I kinda don't understand. Today, I'm writin this outta sadness. I probably don't mean half the things i say.
THis has to be the hardest relationship I've been in. I haven't cried so much for anyone except my last boyfriend only because I moved away and missed him. I now cry because I don't feel enough or I feel alone. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or why I take everything so seriously. But it's the simple little things that seem so big to me.
Today is his birthday. I surprised him with a photo book and a card. This card had a lot of meaning because it indicates his love as my gift on his bday and that I'm grateful for him. And of course to wish him a happy birthday. But he liked the Christmas card better because it was funny and a lil dirty. I prefer love but thats opposite for him. He said the card was perfectly fine although the xmas one better.
I feel so insecure. He admits to flirting with them. And they obviously flirt back but they feel something. Sending wrong messages? I'm not sure but we had a talk last nite. I'm still not happy. I feel so depressed and unworthy. I know that's not good in a relationship.
I quit asking and wanting to know because I'll just hurt myself. I basically have to live with this and ignore half his personality. I give everything to him. He says he puts his heart and soul into this relationship too, but does that make sense when you flirt with others and give others the impression that you're not really taken? I don't talk to him about this anymore because this is the type of shit that makes him not to be in a relationship. Maybe we shouldn't be. I want this though. I want him because I'm in love with him. It's so hard to look past the flirts, short phone calls, quiet IM convos. I barely spend time with anymore because he works, sleeps, and takes care of Layla, the pitbull.
Layla makes me so much happier. She's like a lil baby to me and I just adore her.
I've cried almost every nite of this week I believe. I don't feel good inside about anything. Just so much pain and stress. I probably brought this upon myself. I can't help it. I see things bluntly.
I told myself one night that I shouldn't take this relationship so serious anymore. Take it lightly and try to go on without a care. Otherwise, I would bring up every problem that bothers me. He doesn't seem to take this as serious as I do. He basically lives life as it goes. I do as well until I think about him a little too much and I want to feel from him, hear from him, or have some time of communication with him to know he's thinking of me too. I'm a hopeless romantic and a devoted girlfriend. I don't feel like I'm gettin it in return. I wonder sometimes why he's still with me when he doesn't seem to want to call or spend anytime. I don't fit in his schedule and it doesn't seem he tries to make a little time for me either. I spent time with him twice or sometimes none in a week. When I say I miss him and I wana see him, his solution is to drop by my job and see me for a sec. Followin that is to chill doing whatever. Not the response I was lookin for. I was happier to see my Layla.
I just lost my train of thought. But I'm not feeling any better. Now, I have to go on for the day and pretend I'm okay to my family, customers, and my boyfriend.
Life is such a beautiful lie.
THis has to be the hardest relationship I've been in. I haven't cried so much for anyone except my last boyfriend only because I moved away and missed him. I now cry because I don't feel enough or I feel alone. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or why I take everything so seriously. But it's the simple little things that seem so big to me.
Today is his birthday. I surprised him with a photo book and a card. This card had a lot of meaning because it indicates his love as my gift on his bday and that I'm grateful for him. And of course to wish him a happy birthday. But he liked the Christmas card better because it was funny and a lil dirty. I prefer love but thats opposite for him. He said the card was perfectly fine although the xmas one better.
I feel so insecure. He admits to flirting with them. And they obviously flirt back but they feel something. Sending wrong messages? I'm not sure but we had a talk last nite. I'm still not happy. I feel so depressed and unworthy. I know that's not good in a relationship.
I quit asking and wanting to know because I'll just hurt myself. I basically have to live with this and ignore half his personality. I give everything to him. He says he puts his heart and soul into this relationship too, but does that make sense when you flirt with others and give others the impression that you're not really taken? I don't talk to him about this anymore because this is the type of shit that makes him not to be in a relationship. Maybe we shouldn't be. I want this though. I want him because I'm in love with him. It's so hard to look past the flirts, short phone calls, quiet IM convos. I barely spend time with anymore because he works, sleeps, and takes care of Layla, the pitbull.
Layla makes me so much happier. She's like a lil baby to me and I just adore her.
I've cried almost every nite of this week I believe. I don't feel good inside about anything. Just so much pain and stress. I probably brought this upon myself. I can't help it. I see things bluntly.
I told myself one night that I shouldn't take this relationship so serious anymore. Take it lightly and try to go on without a care. Otherwise, I would bring up every problem that bothers me. He doesn't seem to take this as serious as I do. He basically lives life as it goes. I do as well until I think about him a little too much and I want to feel from him, hear from him, or have some time of communication with him to know he's thinking of me too. I'm a hopeless romantic and a devoted girlfriend. I don't feel like I'm gettin it in return. I wonder sometimes why he's still with me when he doesn't seem to want to call or spend anytime. I don't fit in his schedule and it doesn't seem he tries to make a little time for me either. I spent time with him twice or sometimes none in a week. When I say I miss him and I wana see him, his solution is to drop by my job and see me for a sec. Followin that is to chill doing whatever. Not the response I was lookin for. I was happier to see my Layla.
I just lost my train of thought. But I'm not feeling any better. Now, I have to go on for the day and pretend I'm okay to my family, customers, and my boyfriend.
Life is such a beautiful lie.