Smallville 4x20 Ageless: Commentary by Fish and Cow
So there may be only like two people who actually think we're funny, but hey, we are here for you two people. And actually, we are funnier this week, I promise. Or at least, WE YELL IN CAPITAL LETTERS MORE AND CAPITAL LETTERS ARE FUNNY. It should be noted that there are spoilers for "A Trip to the Dentist," because everything in the entire world comes back to Veronica Mars. Oh, and a tiny spoiler for this week's Lost. As usual, your teaser:
Spectral Bovine: It came from spaaaaaaaaaaace!
fishinginthemud: why does dr. quinn wear so many pearl necklaces?
FishingInTheMud: they're like 12 years old mentally
Spectral Bovine: Shouldn't there be some actual story going on?
FishingInTheMud: ew, lana
FishingInTheMud: i thought this show had given up on season arcs
Spectral Bovine: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DEKNIGHT.
FishingInTheMud: brought him to life with their love?
FishingInTheMud: OMG CLARK'S AN ALIEN?
Got nothing better to to do? Jump right on in.
Spectral Bovine: Ready?
FishingInTheMud: it's gerber time
Spectral Bovine: Go.
Spectral Bovine: Ooh, scary.
Spectral Bovine: Pregnant chick!
FishingInTheMud: she looks like patricia heaton
Spectral Bovine: It's glowign!
FishingInTheMud: she must not be allowed to procreate
FishingInTheMud: hey, it's jesus!
Spectral Bovine: Jasmine!
Spectral Bovine: Or...E.T.
Spectral Bovine: You dick!
Spectral Bovine: The baby go boom.
Spectral Bovine: Lana knows how to drive?
FishingInTheMud: seriously
FishingInTheMud: i didn't know you could get a license at 12
FishingInTheMud: crying smoke!
Spectral Bovine: Aw, baby.
Spectral Bovine: Why are newborns so fucking huge on TV?
Spectral Bovine: That thing is like six months old.
FishingInTheMud: and not pink
FishingInTheMud: seriously
Spectral Bovine: Or bloody.
Spectral Bovine: Oh!
Spectral Bovine: It came from spaaaaaaaaaaace!
FishingInTheMud: but it's a magic baby
FishingInTheMud: yeah
FishingInTheMud: somebody save ME
Spectral Bovine: This is episode 420. Hee hee hee.
FishingInTheMud: the credits look different
FishingInTheMud: OMG CHANGE
Spectral Bovine: I miss Lionel's hair.
Spectral Bovine: Act I!
FishingInTheMud: can this sheriff ever stop being a bitch?
Spectral Bovine: Babies totally fall out of the sky.
Spectral Bovine: Everything falls out of the sky.
Spectral Bovine: Frogs, chickens, millionaires.
Spectral Bovine: Oh, there you go, Clark. Jumping to conclusions.
FishingInTheMud: bo is so smart
FishingInTheMud: no more short bus for him
Spectral Bovine: Bo uses LOGIC.
Spectral Bovine: NO SPACESHIP = NO ALIEN BABY.
FishingInTheMud: more people should use logic
Spectral Bovine: Sawyer should read to him!
Spectral Bovine: He'll shut up good.
FishingInTheMud: the baby hates lana
FishingInTheMud: smart baby
Spectral Bovine: The baby loves Clark.
FishingInTheMud: stupid baby
Spectral Bovine: Stupid baby.
FishingInTheMud: like lana knows anything about touch
Spectral Bovine: The baby's head is as big as Martha's.
Spectral Bovine: Good God, Clark.
FishingInTheMud: he's not a puppy!
Spectral Bovine: Do you invite EVERYONE to your house to stay?
Spectral Bovine: Lois? Stay with us.
Spectral Bovine: Dog? Stay with us?
Spectral Bovine: Some homeless guy? Stay with us.
Spectral Bovine: DeKnight!
Spectral Bovine: I hope this episode has a Winnebago being chased by knights on motorcycles.
FishingInTheMud: yeah, let's just stand here and make chloe jealous
FishingInTheMud: it's fun!
Spectral Bovine: Hey!
Spectral Bovine: That pregnant chick knows who killed Lilly Kane!
FishingInTheMud: OH NO
Spectral Bovine: It sounds like...Don'tleaveme.
FishingInTheMud: and now she's DEAD
Spectral Bovine: Who's that?
Spectral Bovine: Celeste!
Spectral Bovine: Oh, no, her.
FishingInTheMud: heh
FishingInTheMud: ew
FishingInTheMud: lionel has weird hair
Spectral Bovine: Whoa, his hair sucks.
FishingInTheMud: he looks like a lion
Spectral Bovine: It's not an easy tahsk.
Spectral Bovine: Totally an easy task, though.
FishingInTheMud: why does dr. quinn wear so many pearl necklaces?
FishingInTheMud: she's a pervert
Spectral Bovine: Subterfuge!
Spectral Bovine: Christ, the writers love that word.
FishingInTheMud: big word
Spectral Bovine: Lex just used it in a rerun the other day.
FishingInTheMud: they just took their SATs
Spectral Bovine: It's the only other word they know for deception.
FishingInTheMud: nice threesome
FishingInTheMud: heh
FishingInTheMud: i know some people who want you to give lex a spanking
Spectral Bovine: What about that bastard son of his?
Spectral Bovine: Are threats to him threats to you?
FishingInTheMud: he doesn't care about him
FishingInTheMud: or remember that he exists
Spectral Bovine: Just like the writers!
FishingInTheMud: and me
FishingInTheMud: his clark is too cold
Spectral Bovine: He's going to BURN THE BABY'S THROAT OUT.
FishingInTheMud: oh crap
FishingInTheMud: moron!
FishingInTheMud: clark's better than breasts
Spectral Bovine: Good God, Tom Welling has huge arms.
FishingInTheMud: he does
FishingInTheMud: he better not crush the kid with them
Spectral Bovine: Don't crush the babys rips.
Spectral Bovine: HA HA.
Spectral Bovine: Pee is funny!
Spectral Bovine: Oh my God.
Spectral Bovine: STOP ACTING LIKE HIS PARENTS.
FishingInTheMud: seriously
FishingInTheMud: this is creepy
Spectral Bovine: Oh God.
FishingInTheMud: they're like 12 years old mentally
Spectral Bovine: This is so fucked up.
FishingInTheMud: they're kids having kids
Spectral Bovine: From acting like you're married?
FishingInTheMud: um, yeah
Spectral Bovine: Maybe the baby ESCAPED!
Spectral Bovine: Hey!
Spectral Bovine: Lana's parents died!
FishingInTheMud: lana's an orphan?
Spectral Bovine: OH YEAH I FORGOT.
FishingInTheMud: what?
FishingInTheMud: i wonder why we've never heard that before
Spectral Bovine: Whoa, miracle baby.
Spectral Bovine: Holy shit.
FishingInTheMud: he's so the messiah
Spectral Bovine: It just grew.
FishingInTheMud: um
FishingInTheMud: i'm scared
Spectral Bovine: No, Bo.
Spectral Bovine: MY GOD.
Spectral Bovine: CLARK'S GOD.
Spectral Bovine: Act II!
FishingInTheMud: yeah, pretty much
Spectral Bovine: Lex can talk.
Spectral Bovine: He just was talking.
Spectral Bovine: I'm so confused.
Spectral Bovine: Was he using subterfuge?
FishingInTheMud: lionel's a bit insane
Spectral Bovine: Bridget Crosby?
Spectral Bovine: Oh crap.
Spectral Bovine: She put out a hit on BING Crosby, dammit!
Spectral Bovine: Stupid assassins.
FishingInTheMud: noooooo
Spectral Bovine: SHE'S NOT DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS.
Spectral Bovine: Yeah, a doctor'll figure this out.
Spectral Bovine: Lex!
FishingInTheMud: i'm sure this has...happened before
Spectral Bovine: Always go to Lex!
Spectral Bovine: That happens all the time, Clark.
Spectral Bovine: And they always go to Lex.
Spectral Bovine: That's what Lex is there for.
Spectral Bovine: To bail the fucking Kents out.
FishingInTheMud: to be clark's bitch
FishingInTheMud: this child is fucking scary
Spectral Bovine: The kid can talk?
Spectral Bovine: He learned English?
Spectral Bovine: The fuck?
Spectral Bovine: He's a supergenius?
FishingInTheMud: and he knows where windmills were invented?
Spectral Bovine: He's smarter than Lana?
FishingInTheMud: OH NO
Spectral Bovine: Oh, wait. That's not special.
FishingInTheMud: he's going to fall in love with lana
FishingInTheMud: he's male
Spectral Bovine: He's specialer than Clark?
FishingInTheMud: he's already in love with lana
Spectral Bovine: And make out?
FishingInTheMud: um, he's not your dad
Spectral Bovine: You're like two seconds ahead of me.
Spectral Bovine: EW!
Spectral Bovine: STOP TALKING KID.
Spectral Bovine: Even if they're burning in hell?
FishingInTheMud: that's why your dad LEFT YOU
FishingInTheMud: ooh, let's meet clark's friend
FishingInTheMud: his special friend
Spectral Bovine: Aw, he hates needles.
FishingInTheMud: oh, this is a different friend
FishingInTheMud: he's looking at you, lana
Spectral Bovine: He should start growing right now.
Spectral Bovine: And become seventeen.
FishingInTheMud: lex!
Spectral Bovine: He's a human battery?
FishingInTheMud: clark is SMRT
Spectral Bovine: Rapid cell division.
FishingInTheMud: yes!
Spectral Bovine: Lana's bone marrow?
Spectral Bovine: Take it all!
FishingInTheMud: use lana's bone marrow!
FishingInTheMud: and everything else!
Spectral Bovine: Here he goes!
FishingInTheMud: he'll get old and die?
Spectral Bovine: Nice.
Spectral Bovine: Evan go boom.
FishingInTheMud: oooh
Spectral Bovine: He's a baby boomer!
FishingInTheMud: evan had his first orgasm
Spectral Bovine: Man, what a crappy childhood.
FishingInTheMud: and so rapid
Spectral Bovine: Act III!
Spectral Bovine: No, you're living.
Spectral Bovine: Living large.
Spectral Bovine: He looks like Kid Flash.
FishingInTheMud: the beav!
Spectral Bovine: Aww.
Spectral Bovine: Poor Beav.
Spectral Bovine: He's so sad and angsty.
Spectral Bovine: Dude, life isn't fair.
Spectral Bovine: Learn it now.
Spectral Bovine: Hey, hold on.
Spectral Bovine: Why the hell do we care about any of this?
Spectral Bovine: Shouldn't there be some actual story going on?
FishingInTheMud: because clark and lana care
Spectral Bovine: And where the fuck is...
Spectral Bovine: There's Chloe!
Spectral Bovine: Goddamn DUNCAN!
Spectral Bovine: Another evite joke.
FishingInTheMud: heh
Spectral Bovine: First Alias, now Smallville.
FishingInTheMud: jodi mitchell was invited
FishingInTheMud: not joni
Spectral Bovine: Dude, he was totally at Shelly Pomroy's party.
FishingInTheMud: pomEroy, now
Spectral Bovine: No, Pomroy!
FishingInTheMud: according to some online source or another
Spectral Bovine: The credits said so!
FishingInTheMud: oh, well THE CREDITS
FishingInTheMud: ooh, asshole
FishingInTheMud: he has WORK to do
FishingInTheMud: he RAPED A GIRL AT A PARTY
FishingInTheMud: HE WASN'T DRUGGED
Spectral Bovine: No, he was being friendly.
Spectral Bovine: She wanted to have sex with him.
FishingInTheMud: his friend was being nice to him
Spectral Bovine: She wanted to have his baby.
FishingInTheMud: he doesn't care about his son
FishingInTheMud: how could clark possibly expect him to?
Spectral Bovine: He doesn't know that EVAN IS ALLERGIC TO SHELLFISH.
FishingInTheMud: HE THINKS HIS BIRTHDAY IS IN FEBRUARY
Spectral Bovine: AT LEAST HE GOT A VOWEL RIGHT.
FishingInTheMud: yeah, seriously
Spectral Bovine: Which one? E? U? A? Sometimes Y?
FishingInTheMud: maybe all of them
FishingInTheMud: whoa
FishingInTheMud: the beav is back
FishingInTheMud: and he's taller than lana
FishingInTheMud: and older
Spectral Bovine: Dude, Jor-El is going to kick your ass for that, Clark.
Spectral Bovine: Oh!
Spectral Bovine: You're not his father!
FishingInTheMud: ooooh
Spectral Bovine: No one has ever said that on television ever!
Spectral Bovine: Who the hell uses the term father anyway?
FishingInTheMud: they totally don't say it on every show!
Spectral Bovine: Isn't everyone a dad or daddy now?
FishingInTheMud: i'm not
Spectral Bovine: Not even a sugar daddy?
FishingInTheMud: lex is a doctor now
Spectral Bovine: Lex knows everything because he is bald.
Spectral Bovine: That's how Locke knows things too.
FishingInTheMud: and hot
FishingInTheMud: but locke doesn't have that advantage
Spectral Bovine: Hey, there're a lot of people who think Locke is hot.
FishingInTheMud: they are not people i associate with
Spectral Bovine: What?
Spectral Bovine: Someone accidentally died?
Spectral Bovine: THAT NEVER HAPPENS ON THIS SHOW EVER.
FishingInTheMud: poor beav
Spectral Bovine: People die on this show so much, it's ridiculous.
Spectral Bovine: And no one ever seems to care.
FishingInTheMud: they're used to it
Spectral Bovine: Like, the population of Smallville is dwindling.
FishingInTheMud: they can't handle that much heartache
Spectral Bovine: Act IV!
Spectral Bovine: The funeral business is booming.
Spectral Bovine: Hey, wait a sec!
Spectral Bovine: That guy didn't even learn Clark's secret. What a waste of a perfectly good death.
FishingInTheMud: clark isn't going to let him die
FishingInTheMud: he's going to do surgery on him
Spectral Bovine: Hit pause and play so I can catch up.
Spectral Bovine: Beav's a murderer now.
FishingInTheMud: he did something bad
Spectral Bovine: Lana makes mistakes all the time.
FishingInTheMud: like being born
Spectral Bovine: Beav's going to hurl all over Carrie Bishop's shoes.
FishingInTheMud: poor carrie
FishingInTheMud: it's coming
FishingInTheMud: he can feel it
FishingInTheMud: dirty
Spectral Bovine: He can feel it coming round again.
Spectral Bovine: Like a rolling thunder chasing the wind.
FishingInTheMud: he wants to see the windmill?
FishingInTheMud: that's his dying wish?
Spectral Bovine: Hey, he doesn't know about Disneyworld.
Spectral Bovine: Or porn.
FishingInTheMud: seriously
FishingInTheMud: HIS MOM puts off energy fields
FishingInTheMud: what a ho
Spectral Bovine: There he goes again.
FishingInTheMud: asshole
Spectral Bovine: Hee hee.
Spectral Bovine: I love Chloe.
FishingInTheMud: heh
Spectral Bovine: Dude!
FishingInTheMud: um, whatever, beav
Spectral Bovine: He's going to blow up and kill Lana!
FishingInTheMud: that is not the whole fucking world
Spectral Bovine: And her car!
FishingInTheMud: ooh
Spectral Bovine: Yeah, great plan, Lana.
Spectral Bovine: Did Lana not wonder how the fuck Clark just got up there so quickly?
Spectral Bovine: Is she that dense?
FishingInTheMud: lana doesn't wonder
Spectral Bovine: Clark, shut up.
Spectral Bovine: You don't care about people.
FishingInTheMud: asshole
Spectral Bovine: They die and you say oops and you FORGET ABOUT THEM NEXT WEEK.
FishingInTheMud: stop using this kid to make yourself feel like a good person
FishingInTheMud: ooh, rainbow
FishingInTheMud: oooh, shiny
FishingInTheMud: ew, lana
Spectral Bovine: Clark's got The Right Stuff.
FishingInTheMud: HA HA
Spectral Bovine: Act V!
Spectral Bovine: What was the purpose of this episode?
FishingInTheMud: to waste our time?
Spectral Bovine: Shouldn't there be some sort of plot advancement?
FishingInTheMud: there's a plot?
FishingInTheMud: i thought this show had given up on season arcs
Spectral Bovine: You just met him two days ago, guys.
Spectral Bovine: Evan came into her life?
FishingInTheMud: um
Spectral Bovine: You finally knew where you belonged?
Spectral Bovine: SHUT THE FUCK UP.
FishingInTheMud: stop leching all over evan
Spectral Bovine: OH MY GOD THIS IS AWFUL.
Spectral Bovine: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DEKNIGHT.
FishingInTheMud: i will never call veronica mars a soap opera again
Spectral Bovine: *cries*
Spectral Bovine: DeKnight.
Spectral Bovine: DeKnight.
Spectral Bovine: DeKnight.
Spectral Bovine: *bangs head on desk*
FishingInTheMud: do you know deknight or something?
Spectral Bovine: He wrote for Buffy and Angel.
FishingInTheMud: ooh
FishingInTheMud: this must be harsh then
Spectral Bovine: He has not fared so well here.
FishingInTheMud: brought him to life with their love?
Spectral Bovine: Lionel!
Spectral Bovine: Here is a plot.
FishingInTheMud: hell yeah
FishingInTheMud: i celebrate when lionel visits
Spectral Bovine: A boner.
Spectral Bovine: That's what he has for you.
FishingInTheMud: HOT
Spectral Bovine: Iocane powder!
Spectral Bovine: OH SNAP.
FishingInTheMud: OH BASTARD
Spectral Bovine: NEVER GO IN AGAINST A LUTHOR WHEN DEATH IS ON THE LINE!
FishingInTheMud: *GAG*
FishingInTheMud: being killed by lionel is kind of hot
FishingInTheMud: that's an offer you can't refuse
Spectral Bovine: Lionel is evil again! Thank God.
FishingInTheMud: finally
Spectral Bovine: Now if only they booted Clark and Lana off the show.
FishingInTheMud: and bo, while they're at it
Spectral Bovine: Evan never even learned his secret.
Spectral Bovine: What a waste of a death.
Spectral Bovine: Martha's kinda hot, she can stay.
FishingInTheMud: yeah, she's ok
FishingInTheMud: she can give us platitudes about raising kids
FishingInTheMud: we don't need bo for that anymore
Spectral Bovine: Clark is sterile!
FishingInTheMud: heh
Spectral Bovine: Oh, he's from another planet.
FishingInTheMud: OH YEAH
FishingInTheMud: I TOTALLY FORGOT
FishingInTheMud: well, they could
FishingInTheMud: if clark hadn't killed it
Spectral Bovine: Yeah, that's the premise of the show, see.
Spectral Bovine: Clark's an alien.
Spectral Bovine: FOR REALS.
FishingInTheMud: OMG CLARK'S AN ALIEN?
Spectral Bovine: Yeah!
FishingInTheMud: IS THAT WHY HE HAS SUPERPOWERS?
Spectral Bovine: Sorry. SPOILER WARNING.
FishingInTheMud: but enough about clark
Spectral Bovine: Hundreds of years?
FishingInTheMud: tell me about this lana chick
Spectral Bovine: Shut the fuck up, Smallville.
Spectral Bovine: You don't know fucking shit about scientific research.
FishingInTheMud: what is this, a PSA?
FishingInTheMud: lex wants you to be his daddy
FishingInTheMud: aw, poor lexy
Spectral Bovine: Lex plans on leaving a legacy of pain.
Spectral Bovine: A Lexy legacy.
Spectral Bovine: A Lexacy.
FishingInTheMud: sounds like a car
Spectral Bovine: Ooh, secrets and lies!
FishingInTheMud: hey, it's matt long
Spectral Bovine: We can catch a fresh episode of Jack and Bobby, next!
FishingInTheMud: yay!
Spectral Bovine: Except...not. Oops. All done.
FishingInTheMud: i'm so tird of stale jack and bobby
Spectral Bovine: It's not that bad.
FishingInTheMud: not when it's fresh
Spectral Bovine: It's better than Smallville.
FishingInTheMud: well, that's a soaring recommendation
Spectral Bovine: It came from spaaaaaaaaaaace!
fishinginthemud: why does dr. quinn wear so many pearl necklaces?
FishingInTheMud: they're like 12 years old mentally
Spectral Bovine: Shouldn't there be some actual story going on?
FishingInTheMud: ew, lana
FishingInTheMud: i thought this show had given up on season arcs
Spectral Bovine: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DEKNIGHT.
FishingInTheMud: brought him to life with their love?
FishingInTheMud: OMG CLARK'S AN ALIEN?
Got nothing better to to do? Jump right on in.
Spectral Bovine: Ready?
FishingInTheMud: it's gerber time
Spectral Bovine: Go.
Spectral Bovine: Ooh, scary.
Spectral Bovine: Pregnant chick!
FishingInTheMud: she looks like patricia heaton
Spectral Bovine: It's glowign!
FishingInTheMud: she must not be allowed to procreate
FishingInTheMud: hey, it's jesus!
Spectral Bovine: Jasmine!
Spectral Bovine: Or...E.T.
Spectral Bovine: You dick!
Spectral Bovine: The baby go boom.
Spectral Bovine: Lana knows how to drive?
FishingInTheMud: seriously
FishingInTheMud: i didn't know you could get a license at 12
FishingInTheMud: crying smoke!
Spectral Bovine: Aw, baby.
Spectral Bovine: Why are newborns so fucking huge on TV?
Spectral Bovine: That thing is like six months old.
FishingInTheMud: and not pink
FishingInTheMud: seriously
Spectral Bovine: Or bloody.
Spectral Bovine: Oh!
Spectral Bovine: It came from spaaaaaaaaaaace!
FishingInTheMud: but it's a magic baby
FishingInTheMud: yeah
FishingInTheMud: somebody save ME
Spectral Bovine: This is episode 420. Hee hee hee.
FishingInTheMud: the credits look different
FishingInTheMud: OMG CHANGE
Spectral Bovine: I miss Lionel's hair.
Spectral Bovine: Act I!
FishingInTheMud: can this sheriff ever stop being a bitch?
Spectral Bovine: Babies totally fall out of the sky.
Spectral Bovine: Everything falls out of the sky.
Spectral Bovine: Frogs, chickens, millionaires.
Spectral Bovine: Oh, there you go, Clark. Jumping to conclusions.
FishingInTheMud: bo is so smart
FishingInTheMud: no more short bus for him
Spectral Bovine: Bo uses LOGIC.
Spectral Bovine: NO SPACESHIP = NO ALIEN BABY.
FishingInTheMud: more people should use logic
Spectral Bovine: Sawyer should read to him!
Spectral Bovine: He'll shut up good.
FishingInTheMud: the baby hates lana
FishingInTheMud: smart baby
Spectral Bovine: The baby loves Clark.
FishingInTheMud: stupid baby
Spectral Bovine: Stupid baby.
FishingInTheMud: like lana knows anything about touch
Spectral Bovine: The baby's head is as big as Martha's.
Spectral Bovine: Good God, Clark.
FishingInTheMud: he's not a puppy!
Spectral Bovine: Do you invite EVERYONE to your house to stay?
Spectral Bovine: Lois? Stay with us.
Spectral Bovine: Dog? Stay with us?
Spectral Bovine: Some homeless guy? Stay with us.
Spectral Bovine: DeKnight!
Spectral Bovine: I hope this episode has a Winnebago being chased by knights on motorcycles.
FishingInTheMud: yeah, let's just stand here and make chloe jealous
FishingInTheMud: it's fun!
Spectral Bovine: Hey!
Spectral Bovine: That pregnant chick knows who killed Lilly Kane!
FishingInTheMud: OH NO
Spectral Bovine: It sounds like...Don'tleaveme.
FishingInTheMud: and now she's DEAD
Spectral Bovine: Who's that?
Spectral Bovine: Celeste!
Spectral Bovine: Oh, no, her.
FishingInTheMud: heh
FishingInTheMud: ew
FishingInTheMud: lionel has weird hair
Spectral Bovine: Whoa, his hair sucks.
FishingInTheMud: he looks like a lion
Spectral Bovine: It's not an easy tahsk.
Spectral Bovine: Totally an easy task, though.
FishingInTheMud: why does dr. quinn wear so many pearl necklaces?
FishingInTheMud: she's a pervert
Spectral Bovine: Subterfuge!
Spectral Bovine: Christ, the writers love that word.
FishingInTheMud: big word
Spectral Bovine: Lex just used it in a rerun the other day.
FishingInTheMud: they just took their SATs
Spectral Bovine: It's the only other word they know for deception.
FishingInTheMud: nice threesome
FishingInTheMud: heh
FishingInTheMud: i know some people who want you to give lex a spanking
Spectral Bovine: What about that bastard son of his?
Spectral Bovine: Are threats to him threats to you?
FishingInTheMud: he doesn't care about him
FishingInTheMud: or remember that he exists
Spectral Bovine: Just like the writers!
FishingInTheMud: and me
FishingInTheMud: his clark is too cold
Spectral Bovine: He's going to BURN THE BABY'S THROAT OUT.
FishingInTheMud: oh crap
FishingInTheMud: moron!
FishingInTheMud: clark's better than breasts
Spectral Bovine: Good God, Tom Welling has huge arms.
FishingInTheMud: he does
FishingInTheMud: he better not crush the kid with them
Spectral Bovine: Don't crush the babys rips.
Spectral Bovine: HA HA.
Spectral Bovine: Pee is funny!
Spectral Bovine: Oh my God.
Spectral Bovine: STOP ACTING LIKE HIS PARENTS.
FishingInTheMud: seriously
FishingInTheMud: this is creepy
Spectral Bovine: Oh God.
FishingInTheMud: they're like 12 years old mentally
Spectral Bovine: This is so fucked up.
FishingInTheMud: they're kids having kids
Spectral Bovine: From acting like you're married?
FishingInTheMud: um, yeah
Spectral Bovine: Maybe the baby ESCAPED!
Spectral Bovine: Hey!
Spectral Bovine: Lana's parents died!
FishingInTheMud: lana's an orphan?
Spectral Bovine: OH YEAH I FORGOT.
FishingInTheMud: what?
FishingInTheMud: i wonder why we've never heard that before
Spectral Bovine: Whoa, miracle baby.
Spectral Bovine: Holy shit.
FishingInTheMud: he's so the messiah
Spectral Bovine: It just grew.
FishingInTheMud: um
FishingInTheMud: i'm scared
Spectral Bovine: No, Bo.
Spectral Bovine: MY GOD.
Spectral Bovine: CLARK'S GOD.
Spectral Bovine: Act II!
FishingInTheMud: yeah, pretty much
Spectral Bovine: Lex can talk.
Spectral Bovine: He just was talking.
Spectral Bovine: I'm so confused.
Spectral Bovine: Was he using subterfuge?
FishingInTheMud: lionel's a bit insane
Spectral Bovine: Bridget Crosby?
Spectral Bovine: Oh crap.
Spectral Bovine: She put out a hit on BING Crosby, dammit!
Spectral Bovine: Stupid assassins.
FishingInTheMud: noooooo
Spectral Bovine: SHE'S NOT DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS.
Spectral Bovine: Yeah, a doctor'll figure this out.
Spectral Bovine: Lex!
FishingInTheMud: i'm sure this has...happened before
Spectral Bovine: Always go to Lex!
Spectral Bovine: That happens all the time, Clark.
Spectral Bovine: And they always go to Lex.
Spectral Bovine: That's what Lex is there for.
Spectral Bovine: To bail the fucking Kents out.
FishingInTheMud: to be clark's bitch
FishingInTheMud: this child is fucking scary
Spectral Bovine: The kid can talk?
Spectral Bovine: He learned English?
Spectral Bovine: The fuck?
Spectral Bovine: He's a supergenius?
FishingInTheMud: and he knows where windmills were invented?
Spectral Bovine: He's smarter than Lana?
FishingInTheMud: OH NO
Spectral Bovine: Oh, wait. That's not special.
FishingInTheMud: he's going to fall in love with lana
FishingInTheMud: he's male
Spectral Bovine: He's specialer than Clark?
FishingInTheMud: he's already in love with lana
Spectral Bovine: And make out?
FishingInTheMud: um, he's not your dad
Spectral Bovine: You're like two seconds ahead of me.
Spectral Bovine: EW!
Spectral Bovine: STOP TALKING KID.
Spectral Bovine: Even if they're burning in hell?
FishingInTheMud: that's why your dad LEFT YOU
FishingInTheMud: ooh, let's meet clark's friend
FishingInTheMud: his special friend
Spectral Bovine: Aw, he hates needles.
FishingInTheMud: oh, this is a different friend
FishingInTheMud: he's looking at you, lana
Spectral Bovine: He should start growing right now.
Spectral Bovine: And become seventeen.
FishingInTheMud: lex!
Spectral Bovine: He's a human battery?
FishingInTheMud: clark is SMRT
Spectral Bovine: Rapid cell division.
FishingInTheMud: yes!
Spectral Bovine: Lana's bone marrow?
Spectral Bovine: Take it all!
FishingInTheMud: use lana's bone marrow!
FishingInTheMud: and everything else!
Spectral Bovine: Here he goes!
FishingInTheMud: he'll get old and die?
Spectral Bovine: Nice.
Spectral Bovine: Evan go boom.
FishingInTheMud: oooh
Spectral Bovine: He's a baby boomer!
FishingInTheMud: evan had his first orgasm
Spectral Bovine: Man, what a crappy childhood.
FishingInTheMud: and so rapid
Spectral Bovine: Act III!
Spectral Bovine: No, you're living.
Spectral Bovine: Living large.
Spectral Bovine: He looks like Kid Flash.
FishingInTheMud: the beav!
Spectral Bovine: Aww.
Spectral Bovine: Poor Beav.
Spectral Bovine: He's so sad and angsty.
Spectral Bovine: Dude, life isn't fair.
Spectral Bovine: Learn it now.
Spectral Bovine: Hey, hold on.
Spectral Bovine: Why the hell do we care about any of this?
Spectral Bovine: Shouldn't there be some actual story going on?
FishingInTheMud: because clark and lana care
Spectral Bovine: And where the fuck is...
Spectral Bovine: There's Chloe!
Spectral Bovine: Goddamn DUNCAN!
Spectral Bovine: Another evite joke.
FishingInTheMud: heh
Spectral Bovine: First Alias, now Smallville.
FishingInTheMud: jodi mitchell was invited
FishingInTheMud: not joni
Spectral Bovine: Dude, he was totally at Shelly Pomroy's party.
FishingInTheMud: pomEroy, now
Spectral Bovine: No, Pomroy!
FishingInTheMud: according to some online source or another
Spectral Bovine: The credits said so!
FishingInTheMud: oh, well THE CREDITS
FishingInTheMud: ooh, asshole
FishingInTheMud: he has WORK to do
FishingInTheMud: he RAPED A GIRL AT A PARTY
FishingInTheMud: HE WASN'T DRUGGED
Spectral Bovine: No, he was being friendly.
Spectral Bovine: She wanted to have sex with him.
FishingInTheMud: his friend was being nice to him
Spectral Bovine: She wanted to have his baby.
FishingInTheMud: he doesn't care about his son
FishingInTheMud: how could clark possibly expect him to?
Spectral Bovine: He doesn't know that EVAN IS ALLERGIC TO SHELLFISH.
FishingInTheMud: HE THINKS HIS BIRTHDAY IS IN FEBRUARY
Spectral Bovine: AT LEAST HE GOT A VOWEL RIGHT.
FishingInTheMud: yeah, seriously
Spectral Bovine: Which one? E? U? A? Sometimes Y?
FishingInTheMud: maybe all of them
FishingInTheMud: whoa
FishingInTheMud: the beav is back
FishingInTheMud: and he's taller than lana
FishingInTheMud: and older
Spectral Bovine: Dude, Jor-El is going to kick your ass for that, Clark.
Spectral Bovine: Oh!
Spectral Bovine: You're not his father!
FishingInTheMud: ooooh
Spectral Bovine: No one has ever said that on television ever!
Spectral Bovine: Who the hell uses the term father anyway?
FishingInTheMud: they totally don't say it on every show!
Spectral Bovine: Isn't everyone a dad or daddy now?
FishingInTheMud: i'm not
Spectral Bovine: Not even a sugar daddy?
FishingInTheMud: lex is a doctor now
Spectral Bovine: Lex knows everything because he is bald.
Spectral Bovine: That's how Locke knows things too.
FishingInTheMud: and hot
FishingInTheMud: but locke doesn't have that advantage
Spectral Bovine: Hey, there're a lot of people who think Locke is hot.
FishingInTheMud: they are not people i associate with
Spectral Bovine: What?
Spectral Bovine: Someone accidentally died?
Spectral Bovine: THAT NEVER HAPPENS ON THIS SHOW EVER.
FishingInTheMud: poor beav
Spectral Bovine: People die on this show so much, it's ridiculous.
Spectral Bovine: And no one ever seems to care.
FishingInTheMud: they're used to it
Spectral Bovine: Like, the population of Smallville is dwindling.
FishingInTheMud: they can't handle that much heartache
Spectral Bovine: Act IV!
Spectral Bovine: The funeral business is booming.
Spectral Bovine: Hey, wait a sec!
Spectral Bovine: That guy didn't even learn Clark's secret. What a waste of a perfectly good death.
FishingInTheMud: clark isn't going to let him die
FishingInTheMud: he's going to do surgery on him
Spectral Bovine: Hit pause and play so I can catch up.
Spectral Bovine: Beav's a murderer now.
FishingInTheMud: he did something bad
Spectral Bovine: Lana makes mistakes all the time.
FishingInTheMud: like being born
Spectral Bovine: Beav's going to hurl all over Carrie Bishop's shoes.
FishingInTheMud: poor carrie
FishingInTheMud: it's coming
FishingInTheMud: he can feel it
FishingInTheMud: dirty
Spectral Bovine: He can feel it coming round again.
Spectral Bovine: Like a rolling thunder chasing the wind.
FishingInTheMud: he wants to see the windmill?
FishingInTheMud: that's his dying wish?
Spectral Bovine: Hey, he doesn't know about Disneyworld.
Spectral Bovine: Or porn.
FishingInTheMud: seriously
FishingInTheMud: HIS MOM puts off energy fields
FishingInTheMud: what a ho
Spectral Bovine: There he goes again.
FishingInTheMud: asshole
Spectral Bovine: Hee hee.
Spectral Bovine: I love Chloe.
FishingInTheMud: heh
Spectral Bovine: Dude!
FishingInTheMud: um, whatever, beav
Spectral Bovine: He's going to blow up and kill Lana!
FishingInTheMud: that is not the whole fucking world
Spectral Bovine: And her car!
FishingInTheMud: ooh
Spectral Bovine: Yeah, great plan, Lana.
Spectral Bovine: Did Lana not wonder how the fuck Clark just got up there so quickly?
Spectral Bovine: Is she that dense?
FishingInTheMud: lana doesn't wonder
Spectral Bovine: Clark, shut up.
Spectral Bovine: You don't care about people.
FishingInTheMud: asshole
Spectral Bovine: They die and you say oops and you FORGET ABOUT THEM NEXT WEEK.
FishingInTheMud: stop using this kid to make yourself feel like a good person
FishingInTheMud: ooh, rainbow
FishingInTheMud: oooh, shiny
FishingInTheMud: ew, lana
Spectral Bovine: Clark's got The Right Stuff.
FishingInTheMud: HA HA
Spectral Bovine: Act V!
Spectral Bovine: What was the purpose of this episode?
FishingInTheMud: to waste our time?
Spectral Bovine: Shouldn't there be some sort of plot advancement?
FishingInTheMud: there's a plot?
FishingInTheMud: i thought this show had given up on season arcs
Spectral Bovine: You just met him two days ago, guys.
Spectral Bovine: Evan came into her life?
FishingInTheMud: um
Spectral Bovine: You finally knew where you belonged?
Spectral Bovine: SHUT THE FUCK UP.
FishingInTheMud: stop leching all over evan
Spectral Bovine: OH MY GOD THIS IS AWFUL.
Spectral Bovine: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DEKNIGHT.
FishingInTheMud: i will never call veronica mars a soap opera again
Spectral Bovine: *cries*
Spectral Bovine: DeKnight.
Spectral Bovine: DeKnight.
Spectral Bovine: DeKnight.
Spectral Bovine: *bangs head on desk*
FishingInTheMud: do you know deknight or something?
Spectral Bovine: He wrote for Buffy and Angel.
FishingInTheMud: ooh
FishingInTheMud: this must be harsh then
Spectral Bovine: He has not fared so well here.
FishingInTheMud: brought him to life with their love?
Spectral Bovine: Lionel!
Spectral Bovine: Here is a plot.
FishingInTheMud: hell yeah
FishingInTheMud: i celebrate when lionel visits
Spectral Bovine: A boner.
Spectral Bovine: That's what he has for you.
FishingInTheMud: HOT
Spectral Bovine: Iocane powder!
Spectral Bovine: OH SNAP.
FishingInTheMud: OH BASTARD
Spectral Bovine: NEVER GO IN AGAINST A LUTHOR WHEN DEATH IS ON THE LINE!
FishingInTheMud: *GAG*
FishingInTheMud: being killed by lionel is kind of hot
FishingInTheMud: that's an offer you can't refuse
Spectral Bovine: Lionel is evil again! Thank God.
FishingInTheMud: finally
Spectral Bovine: Now if only they booted Clark and Lana off the show.
FishingInTheMud: and bo, while they're at it
Spectral Bovine: Evan never even learned his secret.
Spectral Bovine: What a waste of a death.
Spectral Bovine: Martha's kinda hot, she can stay.
FishingInTheMud: yeah, she's ok
FishingInTheMud: she can give us platitudes about raising kids
FishingInTheMud: we don't need bo for that anymore
Spectral Bovine: Clark is sterile!
FishingInTheMud: heh
Spectral Bovine: Oh, he's from another planet.
FishingInTheMud: OH YEAH
FishingInTheMud: I TOTALLY FORGOT
FishingInTheMud: well, they could
FishingInTheMud: if clark hadn't killed it
Spectral Bovine: Yeah, that's the premise of the show, see.
Spectral Bovine: Clark's an alien.
Spectral Bovine: FOR REALS.
FishingInTheMud: OMG CLARK'S AN ALIEN?
Spectral Bovine: Yeah!
FishingInTheMud: IS THAT WHY HE HAS SUPERPOWERS?
Spectral Bovine: Sorry. SPOILER WARNING.
FishingInTheMud: but enough about clark
Spectral Bovine: Hundreds of years?
FishingInTheMud: tell me about this lana chick
Spectral Bovine: Shut the fuck up, Smallville.
Spectral Bovine: You don't know fucking shit about scientific research.
FishingInTheMud: what is this, a PSA?
FishingInTheMud: lex wants you to be his daddy
FishingInTheMud: aw, poor lexy
Spectral Bovine: Lex plans on leaving a legacy of pain.
Spectral Bovine: A Lexy legacy.
Spectral Bovine: A Lexacy.
FishingInTheMud: sounds like a car
Spectral Bovine: Ooh, secrets and lies!
FishingInTheMud: hey, it's matt long
Spectral Bovine: We can catch a fresh episode of Jack and Bobby, next!
FishingInTheMud: yay!
Spectral Bovine: Except...not. Oops. All done.
FishingInTheMud: i'm so tird of stale jack and bobby
Spectral Bovine: It's not that bad.
FishingInTheMud: not when it's fresh
Spectral Bovine: It's better than Smallville.
FishingInTheMud: well, that's a soaring recommendation