I've Made a Huge Tiny Mistake

[spectralbovine]

There is a moment during "Chicago," by Sufjan Stevens, that I tear up whenever I sing along.

if i was crying
in the van, with my friend
it was for freedom
from myself, and from the land
i made a lot of mistakes
i made a lot of mistakes
i made a lot of mistakes
i made a lot of mistakes

Because before in the song he had made a lot of mistakes in his mind, in his mind, but now, here, finally, the music mostly drops out and he just repeats the line sincerely without any sort of qualifiers, and it hits me because I, too, have made a lot of mistakes. I've made a lot of fucking mistakes. And there's something utterly beautiful about the idea that the simple acknowledgement of that fact can set you free. That in order to leave the past behind, you have to let it know you remember it. There's something gorgeous in the idea that you can have a transcendental experience just by going on a road trip, by physically leaving, by moving, seeing something new. All things go, all things go.

You know, this song is beautiful too. I give it to you as a bonus.

tenacious delight
the salt on my hands
and we never make
unruly demands
i want my wishes back