Comic-Con 2013: The Totally Abridged Edition
The age of epic posts is over, but the Age of Ultron is here! (I didn't even go to that panel. I went to a lot of others, though.)
I totally almost missed my flight to San Diego. I totally got Pris to sign her map in The Throne of the Crescent Moon. Carrie and I totally geeked out about Journey into Mystery. I totally told John Layman that I liked Scarface. I totally ran into Seanan's friend, Susie, who totally vaguely recognized me, at the Image booth. My copies of This Is How You Die and To Be or Not to Be were totally the first copies to be signed by David Malki ! and/or Ryan North. I totally gave David Malki ! the first draft of my Olympians play, which contains a monologue totally inspired by a Wondermark comic. I totally got the same Machine of Death prediction as before (RABID DOG). I totally bought a bunch of cute art from Nidhi Chanani. I totally touched David Mack's original art for the Dexter animated webisodes. I totally played Cards Against Humanity with Mark, who turned the Jews into the currency of the future. The Mark Does Stuff Annual Pinkberry Meet-Up is totally a thing now.
I totally got in line for Ballroom 20 at 6 and joined Maya and Helen, who'd totally gotten there at 4. Intelligence is totally Chuck on purpose and looks pretty cool. Josh Holloway would totally stream Kdramas into his head. Star-Crossed is totally awful and looks pretty terrible. The moderator totally ignored Aimee Teegarden, the actual star of the show, in favor of asking the two hot guys about the love triangle. I totally skipped out of Beauty and the Beast to finish The Ocean at the End of the Lane. Kristin Kreuk totally seems kind of cool. Cary Elwes was totally having the time of his life hosting the Psych panel. I totally won a game of Rock Paper Scissors to ask the last question of the Q&A and totally get a copy of the crimefighting guide. I totally gave Dahlia a shout-out to her former boss. I totally saw an amazing scene from the second episode of series three of Sherlock that I am not supposed to talk about except the audio is totally already on Tumblr. People totally stood and cheered, it was that great. Gillian Anderson totally does not age. I totally remembered how much I loved The X-Files. Steven Yeun totally told us about getting mosquito bites on his penis. I totally met Ed Brubaker and got his autographs next to Greg Rucka's. I totally ran into Tavis at the Image booth and he totally gave me all the clues for the Adventure Time Conquest. I totally bought an Ice King USB drive. I totally got a free Psych: The Musical shirt. I totally convinced someone to check out The Middleman. The Red Pearl Kitchen was totally closed, so mutinousmuse and I totally had our traditional dinner at Lotus Thai. Erin totally found a big red chair on Google Images for our traditional picture. I totally checked out Trickster and was recognized by an artist I'd talked to at APE. I totally saw New Politics at Party in the Park and totally brought back cotton candy for Seanan and Amy.
I totally cut in the Hall H line at 6 and then totally let six other people join me a couple hours later. I totally ran into mycenae as we always do. I totally ran into my co-worker, Catherine, as we always do. The World's End panel was totally fucking hilarious thanks to Button Lady. The audience totally cheered every time a Simon Pegg project was mentioned. Chris Lowell and Jason Dohring totally wore Team Logan and Team Piz shirts, respectively. Kristen Bell totally remembers the first line from the movie that she memorized. Brandon Hillock totally asked about the cut Deputy Sacks nude scene. Rob Thomas's wife totally caught him crying at the first Veronica/Logan kiss. Diane Ruggiero was totally worried that I hadn't gotten into the panel. A girl totally recognized me from TWoP. Rob totally hugged me after not seeing me in six years. I totally told Tina Majorino I loved her in Monkey Trouble even though that was Thora Birch. Francis Capra totally remembered our dinner at the diner. Kristen totally did not remember me at first but maybe did after I reminded her. I totally recorded an awesome video of Kristen Bell telling my sister to do well in dental school and Ryan Hansen telling her to "do good hygiene" but it totally didn't save or something. I totally got my Adventure Time trades signed by Braden Lamb and Shelli Paroline, who totally drew various characters in my books. I totally commiserated with Rob Guillory, whose flight had totally been canceled. I totally ran into Angela Webber of the Doubleclicks, and she totally remembered me and gave me a hug. I totally let David Malki ! finish his lunch before asking him to sign another book. I totally saw Walter Simonson on the IDW panel. I totally told Paul Cornell that I liked Saucer Country. Nick Spencer's favorite comics right now are totally Hawkeye and Saga. Everything in Morning Glories is totally a dream, and they're all totally dead. Nick Spencer thinks Morning Glories is totally ridiculous. I totally had the gumption to go over and meet Ryan Devlin before the Veronica Mars Fan Event. Viet Nguyen totally recognized me and interviewed me for the Veronica Mars movie documentary. The girl who sat next to me was totally from Bedford and now lived in San Francisco. Two of my fellow VIPs totally won Samsung Galaxy Notes for answering trivia questions. We totally sang along and handclapped to "We Used to Be Friends." Jason Dohring totally threw his newly signed Team Piz shirt to a Piz-lover in the audience. Kristen totally stole the entire set of the show, given that she totally chugged her entire water bottle in response to "I never stole something from the set when the show was canceled." The whole cast totally sat right in front of me as we watched a scene from the movie. I totally asked them about their favorite fan interactions, and Francis totally almost made me cry by talking about the time a Reddit AMA totally kept him going. Daran Norris and Ken Marino totally made surprise appearances. We totally sang "Happy Birthday" to Kristen and Percy. Samsung totally saved 33 lives by buying granola bars for us for Kristen's birthday. Diane totally adores me and loves Comic-Con. Ivan Askwith totally got me, Wai-Yin, and schnappycat into the VM afterparty at the Samsung Galaxy Lounge. I totally chatted with Rob's wife, Katie, for the first time in 7.5 years, and she totally gave me a Mars Investigations button she made. The cast were totally secured in a VIP area, but I totally chatted with Chris and Percy and met Daran Norris. I totally had a staff member bring Jason over so Laura could finally meet him. Rob totally thinks he'll have more control over the music at the movie premiere afterparty. I totally fell asleep on top of the bed in my clothes.
I totally got in line for the Indigo Ballroom at 7 and joined Maya and Helen, who'd totally gotten there at 4. I totally didn't pay a lot of attention to the Machinima fan film panel, but it was actually kind of interesting. Wil Wheaton totally bragged about talking to Robb Stark, Matt Smith, and Steven Moffat while Felicia Day was busy dancing, and it was totally funny instead of douche-y. Amy Berg totally has a new Geek and Sundry show about superhero alter-egos who commit crimes to pay the bills. Geek and Sundry totally has a new fleet of cute, diverse vloggers. Amy Dallen totally recommended comics for Wil with better algorithms than Amazon. Wil totally had a vaginal fantasy about Tigermonkey's agile appendage. The Indigo Ballroom was totally packed with How I Met Your Mother fans for the first and last SDCC panel. Jason Segel totally made the interpreter sign "projectile vomit." We totally sang along to "Let's Go to Mall" with Cobie Smulders and Neil Patrick Harris. The panelists totally stood to applaud Pamela Fryman for her contribution to the show. One fan totally pulled the Neil Patrick Harris and requested the highest of fives and totally received it. We totally sang along to "Bang Bang" with Jason Segel. I totally gave a family Comic-Con tips since they were foolish enough to think they could get into line for a panel right before the panel began. I totally let Amy Dallen join me in line for the Will Eisner panel and totally gave her an energy bar. Neil Gaiman was totally late but then he totally used the word "embiggen." I totally didn't care about the Comixology panel but totally saw Becky Cloonan. One guy in the room for the Walking Dead game panel totally hadn't beaten the game. They totally showed hilarious reaction videos to character deaths. I totally thanked the creators for destroying my soul. The voice actor for Carley was totally in the audience, and the voice actor for Lee totally asked a question a couple feet away from me. Nicholas Brendon totally loved my green pants and gave me a hug. I totally met Olivia's Guildie friends. I totally passed a full Matthew Inman signing and achieved a Gene Yang signing. I totally saw Ginnifer Goodwin and the cast of Once Upon a Time on the corner of the sidewalk. I totally had dinner with such luminaries as Mark Oshiro, Seanan McGuire, Amber Benson, Sarah Kuhn, Jay Lake, Rachel Caine, and Jim Butcher, not to mention Breehn Burns. Tonya totally didn't recognize Amber until someone else recognized Amber. Jim Butcher totally knows that I have a reading schedule. Mark totally met Amber after having missed her twice before. We totally destroyed an eight-scoop ice cream sundae. Seanan is totally a homophobe, and Jim is totally anti-Semitic. I totally saw the Trickster from Supernatural on the walk back to the hotel.
I totally got in line for Hall H at 5 and was joined by Helen, who totally got there at 6. Misha Collins totally jogged past us. I totally ran into Katherine again; we totally never make plans to meet up but have run into each other every single year. We totally made it into Hall H by the skin of our chute. Felicia Day totally made a surprise appearance at the Supernatural panel. Felicia totally thinks the show needs a Teflon vagina. Jensen Ackles totally smells like coriander and leather. Bryan Cranston totally wore a Walter White mask and no one recognized him. Helen totally hid to avoid Breaking Bad spoilers. I totally can't talk about a lot of the panel because of spoilers. Anna Gunn was totally politic in response to a question about Skyler hate and mostly deferred to Vince Gilligan but totally threw out the IT'S PROBABLY SEXISM truth bomb anyway. They totally showed the cold open for the first new episode. Craig Ferguson totally greeted us with "Hello, sweeties." The wedding invitations for David Bradley have totally dried up. Steven Moffat totally threatened to take away all Doctor Who and Sherlock SDCC exclusives if the trailer for the Christmas Special leaked. I knew we were totally fucked. Matt Smith and Jenna-Louise Coleman totally drove around yelling, "Hey, Doctor, how's it going?" to people cosplaying as the Doctor and Clara. Helen and I totally moved up to the second row for the Community panel thanks to Maya's friend, Jane. I totally didn't remember Jane from three days ago. I totally Britta'd that one. Dan Harmon totally entered in an Iron Man suit. Joel McHale totally delivered a video message from beyond the grave. Dan Harmon totally thinks he is a despicable human being. Dino Stamatopoulos totally trolled the panel and pimped his ashcan for High School USA. Alison Brie is totally not happy with the devolution of Annie. Alison Brie totally licked her finger and stuck it in Ken Jeong's mouth and then Danny Pudi's ear. I totally booked it to the line for 6DE and passed Mark on my way to save a spot for all of us. We totally thought the janitor was actually a cosplayer. Joey Richter totally started a pratfall running gag for the panelists' entrances. I totally got Helen to troll Mark on his very first Comic-Con panel by asking him whether he knew Zhao was voiced by Jason Isaacs. Mark totally hates us. foresthouse was totally 45 minutes late for dinner, but she was totally interviewing Rob Paulsen, voice of Yakko and Pinky, so I totally kind of forgave her. We were totally meeting after being LiveJournal friends for over EIGHT YEARS! Emily is totally co-writing a comic about cute, intelligent hamsters. Ali totally picked me up to go have expensive, indulgent dessert. I totally missed all my Veronica Mars peeps.
Seanan and Olivia and I totally sat in the very first row on the flight home.
I totally almost missed my flight to San Diego. I totally got Pris to sign her map in The Throne of the Crescent Moon. Carrie and I totally geeked out about Journey into Mystery. I totally told John Layman that I liked Scarface. I totally ran into Seanan's friend, Susie, who totally vaguely recognized me, at the Image booth. My copies of This Is How You Die and To Be or Not to Be were totally the first copies to be signed by David Malki ! and/or Ryan North. I totally gave David Malki ! the first draft of my Olympians play, which contains a monologue totally inspired by a Wondermark comic. I totally got the same Machine of Death prediction as before (RABID DOG). I totally bought a bunch of cute art from Nidhi Chanani. I totally touched David Mack's original art for the Dexter animated webisodes. I totally played Cards Against Humanity with Mark, who turned the Jews into the currency of the future. The Mark Does Stuff Annual Pinkberry Meet-Up is totally a thing now.
I totally got in line for Ballroom 20 at 6 and joined Maya and Helen, who'd totally gotten there at 4. Intelligence is totally Chuck on purpose and looks pretty cool. Josh Holloway would totally stream Kdramas into his head. Star-Crossed is totally awful and looks pretty terrible. The moderator totally ignored Aimee Teegarden, the actual star of the show, in favor of asking the two hot guys about the love triangle. I totally skipped out of Beauty and the Beast to finish The Ocean at the End of the Lane. Kristin Kreuk totally seems kind of cool. Cary Elwes was totally having the time of his life hosting the Psych panel. I totally won a game of Rock Paper Scissors to ask the last question of the Q&A and totally get a copy of the crimefighting guide. I totally gave Dahlia a shout-out to her former boss. I totally saw an amazing scene from the second episode of series three of Sherlock that I am not supposed to talk about except the audio is totally already on Tumblr. People totally stood and cheered, it was that great. Gillian Anderson totally does not age. I totally remembered how much I loved The X-Files. Steven Yeun totally told us about getting mosquito bites on his penis. I totally met Ed Brubaker and got his autographs next to Greg Rucka's. I totally ran into Tavis at the Image booth and he totally gave me all the clues for the Adventure Time Conquest. I totally bought an Ice King USB drive. I totally got a free Psych: The Musical shirt. I totally convinced someone to check out The Middleman. The Red Pearl Kitchen was totally closed, so mutinousmuse and I totally had our traditional dinner at Lotus Thai. Erin totally found a big red chair on Google Images for our traditional picture. I totally checked out Trickster and was recognized by an artist I'd talked to at APE. I totally saw New Politics at Party in the Park and totally brought back cotton candy for Seanan and Amy.
I totally cut in the Hall H line at 6 and then totally let six other people join me a couple hours later. I totally ran into mycenae as we always do. I totally ran into my co-worker, Catherine, as we always do. The World's End panel was totally fucking hilarious thanks to Button Lady. The audience totally cheered every time a Simon Pegg project was mentioned. Chris Lowell and Jason Dohring totally wore Team Logan and Team Piz shirts, respectively. Kristen Bell totally remembers the first line from the movie that she memorized. Brandon Hillock totally asked about the cut Deputy Sacks nude scene. Rob Thomas's wife totally caught him crying at the first Veronica/Logan kiss. Diane Ruggiero was totally worried that I hadn't gotten into the panel. A girl totally recognized me from TWoP. Rob totally hugged me after not seeing me in six years. I totally told Tina Majorino I loved her in Monkey Trouble even though that was Thora Birch. Francis Capra totally remembered our dinner at the diner. Kristen totally did not remember me at first but maybe did after I reminded her. I totally recorded an awesome video of Kristen Bell telling my sister to do well in dental school and Ryan Hansen telling her to "do good hygiene" but it totally didn't save or something. I totally got my Adventure Time trades signed by Braden Lamb and Shelli Paroline, who totally drew various characters in my books. I totally commiserated with Rob Guillory, whose flight had totally been canceled. I totally ran into Angela Webber of the Doubleclicks, and she totally remembered me and gave me a hug. I totally let David Malki ! finish his lunch before asking him to sign another book. I totally saw Walter Simonson on the IDW panel. I totally told Paul Cornell that I liked Saucer Country. Nick Spencer's favorite comics right now are totally Hawkeye and Saga. Everything in Morning Glories is totally a dream, and they're all totally dead. Nick Spencer thinks Morning Glories is totally ridiculous. I totally had the gumption to go over and meet Ryan Devlin before the Veronica Mars Fan Event. Viet Nguyen totally recognized me and interviewed me for the Veronica Mars movie documentary. The girl who sat next to me was totally from Bedford and now lived in San Francisco. Two of my fellow VIPs totally won Samsung Galaxy Notes for answering trivia questions. We totally sang along and handclapped to "We Used to Be Friends." Jason Dohring totally threw his newly signed Team Piz shirt to a Piz-lover in the audience. Kristen totally stole the entire set of the show, given that she totally chugged her entire water bottle in response to "I never stole something from the set when the show was canceled." The whole cast totally sat right in front of me as we watched a scene from the movie. I totally asked them about their favorite fan interactions, and Francis totally almost made me cry by talking about the time a Reddit AMA totally kept him going. Daran Norris and Ken Marino totally made surprise appearances. We totally sang "Happy Birthday" to Kristen and Percy. Samsung totally saved 33 lives by buying granola bars for us for Kristen's birthday. Diane totally adores me and loves Comic-Con. Ivan Askwith totally got me, Wai-Yin, and schnappycat into the VM afterparty at the Samsung Galaxy Lounge. I totally chatted with Rob's wife, Katie, for the first time in 7.5 years, and she totally gave me a Mars Investigations button she made. The cast were totally secured in a VIP area, but I totally chatted with Chris and Percy and met Daran Norris. I totally had a staff member bring Jason over so Laura could finally meet him. Rob totally thinks he'll have more control over the music at the movie premiere afterparty. I totally fell asleep on top of the bed in my clothes.
I totally got in line for the Indigo Ballroom at 7 and joined Maya and Helen, who'd totally gotten there at 4. I totally didn't pay a lot of attention to the Machinima fan film panel, but it was actually kind of interesting. Wil Wheaton totally bragged about talking to Robb Stark, Matt Smith, and Steven Moffat while Felicia Day was busy dancing, and it was totally funny instead of douche-y. Amy Berg totally has a new Geek and Sundry show about superhero alter-egos who commit crimes to pay the bills. Geek and Sundry totally has a new fleet of cute, diverse vloggers. Amy Dallen totally recommended comics for Wil with better algorithms than Amazon. Wil totally had a vaginal fantasy about Tigermonkey's agile appendage. The Indigo Ballroom was totally packed with How I Met Your Mother fans for the first and last SDCC panel. Jason Segel totally made the interpreter sign "projectile vomit." We totally sang along to "Let's Go to Mall" with Cobie Smulders and Neil Patrick Harris. The panelists totally stood to applaud Pamela Fryman for her contribution to the show. One fan totally pulled the Neil Patrick Harris and requested the highest of fives and totally received it. We totally sang along to "Bang Bang" with Jason Segel. I totally gave a family Comic-Con tips since they were foolish enough to think they could get into line for a panel right before the panel began. I totally let Amy Dallen join me in line for the Will Eisner panel and totally gave her an energy bar. Neil Gaiman was totally late but then he totally used the word "embiggen." I totally didn't care about the Comixology panel but totally saw Becky Cloonan. One guy in the room for the Walking Dead game panel totally hadn't beaten the game. They totally showed hilarious reaction videos to character deaths. I totally thanked the creators for destroying my soul. The voice actor for Carley was totally in the audience, and the voice actor for Lee totally asked a question a couple feet away from me. Nicholas Brendon totally loved my green pants and gave me a hug. I totally met Olivia's Guildie friends. I totally passed a full Matthew Inman signing and achieved a Gene Yang signing. I totally saw Ginnifer Goodwin and the cast of Once Upon a Time on the corner of the sidewalk. I totally had dinner with such luminaries as Mark Oshiro, Seanan McGuire, Amber Benson, Sarah Kuhn, Jay Lake, Rachel Caine, and Jim Butcher, not to mention Breehn Burns. Tonya totally didn't recognize Amber until someone else recognized Amber. Jim Butcher totally knows that I have a reading schedule. Mark totally met Amber after having missed her twice before. We totally destroyed an eight-scoop ice cream sundae. Seanan is totally a homophobe, and Jim is totally anti-Semitic. I totally saw the Trickster from Supernatural on the walk back to the hotel.
I totally got in line for Hall H at 5 and was joined by Helen, who totally got there at 6. Misha Collins totally jogged past us. I totally ran into Katherine again; we totally never make plans to meet up but have run into each other every single year. We totally made it into Hall H by the skin of our chute. Felicia Day totally made a surprise appearance at the Supernatural panel. Felicia totally thinks the show needs a Teflon vagina. Jensen Ackles totally smells like coriander and leather. Bryan Cranston totally wore a Walter White mask and no one recognized him. Helen totally hid to avoid Breaking Bad spoilers. I totally can't talk about a lot of the panel because of spoilers. Anna Gunn was totally politic in response to a question about Skyler hate and mostly deferred to Vince Gilligan but totally threw out the IT'S PROBABLY SEXISM truth bomb anyway. They totally showed the cold open for the first new episode. Craig Ferguson totally greeted us with "Hello, sweeties." The wedding invitations for David Bradley have totally dried up. Steven Moffat totally threatened to take away all Doctor Who and Sherlock SDCC exclusives if the trailer for the Christmas Special leaked. I knew we were totally fucked. Matt Smith and Jenna-Louise Coleman totally drove around yelling, "Hey, Doctor, how's it going?" to people cosplaying as the Doctor and Clara. Helen and I totally moved up to the second row for the Community panel thanks to Maya's friend, Jane. I totally didn't remember Jane from three days ago. I totally Britta'd that one. Dan Harmon totally entered in an Iron Man suit. Joel McHale totally delivered a video message from beyond the grave. Dan Harmon totally thinks he is a despicable human being. Dino Stamatopoulos totally trolled the panel and pimped his ashcan for High School USA. Alison Brie is totally not happy with the devolution of Annie. Alison Brie totally licked her finger and stuck it in Ken Jeong's mouth and then Danny Pudi's ear. I totally booked it to the line for 6DE and passed Mark on my way to save a spot for all of us. We totally thought the janitor was actually a cosplayer. Joey Richter totally started a pratfall running gag for the panelists' entrances. I totally got Helen to troll Mark on his very first Comic-Con panel by asking him whether he knew Zhao was voiced by Jason Isaacs. Mark totally hates us. foresthouse was totally 45 minutes late for dinner, but she was totally interviewing Rob Paulsen, voice of Yakko and Pinky, so I totally kind of forgave her. We were totally meeting after being LiveJournal friends for over EIGHT YEARS! Emily is totally co-writing a comic about cute, intelligent hamsters. Ali totally picked me up to go have expensive, indulgent dessert. I totally missed all my Veronica Mars peeps.
Seanan and Olivia and I totally sat in the very first row on the flight home.