Cosmic Joke

[spectralbovine]

The last time I visited seanan_mcguire, she handed me Divine Misfortune, by A. Lee Martinez, and told me I should read it. When I later asked her to clarify whether she meant you in general or that I, specifically, should read it, she answered, "Both." I had an idea of what sort of books A. Lee Martinez wrote, but I didn't know anything about Divine Misfortune

Comments

[sea_of_tethys]

Ouch. That's pretty harsh behaviour on her part.

[spectralbovine]

Nah, I completely understand wanting to avoid the awkwardness of "Is this a date?" if she's not interested.

[sea_of_tethys]

I understand that, but I think she could have been more sensitive in how she went about it. In my (very limited) dating days, I would have been pretty upset if someone had said that to me.

[spectralbovine]

The party isn't till January. I'm sure it will be fine.

[allthelivesofme]

That was just an incredibly rude and insensitive thing for her to do. I'm sorry. :(

[spectralbovine]

Thanks, but I don't think it was rude or insensitive. If she is not interested and senses that I am, it's in both of our best interests to make it clear what the situation is before going into potential-date territory so we can enjoy the evening without weird expectations getting in the way.

[allthelivesofme]

Oh, okay! Yeah, the "it should be clear to everyone" bit just made me flash back to a rather unpleasant scene for me where I was talking to a guy I was interested in, and his friends walked by and did that whole "nudge nudge wink" thing and he immediately says, "Oh, God, no! I'm not *with* her, no way" at which point I sank into the floor and died. Very glad that your situation's not the same thing, and I hope you have fun at the party!

[spectralbovine]

Heh, no, she even joked that it's not like we had to wear a sign or anything.

[audzilla_]

Sorry to hear. :( I've had a whole heap of similar experiences recently, trying to convey interest to someone who is then firmly 'just friends' or oblivious, going after some pretty girl. I have no idea what to do about it though, so I guess I can't really offer any advice.

That said - it's a suck situation to be in, and I'm sorry she wasn't interested, but I have to disagree with the other commenters that she was necessarily being rude, insensitive or a pill by insisting on her right to define her own boundaries. If it were me, and I had some reason to not want to feel romantic pressure, my options would be to confirm that it isn't a date, or to not go at all. A fake date to make a guy feel better at my own expense is out of the question - and if I'm hanging out with him in the first place, I probably respect him enough to be up-front about it.

[spectralbovine]

I agree with you and was surprised at the responses. My intention was never to paint her in a bad light. I really like her, obviously! I don't want people saying bad things about her. It sucks, but she probably saved us both some awkwardness in the future.

[prophetkristy]

Wow. That's rather harsh.

For what it's worth, though, one of my best friends ended up marrying a guy with whom she was "just friends and nothing more" with for a long time. I was hugely surprised when they got engaged. He took her to Disneyland once and she told me "he's hoping to score with me. He's so, so not going to."

So hang in there, I guess!

[spectralbovine]

What, don't say things like that. That would give me the slightest glimmer of hope. Hope is the thing with feathers, and I must shoot it in the face.

[prophetkristy]

Awww, sadface.

(someone needs an injection of Snowflake Day joy! All I can offer is a link to a kickass Star Wars vid.)