What did you just say?! Oh, nevermind..........
Just thought I'd check in with myself, been a while.
The topic that has been on my mind alot recently is the future. And we all know how depressing that can be. It is for me at least.
I mean, I have no talents or skills. What am I going to do after school gets out next year? I'm willing to bet my mother will kick me out of the house, even if by some miracle I do have a job. I can't do anything that is of any use, not to anyone. I'm just.........a boy. A stupid, meaningless boy that'll do nothing except take up space. And not even much of that.
And that's not even considering that everyone finds out about my little secret. Yes, I know I keep repeating it every time, but it IS a huge problem.
Worst case scenario: I'm kicked out on my ass with no place to go and no means to get there. I drift from city to city, searching desperately for some kind of purpose. My family refuses to speak to me. My friends either forget about me, or don't care enough to help. I end up committing suicide in an alley, and my body is eaten by rats, my fellow street vermin.
I'm not even going to try and come up with a Best case situation, I don't want to get my hopes up. It'll do nothing but depress me even more. And besides, I don't deserve anything that that case would include. Stability,contentment with myself, love from another; all that is beyond my reach, as they should be.
I was just a mistake. No, not by my parents, but by whatever divine forces there are that govern the laws of the universes. I fell through the cracks, I'm merely the example of what happens when the gods look away.
This summer is the last one I'll have with the assurance of school at the end of it. The last chance I get for some pathetic form of happiness. After that, the unraveling of my soul will begin, and nothing will ever be the same. And what can I do about it? Absolutely nada.
In the meantime, I'll try and make those precious three months worthwhile. Maybe get a tan, exercise more. However, more than likely I'll fail at that, too. I know how lazy I am, what I will and will not do when given time to do it.
I just want Ray back. With him at my side, we could easily toss aside whatever life threw at us. It may sound cliche, but I really do believe the power of love conquers all. But again, I've realised now that meeting him was indeed a mistake as well. How stupid of me, to naively believe that I am worthy of such an honor, being truly and unsurpassably loved by a lover.
O, Lady Life, why are you so cruel to me? To us all?
~Adrian
The topic that has been on my mind alot recently is the future. And we all know how depressing that can be. It is for me at least.
I mean, I have no talents or skills. What am I going to do after school gets out next year? I'm willing to bet my mother will kick me out of the house, even if by some miracle I do have a job. I can't do anything that is of any use, not to anyone. I'm just.........a boy. A stupid, meaningless boy that'll do nothing except take up space. And not even much of that.
And that's not even considering that everyone finds out about my little secret. Yes, I know I keep repeating it every time, but it IS a huge problem.
Worst case scenario: I'm kicked out on my ass with no place to go and no means to get there. I drift from city to city, searching desperately for some kind of purpose. My family refuses to speak to me. My friends either forget about me, or don't care enough to help. I end up committing suicide in an alley, and my body is eaten by rats, my fellow street vermin.
I'm not even going to try and come up with a Best case situation, I don't want to get my hopes up. It'll do nothing but depress me even more. And besides, I don't deserve anything that that case would include. Stability,contentment with myself, love from another; all that is beyond my reach, as they should be.
I was just a mistake. No, not by my parents, but by whatever divine forces there are that govern the laws of the universes. I fell through the cracks, I'm merely the example of what happens when the gods look away.
This summer is the last one I'll have with the assurance of school at the end of it. The last chance I get for some pathetic form of happiness. After that, the unraveling of my soul will begin, and nothing will ever be the same. And what can I do about it? Absolutely nada.
In the meantime, I'll try and make those precious three months worthwhile. Maybe get a tan, exercise more. However, more than likely I'll fail at that, too. I know how lazy I am, what I will and will not do when given time to do it.
I just want Ray back. With him at my side, we could easily toss aside whatever life threw at us. It may sound cliche, but I really do believe the power of love conquers all. But again, I've realised now that meeting him was indeed a mistake as well. How stupid of me, to naively believe that I am worthy of such an honor, being truly and unsurpassably loved by a lover.
O, Lady Life, why are you so cruel to me? To us all?
~Adrian