"The Occasional Dude," Foo Fighters RPS (with Nirvana and Hole), Written for RPF_Big_Bang

[sailorhathor]

Chapter 2: Alanis Will Take This Hard

It didn't surprise Taylor that he was the first to wake up.

Dave was still sprawled on the bed, snoring. At first, Taylor tried to keep quiet while gathering his clothes, but when Dave inexplicably stopped snoring, he found himself shaking the end of the mattress to make sure the man was still alive. After all, he had drank quite a bit the night before. Taylor worried that maybe he'd had way too much.

Dave groaned; the sound was more of a whine than anything else, but it was a welcome sound. He did not really wake up or open his eyes. Taylor wondered how much of the night would be blacked out for him. Maybe it would be best if it was the whole thing.

Once he finished dressing, Taylor considered leaving Dave a note. But what would he put in it? "Thanks for the great time, Signed, Oh the Manwhore"? "Please take this sample of my handwriting to compare to any future letters I may write you once I become your drummer, I hope"? No, it was a bad idea.

But he hated to just leave. Taylor lingered a moment longer to place a little kiss on Dave's cheek, and then walked from the bedroom without leaving any physical reminder he was ever there. He even made sure to retrieve his sunglasses from the living room floor.

Taylor drove home, feeling the first pangs of what he would eventually realize was heartsickness.

Dave woke in his bed alone a few hours later. He had a massive hangover and the distinct impression he had spent the night with a really cute blonde guy. A guy named Oh. But he didn't think he'd ever be able to pick the guy out if he saw him on the street. That was a shame, because he knew the dude had been a really good lover, fun and up for anything. Waking up in his bed by himself made Dave feel more depressed and alone than ever.

His wife was leaving him. His bandmates and friends were leaving him. And Kurt... Kurt had done the ultimate act of walking out on him. Kurt had walked out on everyone.

Dave turned back over and cried into the black furry blanket. At least if Oh had stayed, he'd have someone to comfort him.



The next time he visited that record store, Taylor made sure not to wear the same clothes. Then he wondered if he wanted Dave to recognize him or not. Which did he want, more intimate encounters or to be the drummer of the Foo Fighters? In what world could he have both? Certainly not this one.

No matter how hard he tried, Taylor couldn't get Dave out of his head. He needed a reason to spend more time with him. After a couple weeks of this, he realized he had to get out of Los Angeles and take a vacation, somewhere pretty, with clean air. His cousin Kevin had sent him a postcard from the Ozark Mountains, where he was staying in a cabin and hiking through the Missouri portion of the sprawling range. "Call me if you'd like a week of clear lakes and breathable air," the postcard had invited. Sounded like a way to clear his mind. It sounded like heaven.

This was how Taylor found himself sitting on the backrest of a bench in Joplin, Missouri with his feet on the seat and his back against the building that served as the local Greyhound bus stop, waiting for Kevin to pick him up. He could have taken a plane, but he wanted all that extra time to think, just watching the states go by.

He looked at the approaching blue truck and recognized the guy who parked and got out as Kevin, who leaned over the bench to give him a welcoming hug. "You're gonna love it here, Taylor. Exactly what you need to leave L.A. behind for a few days."

"Thanks, Kev." Getting down off the bench, he grabbed his suitcase by the handle and rolled it toward the truck. "Your cabin at least has a bathroom, doesn't it? I'm down for roughing it, but if I had my choice, I'd rather have toilet paper."

Kevin chuckled. "Wouldn't we all. Yeah, it has a bathroom. We have to share it with two other guys, though. The second bedroom is occupied."

"Oh. Are they cool?" Taylor put his suitcase in the space behind his seat and climbed in.

Kevin started the truck. "Very. They brought enough beer for us too. Dave and Rami."

His brain stopped thinking for a moment, refusing to give him words to say that would make sense. Except the word, "Dave?"

"Yeah, and Rami."

No. It couldn't be. It was a small world, but it wasn't that small.



There were annoying little dolls from around the world dancing and singing "It's a Small World" as Kevin pulled into the dirt driveway of the cabin in the mountains. They were only in Taylor's head, but the dolls were there, with their plastered-on, crazy grins.

As soon as Taylor got out of the truck, he spotted the two splashing, dark-haired guys flailing around in the lake and laughing, hanging onto the side of an overturned canoe. Oh shit. Dark hair. One of them kind of sounded like Dave, his Dave.

Oh shit. Shit shit shit.

Taylor watched as they made their way toward the shore. The closer they got, the more his stomach sank.

"It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all..." Dancing, annoying little dolls...

"Hey, guys!" Kevin waved at them. They waved back.

The two men climbed up out of the lake. The canoe scraped against the dirt and rocks as they dragged it from the water. They were laughing and dripping long strings of clear, clean water that eventually began to bead. Both of their sneakers squeaked when they moved, they were so wet. The taller one wrang liquid from the bottom of his shirt.

Taylor went a little numb with the overwhelming emotions running through him. One of the two brunettes was Dave Grohl. His wet shirt clung to his muscular chest, and as usual, his infectious smile lit up the whole campground. Taylor realized at that moment that he was undeniably in love with him.

Oh shit.

"Hi Kevin."

"You didn't mean to go swimming, did you?"

"Naw. My best advice to you? Don't stand up in a canoe."

Kevin laughed. "Guys, this is my cousin, Taylor."

"Hey," Taylor said, raising a hand in greeting.

"Hey, I'm Dave, this is Rami." Dave looked at Taylor a little too long, causing his heart to beat faster. He'd been found out. When Dave pointed at him, he quickly fumbled his sunglasses on, thinking Dave had recognized him. But maybe Dave would remember Oh's face with the sunglasses, so he decided to take them back off. Before Dave spoke again, he looked at Taylor with a furrowed brow; why was he so concerned with his sunglasses? He seemed awkward and nervous. Grinning, Dave thought he was the one who'd been recognized. "You're Taylor Hawkins, aren't you?"

Taylor Hawkins. Not Oh. Did Dave know that Oh and Taylor Hawkins were the same person? "Yeah."

"I'm Dave Grohl."

"I know."

Dave laughed a little and smiled again. Dang, his smile was nice. "We met at the K-ROQ Christmas thing. You were great that night. You're an awesome drummer."

Taylor's face lit up. He was slowly realizing that Dave was not making the connection between Oh and this drummer he knew named Taylor Hawkins. And Dave really did think he was a good drummer. "Oh, oh yeah, I remember that. Thanks, man. The Foo Fighters are awesome."

"Thanks to you too." He tapped Rami's chest with the back of his hand. "You wanna get changed before we grill those hot dogs and hamburgers?"

Rami grinned mischievously. "Yeah, let's get changed."

A few minutes later, they separated, and Kevin showed Taylor to the room they'd be sharing. Dave and Rami's room was right next door. On their way in, he heard Rami say very quietly, "You wanna mess around?"

"We have to take our clothes off anyway," Dave replied. They both chuckled, and the door closed.

Taylor looked up sharply. Had he really just heard that?

Kevin showed Taylor where he could put his clothes. "This drawer is yours, and you can use the left side of the closet."

From the next room, there came a thump, and then something ran into the wall. There was a little more thumping before the two men began to moan loudly, crying out each other's names. The wall muffled their voices, but it was obvious what they were doing.

Kevin looked down, embarrassed, chuckling. "Sorry about that. Dave's a little bi. You probably didn't know that."

"It's not a problem. Beautiful places make me horny too."

"Everything makes you horny."

From the other side of the wall came, "Oh Rami! Ahhh!"

Laughing again, Kevin said, "Err, I'm going outside 'til they're done. You coming?"

"No, I can tune it out. I want to unpack my clothes."

"Okay." Kevin grabbed his keys. "I'm going into town. I'll be back."

Taylor watched out the window until Kevin drove away. Then he got on his bed, which was against the wall that he shared with Dave and Rami's room, and put his ear close to the wall. They were both very vocal lovers, just like when Dave had made love to Oh. Taylor listened for a bit; he was fairly sure that Dave was the one being fucked, and up against the wall. Some guys switched off like that, sometimes enjoying a good fuck and other times preferring to be the one giving it to another guy.

Although the sound was muffled, Taylor could hear quite a bit, including the sounds of kissing and rhythmic, soft thumping against the wall as Rami thrust himself in and out of Dave. The moaning and terms of endearment drove Taylor nuts with want and jealousy. "Oh Rami, baby, that's so good! Uhhh! Yes!"

"Dave! Mmmm! Yeah! Oh yeah!"

Taylor couldn't help it; only a few minutes of listening and picturing it and he was already half hard. Was this an invasion of privacy or had they wanted others to hear them? Why else would they be making so much noise? Some people got off on putting on a show like this. Others could get off on listening.

Taylor didn't want to risk his cousin coming back and catching him, so he wasted little time. While listening to the music Dave made during sex, he pushed down his swim shorts and started to stroke his excited cock, closing his eyes. The look on his face showed the ecstasy he felt while bringing himself closer and closer to orgasm, mouth slightly open. Taylor tried to stay quiet, though he couldn't help but pant and let out soft little moans; his goal was to cum at the same time Dave did, if he could manage it.

When Dave's sounds grew louder and more insistent, Taylor stroked himself faster. He heard Dave's cries of, "Oh Rami! Oh Rami! Ohhh, ohhhh!" and pictured Dave's face as he came. That sent him over the edge too, and he came with a muffled cry, biting his bottom lip. Touching the wall between them, Taylor wished he could be on the other side, even if it meant he had to be part of a threesome. Anything to be with Dave again.



Later that night, after the sun had gone down, Dave came to sit next to Taylor by the campfire. "Hey."

Taylor was on his second beer. He had spent the afternoon swimming and his stomach was full of hamburgers and tator tots. The only way he could be more relaxed was if Kevin fired up that joint he kept talking about. Still, Dave being that close to him made his heart flutter and filled his stomach with butterflies. They were currently flying around with the tator tots. "Hey Dave."

"Um, I just wanted to apologize if you, ah, heard anything this afternoon that may have been at all embarrassing or unexpected."

Taylor had to grin. "You mean the sex?" He did it on purpose, to see if Dave would blush.

He didn't; instead, Dave grinned too, looking down. "Yeah, exactly." They both chuckled. "I don't spread it around, but I do that sometimes. Guys, I mean."

Taylor nodded. "You don't have to explain anything to me." They fell temporarily silent, listening to the crackling fire. Then Taylor pried, just a little. "Is Rami your boyfriend?"

"No. He's just a friend. A friend with benefits, if you know what I mean. He's kind of got a fetish for exhibitionism." Dave sighed, growing suddenly contemplative. "My wife and I are going through a divorce. I guess I needed to get away and throw myself into a little meaningless fun for a while."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, I guess these things happen."

Again, they both grew quiet. Somewhere, a loon cried from across the lake.

The atmosphere, the crackling fire, Dave's vulnerability, it all made Taylor want him so bad at that moment. He could picture them kissing and getting in a little handjob action by the fire, maybe even a blowjob, except for the fact that Kevin and Rami were only yards away, tending to the grill. Still, Taylor had to really hold himself back not to ask, "Can I be your friend with benefits too?"

Would it ruin his chances of joining the Foo Fighters? Taylor thought it probably could. Especially if Dave realized he was Oh. They'd spent a whole day together and Taylor hadn't said a thing. If they did do it, that would most likely jog Dave's memory, and he'd realize Taylor sat there all day, not telling him he was the guy Dave had sex with the other night. The night he got extremely drunk and threw up right after fucking him. That realization couldn't possibly go well.

So Taylor kept his mouth shut. Instead, he said he would be right back, locked himself in the bathroom, and masturbated for the second time that day.



Dave and Rami spent two more days torturing Taylor with their stolen kisses and whispered endearments, but of course those things were nothing compared to the loud, incredible sex he could hear through the wall. He shouldn't listen. He should stop closing his eyes and letting Dave's moans of pleasure move through him until he grew hard and ready. He had to stop burying his face in the pillow and beating off to the sex show on the other side of the wall.

But he wouldn't.

Taylor would enjoy this show for as long as he could. After all, that's what Rami wanted, right? Probably Dave too. Did that mean something about how Dave felt about him?

He could drive himself crazy with all the What Ifs. Taylor had to figure out what he really wanted. A fun, sexually satisfying fling, or everything he'd ever wanted out of his music career.

As he watched Dave and Rami take off for the airport, waving at him out of the car window, Taylor felt he'd come to a conclusion. "Kev, you're good enough friends with Dave to have his number, aren't you?"

"Yeah. Do you want it or something?"

"Yes. I want to set up an audition to be the drummer of the Foo Fighters."

Eyes going wide, Kevin turned and looked at him. "You sure about that? What you've got with Alanis is pretty lucrative. And she'd probably take it really hard if you left. You'd be a hard drummer to replace, with your talent."

"Thanks, and I know I would. That's why I want to audition for Dave. I know I can impress him."

"Well... if this is really what you want..." Kevin wrote the number down and handed it over. "Good luck, man."

"Thanks, buddy."

Grinning to himself, Kevin added, "And here I thought you wanted to fuck 'im."

Now it was Taylor's turn to glare. "What? Why would you think that?"

"Taylor, we share a room. Do you think I didn't hear you with your face in the pillow, beating your meat? You got yourself off while the two of them had sex on the other side of the wall."

Embarrassed at being caught, Taylor looked away, his eyes now wide. "You heard nothing, man. You got that?" Suddenly worried, he looked his cousin in the eye. "You can't ever tell Dave what you heard. Okay? Please? You could ruin my chances of getting this gig."

Kevin clapped him on the shoulder. "Taylor, don't worry about it. I won't tell a soul."



Dave had been quite surprised at Taylor's phone call. He didn't think Taylor would want to leave a job where he played to sold out stadiums on a regular basis (Alanis Morrisette was quite popular at the time), but he found he was wrong about that. Truth be told, the call made Dave very happy, because he thought Taylor was one of the best hard rock drummers he'd ever heard. And that was before the official audition.

That audition turned out to be everything Taylor had hoped it would be. By the time he was halfway through his song, Dave had started nodding his head and grinning from ear to ear, that smile that Taylor had grown to love.

Feeling confident and saucy, Taylor launched into the drum part of a Rush song. Within seconds, Dave's face lit up with recognition. He grabbed his nearest guitar and began to play along. Soon after, they were both singing the lyrics, with joy and enthusiasm. Even if Taylor didn't make it into the band, this moment was totally worth the effort. Singing and playing a Rush song with Dave Grohl. Add in some nachos, free sex, and a joint, and it was the perfect day.

At the end, Dave offered his hand. Taylor slapped him five, and Dave gripped his fingers briefly. "That was awesome, man. You like Rush?"

"I LOVE Rush. Neil Peart is a god."

"I may have already hired you." They shared a good chuckle, although Taylor wished he really meant it.

"Let me give it some thought, and I'll call you, okay?"

Taylor nodded. His insides twisted and fluttered. "Sure, Dave. Sounds good."



Taylor was watching, of all things, "Showgirls" the day Dave called to tell him if he was the new drummer of the Foo Fighters.

"You're it, man. You're my new drummer."

Taylor pumped his fist in triumph. "Yeah! Alright! You have no idea how happy this makes me, Dave. For the rest of this day, I'm going to be bouncing around here like a ball in a pinball machine! Ding, ding, ding!"

Dave fell silent, considering what he just heard. It was too late when Taylor realized what he might have done. Dave had made jokes about pinball machines and gone, "Ding, ding, ding!" the night they had sex. The next few seconds were agony for Taylor, wondering if Dave was about to make the connections he had been dreading.

And then, Dave just seemed to shake it off. Maybe references to pinball machines weren't enough to conclude Taylor would hide such a huge truth. And how much from that night did he really remember clearly anyway? Dave laughed. "I bet you will. I'll call you next week so we can set up a photo session. You've got to be photographed with the band." There was a pause, and then he added, "All three of us."

Now Taylor laughed, and pumped his fist again. There was a lesbian love scene on his TV, and he was a Foo Fighter. Never mind the fact that he was in love with his boss and that love was unrequited. Life was good. "No problem, dude. A photo session with the band. That's a thing I could happily do for the rest of my life."



Notes: I know I have the details of this camping trip completely wrong, but this was as close as I could get to the actual events without having Dave and Taylor here for an interview. ;)

I really don't know how and when Dave met Rami Jaffe, but the idea of them fucking seemed kinda hot, so I AUed it. :D

My artist also made me icons:




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