"Tuck Those Ribbons Under Your Helmet Chp1-3," NC-17, Supernatural
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Winsister/Castiel, Winsister/Ruby, Winsister/Dean, Winsister/Sam, Winsister/Adam (in a dream), Sam/Castiel/Dean
Dates: Written September 2010
Word Count: 35,896
Summary: Winsister AU. The hunting life isn't easy on anyone. For Kerry Winchester, it may be too much. The worst, though, was being in love with a multi-dimensional wavelength that may not ever love her back.
Warnings: Spoilers for most of season 4 and the first few episodes of season 5. Incest, Het, Femmeslash, and Slash. Sex venom (similar to sex pollen), dub-con, brief non-con, fisting, sex toys, vanilla bondage, use of the Bible in a way that some would probably consider blasphemy, simulated scarfing, and mention of underage Wincest. This is not the "nice" Ruby from season 4, but Ruby with her season 3 personality, and then some. She is very much a demon. In fact, I imagine the Ruby in this story looking like Katie Cassidy all the way through.
Beta Thanks: Thanks as always to Sammie for the wonderful beta!
Author's Notes: Title comes from the Tori Amos song "Mother." Abridged version of a longer story (which I'll eventually write out to the end). My personal model for Kerry is actress Alicia Silverstone.
Just wanted to make note of the fact that I do not condone incest - real life incest is a completely different thing from the fictional incest that happens in this story. The only thing that made this story possible is the very unique relationship between the Winchesters. They somehow make it all seem plausible, even through the angst.
Chapter 1: The Hunting Life
Word Count this Chapter: 5,277
The hunting life isn't easy on anyone.
They may pretend it doesn't bother them. They may find ways to deal with it. But the life is never easy.
Some move around constantly. Others may find a home base and work out of it. Each would say this life works for them. It's probably possible to make a case for either way being the best method of hunting. It doesn't really matter in terms of the work. There's always plenty of work, no matter where one goes. Always plenty of evil to fight.
But there's a cost. People are not machines. Witnessing the atrocities of the hunting life has broken more people than could be counted on both hands. So many families, torn apart, sometimes emotionally, sometimes literally. Acts of demonic violence committed simply for the fun of it. Walls covered in blood and human tissue. Children, dead children. Lives lost for senseless reasons. Being forced to kill because it's the right thing to do.
Moving several times a year, not only to look for the next job, but to run from the authorities for things that were done to save lives. They would never believe the stories. This one was killed because she was a vampire. This one was killed because he was possessed by a demon. They would just say the stories were insane. Running is easier.
But how does one explain that to a child? Constantly changing schools. Leaving behind friends that were made. Abandoning relationships, projects, dreams, loves. The isolation of having no constant but that small family. All in the name of fighting evil.
Sometimes, that evil worms its way into the small family. Before, it was easy to keep the two separate. Family, love; evil, kill. But sometimes, the evil overtakes the family, and lines become blurred. What is right and what is wrong.
Seeing that, dealing with it, year in and year out, nothing changing, will warp a person.
Everyone has their own ways of dealing with the pain. Some leave. Some drink. Some hunt for sport. Some take refuge in a loved one. There are many ways.
For Kerry Winchester, it was the experimentation that brought her peace.
A family that hunts for over twenty years accumulates a lot of pain. Pain and artifacts. Sometimes, John Winchester would see a cursed object and see potential for it, potential for it to be used against the evil that had created it in the first place. He would file it away for future use in one of his storage lockers, in a box or something fancier, depending on what was needed. The entrance to the storage locker would be painted with wards that would keep out the evil that may come to steal it, to claim it back, because everything in John Winchester's storage lockers is valuable to someone.
Those wards didn't keep out his children, though.
Kerry had never really been made for the hunting life. She did her best to keep up with her brothers physically, but emotionally, it all took its toll. It's not that her brothers dealt with it better; they had their own escapes. It's just that their escapes were usually more socially acceptable. Her brothers didn't go looking for their distractions in their father's storage lockers.
Kerry never had much of an explanation for the things she did. It wasn't until Sam and the demon blood that she had any ammunition to use at the intervention that inevitably followed her latest foray into the world of the supernatural drug, because that's essentially what it was - using these profane things to get high. To escape, to run, without leaving her family for her own freedom like Sammy had done.
At times, the experimentation involved something holy, like when she drank the Egyptian ceremonial water. When her family asked her why she would ever do such a thing, she would shrug and say it was her age at fault, just plain curiosity and boredom. You put a gun in front of a child, they want to play with it.
Like Sammy, Kerry had always been very curious about how things worked. Cause and effect. What would happen if I...?
Essentially, though, it was always about the escape.
These excuses didn't wash as well when she became an adult. When Dean was 30 and they were dealing with the angels and Alistair, Kerry had just turned 28 and was left in charge of trying to keep Castiel from disappearing as he often did; Sam thought it would be better if they kept tabs on the angel while Dean was still in the hospital after Alistair's beating. She had to keep him talking, keep him answering questions, so he wouldn't find some angelic thing to do and pop out while her back was turned. It was a challenge Kerry felt she could handle.
"How do you think Sam did it?" she asked.
Castiel had been sitting quietly on the other side of the hotel room, lost in thought, his hands clasped together in his lap. When Kerry spoke to him, he looked up at her and asked, "Did what, kill Alistair with his mind?"
"No, chew gum and walk at the same time."
He furrowed his brow at her. "That was sarcasm, wasn't it?"
She nodded. "What do you think I meant, Cas?" Kerry sat up on the dresser that held the television with her feet in a chair; her eyes stole between Castiel and the pictures on the wall of the new hotel room Sam had told her to rent. "Sam's never done anything like that before."
"We don't know how he did it." A troubled look passed over his face, and he amended, "I don't know how he did it."
Kerry frowned, looking at the Mondrian print on the wall, oddly sandwiched between two female nudes. "I'm sorry about Uriel."
Castiel flinched the tiniest bit. "I should have known sooner."
"He had us all fooled."
There was a long pause before Castiel spoke again. "I suppose."
She tried to turn the subject back to Sam. "Maybe it was the blood Yellow Eyes fed him, when Sam was a baby. Maybe his powers just, you know, grow over time."
"Perhaps," Castiel began. "Somehow, I think we're missing something."
The idea filled Kerry with dread. "He and Ruby have been up to something."
Again, Castiel looked up, locking eyes with her. "Oh?"
With another nod, she explained, "While Dean was..." Kerry swallowed hard. "Last summer, Ruby kept coming around, and Sam would ask me to go somewhere so they could work alone. Said he didn't want to involve me, that it was private. Not that it was dangerous or anything, but that it was 'private.'" The memory made her visibly angry, narrowing her eyes and balling up one fist on her knee. "I just thought they were working on a way to bring Dean back."
"You didn't argue with Sam when he asked you to leave?"
Kerry shrugged, but there was pain and shame in her eyes. "Some. But I needed time alone to deal with Dean's death. Being around Ruby bothered me." The balled up fist relaxed a little. "Still does. Sam has been going off alone with her again." She sighed. "I don't know what they're doing, but Sam couldn't perform those mind exorcisms until they started working together."
Giving that some thought, Castiel finally grunted, "Huh."
Kerry added, "If whatever they were doing was going to bring Dean back, I wasn't going to stand in their way."
He looked at her, his expression soft and sympathetic. "Grief is the toughest human emotion."
They each said nothing for several long moments. Then she changed the subject. "Cas, do you feel physical pain?"
The question came out of nowhere; his eyebrows dipped in confusion. "In what sense?"
"Well, Alistair really beat you up, or at least, he beat up your vessel pretty good, even impaled you on a hook. Any normal person would have been screaming in pain, but you didn't. You never do."
"Oh." For some reason, this line of questioning amused Castiel, and he smiled a little. "Angels don't feel pain the same way humans do. Just pain that is inflicted on a spiritual level, or on the Heavenly plane."
"Hm. That makes sense."
Castiel nodded.
"What about getting drunk? Can you do that?"
He couldn't help but grin thoughtfully at her curiosity, a small grin. She grinned too - for Castiel, that was a big show of emotion. For the most part, his emotions seemed to range from stoical watchfulness to irritation to anger, and often confusion; anything good-natured was a rare sight. "I don't believe so. It would take a great deal of alcohol, if so."
"What would that do to your vessel? Would he die of alcohol poisoning?"
"No, not as long as I'm in here." He quickly added, "I can heal any such injury."
Kerry suddenly began to giggle. "It would be fun to see you drink my brothers under the table." She laughed harder. "We should do it as a joke."
Laughing wasn't really something that Castiel seemed to do, but he did smile and make a brief sound of amusement resembling a chuckle.
Her eyes danced as she thought of what a great prank that would be. Then they stole back to the nudes on the wall. Kerry shifted on the dresser, leaning back and looking Castiel over. "What about sex?" she asked, sucking at her bottom lip.
His eyes widened. "Sex?"
"Yeah. Do angels have it?"
The question obviously shook him; Castiel cleared his throat, flustered. He wondered what brought this up. "There is some amount of... relations... on the celestial plane."
Kerry hopped up off the dresser. The action made Castiel jump. "What about here, inside your vessel?" She sidled up a little closer to him. "Can you feel it?"
"Kerry... I..."
"Do you get aroused?"
He looked up at her, fidgeting awkwardly. "These are strange things for you to be asking me."
"I'm just curious." Kerry began running her hand through the hair at the back of Castiel's neck and inside his coat collar, working to loosen his tie. Castiel's eyes darted nervously back and forth. "Did I ever tell you that you're really attractive?"
He seemed genuinely confused. "You've never seen me, Kerry. It would burn your eyes out of your head."
She tittered, trying to be flirtatious. "I mean your vessel."
"Oh." Castiel thought it over. "You may've said that to me before."
"Well it's true." Kerry continued stroking his hair and neck.
After an uncomfortable sigh, Castiel looked up at her, into her eyes, feeling within. "You're in pain," he stated simply. "Your older brother is in the hospital, and the other one is up to something. You're worried and you're in pain."
Kerry's mouth twitched, her smile faltering for a moment at his words.
He took advantage of her silence to continue with a question, one that he wasn't sure he wanted her to answer. "What are you looking for, Kerry?"
She wasn't sure how to answer that. Could he see inside her? He was an angel, after all. Would he know if she lied? Finally, she answered, "Comfort," and bent down to kiss him.
Castiel raised his head and accepted the kiss, although he wasn't sure how far he should let this go, how far she wanted this to go. In the back of his mind, Castiel weighed all his options and the possible backlash. Dean and Sam probably wouldn't be happy with this being allowed to happen, but it could be worse, couldn't it? And what would Kerry do if he rejected her? He knew of her history... how far the girl had gone in the past to get that "comfort" she was now asking for. But was that any excuse? Kerry was a grown woman who made her own decisions.
Still, Castiel wondered if there was more behind this than sex.
When she broke the kiss, Kerry asked, "So, can you?"
"Can I become aroused? Some aspect of sex is spiritual, and because of that, I can feel it." He saw the mischievous gleam in her eye. "I've been told that it can take a great deal of attention for a human to bring an angel to climax. But, the answer to your question is yes."
Kerry ran her hand over his chest. "Hm, that probably means that angels have great stamina. Do they?"
"Yes, but..." Castiel looked down at her hand. The girl definitely wanted to see this through, Heaven help him. "...we shouldn't do anything, Kerry. I mean..." He gazed back up at her, awkward and flustered. "...you're trying to seduce me, aren't you?"
She had to laugh, snickery and loud. "You're so cute when you're like this, Cas." Kerry crouched down and started to undo his tie. He just blinked at her, watching her do it. "Is it working?"
"The seduction?"
"Yeah..."
"You really mean to have sex with an angel?"
"Oh yeah..."
"Do you have any idea what that's like?"
Licking her lips, she pulled the knot free and slid Castiel's tie off. "I'm dying to find out."
"What about what I want?"
That stopped her for a moment. Kerry looked into his face, trying to read his eyes. "What are you saying?"
The hurt in her voice... she tried to hide it, but he could hear it. It wasn't that she was physically repulsive; on the contrary, she was very pretty for a human. But there were repercussions to think of, and his own inexperience with her species, and... and she was looking at him like a wounded little girl. At that moment, Castiel saw inside her again, and he realized that if he didn't look after her tonight, she could get hurt. She would get hurt. She would do anything to soothe her wounded feelings. At that moment, Kerry reminded him of her older brother. Always hurting inside but trying desperately to pretend that everything in life was casual, that pain rolled off her like water from a duck's back.
"Uhh... I'm just saying, if your brothers found out, it would be awkward," Castiel finally replied.
"Then we don't tell them." Kerry moved closer, until her mouth was only inches from his.
"But, I don't know if I could keep that secret."
"We'll find a way to deal with it." She realized that Castiel wasn't moving toward her. This was a bit awkward, but that was to be expected. "Tell me, Castiel... do you think I'm sexy?"
"Sexy?"
"Do you understand that concept?"
Looking off to one side, he seemed to think about it. "Sexy is when you find a person attractive enough to make you think of sex. But, I don't think you understand... angels don't have sex the same way humans do. It's more of a... merging."
"You don't understand human relations if you think it's that different." Kerry tried the question again. "Do you think I'm sexy?"
Again, Castiel thought about it, his brow furrowed in discomfort. "I think you are attractive in the way humans are attractive. But in terms of angels... merging... it's just very..."
Finally, she realized what he was saying. "Cas, are you a virgin?"
Now he glared at her, looking almost offended. "Not on the celestial plane."
"But you've never had sex with a human."
Castiel shook his head. "When would I have had the opportunity?"
Kerry began to laugh. "This is priceless." She slipped her hands under his suit collar. "I've got myself a virgin angel."
"Well, I, I guess you do," Castiel stammered, a little embarrassed. He tried to smile.
She moved in again. "I'll be nice to you," Kerry said, and kissed him once more.
This time, Castiel leaned into it.
It was as much a learning experience for him as it was for her. Within a minute, his kisses became greedy and desperate. Castiel liked it, and he wanted more. Kerry tried to slow down his pace, but he kissed dirty, having no idea how to draw it out. Now on her knees, her hands were in his hair and he clutched her to him, and they kissed for some endless amount of time that was actually only a few minutes.
Kerry pulled away to breathe. They were both panting now. "Let's... let's slow down a little, okay?"
Castiel let out a small, needy moan that sent shivers up her spine. "Okay."
"Is this... is this your vessel reacting, or you?" she panted.
The shortness of breath was the vessel. Angels didn't have lungs, they didn't need to breathe. Still, Castiel didn't know where his feelings ended and the vessel's began. "I don't even know anymore," he said.
With a breathless little laugh, Kerry realized her knees were beginning to hurt, and tried to shift her position a bit. She put her hand on his leg to brace herself, but wound up placing it right on his crotch. Castiel let out another one of those moans, but this one had a great deal more surprise in it, and he jumped in the vessel's skin.
Kerry pulled her hand back in reaction to how she'd startled him. "Oh! Uh..." She put her hand back in the same place and stroked it. Castiel moaned louder, eyes going wide. "You're really hard," she informed him, almost at a conspiratorial whisper, voice husky and pleased with herself.
"Uh... that's supposed to happen," he said matter-of-factly.
Nodding, Kerry traced the lines of the hard cock through his pants. Castiel's eyes went wide, then narrowed, then widened, then narrowed. A series of deep moans rumbled in his throat, and finally, his eyes closed.
"Does it feel good?"
He nodded back, drinking it all in. "It's not... quite the same as the sensation... on the celestial plane, but... it's quite good." Letting out a long breath, Castiel elaborated on his statement with, "It strikes me as odd that God would give you such a strong... strong sensation... something so irresistible, and then expect you not to do it all the time." He allowed himself to just feel what her hand was doing. "It's almost cruel."
"Tell me about it," Kerry laughed. She continued touching him through his pants, watching the ecstasy on his face and snickering to herself over a portion of his hair that was sticking up. "Let's move to the bed, okay?"
Eyes coming open, Castiel knew somehow that more good feelings were to follow. "Okay," he said, and eagerly let her lead him to the bed.
Kerry urged him to lie back across it, getting him to scoot until almost his entire body was on the mattress, just his feet hanging off the side. Then she climbed on top of him and began to unbutton his shirt, pushing open the trench coat and the suit coat. "You've got so many clothes," Kerry remarked.
"It's what the vessel was wearing the day that we left."
"You're like a Christmas present, wrapped by Sammy. He uses too much tape," she giggled. When Kerry reached the last button, she pulled out the tucked-in shirt and gave his chest a good rub down. "Your vessel has a pretty nice body."
Castiel said, "Thank you," although he wasn't sure why.
"I wish I could see what you really look like." She kept rubbing his chest, stroking and caressing him fondly. "Angels are just balls of light?"
"Not exactly." Then he added, "It's hard to describe. Some have multiple eyes, multiple wings, multiple heads... some are wheels of fire... some would strike you dumb just to look at them."
"Are you a wheel of fire?"
Castiel shook his head. "I was not made for human eyes."
"I don't care what you were designed for." Kerry leaned down and whispered in his ear. "I know that you're beautiful."
He shook his head again, looking at her, so close to him. "My natural appearance would be grotesque to you."
Now she shook her head. "Can't be."
They began to kiss again.
There was something Kerry wanted very badly here, and she decided to go for it. Sex with an angel had to be something incredible compared to sex with a regular human, even if she was actually making love to Castiel through his vessel. But sex with an angel while high had to be even better. "Inside that vessel, you change something about his makeup, don't you?" Kerry suddenly asked between kisses.
Confused why she would ask such a thing, Castiel answered her a bit cautiously. "You mean... how I can heal him so easily?"
"Not exactly. I mean, a demon can impale you on a hook and you don't even cry out. It's like you're made of steel."
"I suppose it's sort of like that."
"So... other things could be changed about your vessel. Enhanced, just by you being in there."
Shrugging, he replied, "Yes, that's true."
"Kind of like how drinking the blood of Yellow Eyes gave Sam powers."
"Yes, kind of like that. But in all fairness, your brother was probably psychic already; that's what brought Azazel to him in the first pla - "
Kerry had confirmed what she wanted to know. She cut him off with another kiss.
Seconds later, she was kissing down Castiel's chest, undoing his belt and pulling it open. He sighed and arched his back when Kerry's fingers wrapped around the shaft of the vessel's cock, shivered and moaned helplessly when her mouth enveloped the head of it and then slid down, taking most of him into that warm, wet cavern. He'd never felt anything quite like this. "Kerry, that's... uuuhmmm..."
She worked on him until her mouth went so dry that she couldn't suck anymore, couldn't lick, her tongue a wet piece of sandpaper. When she looked at the clock, Kerry realized that an hour had gone by. "God, Cas, don't you ever cum?" she panted.
He was a mess of sweat and rumpled clothes, just writhing underneath her, unable to resist. But no matter how long she massaged his balls or how fast she bobbed her head up and down, Castiel just stayed hard. "Huh?" he said, looking down at her.
"You did say it would take a great deal of effort, didn't you?" 'Effort' came out as "eth-fert" as her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth for a second.
"Effort?" Castiel saw his cock standing just as straight as ever, wet with the last of her saliva. "Oh, yes. I did say that."
Pounding a fist into the mattress, Kerry vowed not to quit. "Gimme a sec." She pushed her hair out of her face and got off the bed to grab a bottle of soda from the little fridge next to the dresser. As she took a long swig from it, she just looked at his naked torso and crotch, tilting her head. "My God, it's like a sundial."
Castiel looked at it too. "What you're doing with it, it... ah... I like it." His blue eyes were filled with boyish hope. "Please do it some more."
"Oh, I'm sure you do." She put the soda down on the floor. "It's called giving head."
"That label doesn't seem to fit the activity."
With a shrug, she said, "I didn't name it," and pulled her shirt off over her head. Kerry hoped the sight of a naked woman might make him finish faster. "Have you ever seen a woman naked, Castiel?"
He seemed to like the idea; Castiel leaned up so he could see her better, his eyes hungry with arousal. "Not under these circumstances."
Kerry rubbed one of her breasts through the white lacy bra she wore, very slowly. "Do you want to?"
Castiel nodded vigorously, like a bobble-head doll that had been poked very hard.
"It's adorable how curious you are," she commented, and unhooked her bra.
The angel didn't know where his vessel left off and he began; was it him reacting to these sights, or James Novak? Did Kerry even know the vessel's name? Castiel couldn't help but think of these things, his mind running wild, as she tossed the white fabric aside and then casually slid her panties down to her ankles with a few tilts of her hips. How did people feel like this on a regular basis and not lose their minds?
Kerry stretched, milking her nudity for all it was worth (it seemed to be driving Castiel mad), and climbed on top of him, on the bed, looming over his body and taking the time to plant a long kiss on his panting mouth. "I'm sorry, but we'll have to save the head for another time. I gotta see what this cock feels like inside me." Before poising herself over him, Kerry briefly wondered if the pill would even be effective against an angel, or if his orgasm would blow her ovaries right out the top of her head.
That'd be all they needed. Apocalypse coming, and her with a big goofy smile on her face, bundle of light in a diaper, and two holes in her head. She almost laughed out loud.
Castiel made one of those helpless, needy moans again when Kerry took hold of his cock. She lowered herself down onto it and then shuddered all over with pleasure. "Goddamn you're hard," she huffed out.
He tried to furrow his brow in disdain for what she'd said, but it was a difficult thing to do with that wet heat surrounding him. "Don't... Lord's name... vain," Castiel managed.
"Sorry, sorry," she replied, her fingers beginning to dig into his sides. Kerry wasn't even sure she'd be able to move without exploding; he felt like steel inside her, but warm. If only all men could get it up this well... she experimentally began to rock up and down, and within a minute, was fucking him hard and fast, nursing orgasm number one. "Cas... Caaaas..."
Suddenly, he looked up at her, confused. "What?"
Through her panting moans, Kerry started to laugh breathlessly. "You're doing this... to me... feels good..."
He seemed to understand. "Oh."
Roughly forty-five minutes later and Castiel still hadn't orgasmed, although he seemed to be enjoying himself. Kerry, though, was a mess. What hair she wasn't whipping around her head wildly with every downward thrust of her hips was plastered to her forehead with sweat. After seven climaxes, her own juices had run down her thighs; she was sloppy wet with it. It felt like her heart might come beating right through her chest. She was exhausted. "C-Cas... Castiel... do you think... you might..."
He cupped her breasts in his hands and rubbed at her nipples just because he liked the look on her face when he did that, the look of ecstasy. The angel did so like to please the Winchesters, and he wasn't even totally sure why. Kerry promptly came again.
Castiel hadn't heard her make that sound before. The cry she let out was hoarse and breathless, and her body shook helplessly in his hands. It almost sounded like she was in pain near the end. "Cas, I... I'm starting to cramp... in my hips. And my legs, and... please, I want it to be good for you too."
He seemed confused, but that was nothing new. "What do you want me to do?" he asked.
Rolling her eyes, Kerry huffed out, "Cum!"
"You want me to have an orgasm?"
"Uh, yeah. That's the point."
"Oh!"
She rolled her eyes again. "It's not all about me," Kerry said, just as she noticed that he was arching his back, pressing himself higher up into her. A rumble built in his throat. "Castiel? What are you - is this how you - "
Waving a hand before Kerry's eyes, Castiel whispered something in Enochian. He grabbed her hips and pushed her down impossibly hard.
White light exploded before Kerry's eyes. Her body filled with such an intense feeling of peace and warmth that she didn't even know where she was, just floating on a cloud. After some undetermined amount of time, she tried her voice. "Castiel?" Her voice sounded hoarse, but it was there. Kerry realized her ears were ringing, and there was a definite breeze coming from somewhere that hadn't been there before.
The next thing she became aware of was that his arms were around her. And that her back was now against something hard. Had they fallen out of bed? As she still could see nothing but whiteness, Kerry took her hand from where it was curled against Castiel's chest and put it out, feeling for something, anything. Her fingers fell upon something soft, like a pillow full of down feathers.
"Mmmm," she hummed, stroking whatever it was. Over the next few seconds, Kerry began to feel more and more of the real world around her. Her legs were wrapped around Castiel's waist. He was inside her, but finally going flaccid. And she felt like she was still on top, resting down on him. But how could that be?
Castiel kissed the side of her head. "That was a treasured new experience, Kerry," he said. His voice sounded different, like two voices speaking on top of one another, one his human vessel, and one so musical it sent her ears ringing again. The more he spoke, the more the musical voice faded. "Thank you."
"Cas, I can't... everything's white."
"Relax. Your sight will return." And then, "You can't be allowed to see it all."
"All of what?" Kerry reached beyond the fluffy down soft thing... and found empty air.
"Me."
Her awareness came back all at once. Kerry saw Castiel's wings, spread wide, flapping just enough... to keep them up on the ceiling.
A brief scream escaped her and her hands flew backward, plastered flat against the ceiling. "Castieeeeel!" she screeched. That was the hard thing against her back, the roof.
"I won't drop you. I promise." They began to descend slowly toward the bed.
Kerry wrapped her arms around his torso and gripped him tight out of fear, whimpering. When they landed, he brought his head out of the crook of her neck, and for just a split second, she saw six eyes. The two his vessel had, another between, and three more spread out across his forehead. Then she blinked and he had the face she was used to, the face of his vessel. Another blink and the wings were no longer spread over the hotel comforter, but were gone.
Words would not suffice for what she had just seen. "Oh... wow..." was all Kerry could say. She stroked the comforter where the wings had just been.
Another second and she realized that several car alarms were going off in the parking lot. They sounded impossibly close.
All of the windows in the room had been shattered.
"Holy shit, Cas. When you cum, you - "
The door opened suddenly and in stepped Sam, a look of great concern on his face. "Kerry, what happ - WHOA!" He recoiled and covered his eyes. "Oh God... ohhhh God... what did I just see?"
At the same moment, that high that Kerry had been looking for when she began seducing Castiel in the first place overtook her. The feeling of perfect peace was back, and it was accompanied by a giddy feeling of happiness quite unlike anything she'd felt before. While Castiel just looked at Sam, having no idea what to say, Kerry grinned at her brother stupidly and spoke for both of them.
"Hi Sammy," she slurred. "We were, just, uh... yeah, that's it."
*****
Chapter 2: Three Little Fishies
Word Count this Chapter: 1,483
Kerry tried her hardest to walk a straight line out to the Impala, but it was difficult. What she really wanted to do with how she felt was twirl and skip and prance her way across the hotel parking lot. When she saw her brother sitting sideways in the passenger seat with the door open, legs out, his head in his hands, Kerry wanted desperately to feel guilty and sad for how he was feeling, but she was simply too high to be capable of it.
Castiel was standing near the hotel office, giving the manager the cash that Kerry had handed him. It was to pay for the broken windows. The manager agreed not to call the cops on them if they paid and left, and never came back again. Kerry figured they got off easy.
She tried to dim her dreamworld smile as she approached Sam and stroked his hair. "It's okay, Sammy. Come on, pull it together. Time to get your bag so we can go."
He barely looked up; somehow, Sam couldn't lay eyes on her yet. "Kerry, what the hell are you doing?"
"Getting us out of here before this dude calls the cops."
"You know what I mean." Taking a deep breath, he finally said it. "Why did you and Castiel... I mean, what are you doing, Kerry?"
She didn't want to explain this, but knew it would be inevitable after he'd caught them in the act. "Sam... it's been a long day."
He scoffed. "Yeah, one of those days."
"Yeah. And you know how I get sometimes. I just... I needed something to take the edge off." A too-loud giggle burst out of her. "He's a goddamn angel, Sammy. And I needed something..." That giggle again, sounding almost hysterical this time. "...something incredible."
Sam sniffled. "So you did it for a high."
"Yeah... I guess you could put it that way."
For a second, he just breathed a little too heavily and then slammed his fist against the side of the door. "God, Kerry, how could you even think of such a thing when Dean's in the hospital?! You're so damn selfish!" Something rippled across his face, a guilty look, a realization, and he put his head in his hands again. "Damn it, I'm such a hypocrite."
Confused, Kerry crouched down in front of her brother. "Sam, what are you talking about?" It didn't even occur to her that earlier in the day, he had sent her out for Cokes for the road right after Ruby had done the spell to find Dean, that Ruby had left with a big Band-Aid on her arm; how had she even gotten injured? Kerry's mind had been too focused on the angels taking Dean away, and what condition he would be in when they found him.
"Nothing." He tried to wave off the question. "Just, forget it."
Kerry tried to pull his hands away from his face, but Castiel walked over and interrupted them, standing there silently, watching. Sam looked up at his approach and instantly scowled. The look on his face became almost homicidal in its intensity.
She looked up too, and realized why Sam was glaring at Castiel that way. His fly was unzipped, his shirttail poking out through the slit. Kerry, clearing her throat, nodded her head in the direction of his crotch. Castiel looked. "Oh... um." He turned away to tuck his shirt back in and zip himself up. When he turned back around, Sam was still glaring at him.
"Cas, maybe you better... go over there for a bit," she suggested.
"Oh. Yes." Castiel pointed off in an arbitrary direction. "Over there." He walked away.
With a sigh, Kerry tried to apologize for her behavior. "Sam, I'm sorry. I know what I did was selfish. I needed something to get me through, but I'm still here for you and Dean, okay?" She took hold of his wrists and gave them a light shake. "Okay?"
"Just, forget it. Whatever you did, it's all just part of this fucked up day."
"Then why won't you look at me?"
Sam took his hands away from his face. He had begun to cry. "It's not you, Kerry. It's just so hard to see Dean like that."
"Oh, Sammy... scoot over, okay?"
He scooted into the car, halfway across the seat so Kerry could climb in. She put her arms around him and patted his back. Sam clung to her just like he used to when they were much younger and he'd skinned his knees, and Dad wouldn't comfort him because he saw it as coddling. Dean would bring the big Band-Aids and Kerry would fuss over their little brother, kissing his tears away. Sam had always been the most sensitive of the three.
"I haven't seen him so weak in a long, long time," Sam sobbed. She kissed the side of his head, saying soothing things. "It's weird to see Dean that helpless and hurt. He was trying so hard to be strong while I was there, but he needed to use the bathroom, you know, and he couldn't get up on his own. The nurses had to bring him one of those plastic pee bottles." Sam ran a hand through his hair. "I hate seeing him like that."
"I know, Sammy. Alistair really fucked him up. But Dean'll be okay." Kerry began to rock him a bit. "He got out of it alive, and now Dean will heal and be back on his feet before we know it. He'll be the same old toughass that he always is."
"I know. I know you're right. But I felt so bad leaving him alone. What if he wakes up in the middle of the night and no one's there?"
"Well, I tell you what we do." Kerry kissed his head again. "We have ourselves a good cry, and then we pull ourselves together and we go back to the hospital to stay overnight with Dean."
"But it's past visiting hours."
"Then we get Castiel to zap us right into the hospital room. If they ask us to leave, we just refuse, 'cause our brother needs us. The nurses should appreciate that they have some help taking care of such a whinypuss."
Laughing through his tears, Sam agreed. "Yeah, he can be like that sometimes, just to get attention from the pretty ones."
"That's our Dean." Now she laughed, rocking him some more. "This may be hard to believe, but there was a time when you were smaller than me. You remember how Dad would get us to sing in the car on long trips, and back then there weren't any seatbelt laws, or at least they didn't enforce 'em yet, so you'd sit in my lap and I'd rock you just like this?"
He chuckled. "Yeah."
"You were like a baby doll to me. My little Sammy. And Dad would get us to sing to entertain us 'cause, you know, three little kids in a car is like torture if you don't keep them happy."
"I remember. Especially you dressing me in Dad and Dean's clothes and making me play House," Sam laughed, sniffling.
"Yeah," she giggled. "Floppy sleeves, too long for your arms." Now they laughed together. "You know what my favorite car song was? Three Little Fishies."
"Oh yeah, and we changed the lyrics 'cause it was all about a mama fish and her three babies and we only had a daddy fish."
That particular memory held some sadness, but Kerry just continued, glad that she was still too high to really feel it. "Down in the meadow in a little bitty pool swam three little fishies and a daddy fishie too. 'Swim,' said the daddy fishie, 'Swim if you can,' and they swam and they swam all over the dam."
They sang the ridiculous chorus together. "Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem, Chu! Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem, Chu! Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem, Chu! And they swam and they swam all over the dam."
Sam didn't even realize that he had stopped crying.
Cautiously, Castiel moved back toward the car, curious to know what they were doing. When he heard them singing a child's song together, the angel was touched, as he had been many times before, by this family's resilience through their love for each other. Somehow, he felt he'd become a part of that. Castiel even memorized the words to the silly little song they were singing.
"'Stop,' said the daddy fishie, 'or you will get lost!' The three little fishies didn't wanna be bossed. The three little fishies went off on a spree, and they swam and they swam right out to the sea. Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem, Chu! Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem, Chu! Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem, Chu! And they swam and they swam right out to the sea."
*****
Chapter 3: Boom
Word Count this Chapter: 2,771
Notes: My beta Sammie gave me a couple of the funny lines in this chapter. :D
The first time that Dean asked the question, they had pulled off at a roadside park and rest stop to stretch their legs and have some sandwiches they'd bought at a gas station. "How'd you do it, Sammy?" he said, leaning against the Impala with a dry roast beef sub in his hand.
"Do what?"
"Get me one of those packets of mayonnaise out of the cooler," Dean requested, and turned back to his brother. "Come on Sam, you know what I'm talking about."
Kerry got up off the red cooler they'd been keeping in the backseat the last few months, took off its top, and rooted around among the half-melted ice to find Dean some mayo. She thought she knew what Dean was asking about, and wasn't exactly looking forward to this conversation. And just a day after he got out of the hospital, too.
"I'm sorry, I don't." While she was up, Sam pointed to the yellow plastic bottle just to the left of where she was digging. "Would you hand me the mustard, Kerry?"
She made a, "Yup," sound, tossing Sam the mustard, and then pegging a packet of mayonnaise in Dean's direction before putting the lid back on and sitting once again on the cooler to eat her own ham and cheese.
"Alright, Sam, fine. I'll just come out and ask."
Sam, hearing that angry tone in his brother's voice, snapped back, "Then come out and ask; what the hell is it?"
"How did you kill Alistair?"
Silence fell over the group as Sam just stared at Dean for several tense moments, no one moving. Then Sam looked down at his sandwich, shaking up the bottle of mustard. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?" he mumbled.
"Because we've never seen you do it before," replied Dean, and waited for an answer. When Sam continued to just shake up the mustard and then opened it, squirting some between the bread and the meat, Dean sighed and looked at the packet he'd caught without even thinking about it. "Kerr-Bear, this is tartar sauce from Long John Silver's."
"Oh, sorry. They're both white." Happy for the distraction, Kerry got up and began to root around in the cooler again.
Finally, Sam tried to answer, but took a bite of his sandwich first so he'd be chewing while talking. Anything for it to seem more casual. "Dean, I don't really know how I did it. These powers that Yellow Eyes gave me, they've just been evolving, you know? Maybe it was an anger thing, like, I was so mad to see what Alistair had done to you that I just... exploded."
"Oh, is that what happened?" By his tone, both Sam and Kerry could tell that Dean wasn't buying it. Dean paused long enough to take a packet of mayo from her hand. "That doesn't really go along with what you said that day, though."
There was a slight pause as Sam popped the top off a bottle of beer; his mouth twitched in an annoyed way.
Dean continued. "You said to Alistair, 'I'm stronger than that now. Now I can kill.' Like you were fully aware of what you could do with these powers before you even got there. Like you'd done something to bring about a change."
With a grunt of acknowledgement, Sam said, "Castiel told you that, right?"
"Yup."
"Well did you ever think that Castiel may be wrong in how I meant it? I did say that, yeah, but what I meant was that once I got there, I could feel so much power coursing through me that I knew I'd be able to kill Alistair." Sam took a swig off the beer bottle. "I don't know anything more about how these powers work than anyone else, Dean. If I did, I'd have more control over them."
For a few seconds, Dean pretended to think it over, chewing on a bite of sandwich. Then he shot back, "That's not what Cas thinks, and not what I think, either."
"Oh, really?"
Cringing at the impending argument, Kerry tried not to make eye contact with anyone and ate her own sandwich.
Angry, Sam added, "So you trust your precious little Castiel more than your own brother?"
It was what Dean said next that made everything that followed inevitable. "He's not the one who lies to me, you are."
Kerry had seen that look on Sam's face many times, the angry, almost betrayed look with the frowny mouth and the narrowed, burning eyes and the twitchy upper lip. Couldn't they just have a nice, normal lunch by the side of the road? She should have expected what Sam said next, but somehow, it was a complete surprise. "Did you ever think that maybe you shouldn't put so much trust in Castiel? Maybe he's got some nasty secrets of his own that you wouldn't like."
"I'm sure he does, but that's beside the point - "
"No, I mean some nasty secrets that I know he'd never tell you." Sam looked right at Kerry.
She froze, eyes wide. Now Dean was looking at her too, the wondering in his eyes, a searching look that tried to flush out the truth. Dean knew that Sam was just trying to take the heat off himself, but then why did Kerry react that way? "What are you talking about?"
"Come on, you guys, stop fighting," Kerry said, and glared at Sam.
Just being a typical little brother, Sam grinned and continued to tattle on her. "Hey, when we're done here, why don't we go back to the Hunzinger Motel and stay the night?"
Kerry's eyes widened again.
"Hey yeah, I love that place. Vibrating beds," Dean said. He knew that somehow, agreeing with Sam here would somehow get him to the truth.
"Right. So let's stay the night there."
Having nothing else to throw, Kerry angrily pulled off her shoe and threw it at Sam's head. He moved so it only bounced off his shoulder. "Shut up, Sam!"
"Okay, now there's something going on with you, too," Dean remarked, turning toward his sister. "Did something happen at the Hunzinger Motel?"
"We just can't stay there, that's all." Deliberately, she took a large bite of her sandwich so her mouth would be full of food.
"And why is that?"
Kerry pointed to her full, chewing mouth and shrugged. She didn't think that Sam would take the opportunity to answer for her.
"We kinda wore out our welcome there when Castiel broke every window in the room."
Her eyebrows furrowed, Kerry took off the other shoe, held it up, waited for Sam to duck, and then pegged it right at his ducked face, hitting him square in the middle of his forehead. He cried, "Ow!" and rubbed the spot while she ranted at him unintelligibly and gestured in anger with her hands.
"Okay..." Dean looked from Kerry to Sam, giving her some time to chew. "How did that happen?"
When Sam opened his mouth, Kerry picked up her bottle of soda and threatened to throw that too, rearing back and frowning at him. He promptly closed his mouth and pretended to lock it with a little key. "Are you happy with yourself?" she asked him once she'd swallowed enough to speak. Sam just shrugged. Kerry quickly chewed the rest and swallowed it all, a hand to her chest. "Oh, that piece was too big. It hurt goin' down," she rasped.
"Is that what Cas said?" Sam asked.
Kerry nearly exploded on him. "Sammy, I swear, I'm gonna brain you! That didn't even make sense, you - "
"Hey!" Dean bellowed. It got her attention. "Would you just tell me what happened so I can get back to reaming Sammy a new asshole?" he requested.
"Well... you know how when you hadn't met Castiel yet, he was trying to communicate with you using his natural voice, and it broke out all the windows? It was like that," Kerry said. Then she looked away, knowing this wouldn't be enough explanation, but stopping anyway.
Dean obviously expected more. "...And?" he finally said.
"And, that's what happened."
"Cas used his natural voice and broke out all the windows."
"Uh huh." Kerry took another large bite of sandwich.
Growing impatient, Dean swiped at the sandwich in an attempt to take it from her. She leaned over and away so he couldn't get it. "Kerry, will you just tell me why?!"
She pointed at her full mouth again.
Dean looked at Sam, who got out the little key and locked up his mouth a second time.
"I'll tell you."
They all looked as Castiel stepped out of the nearby line of trees. Kerry froze, not chewing, unsure if that was a good idea.
Castiel was ready to face Dean with the truth. "It would have come out sometime," he said, and gave Kerry a reassuring look. She allowed him the floor, at first only looking at the ground and chewing what was in her mouth, but eventually looking up to see Dean's reactions to what Castiel was telling him. "The fact that I broke out all the windows was an accident, but I couldn't help it. It was unexpected."
"Cas, why were you using your natural voice?"
Castiel paused to look at Kerry, so uncomfortable and quiet, and barreled ahead. "I've never... had relations... with a human before. That's why I didn't exactly know what would happen when I... well, you know what happens when you..." He cleared his throat. "Kerry and I made love last week."
At first, Dean gave him a look like he didn't believe what he was saying, all confused and narrowed eyes. Once he realized Castiel was completely serious, Dean's eyes widened to shocked proportions and, presumably by reflex, he punched Castiel in the stomach. Kerry gasped, and Sam cringed, but both weren't thinking about the fact that their brother had just gut punched an angel. Castiel did not double over; in fact, he hardly moved in any way. Instead, Dean was the one who doubled over, holding his fist and wincing, as if he'd hit a brick wall. "Fuck," he growled.
"Dean, are you okay?" Sam asked. That was always his brother's way - punch first, realize angels are too tough to punch later.
"Physically," he replied, and straightened up, trying to regain his dignity. "Cas, what the hell? You had sex with my sister? My little sister?! What - what are you - how - why?!"
"Leave him alone, Dean," Kerry insisted. "I seduced him."
"You - you seduced Castiel? You... seduced... Castiel?"
"Yeah."
Speechless, Dean looked between the two of them for several moments. He eventually found his voice again, and repeated, "Why?"
"I just... wanted to?" Kerry said. She had no desire to go into all of her reasons. "I know you see him as our doofy little angel friend, but he's a really attractive guy, Dean."
"You... had sex... with an angel... because he's a really attractive guy?"
"Yeah?"
Neither Sam nor Castiel filled in the other reasons why Kerry did it. Sam, because he now felt a bit guilty for bringing it up in the first place, and Castiel because he understood that there were some things humans kept secret to spare their families the truth.
Still reeling from this news, Dean said, "Are you crazy? First off, you had no idea what would happen. He's a freaking angel, Kerry. Second, did you ever think that this could just complicate the work that we do with Cas? I mean, you couldn't find yourself someone else?"
"Dean, I am not a kid. I can make my own decisions and take my own chances. And you know what else? You are the biggest hypocrite ever. Have you forgotten about Anna?"
"Yeah, well, we're not talking about me. We're talking about you having sex with freakin' Castiel!"
Kerry rolled her eyes. "Jesus, what's the big deal?" she mumbled.
"The big deal? Kerry, he's like a child. It's not fair to seduce him; he hardly understands how it even works."
Castiel cut in. "I am not a child."
"Yeah." Kerry reached out and took his hand for a moment. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
Dean glared until his sister let go of Castiel's hand. "Okay, no details please!" he suddenly said, pacing the length of the car.
"Oh, but you wanted to know what happened, Dean." Getting up, Kerry followed him, trying to turn him to face her. "You asked how the windows got broken, right? Cas using his real voice? Now why do you think that happened?"
Dean just stared at her for a moment. "Oh, I don't want to hear this." He stuck his fingers in his ears.
"Yes you do, you said you wanted to know." She yanked on his arms, but they both knew he could still hear her. "Did I tell you how great Castiel was in bed?"
"Ohhhh fuck! LA LA LA LA, I do not hear Kerry, LA LA LA LA LA!"
"Quit yelling so I can tell you how filthy Castiel kisses!"
"Mary had a little lamb little lamb little lamb!" Dean bellowed.
Before she said too much more, Castiel stepped in, waving a hand back and forth. "Kerry, no no, don't. He doesn't need to hear all that."
"But he thinks you're some kind of simpleton, Cas. That you have no idea how sex works with a human."
"Oh. Well, I admit I wasn't very experienced, but I knew enough to - "
"Cas, stop," Dean grumbled, turning away.
"I'm just trying to tell you that I handled everything alright except for the etiquette on when a man should climax," Castiel explained, trying to be helpful.
"Oh, oh, oh," Sam groaned, covering his ears.
"You see, that's what blew the windows out. But I should have just done it sooner, before I got that aroused," the angel continued.
"Oh my God, Cas, shut up!" Dean protested.
Castiel didn't fully understand why they were getting so upset. Or did he? "What's the matter? You said you wanted to know what happened." He winked. "But now that I think about it, it probably would have blown out the windows anyway."
Kerry grinned mischievously.
"Uh... okay." Dean gave him a light pat on the shoulder. "You've told me. Now can you please stop?"
"Wait a minute..." Kerry began. "Cas, what do you mean, etiquette on when a man should climax? Are you saying that you could have had an orgasm at any time?"
Sam mumbled, "Ohhh God..."
"Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying," Castiel replied.
"So, I went through an hour of giving you head until my tongue was like sandpaper and nearly another hour of sex until my legs felt like they were going to fall off and the whole time, you could have cum at will?"
"Oh, somebody kill me now," Sam pleaded.
Castiel nodded, bewildered. "Yes."
Throwing up her hands, Kerry groaned loudly. "I kept asking why it was taking you so long, and... Cas!"
Confirming the fact that he was no simpleton, the angel added, "As I recall, you weren't complaining that much, Kerry." He smiled coyly at her.
She huffed, not sure if she should be proud of him or mad at him.
"...just shoot me right now, get one of the guns out of the trunk and..." Sam put a finger gun against his temple and pulled the trigger.
A chuckle began to build in Dean's throat, something not even he expected. By the time the others realized what they were hearing, it had built into a full-fledged, hearty laugh. "You can do that, Castiel? Going at it for hours and then out of nowhere, she complains and you just go, 'Oh, my bad.' BOOM! Is that how it happened?"
Even Sam had to chuckle loudly at how he put it.
Castiel tilted his head. "Boom?"
That sent Kerry over the edge. She burst out with a snickery giggle. Within seconds, they were all collapsing into helpless laughter, Sam even falling off the bench he'd been sitting on and rolling on the ground.
"Can you imagine if you were out in the parking lot when that happened?" Dean said between snort-filled laughs. "Just gotta get something from my car... BOOOOM! Ahhhhh, what was that?! Sounded like an angel getting off!"
Sam snickered back, "I only missed it by maybe a minute!"
All were laughing except Castiel, who just looked at them and shook his head, a small smile on his face. "You are all amused by the strangest things."
On to Chapter 4: Inventory
Pairings: Winsister/Castiel, Winsister/Ruby, Winsister/Dean, Winsister/Sam, Winsister/Adam (in a dream), Sam/Castiel/Dean
Dates: Written September 2010
Word Count: 35,896
Summary: Winsister AU. The hunting life isn't easy on anyone. For Kerry Winchester, it may be too much. The worst, though, was being in love with a multi-dimensional wavelength that may not ever love her back.
Warnings: Spoilers for most of season 4 and the first few episodes of season 5. Incest, Het, Femmeslash, and Slash. Sex venom (similar to sex pollen), dub-con, brief non-con, fisting, sex toys, vanilla bondage, use of the Bible in a way that some would probably consider blasphemy, simulated scarfing, and mention of underage Wincest. This is not the "nice" Ruby from season 4, but Ruby with her season 3 personality, and then some. She is very much a demon. In fact, I imagine the Ruby in this story looking like Katie Cassidy all the way through.
Beta Thanks: Thanks as always to Sammie for the wonderful beta!
Author's Notes: Title comes from the Tori Amos song "Mother." Abridged version of a longer story (which I'll eventually write out to the end). My personal model for Kerry is actress Alicia Silverstone.
Just wanted to make note of the fact that I do not condone incest - real life incest is a completely different thing from the fictional incest that happens in this story. The only thing that made this story possible is the very unique relationship between the Winchesters. They somehow make it all seem plausible, even through the angst.
Chapter 1: The Hunting Life
Word Count this Chapter: 5,277
The hunting life isn't easy on anyone.
They may pretend it doesn't bother them. They may find ways to deal with it. But the life is never easy.
Some move around constantly. Others may find a home base and work out of it. Each would say this life works for them. It's probably possible to make a case for either way being the best method of hunting. It doesn't really matter in terms of the work. There's always plenty of work, no matter where one goes. Always plenty of evil to fight.
But there's a cost. People are not machines. Witnessing the atrocities of the hunting life has broken more people than could be counted on both hands. So many families, torn apart, sometimes emotionally, sometimes literally. Acts of demonic violence committed simply for the fun of it. Walls covered in blood and human tissue. Children, dead children. Lives lost for senseless reasons. Being forced to kill because it's the right thing to do.
Moving several times a year, not only to look for the next job, but to run from the authorities for things that were done to save lives. They would never believe the stories. This one was killed because she was a vampire. This one was killed because he was possessed by a demon. They would just say the stories were insane. Running is easier.
But how does one explain that to a child? Constantly changing schools. Leaving behind friends that were made. Abandoning relationships, projects, dreams, loves. The isolation of having no constant but that small family. All in the name of fighting evil.
Sometimes, that evil worms its way into the small family. Before, it was easy to keep the two separate. Family, love; evil, kill. But sometimes, the evil overtakes the family, and lines become blurred. What is right and what is wrong.
Seeing that, dealing with it, year in and year out, nothing changing, will warp a person.
Everyone has their own ways of dealing with the pain. Some leave. Some drink. Some hunt for sport. Some take refuge in a loved one. There are many ways.
For Kerry Winchester, it was the experimentation that brought her peace.
A family that hunts for over twenty years accumulates a lot of pain. Pain and artifacts. Sometimes, John Winchester would see a cursed object and see potential for it, potential for it to be used against the evil that had created it in the first place. He would file it away for future use in one of his storage lockers, in a box or something fancier, depending on what was needed. The entrance to the storage locker would be painted with wards that would keep out the evil that may come to steal it, to claim it back, because everything in John Winchester's storage lockers is valuable to someone.
Those wards didn't keep out his children, though.
Kerry had never really been made for the hunting life. She did her best to keep up with her brothers physically, but emotionally, it all took its toll. It's not that her brothers dealt with it better; they had their own escapes. It's just that their escapes were usually more socially acceptable. Her brothers didn't go looking for their distractions in their father's storage lockers.
Kerry never had much of an explanation for the things she did. It wasn't until Sam and the demon blood that she had any ammunition to use at the intervention that inevitably followed her latest foray into the world of the supernatural drug, because that's essentially what it was - using these profane things to get high. To escape, to run, without leaving her family for her own freedom like Sammy had done.
At times, the experimentation involved something holy, like when she drank the Egyptian ceremonial water. When her family asked her why she would ever do such a thing, she would shrug and say it was her age at fault, just plain curiosity and boredom. You put a gun in front of a child, they want to play with it.
Like Sammy, Kerry had always been very curious about how things worked. Cause and effect. What would happen if I...?
Essentially, though, it was always about the escape.
These excuses didn't wash as well when she became an adult. When Dean was 30 and they were dealing with the angels and Alistair, Kerry had just turned 28 and was left in charge of trying to keep Castiel from disappearing as he often did; Sam thought it would be better if they kept tabs on the angel while Dean was still in the hospital after Alistair's beating. She had to keep him talking, keep him answering questions, so he wouldn't find some angelic thing to do and pop out while her back was turned. It was a challenge Kerry felt she could handle.
"How do you think Sam did it?" she asked.
Castiel had been sitting quietly on the other side of the hotel room, lost in thought, his hands clasped together in his lap. When Kerry spoke to him, he looked up at her and asked, "Did what, kill Alistair with his mind?"
"No, chew gum and walk at the same time."
He furrowed his brow at her. "That was sarcasm, wasn't it?"
She nodded. "What do you think I meant, Cas?" Kerry sat up on the dresser that held the television with her feet in a chair; her eyes stole between Castiel and the pictures on the wall of the new hotel room Sam had told her to rent. "Sam's never done anything like that before."
"We don't know how he did it." A troubled look passed over his face, and he amended, "I don't know how he did it."
Kerry frowned, looking at the Mondrian print on the wall, oddly sandwiched between two female nudes. "I'm sorry about Uriel."
Castiel flinched the tiniest bit. "I should have known sooner."
"He had us all fooled."
There was a long pause before Castiel spoke again. "I suppose."
She tried to turn the subject back to Sam. "Maybe it was the blood Yellow Eyes fed him, when Sam was a baby. Maybe his powers just, you know, grow over time."
"Perhaps," Castiel began. "Somehow, I think we're missing something."
The idea filled Kerry with dread. "He and Ruby have been up to something."
Again, Castiel looked up, locking eyes with her. "Oh?"
With another nod, she explained, "While Dean was..." Kerry swallowed hard. "Last summer, Ruby kept coming around, and Sam would ask me to go somewhere so they could work alone. Said he didn't want to involve me, that it was private. Not that it was dangerous or anything, but that it was 'private.'" The memory made her visibly angry, narrowing her eyes and balling up one fist on her knee. "I just thought they were working on a way to bring Dean back."
"You didn't argue with Sam when he asked you to leave?"
Kerry shrugged, but there was pain and shame in her eyes. "Some. But I needed time alone to deal with Dean's death. Being around Ruby bothered me." The balled up fist relaxed a little. "Still does. Sam has been going off alone with her again." She sighed. "I don't know what they're doing, but Sam couldn't perform those mind exorcisms until they started working together."
Giving that some thought, Castiel finally grunted, "Huh."
Kerry added, "If whatever they were doing was going to bring Dean back, I wasn't going to stand in their way."
He looked at her, his expression soft and sympathetic. "Grief is the toughest human emotion."
They each said nothing for several long moments. Then she changed the subject. "Cas, do you feel physical pain?"
The question came out of nowhere; his eyebrows dipped in confusion. "In what sense?"
"Well, Alistair really beat you up, or at least, he beat up your vessel pretty good, even impaled you on a hook. Any normal person would have been screaming in pain, but you didn't. You never do."
"Oh." For some reason, this line of questioning amused Castiel, and he smiled a little. "Angels don't feel pain the same way humans do. Just pain that is inflicted on a spiritual level, or on the Heavenly plane."
"Hm. That makes sense."
Castiel nodded.
"What about getting drunk? Can you do that?"
He couldn't help but grin thoughtfully at her curiosity, a small grin. She grinned too - for Castiel, that was a big show of emotion. For the most part, his emotions seemed to range from stoical watchfulness to irritation to anger, and often confusion; anything good-natured was a rare sight. "I don't believe so. It would take a great deal of alcohol, if so."
"What would that do to your vessel? Would he die of alcohol poisoning?"
"No, not as long as I'm in here." He quickly added, "I can heal any such injury."
Kerry suddenly began to giggle. "It would be fun to see you drink my brothers under the table." She laughed harder. "We should do it as a joke."
Laughing wasn't really something that Castiel seemed to do, but he did smile and make a brief sound of amusement resembling a chuckle.
Her eyes danced as she thought of what a great prank that would be. Then they stole back to the nudes on the wall. Kerry shifted on the dresser, leaning back and looking Castiel over. "What about sex?" she asked, sucking at her bottom lip.
His eyes widened. "Sex?"
"Yeah. Do angels have it?"
The question obviously shook him; Castiel cleared his throat, flustered. He wondered what brought this up. "There is some amount of... relations... on the celestial plane."
Kerry hopped up off the dresser. The action made Castiel jump. "What about here, inside your vessel?" She sidled up a little closer to him. "Can you feel it?"
"Kerry... I..."
"Do you get aroused?"
He looked up at her, fidgeting awkwardly. "These are strange things for you to be asking me."
"I'm just curious." Kerry began running her hand through the hair at the back of Castiel's neck and inside his coat collar, working to loosen his tie. Castiel's eyes darted nervously back and forth. "Did I ever tell you that you're really attractive?"
He seemed genuinely confused. "You've never seen me, Kerry. It would burn your eyes out of your head."
She tittered, trying to be flirtatious. "I mean your vessel."
"Oh." Castiel thought it over. "You may've said that to me before."
"Well it's true." Kerry continued stroking his hair and neck.
After an uncomfortable sigh, Castiel looked up at her, into her eyes, feeling within. "You're in pain," he stated simply. "Your older brother is in the hospital, and the other one is up to something. You're worried and you're in pain."
Kerry's mouth twitched, her smile faltering for a moment at his words.
He took advantage of her silence to continue with a question, one that he wasn't sure he wanted her to answer. "What are you looking for, Kerry?"
She wasn't sure how to answer that. Could he see inside her? He was an angel, after all. Would he know if she lied? Finally, she answered, "Comfort," and bent down to kiss him.
Castiel raised his head and accepted the kiss, although he wasn't sure how far he should let this go, how far she wanted this to go. In the back of his mind, Castiel weighed all his options and the possible backlash. Dean and Sam probably wouldn't be happy with this being allowed to happen, but it could be worse, couldn't it? And what would Kerry do if he rejected her? He knew of her history... how far the girl had gone in the past to get that "comfort" she was now asking for. But was that any excuse? Kerry was a grown woman who made her own decisions.
Still, Castiel wondered if there was more behind this than sex.
When she broke the kiss, Kerry asked, "So, can you?"
"Can I become aroused? Some aspect of sex is spiritual, and because of that, I can feel it." He saw the mischievous gleam in her eye. "I've been told that it can take a great deal of attention for a human to bring an angel to climax. But, the answer to your question is yes."
Kerry ran her hand over his chest. "Hm, that probably means that angels have great stamina. Do they?"
"Yes, but..." Castiel looked down at her hand. The girl definitely wanted to see this through, Heaven help him. "...we shouldn't do anything, Kerry. I mean..." He gazed back up at her, awkward and flustered. "...you're trying to seduce me, aren't you?"
She had to laugh, snickery and loud. "You're so cute when you're like this, Cas." Kerry crouched down and started to undo his tie. He just blinked at her, watching her do it. "Is it working?"
"The seduction?"
"Yeah..."
"You really mean to have sex with an angel?"
"Oh yeah..."
"Do you have any idea what that's like?"
Licking her lips, she pulled the knot free and slid Castiel's tie off. "I'm dying to find out."
"What about what I want?"
That stopped her for a moment. Kerry looked into his face, trying to read his eyes. "What are you saying?"
The hurt in her voice... she tried to hide it, but he could hear it. It wasn't that she was physically repulsive; on the contrary, she was very pretty for a human. But there were repercussions to think of, and his own inexperience with her species, and... and she was looking at him like a wounded little girl. At that moment, Castiel saw inside her again, and he realized that if he didn't look after her tonight, she could get hurt. She would get hurt. She would do anything to soothe her wounded feelings. At that moment, Kerry reminded him of her older brother. Always hurting inside but trying desperately to pretend that everything in life was casual, that pain rolled off her like water from a duck's back.
"Uhh... I'm just saying, if your brothers found out, it would be awkward," Castiel finally replied.
"Then we don't tell them." Kerry moved closer, until her mouth was only inches from his.
"But, I don't know if I could keep that secret."
"We'll find a way to deal with it." She realized that Castiel wasn't moving toward her. This was a bit awkward, but that was to be expected. "Tell me, Castiel... do you think I'm sexy?"
"Sexy?"
"Do you understand that concept?"
Looking off to one side, he seemed to think about it. "Sexy is when you find a person attractive enough to make you think of sex. But, I don't think you understand... angels don't have sex the same way humans do. It's more of a... merging."
"You don't understand human relations if you think it's that different." Kerry tried the question again. "Do you think I'm sexy?"
Again, Castiel thought about it, his brow furrowed in discomfort. "I think you are attractive in the way humans are attractive. But in terms of angels... merging... it's just very..."
Finally, she realized what he was saying. "Cas, are you a virgin?"
Now he glared at her, looking almost offended. "Not on the celestial plane."
"But you've never had sex with a human."
Castiel shook his head. "When would I have had the opportunity?"
Kerry began to laugh. "This is priceless." She slipped her hands under his suit collar. "I've got myself a virgin angel."
"Well, I, I guess you do," Castiel stammered, a little embarrassed. He tried to smile.
She moved in again. "I'll be nice to you," Kerry said, and kissed him once more.
This time, Castiel leaned into it.
It was as much a learning experience for him as it was for her. Within a minute, his kisses became greedy and desperate. Castiel liked it, and he wanted more. Kerry tried to slow down his pace, but he kissed dirty, having no idea how to draw it out. Now on her knees, her hands were in his hair and he clutched her to him, and they kissed for some endless amount of time that was actually only a few minutes.
Kerry pulled away to breathe. They were both panting now. "Let's... let's slow down a little, okay?"
Castiel let out a small, needy moan that sent shivers up her spine. "Okay."
"Is this... is this your vessel reacting, or you?" she panted.
The shortness of breath was the vessel. Angels didn't have lungs, they didn't need to breathe. Still, Castiel didn't know where his feelings ended and the vessel's began. "I don't even know anymore," he said.
With a breathless little laugh, Kerry realized her knees were beginning to hurt, and tried to shift her position a bit. She put her hand on his leg to brace herself, but wound up placing it right on his crotch. Castiel let out another one of those moans, but this one had a great deal more surprise in it, and he jumped in the vessel's skin.
Kerry pulled her hand back in reaction to how she'd startled him. "Oh! Uh..." She put her hand back in the same place and stroked it. Castiel moaned louder, eyes going wide. "You're really hard," she informed him, almost at a conspiratorial whisper, voice husky and pleased with herself.
"Uh... that's supposed to happen," he said matter-of-factly.
Nodding, Kerry traced the lines of the hard cock through his pants. Castiel's eyes went wide, then narrowed, then widened, then narrowed. A series of deep moans rumbled in his throat, and finally, his eyes closed.
"Does it feel good?"
He nodded back, drinking it all in. "It's not... quite the same as the sensation... on the celestial plane, but... it's quite good." Letting out a long breath, Castiel elaborated on his statement with, "It strikes me as odd that God would give you such a strong... strong sensation... something so irresistible, and then expect you not to do it all the time." He allowed himself to just feel what her hand was doing. "It's almost cruel."
"Tell me about it," Kerry laughed. She continued touching him through his pants, watching the ecstasy on his face and snickering to herself over a portion of his hair that was sticking up. "Let's move to the bed, okay?"
Eyes coming open, Castiel knew somehow that more good feelings were to follow. "Okay," he said, and eagerly let her lead him to the bed.
Kerry urged him to lie back across it, getting him to scoot until almost his entire body was on the mattress, just his feet hanging off the side. Then she climbed on top of him and began to unbutton his shirt, pushing open the trench coat and the suit coat. "You've got so many clothes," Kerry remarked.
"It's what the vessel was wearing the day that we left."
"You're like a Christmas present, wrapped by Sammy. He uses too much tape," she giggled. When Kerry reached the last button, she pulled out the tucked-in shirt and gave his chest a good rub down. "Your vessel has a pretty nice body."
Castiel said, "Thank you," although he wasn't sure why.
"I wish I could see what you really look like." She kept rubbing his chest, stroking and caressing him fondly. "Angels are just balls of light?"
"Not exactly." Then he added, "It's hard to describe. Some have multiple eyes, multiple wings, multiple heads... some are wheels of fire... some would strike you dumb just to look at them."
"Are you a wheel of fire?"
Castiel shook his head. "I was not made for human eyes."
"I don't care what you were designed for." Kerry leaned down and whispered in his ear. "I know that you're beautiful."
He shook his head again, looking at her, so close to him. "My natural appearance would be grotesque to you."
Now she shook her head. "Can't be."
They began to kiss again.
There was something Kerry wanted very badly here, and she decided to go for it. Sex with an angel had to be something incredible compared to sex with a regular human, even if she was actually making love to Castiel through his vessel. But sex with an angel while high had to be even better. "Inside that vessel, you change something about his makeup, don't you?" Kerry suddenly asked between kisses.
Confused why she would ask such a thing, Castiel answered her a bit cautiously. "You mean... how I can heal him so easily?"
"Not exactly. I mean, a demon can impale you on a hook and you don't even cry out. It's like you're made of steel."
"I suppose it's sort of like that."
"So... other things could be changed about your vessel. Enhanced, just by you being in there."
Shrugging, he replied, "Yes, that's true."
"Kind of like how drinking the blood of Yellow Eyes gave Sam powers."
"Yes, kind of like that. But in all fairness, your brother was probably psychic already; that's what brought Azazel to him in the first pla - "
Kerry had confirmed what she wanted to know. She cut him off with another kiss.
Seconds later, she was kissing down Castiel's chest, undoing his belt and pulling it open. He sighed and arched his back when Kerry's fingers wrapped around the shaft of the vessel's cock, shivered and moaned helplessly when her mouth enveloped the head of it and then slid down, taking most of him into that warm, wet cavern. He'd never felt anything quite like this. "Kerry, that's... uuuhmmm..."
She worked on him until her mouth went so dry that she couldn't suck anymore, couldn't lick, her tongue a wet piece of sandpaper. When she looked at the clock, Kerry realized that an hour had gone by. "God, Cas, don't you ever cum?" she panted.
He was a mess of sweat and rumpled clothes, just writhing underneath her, unable to resist. But no matter how long she massaged his balls or how fast she bobbed her head up and down, Castiel just stayed hard. "Huh?" he said, looking down at her.
"You did say it would take a great deal of effort, didn't you?" 'Effort' came out as "eth-fert" as her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth for a second.
"Effort?" Castiel saw his cock standing just as straight as ever, wet with the last of her saliva. "Oh, yes. I did say that."
Pounding a fist into the mattress, Kerry vowed not to quit. "Gimme a sec." She pushed her hair out of her face and got off the bed to grab a bottle of soda from the little fridge next to the dresser. As she took a long swig from it, she just looked at his naked torso and crotch, tilting her head. "My God, it's like a sundial."
Castiel looked at it too. "What you're doing with it, it... ah... I like it." His blue eyes were filled with boyish hope. "Please do it some more."
"Oh, I'm sure you do." She put the soda down on the floor. "It's called giving head."
"That label doesn't seem to fit the activity."
With a shrug, she said, "I didn't name it," and pulled her shirt off over her head. Kerry hoped the sight of a naked woman might make him finish faster. "Have you ever seen a woman naked, Castiel?"
He seemed to like the idea; Castiel leaned up so he could see her better, his eyes hungry with arousal. "Not under these circumstances."
Kerry rubbed one of her breasts through the white lacy bra she wore, very slowly. "Do you want to?"
Castiel nodded vigorously, like a bobble-head doll that had been poked very hard.
"It's adorable how curious you are," she commented, and unhooked her bra.
The angel didn't know where his vessel left off and he began; was it him reacting to these sights, or James Novak? Did Kerry even know the vessel's name? Castiel couldn't help but think of these things, his mind running wild, as she tossed the white fabric aside and then casually slid her panties down to her ankles with a few tilts of her hips. How did people feel like this on a regular basis and not lose their minds?
Kerry stretched, milking her nudity for all it was worth (it seemed to be driving Castiel mad), and climbed on top of him, on the bed, looming over his body and taking the time to plant a long kiss on his panting mouth. "I'm sorry, but we'll have to save the head for another time. I gotta see what this cock feels like inside me." Before poising herself over him, Kerry briefly wondered if the pill would even be effective against an angel, or if his orgasm would blow her ovaries right out the top of her head.
That'd be all they needed. Apocalypse coming, and her with a big goofy smile on her face, bundle of light in a diaper, and two holes in her head. She almost laughed out loud.
Castiel made one of those helpless, needy moans again when Kerry took hold of his cock. She lowered herself down onto it and then shuddered all over with pleasure. "Goddamn you're hard," she huffed out.
He tried to furrow his brow in disdain for what she'd said, but it was a difficult thing to do with that wet heat surrounding him. "Don't... Lord's name... vain," Castiel managed.
"Sorry, sorry," she replied, her fingers beginning to dig into his sides. Kerry wasn't even sure she'd be able to move without exploding; he felt like steel inside her, but warm. If only all men could get it up this well... she experimentally began to rock up and down, and within a minute, was fucking him hard and fast, nursing orgasm number one. "Cas... Caaaas..."
Suddenly, he looked up at her, confused. "What?"
Through her panting moans, Kerry started to laugh breathlessly. "You're doing this... to me... feels good..."
He seemed to understand. "Oh."
Roughly forty-five minutes later and Castiel still hadn't orgasmed, although he seemed to be enjoying himself. Kerry, though, was a mess. What hair she wasn't whipping around her head wildly with every downward thrust of her hips was plastered to her forehead with sweat. After seven climaxes, her own juices had run down her thighs; she was sloppy wet with it. It felt like her heart might come beating right through her chest. She was exhausted. "C-Cas... Castiel... do you think... you might..."
He cupped her breasts in his hands and rubbed at her nipples just because he liked the look on her face when he did that, the look of ecstasy. The angel did so like to please the Winchesters, and he wasn't even totally sure why. Kerry promptly came again.
Castiel hadn't heard her make that sound before. The cry she let out was hoarse and breathless, and her body shook helplessly in his hands. It almost sounded like she was in pain near the end. "Cas, I... I'm starting to cramp... in my hips. And my legs, and... please, I want it to be good for you too."
He seemed confused, but that was nothing new. "What do you want me to do?" he asked.
Rolling her eyes, Kerry huffed out, "Cum!"
"You want me to have an orgasm?"
"Uh, yeah. That's the point."
"Oh!"
She rolled her eyes again. "It's not all about me," Kerry said, just as she noticed that he was arching his back, pressing himself higher up into her. A rumble built in his throat. "Castiel? What are you - is this how you - "
Waving a hand before Kerry's eyes, Castiel whispered something in Enochian. He grabbed her hips and pushed her down impossibly hard.
White light exploded before Kerry's eyes. Her body filled with such an intense feeling of peace and warmth that she didn't even know where she was, just floating on a cloud. After some undetermined amount of time, she tried her voice. "Castiel?" Her voice sounded hoarse, but it was there. Kerry realized her ears were ringing, and there was a definite breeze coming from somewhere that hadn't been there before.
The next thing she became aware of was that his arms were around her. And that her back was now against something hard. Had they fallen out of bed? As she still could see nothing but whiteness, Kerry took her hand from where it was curled against Castiel's chest and put it out, feeling for something, anything. Her fingers fell upon something soft, like a pillow full of down feathers.
"Mmmm," she hummed, stroking whatever it was. Over the next few seconds, Kerry began to feel more and more of the real world around her. Her legs were wrapped around Castiel's waist. He was inside her, but finally going flaccid. And she felt like she was still on top, resting down on him. But how could that be?
Castiel kissed the side of her head. "That was a treasured new experience, Kerry," he said. His voice sounded different, like two voices speaking on top of one another, one his human vessel, and one so musical it sent her ears ringing again. The more he spoke, the more the musical voice faded. "Thank you."
"Cas, I can't... everything's white."
"Relax. Your sight will return." And then, "You can't be allowed to see it all."
"All of what?" Kerry reached beyond the fluffy down soft thing... and found empty air.
"Me."
Her awareness came back all at once. Kerry saw Castiel's wings, spread wide, flapping just enough... to keep them up on the ceiling.
A brief scream escaped her and her hands flew backward, plastered flat against the ceiling. "Castieeeeel!" she screeched. That was the hard thing against her back, the roof.
"I won't drop you. I promise." They began to descend slowly toward the bed.
Kerry wrapped her arms around his torso and gripped him tight out of fear, whimpering. When they landed, he brought his head out of the crook of her neck, and for just a split second, she saw six eyes. The two his vessel had, another between, and three more spread out across his forehead. Then she blinked and he had the face she was used to, the face of his vessel. Another blink and the wings were no longer spread over the hotel comforter, but were gone.
Words would not suffice for what she had just seen. "Oh... wow..." was all Kerry could say. She stroked the comforter where the wings had just been.
Another second and she realized that several car alarms were going off in the parking lot. They sounded impossibly close.
All of the windows in the room had been shattered.
"Holy shit, Cas. When you cum, you - "
The door opened suddenly and in stepped Sam, a look of great concern on his face. "Kerry, what happ - WHOA!" He recoiled and covered his eyes. "Oh God... ohhhh God... what did I just see?"
At the same moment, that high that Kerry had been looking for when she began seducing Castiel in the first place overtook her. The feeling of perfect peace was back, and it was accompanied by a giddy feeling of happiness quite unlike anything she'd felt before. While Castiel just looked at Sam, having no idea what to say, Kerry grinned at her brother stupidly and spoke for both of them.
"Hi Sammy," she slurred. "We were, just, uh... yeah, that's it."
*****
Chapter 2: Three Little Fishies
Word Count this Chapter: 1,483
Kerry tried her hardest to walk a straight line out to the Impala, but it was difficult. What she really wanted to do with how she felt was twirl and skip and prance her way across the hotel parking lot. When she saw her brother sitting sideways in the passenger seat with the door open, legs out, his head in his hands, Kerry wanted desperately to feel guilty and sad for how he was feeling, but she was simply too high to be capable of it.
Castiel was standing near the hotel office, giving the manager the cash that Kerry had handed him. It was to pay for the broken windows. The manager agreed not to call the cops on them if they paid and left, and never came back again. Kerry figured they got off easy.
She tried to dim her dreamworld smile as she approached Sam and stroked his hair. "It's okay, Sammy. Come on, pull it together. Time to get your bag so we can go."
He barely looked up; somehow, Sam couldn't lay eyes on her yet. "Kerry, what the hell are you doing?"
"Getting us out of here before this dude calls the cops."
"You know what I mean." Taking a deep breath, he finally said it. "Why did you and Castiel... I mean, what are you doing, Kerry?"
She didn't want to explain this, but knew it would be inevitable after he'd caught them in the act. "Sam... it's been a long day."
He scoffed. "Yeah, one of those days."
"Yeah. And you know how I get sometimes. I just... I needed something to take the edge off." A too-loud giggle burst out of her. "He's a goddamn angel, Sammy. And I needed something..." That giggle again, sounding almost hysterical this time. "...something incredible."
Sam sniffled. "So you did it for a high."
"Yeah... I guess you could put it that way."
For a second, he just breathed a little too heavily and then slammed his fist against the side of the door. "God, Kerry, how could you even think of such a thing when Dean's in the hospital?! You're so damn selfish!" Something rippled across his face, a guilty look, a realization, and he put his head in his hands again. "Damn it, I'm such a hypocrite."
Confused, Kerry crouched down in front of her brother. "Sam, what are you talking about?" It didn't even occur to her that earlier in the day, he had sent her out for Cokes for the road right after Ruby had done the spell to find Dean, that Ruby had left with a big Band-Aid on her arm; how had she even gotten injured? Kerry's mind had been too focused on the angels taking Dean away, and what condition he would be in when they found him.
"Nothing." He tried to wave off the question. "Just, forget it."
Kerry tried to pull his hands away from his face, but Castiel walked over and interrupted them, standing there silently, watching. Sam looked up at his approach and instantly scowled. The look on his face became almost homicidal in its intensity.
She looked up too, and realized why Sam was glaring at Castiel that way. His fly was unzipped, his shirttail poking out through the slit. Kerry, clearing her throat, nodded her head in the direction of his crotch. Castiel looked. "Oh... um." He turned away to tuck his shirt back in and zip himself up. When he turned back around, Sam was still glaring at him.
"Cas, maybe you better... go over there for a bit," she suggested.
"Oh. Yes." Castiel pointed off in an arbitrary direction. "Over there." He walked away.
With a sigh, Kerry tried to apologize for her behavior. "Sam, I'm sorry. I know what I did was selfish. I needed something to get me through, but I'm still here for you and Dean, okay?" She took hold of his wrists and gave them a light shake. "Okay?"
"Just, forget it. Whatever you did, it's all just part of this fucked up day."
"Then why won't you look at me?"
Sam took his hands away from his face. He had begun to cry. "It's not you, Kerry. It's just so hard to see Dean like that."
"Oh, Sammy... scoot over, okay?"
He scooted into the car, halfway across the seat so Kerry could climb in. She put her arms around him and patted his back. Sam clung to her just like he used to when they were much younger and he'd skinned his knees, and Dad wouldn't comfort him because he saw it as coddling. Dean would bring the big Band-Aids and Kerry would fuss over their little brother, kissing his tears away. Sam had always been the most sensitive of the three.
"I haven't seen him so weak in a long, long time," Sam sobbed. She kissed the side of his head, saying soothing things. "It's weird to see Dean that helpless and hurt. He was trying so hard to be strong while I was there, but he needed to use the bathroom, you know, and he couldn't get up on his own. The nurses had to bring him one of those plastic pee bottles." Sam ran a hand through his hair. "I hate seeing him like that."
"I know, Sammy. Alistair really fucked him up. But Dean'll be okay." Kerry began to rock him a bit. "He got out of it alive, and now Dean will heal and be back on his feet before we know it. He'll be the same old toughass that he always is."
"I know. I know you're right. But I felt so bad leaving him alone. What if he wakes up in the middle of the night and no one's there?"
"Well, I tell you what we do." Kerry kissed his head again. "We have ourselves a good cry, and then we pull ourselves together and we go back to the hospital to stay overnight with Dean."
"But it's past visiting hours."
"Then we get Castiel to zap us right into the hospital room. If they ask us to leave, we just refuse, 'cause our brother needs us. The nurses should appreciate that they have some help taking care of such a whinypuss."
Laughing through his tears, Sam agreed. "Yeah, he can be like that sometimes, just to get attention from the pretty ones."
"That's our Dean." Now she laughed, rocking him some more. "This may be hard to believe, but there was a time when you were smaller than me. You remember how Dad would get us to sing in the car on long trips, and back then there weren't any seatbelt laws, or at least they didn't enforce 'em yet, so you'd sit in my lap and I'd rock you just like this?"
He chuckled. "Yeah."
"You were like a baby doll to me. My little Sammy. And Dad would get us to sing to entertain us 'cause, you know, three little kids in a car is like torture if you don't keep them happy."
"I remember. Especially you dressing me in Dad and Dean's clothes and making me play House," Sam laughed, sniffling.
"Yeah," she giggled. "Floppy sleeves, too long for your arms." Now they laughed together. "You know what my favorite car song was? Three Little Fishies."
"Oh yeah, and we changed the lyrics 'cause it was all about a mama fish and her three babies and we only had a daddy fish."
That particular memory held some sadness, but Kerry just continued, glad that she was still too high to really feel it. "Down in the meadow in a little bitty pool swam three little fishies and a daddy fishie too. 'Swim,' said the daddy fishie, 'Swim if you can,' and they swam and they swam all over the dam."
They sang the ridiculous chorus together. "Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem, Chu! Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem, Chu! Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem, Chu! And they swam and they swam all over the dam."
Sam didn't even realize that he had stopped crying.
Cautiously, Castiel moved back toward the car, curious to know what they were doing. When he heard them singing a child's song together, the angel was touched, as he had been many times before, by this family's resilience through their love for each other. Somehow, he felt he'd become a part of that. Castiel even memorized the words to the silly little song they were singing.
"'Stop,' said the daddy fishie, 'or you will get lost!' The three little fishies didn't wanna be bossed. The three little fishies went off on a spree, and they swam and they swam right out to the sea. Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem, Chu! Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem, Chu! Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem, Chu! And they swam and they swam right out to the sea."
*****
Chapter 3: Boom
Word Count this Chapter: 2,771
Notes: My beta Sammie gave me a couple of the funny lines in this chapter. :D
The first time that Dean asked the question, they had pulled off at a roadside park and rest stop to stretch their legs and have some sandwiches they'd bought at a gas station. "How'd you do it, Sammy?" he said, leaning against the Impala with a dry roast beef sub in his hand.
"Do what?"
"Get me one of those packets of mayonnaise out of the cooler," Dean requested, and turned back to his brother. "Come on Sam, you know what I'm talking about."
Kerry got up off the red cooler they'd been keeping in the backseat the last few months, took off its top, and rooted around among the half-melted ice to find Dean some mayo. She thought she knew what Dean was asking about, and wasn't exactly looking forward to this conversation. And just a day after he got out of the hospital, too.
"I'm sorry, I don't." While she was up, Sam pointed to the yellow plastic bottle just to the left of where she was digging. "Would you hand me the mustard, Kerry?"
She made a, "Yup," sound, tossing Sam the mustard, and then pegging a packet of mayonnaise in Dean's direction before putting the lid back on and sitting once again on the cooler to eat her own ham and cheese.
"Alright, Sam, fine. I'll just come out and ask."
Sam, hearing that angry tone in his brother's voice, snapped back, "Then come out and ask; what the hell is it?"
"How did you kill Alistair?"
Silence fell over the group as Sam just stared at Dean for several tense moments, no one moving. Then Sam looked down at his sandwich, shaking up the bottle of mustard. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?" he mumbled.
"Because we've never seen you do it before," replied Dean, and waited for an answer. When Sam continued to just shake up the mustard and then opened it, squirting some between the bread and the meat, Dean sighed and looked at the packet he'd caught without even thinking about it. "Kerr-Bear, this is tartar sauce from Long John Silver's."
"Oh, sorry. They're both white." Happy for the distraction, Kerry got up and began to root around in the cooler again.
Finally, Sam tried to answer, but took a bite of his sandwich first so he'd be chewing while talking. Anything for it to seem more casual. "Dean, I don't really know how I did it. These powers that Yellow Eyes gave me, they've just been evolving, you know? Maybe it was an anger thing, like, I was so mad to see what Alistair had done to you that I just... exploded."
"Oh, is that what happened?" By his tone, both Sam and Kerry could tell that Dean wasn't buying it. Dean paused long enough to take a packet of mayo from her hand. "That doesn't really go along with what you said that day, though."
There was a slight pause as Sam popped the top off a bottle of beer; his mouth twitched in an annoyed way.
Dean continued. "You said to Alistair, 'I'm stronger than that now. Now I can kill.' Like you were fully aware of what you could do with these powers before you even got there. Like you'd done something to bring about a change."
With a grunt of acknowledgement, Sam said, "Castiel told you that, right?"
"Yup."
"Well did you ever think that Castiel may be wrong in how I meant it? I did say that, yeah, but what I meant was that once I got there, I could feel so much power coursing through me that I knew I'd be able to kill Alistair." Sam took a swig off the beer bottle. "I don't know anything more about how these powers work than anyone else, Dean. If I did, I'd have more control over them."
For a few seconds, Dean pretended to think it over, chewing on a bite of sandwich. Then he shot back, "That's not what Cas thinks, and not what I think, either."
"Oh, really?"
Cringing at the impending argument, Kerry tried not to make eye contact with anyone and ate her own sandwich.
Angry, Sam added, "So you trust your precious little Castiel more than your own brother?"
It was what Dean said next that made everything that followed inevitable. "He's not the one who lies to me, you are."
Kerry had seen that look on Sam's face many times, the angry, almost betrayed look with the frowny mouth and the narrowed, burning eyes and the twitchy upper lip. Couldn't they just have a nice, normal lunch by the side of the road? She should have expected what Sam said next, but somehow, it was a complete surprise. "Did you ever think that maybe you shouldn't put so much trust in Castiel? Maybe he's got some nasty secrets of his own that you wouldn't like."
"I'm sure he does, but that's beside the point - "
"No, I mean some nasty secrets that I know he'd never tell you." Sam looked right at Kerry.
She froze, eyes wide. Now Dean was looking at her too, the wondering in his eyes, a searching look that tried to flush out the truth. Dean knew that Sam was just trying to take the heat off himself, but then why did Kerry react that way? "What are you talking about?"
"Come on, you guys, stop fighting," Kerry said, and glared at Sam.
Just being a typical little brother, Sam grinned and continued to tattle on her. "Hey, when we're done here, why don't we go back to the Hunzinger Motel and stay the night?"
Kerry's eyes widened again.
"Hey yeah, I love that place. Vibrating beds," Dean said. He knew that somehow, agreeing with Sam here would somehow get him to the truth.
"Right. So let's stay the night there."
Having nothing else to throw, Kerry angrily pulled off her shoe and threw it at Sam's head. He moved so it only bounced off his shoulder. "Shut up, Sam!"
"Okay, now there's something going on with you, too," Dean remarked, turning toward his sister. "Did something happen at the Hunzinger Motel?"
"We just can't stay there, that's all." Deliberately, she took a large bite of her sandwich so her mouth would be full of food.
"And why is that?"
Kerry pointed to her full, chewing mouth and shrugged. She didn't think that Sam would take the opportunity to answer for her.
"We kinda wore out our welcome there when Castiel broke every window in the room."
Her eyebrows furrowed, Kerry took off the other shoe, held it up, waited for Sam to duck, and then pegged it right at his ducked face, hitting him square in the middle of his forehead. He cried, "Ow!" and rubbed the spot while she ranted at him unintelligibly and gestured in anger with her hands.
"Okay..." Dean looked from Kerry to Sam, giving her some time to chew. "How did that happen?"
When Sam opened his mouth, Kerry picked up her bottle of soda and threatened to throw that too, rearing back and frowning at him. He promptly closed his mouth and pretended to lock it with a little key. "Are you happy with yourself?" she asked him once she'd swallowed enough to speak. Sam just shrugged. Kerry quickly chewed the rest and swallowed it all, a hand to her chest. "Oh, that piece was too big. It hurt goin' down," she rasped.
"Is that what Cas said?" Sam asked.
Kerry nearly exploded on him. "Sammy, I swear, I'm gonna brain you! That didn't even make sense, you - "
"Hey!" Dean bellowed. It got her attention. "Would you just tell me what happened so I can get back to reaming Sammy a new asshole?" he requested.
"Well... you know how when you hadn't met Castiel yet, he was trying to communicate with you using his natural voice, and it broke out all the windows? It was like that," Kerry said. Then she looked away, knowing this wouldn't be enough explanation, but stopping anyway.
Dean obviously expected more. "...And?" he finally said.
"And, that's what happened."
"Cas used his natural voice and broke out all the windows."
"Uh huh." Kerry took another large bite of sandwich.
Growing impatient, Dean swiped at the sandwich in an attempt to take it from her. She leaned over and away so he couldn't get it. "Kerry, will you just tell me why?!"
She pointed at her full mouth again.
Dean looked at Sam, who got out the little key and locked up his mouth a second time.
"I'll tell you."
They all looked as Castiel stepped out of the nearby line of trees. Kerry froze, not chewing, unsure if that was a good idea.
Castiel was ready to face Dean with the truth. "It would have come out sometime," he said, and gave Kerry a reassuring look. She allowed him the floor, at first only looking at the ground and chewing what was in her mouth, but eventually looking up to see Dean's reactions to what Castiel was telling him. "The fact that I broke out all the windows was an accident, but I couldn't help it. It was unexpected."
"Cas, why were you using your natural voice?"
Castiel paused to look at Kerry, so uncomfortable and quiet, and barreled ahead. "I've never... had relations... with a human before. That's why I didn't exactly know what would happen when I... well, you know what happens when you..." He cleared his throat. "Kerry and I made love last week."
At first, Dean gave him a look like he didn't believe what he was saying, all confused and narrowed eyes. Once he realized Castiel was completely serious, Dean's eyes widened to shocked proportions and, presumably by reflex, he punched Castiel in the stomach. Kerry gasped, and Sam cringed, but both weren't thinking about the fact that their brother had just gut punched an angel. Castiel did not double over; in fact, he hardly moved in any way. Instead, Dean was the one who doubled over, holding his fist and wincing, as if he'd hit a brick wall. "Fuck," he growled.
"Dean, are you okay?" Sam asked. That was always his brother's way - punch first, realize angels are too tough to punch later.
"Physically," he replied, and straightened up, trying to regain his dignity. "Cas, what the hell? You had sex with my sister? My little sister?! What - what are you - how - why?!"
"Leave him alone, Dean," Kerry insisted. "I seduced him."
"You - you seduced Castiel? You... seduced... Castiel?"
"Yeah."
Speechless, Dean looked between the two of them for several moments. He eventually found his voice again, and repeated, "Why?"
"I just... wanted to?" Kerry said. She had no desire to go into all of her reasons. "I know you see him as our doofy little angel friend, but he's a really attractive guy, Dean."
"You... had sex... with an angel... because he's a really attractive guy?"
"Yeah?"
Neither Sam nor Castiel filled in the other reasons why Kerry did it. Sam, because he now felt a bit guilty for bringing it up in the first place, and Castiel because he understood that there were some things humans kept secret to spare their families the truth.
Still reeling from this news, Dean said, "Are you crazy? First off, you had no idea what would happen. He's a freaking angel, Kerry. Second, did you ever think that this could just complicate the work that we do with Cas? I mean, you couldn't find yourself someone else?"
"Dean, I am not a kid. I can make my own decisions and take my own chances. And you know what else? You are the biggest hypocrite ever. Have you forgotten about Anna?"
"Yeah, well, we're not talking about me. We're talking about you having sex with freakin' Castiel!"
Kerry rolled her eyes. "Jesus, what's the big deal?" she mumbled.
"The big deal? Kerry, he's like a child. It's not fair to seduce him; he hardly understands how it even works."
Castiel cut in. "I am not a child."
"Yeah." Kerry reached out and took his hand for a moment. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
Dean glared until his sister let go of Castiel's hand. "Okay, no details please!" he suddenly said, pacing the length of the car.
"Oh, but you wanted to know what happened, Dean." Getting up, Kerry followed him, trying to turn him to face her. "You asked how the windows got broken, right? Cas using his real voice? Now why do you think that happened?"
Dean just stared at her for a moment. "Oh, I don't want to hear this." He stuck his fingers in his ears.
"Yes you do, you said you wanted to know." She yanked on his arms, but they both knew he could still hear her. "Did I tell you how great Castiel was in bed?"
"Ohhhh fuck! LA LA LA LA, I do not hear Kerry, LA LA LA LA LA!"
"Quit yelling so I can tell you how filthy Castiel kisses!"
"Mary had a little lamb little lamb little lamb!" Dean bellowed.
Before she said too much more, Castiel stepped in, waving a hand back and forth. "Kerry, no no, don't. He doesn't need to hear all that."
"But he thinks you're some kind of simpleton, Cas. That you have no idea how sex works with a human."
"Oh. Well, I admit I wasn't very experienced, but I knew enough to - "
"Cas, stop," Dean grumbled, turning away.
"I'm just trying to tell you that I handled everything alright except for the etiquette on when a man should climax," Castiel explained, trying to be helpful.
"Oh, oh, oh," Sam groaned, covering his ears.
"You see, that's what blew the windows out. But I should have just done it sooner, before I got that aroused," the angel continued.
"Oh my God, Cas, shut up!" Dean protested.
Castiel didn't fully understand why they were getting so upset. Or did he? "What's the matter? You said you wanted to know what happened." He winked. "But now that I think about it, it probably would have blown out the windows anyway."
Kerry grinned mischievously.
"Uh... okay." Dean gave him a light pat on the shoulder. "You've told me. Now can you please stop?"
"Wait a minute..." Kerry began. "Cas, what do you mean, etiquette on when a man should climax? Are you saying that you could have had an orgasm at any time?"
Sam mumbled, "Ohhh God..."
"Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying," Castiel replied.
"So, I went through an hour of giving you head until my tongue was like sandpaper and nearly another hour of sex until my legs felt like they were going to fall off and the whole time, you could have cum at will?"
"Oh, somebody kill me now," Sam pleaded.
Castiel nodded, bewildered. "Yes."
Throwing up her hands, Kerry groaned loudly. "I kept asking why it was taking you so long, and... Cas!"
Confirming the fact that he was no simpleton, the angel added, "As I recall, you weren't complaining that much, Kerry." He smiled coyly at her.
She huffed, not sure if she should be proud of him or mad at him.
"...just shoot me right now, get one of the guns out of the trunk and..." Sam put a finger gun against his temple and pulled the trigger.
A chuckle began to build in Dean's throat, something not even he expected. By the time the others realized what they were hearing, it had built into a full-fledged, hearty laugh. "You can do that, Castiel? Going at it for hours and then out of nowhere, she complains and you just go, 'Oh, my bad.' BOOM! Is that how it happened?"
Even Sam had to chuckle loudly at how he put it.
Castiel tilted his head. "Boom?"
That sent Kerry over the edge. She burst out with a snickery giggle. Within seconds, they were all collapsing into helpless laughter, Sam even falling off the bench he'd been sitting on and rolling on the ground.
"Can you imagine if you were out in the parking lot when that happened?" Dean said between snort-filled laughs. "Just gotta get something from my car... BOOOOM! Ahhhhh, what was that?! Sounded like an angel getting off!"
Sam snickered back, "I only missed it by maybe a minute!"
All were laughing except Castiel, who just looked at them and shook his head, a small smile on his face. "You are all amused by the strangest things."
On to Chapter 4: Inventory