"Dumb Jerks," Degrassi High, Rated R
A Degrassi High Fanfic
by Laurel (Sailorhathor)
Rating: Adult
Dates: Written December 2008
Summary: "Sometimes I think guys are overrated. Girls are easier."
Word Count: Roughly 2,700
Warning: Slightly sexually graphic femslash; Spike/Liz. Contains spoilers for a few later "Degrassi High" episodes.
Beta Thanks: Thanks to Stacey for brainstorming with me on this.
Author's Notes: Written for: Aphrodite_mine in the 2008 yuletide Challenge.
"Can you believe he actually turned to Emma after she spilled her milk and barked, 'Dumb jerk! You should be kicked in the head!'? To his own daughter!"
Liz took her eyes off the rock poster over the right side of Spike's bed and looked at her face in the faint light coming in from the hall through the cracked door. "Shane really freaked out, huh?"
Rolling her eyes, Spike replied, "He always freaks out. Emma's just a baby; she didn't mean to spill it all over his lap."
"It spilled all over his lap?" Liz snickered.
"Yeah."
"Well, I guess he can't help it, being brain damaged and all." She turned over on her back, gazing up at the ceiling with one arm under her pillow. They were both sleeping in Spike's bed, as Liz stayed over that night. Earlier, Emma had begged to sleep with her 'Grammy,' so they had the room to themselves. "Maybe you should stop the visits."
"I don't know, it doesn't seem fair. Shane is her father."
"But if he's yelling at her for spilling milk..."
Spike sighed. "I know. I know."
Turning on her side, Liz grinned and touched Spike's arm, trying to be reassuring. "Give it some thought. I know you want to do the right thing, but Shane... he may be dangerous, you know?"
"Dangerous seems like such a strong word..."
"Don't I know it. Some people used to consider me 'dangerous' at my old school. It was stupid."
"Why?"
"Because I had that haircut. They thought I was a nazi skinhead." Liz rubbed her hair, which was a lot longer than it had been when she first came to Degrassi, with her buzz cut on top.
"Oh."
With a small laugh, Liz asked, "What'd you ever see in Shane, anyway?"
Spike shrugged, cuddling her pillow to the side of her head. "I don't know. He was kinda cute." She paused, thinking about what had happened, and added, "If I'd known how it would turn out, I don't think I would have dated him. I mean, I love Emma, but..."
"Sometimes I think guys are overrated." Liz stared at the ceiling again.
"You think Patrick's nice, don't you?"
"He's almost too nice. I mean, you knew him how long, and he's already writing a song about how much he loves you?"
"Don't remind me," Spike sighed with a roll of her eyes.
Grinning mischievously, Liz began to sing, "Ohhhh, Christine... I loooove yoooou..."
She giggled when Spike shoved her arm, growling, "Stop it. Not so loud."
"Sorry," Liz said, almost in a whisper. "I guess he's okay. Just a little too much like a lost puppy sometimes."
"Yeah, nipping at your heels." Spike gnashed her teeth and yipped like a dog. Both girls chortled, then shushed each other, a finger to each set of lips. "It's kinda sad. We both ditched him."
"Poor guy." Giggling some more, Liz nudged Spike's arm again. "Hey, when you were with Shane, was there anything good about it?" She noticed that Spike's knee was touching her leg. The bed was awfully small. In a way, she was grateful for the coziness of the space between them. "Or was he like wham, bam, thank you ma'am?"
"Liz!" Spike scolded. When Liz kept looking at her expectantly, she tried to form some reply that wasn't completely embarrassing. "You mean... sex with Shane?"
Liz nodded.
"I don't know..." Spike shrugged. "It went really fast. Hurt a lot."
"Did he do anything for you? Or was it all about him?"
"Um... he kinda... well, one thing felt good..."
Her eyes shining in the dim light, Liz prodded, "What, what?"
Spike, eyes shifting nervously, replied, "We kissed... I liked that... and he, um... he sucked on my boobs."
Busting out with one loud cry of laughter, Liz buried her face into the pillow while Spike smacked her arm and side. "Shhh, keep it down, will you?!" Spike whispered harshly.
"I'm sorry, sorry, just... you say boobs?" Liz chuckled.
Spike couldn't seem to roll her eyes enough during this conversation. "I guess. What am I supposed to call them?"
Liz rolled half onto her back, half on her side, rubbing her bare stomach under the hem of the halter top she'd worn to bed. "I dunno. I kinda like the word tits."
Spike couldn't help but watch her moving hand, not sure why. "Okay. I guess that's a less... silly word."
"Sometimes... it's kind of a sexy word. You know?" She rubbed her leg against Spike's knee briefly.
Spike started at the contact. "Well... I suppose."
Liz silently looked her friend up and down. "At my old school, I had this friend... a lot like you. We, ah, we talked about stuff like this a lot. But, unlike you, she swore off guys a long time ago."
"Oh? She doesn't date?"
"Oh... she dates." Waiting for Spike to get it, Liz just stared at her with a smirky half-smile.
The realization came to Spike's eyes. "Oh. Oh. Your friend was a lesbian?"
"Um hm."
Spike ran through what she knew in her head. "But you're not."
"Well... I don't know."
"You don't know?"
Liz shrugged like it was no big deal. "Guys are okay, but... to be honest? Now don't freak on me, okay?"
"Okay," Spike said, a bit apprehensive.
"Honestly... I get more excited over girls. Girls are easier to be with, 'cause, you know... of what happened with my mom's old boyfriend." Liz cringed a little.
"Be with, like, romantically? Like...?"
"Like... my friend and I from my old school..." She gave that shrug again. "We played around sometimes."
"Played around?"
Liz nodded at her. "She said I was really good at it."
"You're talking about... you guys did stuff? Like, you kissed and stuff?" Inside, Spike's stomach fluttered, and she found herself getting a little aroused at the conversation. This alarmed her and made her wildly curious at the same time.
"Yeah, all that. It felt soooo good. You wouldn't believe how good it can feel when you're with someone who knows how to take their time, not rush through it."
"I wouldn't really know," Spike lamented, then felt lame for saying so.
With an unsure pause, Liz finally asked, "Do you want me to show you?"
Spike also hesitated. A part of her screamed yes, yes, let's play around, it doesn't mean anything, she knows you're not a lesbian, but another part screeched that it was a horrible idea, it would lead Liz on, she might think you're gay if you do it. That heat between her legs and the partial erectness of her nipples demanded the bulk of her attention. "I guess... a little."
Liz's brain temporarily shut off in surprise. Did Spike actually just agree to...? "Really?"
Now Spike shrugged as if it wasn't sort of alarming, how much she wanted to mess around at that moment. "A little."
Not passing up this opportunity, Liz moved in closer, placing her hands lightly on the sides of Spike's neck. Spike quivered in reaction. She brought her lips to Spike's, kissing lightly but enough to reveal how desperately she wanted just to touch her. Spike was instantly hit with how not repulsed she was at this first kiss, her first kiss with a girl. It felt like a layer of ice melted from her apprehensive mind like a piece of an iceberg hitting the ocean, sending waves over her body for miles. But this iceberg was made of warm sea water, heated by the sun. Spike had just enough time to think how silly that was, a warm iceberg, before Liz kissed her again, so hard it sent shockwaves like fireworks through the place between her legs.
They kissed passionately, Spike not even aware of how much of it was instinct and how much was Liz leading her mouth through the motions from the benefit of her own experience. She slowly realized that Liz was sliding a hand up her side, pushing up her shirt. Spike shivered suddenly when a thumb rubbed over her left nipple. She hadn't truly realized that her breast was exposed, her attention so stolen by their lips stroking and sucking at one another. Again, part of her mind tugged at her to stop this now, how could she be doing this, it had begun so fast, but her libido screamed don't stop now, keep going, further, more! She was suddenly glad that the lights were off and they couldn't fully see each other.
When Liz pushed the shirt up to her neck, Spike gasped. Liz brushed her lips against hers. In that moment, it all came rushing up to the surface. How much she'd wanted this for so long. And she realized that she'd be perfectly happy to do this with Spike all the time, how well they fit together, and how happy she'd be to look after Emma like a second mother. They already did things like an old married couple, didn't they? Taking Emma to daycare almost every morning, seeing movies, going shopping. They were always there for each other. Why couldn't this be a regular thing too? Spike was letting her do this, she was really not resisting the things Liz had dared to fantasize about from time to time. They were brief fantasies that would come on Liz at strange moments: Spike, pushing Emma's stroller across the street and stopping in the crosswalk long enough to look back and grin, Spike and Emma licking ice cream cones, Spike stooping to clean off Emma's face with a napkin, I think she gets more on her shirt than she does in her mouth, and Liz would love her, long for her. She was the perfect mother, stubborn, nurturing, strong, stylish, pretty.
Liz had never allowed herself to think for even a brief moment that any of those fantasies could come true. Now, a glimmer of hope shined in her eyes as she held Spike's face and whispered, "I can make it feel better than he did." Then she lowered her lips to Spike's breasts.
Liz could not believe this was happening as she took Spike's nipple into her mouth and began to suck it. Spike let out a little cry. She was beginning to pant. This went on for a minute, the space around the bed filled with the sounds of Spike's heavy breathing and the sucking noises, a quiet moan escaping Liz from time to time. She moved from one breast to the other.
Her mind reeling, Liz rapidly took it further, afraid Spike would call it off any second. She slid her hand down Spike's stomach and into her pajama shorts, deeper inside her panties, slipping a finger into the heat and wetness she found there and stroking the quivering knob with enthusiasm. Spike cried out briefly, almost too loud for their comfort. Her legs spread instantly, Spike only slightly aware of the action.
Liz loved the way Spike felt down there, wet and warm, all for her, all because of her. She concentrated all of her attention on the clit, stroking it and circling it with her finger; she wanted Spike to know exactly how good she could make her feel before she stopped her. If she was going to stop her. The farther Liz got, the more she wondered just how much Spike would let her do.
All Spike could think was how good this felt, how incredible, how mind-blowing, how... "Liz!" she moaned.
That was it. Spike moaned her name. Liz had to taste her. Before Spike came to her senses and made her stop, Liz was going to get her face between those legs and savor how that warm wetness tasted. She wanted to do it just to hear Spike moan her name again, more intensely this time, breathless, desperate, begging for more. Liz aggressively pulled the pajama shorts and panties down and moved down the bed, going right for it. She got her head between Spike's legs, upside down, and dipped in, licking her clit deeply, only once.
Spike shivered all over almost convulsively, overcome with the amazing pleasure. "Uhhh," she moaned, arching into it, and rasped, "God, Liz!"
There was a bumping noise in the hallway, followed by Emma's voice saying, "I use the potty?"
The two girls gasped and frantically worked to put themselves back together, redressing Spike and getting back into positions that wouldn't look suspicious. They waited, panting with effort, and listened.
They surmised through the muffled sounds that Spike's mom was taking Emma to try to use the "potty." It lasted a few minutes, then shuffling footsteps came toward Spike's room. The two girls quickly pretended to be asleep. The hinges squeaked as Spike's mother opened the door a little to check on them. One look and she left, closing the door until it was open only a crack as it was before.
Both girls breathed a sigh of relief. They waited several minutes more to make sure that Emma would get back to sleep without asking to crawl into bed with them now. As soon as she felt it was safe, Liz reached for Spike.
Spike made a championship getaway, slipping out of bed under Liz's reaching arms. "I gotta go to the bathroom," she said, and headed into the hall.
Liz, watching her go, felt her insides sink in defeat. She instantly knew by the deer-in-the-headlights look on Spike's face when she stretched out her arms for her that the fantasy would not be explored again.
It was over. The moment was gone.
When Spike took a deep breath and managed to force herself to go back in the bedroom, Liz was gone. She found her sitting on the steps of the back porch. "Hey... you okay?"
Liz glanced back at her, then looked up at the stars. "Kinda."
Spike came over to sit down next to her. "Liz... I'm sorry. I... I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything."
"No, I do. I just... if you'd told me something like that was going to happen tonight, I would have said you were crazy."
Lost in thought, regret, and longing for what could have been, Liz didn't say anything for a while. She finally said, "I shouldn't have pushed you so far."
"Well I let you."
"Yeah, but... so you're still into guys, huh?"
Spike shrugged as a response, and for the first time, Liz wanted to punch her for it. That noncommittal shrug. Like Liz should have just known this couldn't possibly have gone as far as she wanted. "Yeah. I never stopped liking them."
"I know." Liz's tone came out more irritated than she had intended. They didn't talk for a few long minutes.
Spike's mother quietly poked her head out the back door. "Hey you guys," she whispered. "Want some cocoa?"
"Yeah, Mom, that'd be great," Spike replied, and added, "Where's Emma?"
"Asleep in my bed. You know how a big mug of cocoa puts her out." She started to close the door, then opened it and said, "Let's see if the same works on you two."
Liz grinned. She loved how Spike was always thinking of Emma. That anguished look of longing returned to her face for a moment before she put it out, she hoped for good. "I think Shane should have been talking to us the other day." She imitated Shane's voice, sounding dopey. "Dumb jerk. You should be kicked in the head."
Spike giggled to herself. She nudged Liz's arm with her elbow. "Dumb jerk," she agreed.
Liz lifted her foot as high as she could, pretending to kick Spike in the head. "Can't reach your head," she said stupidly.
"Maybe Shane will show us how to do it, he says it so much."
They both made mock guffaws that sounded as dumb as they could muster until the laughter became real.
If Liz couldn't have the fantasy, she would be happy with this, if it meant keeping Spike in her life. These simple moments of laughter and friendship were worth more than a fleeting moment of something that could never be.
Dumb Jerks is (c) 2008 Demented Stuff/The Pleasure of the People
Degrassi High is (c) Playing with Time Inc., WGBH Boston, and Taylor Productions Inc.
by Laurel (Sailorhathor)
Rating: Adult
Dates: Written December 2008
Summary: "Sometimes I think guys are overrated. Girls are easier."
Word Count: Roughly 2,700
Warning: Slightly sexually graphic femslash; Spike/Liz. Contains spoilers for a few later "Degrassi High" episodes.
Beta Thanks: Thanks to Stacey for brainstorming with me on this.
Author's Notes: Written for: Aphrodite_mine in the 2008 yuletide Challenge.
"Can you believe he actually turned to Emma after she spilled her milk and barked, 'Dumb jerk! You should be kicked in the head!'? To his own daughter!"
Liz took her eyes off the rock poster over the right side of Spike's bed and looked at her face in the faint light coming in from the hall through the cracked door. "Shane really freaked out, huh?"
Rolling her eyes, Spike replied, "He always freaks out. Emma's just a baby; she didn't mean to spill it all over his lap."
"It spilled all over his lap?" Liz snickered.
"Yeah."
"Well, I guess he can't help it, being brain damaged and all." She turned over on her back, gazing up at the ceiling with one arm under her pillow. They were both sleeping in Spike's bed, as Liz stayed over that night. Earlier, Emma had begged to sleep with her 'Grammy,' so they had the room to themselves. "Maybe you should stop the visits."
"I don't know, it doesn't seem fair. Shane is her father."
"But if he's yelling at her for spilling milk..."
Spike sighed. "I know. I know."
Turning on her side, Liz grinned and touched Spike's arm, trying to be reassuring. "Give it some thought. I know you want to do the right thing, but Shane... he may be dangerous, you know?"
"Dangerous seems like such a strong word..."
"Don't I know it. Some people used to consider me 'dangerous' at my old school. It was stupid."
"Why?"
"Because I had that haircut. They thought I was a nazi skinhead." Liz rubbed her hair, which was a lot longer than it had been when she first came to Degrassi, with her buzz cut on top.
"Oh."
With a small laugh, Liz asked, "What'd you ever see in Shane, anyway?"
Spike shrugged, cuddling her pillow to the side of her head. "I don't know. He was kinda cute." She paused, thinking about what had happened, and added, "If I'd known how it would turn out, I don't think I would have dated him. I mean, I love Emma, but..."
"Sometimes I think guys are overrated." Liz stared at the ceiling again.
"You think Patrick's nice, don't you?"
"He's almost too nice. I mean, you knew him how long, and he's already writing a song about how much he loves you?"
"Don't remind me," Spike sighed with a roll of her eyes.
Grinning mischievously, Liz began to sing, "Ohhhh, Christine... I loooove yoooou..."
She giggled when Spike shoved her arm, growling, "Stop it. Not so loud."
"Sorry," Liz said, almost in a whisper. "I guess he's okay. Just a little too much like a lost puppy sometimes."
"Yeah, nipping at your heels." Spike gnashed her teeth and yipped like a dog. Both girls chortled, then shushed each other, a finger to each set of lips. "It's kinda sad. We both ditched him."
"Poor guy." Giggling some more, Liz nudged Spike's arm again. "Hey, when you were with Shane, was there anything good about it?" She noticed that Spike's knee was touching her leg. The bed was awfully small. In a way, she was grateful for the coziness of the space between them. "Or was he like wham, bam, thank you ma'am?"
"Liz!" Spike scolded. When Liz kept looking at her expectantly, she tried to form some reply that wasn't completely embarrassing. "You mean... sex with Shane?"
Liz nodded.
"I don't know..." Spike shrugged. "It went really fast. Hurt a lot."
"Did he do anything for you? Or was it all about him?"
"Um... he kinda... well, one thing felt good..."
Her eyes shining in the dim light, Liz prodded, "What, what?"
Spike, eyes shifting nervously, replied, "We kissed... I liked that... and he, um... he sucked on my boobs."
Busting out with one loud cry of laughter, Liz buried her face into the pillow while Spike smacked her arm and side. "Shhh, keep it down, will you?!" Spike whispered harshly.
"I'm sorry, sorry, just... you say boobs?" Liz chuckled.
Spike couldn't seem to roll her eyes enough during this conversation. "I guess. What am I supposed to call them?"
Liz rolled half onto her back, half on her side, rubbing her bare stomach under the hem of the halter top she'd worn to bed. "I dunno. I kinda like the word tits."
Spike couldn't help but watch her moving hand, not sure why. "Okay. I guess that's a less... silly word."
"Sometimes... it's kind of a sexy word. You know?" She rubbed her leg against Spike's knee briefly.
Spike started at the contact. "Well... I suppose."
Liz silently looked her friend up and down. "At my old school, I had this friend... a lot like you. We, ah, we talked about stuff like this a lot. But, unlike you, she swore off guys a long time ago."
"Oh? She doesn't date?"
"Oh... she dates." Waiting for Spike to get it, Liz just stared at her with a smirky half-smile.
The realization came to Spike's eyes. "Oh. Oh. Your friend was a lesbian?"
"Um hm."
Spike ran through what she knew in her head. "But you're not."
"Well... I don't know."
"You don't know?"
Liz shrugged like it was no big deal. "Guys are okay, but... to be honest? Now don't freak on me, okay?"
"Okay," Spike said, a bit apprehensive.
"Honestly... I get more excited over girls. Girls are easier to be with, 'cause, you know... of what happened with my mom's old boyfriend." Liz cringed a little.
"Be with, like, romantically? Like...?"
"Like... my friend and I from my old school..." She gave that shrug again. "We played around sometimes."
"Played around?"
Liz nodded at her. "She said I was really good at it."
"You're talking about... you guys did stuff? Like, you kissed and stuff?" Inside, Spike's stomach fluttered, and she found herself getting a little aroused at the conversation. This alarmed her and made her wildly curious at the same time.
"Yeah, all that. It felt soooo good. You wouldn't believe how good it can feel when you're with someone who knows how to take their time, not rush through it."
"I wouldn't really know," Spike lamented, then felt lame for saying so.
With an unsure pause, Liz finally asked, "Do you want me to show you?"
Spike also hesitated. A part of her screamed yes, yes, let's play around, it doesn't mean anything, she knows you're not a lesbian, but another part screeched that it was a horrible idea, it would lead Liz on, she might think you're gay if you do it. That heat between her legs and the partial erectness of her nipples demanded the bulk of her attention. "I guess... a little."
Liz's brain temporarily shut off in surprise. Did Spike actually just agree to...? "Really?"
Now Spike shrugged as if it wasn't sort of alarming, how much she wanted to mess around at that moment. "A little."
Not passing up this opportunity, Liz moved in closer, placing her hands lightly on the sides of Spike's neck. Spike quivered in reaction. She brought her lips to Spike's, kissing lightly but enough to reveal how desperately she wanted just to touch her. Spike was instantly hit with how not repulsed she was at this first kiss, her first kiss with a girl. It felt like a layer of ice melted from her apprehensive mind like a piece of an iceberg hitting the ocean, sending waves over her body for miles. But this iceberg was made of warm sea water, heated by the sun. Spike had just enough time to think how silly that was, a warm iceberg, before Liz kissed her again, so hard it sent shockwaves like fireworks through the place between her legs.
They kissed passionately, Spike not even aware of how much of it was instinct and how much was Liz leading her mouth through the motions from the benefit of her own experience. She slowly realized that Liz was sliding a hand up her side, pushing up her shirt. Spike shivered suddenly when a thumb rubbed over her left nipple. She hadn't truly realized that her breast was exposed, her attention so stolen by their lips stroking and sucking at one another. Again, part of her mind tugged at her to stop this now, how could she be doing this, it had begun so fast, but her libido screamed don't stop now, keep going, further, more! She was suddenly glad that the lights were off and they couldn't fully see each other.
When Liz pushed the shirt up to her neck, Spike gasped. Liz brushed her lips against hers. In that moment, it all came rushing up to the surface. How much she'd wanted this for so long. And she realized that she'd be perfectly happy to do this with Spike all the time, how well they fit together, and how happy she'd be to look after Emma like a second mother. They already did things like an old married couple, didn't they? Taking Emma to daycare almost every morning, seeing movies, going shopping. They were always there for each other. Why couldn't this be a regular thing too? Spike was letting her do this, she was really not resisting the things Liz had dared to fantasize about from time to time. They were brief fantasies that would come on Liz at strange moments: Spike, pushing Emma's stroller across the street and stopping in the crosswalk long enough to look back and grin, Spike and Emma licking ice cream cones, Spike stooping to clean off Emma's face with a napkin, I think she gets more on her shirt than she does in her mouth, and Liz would love her, long for her. She was the perfect mother, stubborn, nurturing, strong, stylish, pretty.
Liz had never allowed herself to think for even a brief moment that any of those fantasies could come true. Now, a glimmer of hope shined in her eyes as she held Spike's face and whispered, "I can make it feel better than he did." Then she lowered her lips to Spike's breasts.
Liz could not believe this was happening as she took Spike's nipple into her mouth and began to suck it. Spike let out a little cry. She was beginning to pant. This went on for a minute, the space around the bed filled with the sounds of Spike's heavy breathing and the sucking noises, a quiet moan escaping Liz from time to time. She moved from one breast to the other.
Her mind reeling, Liz rapidly took it further, afraid Spike would call it off any second. She slid her hand down Spike's stomach and into her pajama shorts, deeper inside her panties, slipping a finger into the heat and wetness she found there and stroking the quivering knob with enthusiasm. Spike cried out briefly, almost too loud for their comfort. Her legs spread instantly, Spike only slightly aware of the action.
Liz loved the way Spike felt down there, wet and warm, all for her, all because of her. She concentrated all of her attention on the clit, stroking it and circling it with her finger; she wanted Spike to know exactly how good she could make her feel before she stopped her. If she was going to stop her. The farther Liz got, the more she wondered just how much Spike would let her do.
All Spike could think was how good this felt, how incredible, how mind-blowing, how... "Liz!" she moaned.
That was it. Spike moaned her name. Liz had to taste her. Before Spike came to her senses and made her stop, Liz was going to get her face between those legs and savor how that warm wetness tasted. She wanted to do it just to hear Spike moan her name again, more intensely this time, breathless, desperate, begging for more. Liz aggressively pulled the pajama shorts and panties down and moved down the bed, going right for it. She got her head between Spike's legs, upside down, and dipped in, licking her clit deeply, only once.
Spike shivered all over almost convulsively, overcome with the amazing pleasure. "Uhhh," she moaned, arching into it, and rasped, "God, Liz!"
There was a bumping noise in the hallway, followed by Emma's voice saying, "I use the potty?"
The two girls gasped and frantically worked to put themselves back together, redressing Spike and getting back into positions that wouldn't look suspicious. They waited, panting with effort, and listened.
They surmised through the muffled sounds that Spike's mom was taking Emma to try to use the "potty." It lasted a few minutes, then shuffling footsteps came toward Spike's room. The two girls quickly pretended to be asleep. The hinges squeaked as Spike's mother opened the door a little to check on them. One look and she left, closing the door until it was open only a crack as it was before.
Both girls breathed a sigh of relief. They waited several minutes more to make sure that Emma would get back to sleep without asking to crawl into bed with them now. As soon as she felt it was safe, Liz reached for Spike.
Spike made a championship getaway, slipping out of bed under Liz's reaching arms. "I gotta go to the bathroom," she said, and headed into the hall.
Liz, watching her go, felt her insides sink in defeat. She instantly knew by the deer-in-the-headlights look on Spike's face when she stretched out her arms for her that the fantasy would not be explored again.
It was over. The moment was gone.
When Spike took a deep breath and managed to force herself to go back in the bedroom, Liz was gone. She found her sitting on the steps of the back porch. "Hey... you okay?"
Liz glanced back at her, then looked up at the stars. "Kinda."
Spike came over to sit down next to her. "Liz... I'm sorry. I... I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything."
"No, I do. I just... if you'd told me something like that was going to happen tonight, I would have said you were crazy."
Lost in thought, regret, and longing for what could have been, Liz didn't say anything for a while. She finally said, "I shouldn't have pushed you so far."
"Well I let you."
"Yeah, but... so you're still into guys, huh?"
Spike shrugged as a response, and for the first time, Liz wanted to punch her for it. That noncommittal shrug. Like Liz should have just known this couldn't possibly have gone as far as she wanted. "Yeah. I never stopped liking them."
"I know." Liz's tone came out more irritated than she had intended. They didn't talk for a few long minutes.
Spike's mother quietly poked her head out the back door. "Hey you guys," she whispered. "Want some cocoa?"
"Yeah, Mom, that'd be great," Spike replied, and added, "Where's Emma?"
"Asleep in my bed. You know how a big mug of cocoa puts her out." She started to close the door, then opened it and said, "Let's see if the same works on you two."
Liz grinned. She loved how Spike was always thinking of Emma. That anguished look of longing returned to her face for a moment before she put it out, she hoped for good. "I think Shane should have been talking to us the other day." She imitated Shane's voice, sounding dopey. "Dumb jerk. You should be kicked in the head."
Spike giggled to herself. She nudged Liz's arm with her elbow. "Dumb jerk," she agreed.
Liz lifted her foot as high as she could, pretending to kick Spike in the head. "Can't reach your head," she said stupidly.
"Maybe Shane will show us how to do it, he says it so much."
They both made mock guffaws that sounded as dumb as they could muster until the laughter became real.
If Liz couldn't have the fantasy, she would be happy with this, if it meant keeping Spike in her life. These simple moments of laughter and friendship were worth more than a fleeting moment of something that could never be.
Dumb Jerks is (c) 2008 Demented Stuff/The Pleasure of the People
Degrassi High is (c) Playing with Time Inc., WGBH Boston, and Taylor Productions Inc.