(no subject)
I wish I had more time. I wish a lot of things. But number I wish that this wouldn't hit me so hard. So me and Brad broke up and I'm just extremely fucked up about it. It just seems wrong. Something doesn't feel right. I need to find love in friends and simple things. Things that will always be there and I can throw my heart into. This won't prevent from throwing my whole heart into things in the future but maybe I learn lessons. Maybe I should go against every bone in my body and hold my feelings back. Maybe I shouldn't fall in love so fast or get involved so easily. Maybe I shouldn't be so passionate. Or maybe I just happen to pick two at the wrong time and place. I feel stupid for adapting my friends to the person that I'm interested in. This is just an entry for me. Say what you want but say it to my face. Tell me what you believe but don't hold back. This is rambling at its finest yet most boring. I wish I had more time for things. I wish I could sleep only 2 hours a night. I would get so much more done and life would be grand. It feels like things are changing and things are popping out of the woodwork. My love and sex life have faded. My anxiety and stress have grown. My appreciation and motivation to learn have actually grown. My friends are being there when I need them and new ones are happening. My family is being amazingly fun and at the right time. I am reminded about what is important. I wish he would see. I wish he would understand my morals and views. You would think that after so long he would get that some things just don't matter to me. Trivial things and problems are dropped immediately and just don't matter anymore. Because they don't. I'll forgive easily if its worth it. Being hurt sucks. Why the hell do I care so much. Take me out on the town and make me have fun. I need to laugh my worries away. :)