(no subject)
i've been thinking... i don't understand my mother. she goes on about how we need to get our masters degrees, and how we'll likely not be very successful without one, which is true. but then she says things that make me think that she doesn't want to help us get by until we get the degrees. like she said, "you girls need to think about getting a real job so you can get health insurance." which is true. but it's very difficult to work full time and study full time. hell, it's hard studying full time and working five hours a week. and she says that we won't be able to support ourselves through school without a "real" job. which is probably true. but again, a "real" job means full time. and unless she wants us to take five years to get a two year degree, she needs to stop saying things like that. it's very much discouraging me. making me not want to go to china so i can get my degree and get her off my back. maybe i should forget about going for a few years. at least then i would have a decent shot at satisfying her. i don't know... she wasn't much older than me when she went to el salvador for the best years of her life. she's even said they were the best of her life. why doesn't she want me to have the same chance? i hate it when she makes me mad at myself for wanting to do something that could change my life. and i'm exhausted from hauling 80 lb boxes of books all day and not getting enough sleep. two days down, four to go. and i wasn't even supposed to work today.