Doctor Who: "and now all your love will be exorcised" Part 3
Title: "and now all your love will be exorcised"
Chapter: 3 of 4
Rating: PG
Character(s)/Pairing(s): River/Eleven. Amelia (Age 21)
Genre: Romance/Family.
Summary: The sound entered their minds almost unnoticeably at first, filtering in like warmth through the skin before it changed and grew and filled their minds with beauty.
Author's Note: This has become a non-linear series. A collection of stories I will continue to write, hopping in and out of the fictional life of Amelia Song. Created on MSN by myself and gidget_zb.
“You look beautiful,” The Doctor smiled warmly, holding out his hand and waiting for River to take it. He studied her intently, the way her hips swayed with the movement of her feet, how the satiny fabric of the dress Amelia had chosen, gripped tightly to her waist and caressed her figure; every dip and every curve, touched with Tardis blue silk. Her hair was out and loose and the curls, bouncy and free, like wildfire spreading with abandon, its reddish tinge a refreshing change to her signature blonde.
“Thank you, sweetie.”
The Doctor’s pride over her coy blush, did not go unnoticed by either her or their daughter, who’d dashed ahead of them in the hopes of securing a spot down by the glistening water’s edge. They both watched her dance ahead; the Doctor’s attention momentarily distracted from noting everything about his wife that he loved.
They watched Amelia, as they strolled hand in hand. She was all grown up; a woman. She was tall and beautiful and as deadly as her mother, if push came to shove. She had thoughts and ideals and imagination. She had friends and knowledge and a first love waiting in 21st Century Colchester, England. She wasn’t his baby anymore and as he looked down to River, he realized that he was losing them both.
Amelia was gleefully dancing away, with light in her eyes and a spring in her step, as all children must. But River, oh his River; he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side. River didn’t fight it, wrapping her arm around his waist and smiling against his chest as she felt his lips on the crown of her head. His River was slipping through his fingers. And he knew that no matter what he did, he wasn’t going to be able to hold on to her tight enough.
Amelia spun on the spot, seeing them lagging behind and hurriedly waved them over as the lights over the city dimmed and the waters stilled. The Doctor lowered himself to the plush grass, holding River’s hand as she sat down beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. “Thank you for this, sweetie. It’s beautiful here.”
“Wait until you hear them sing.” He smiled, kissing her temple and winking an eye at his daughter before she turned around. The towers started to glow with ethereal beams of golden light and he felt River’s silent gasp against his side; he knew exactly what she was thinking. It looked much like regeneration energy; that slow, beautiful, gradual glow of golden ribbons, twisting and twirling through the sky. The sound entered their minds almost unnoticeably at first, filtering in like warmth through the skin before it changed and grew and filled their minds with beauty.
“Telepathic,” River whispered, pressing her back further into his chest as she sighed in deep contentment. She was right, he smiled to himself. The music of the singing towers was telepathic, silent to all but those with the ability to hear it. The colours in themselves were beautiful and they could see couples nestled together on the darkened banks of the lake, watching the sky as though it were on fire.
But it was the small family of Time-lords, huddled close together on that beach; River’s back against the Doctor’s chest and her hand, clasped tightly in Amelia’s, that could hear the towers for what they were. Stunning.
The Doctor buried his face in River’s hair, his arms wrapped around her so tightly that she couldn’t turn, but she could feel his body shaking with sobs. “Sweetie,” She pressed her hands to his, over her stomach. “What’s wrong?”
He sniffed. “Nothing, just listen to the towers.”
“No,” She demanded quietly, pushing against him until he allowed her to sit up and turn. When she met his eyes, his face fell and he looked down into his lap, tears staining his cheeks with ghastly tracks. “What’s wrong? Tell me.” She pressed her fingers beneath his chin and raised his face to meet hers. “Please, my love?”
The Doctor followed the line of her jaw with his fingers and the shape of her features with his eyes. From her reddish curls that framed her face, untarnished and un-aged, to her soft blue eyes, watching him with worry and confusion. “I love you,” He whispered and River blinked, staring at him. “I barely ever tell you that, River, but it’s true. I do love you. I’ve loved you since Utah, since my Utah. And we’re all timey-whimey and I know that you were already pregnant then, but it was so early for me and I did love you. I couldn’t work out why, River,” He breathed, running his fingers through her hair, his nails scraping along the back of her neck as she pressed her eyes closed and felt the warmth of his touch and the lilting melody of the Towers, inside her mind. “But I did love you. Somehow, I always have. I just want you to know that.”
A tear escaped River’s eye and the Doctor noticed Amelia edging further away. She was trying to give her parents some privacy, she was trying to pretend that she was fixated on the towers, but he knew different. She was listening to every word and he could see a tear escape from the corner of her eye.
“It’s almost like you’re saying goodbye, my love. But I’m not going anywhere.” River tilted her head, smiling warmly, comfortingly and the Doctor pulled her into his arms. She went willingly, closing her eyes again, when he kissed her forehead.
“I’ll never say goodbye to you, River.” She heard him choke back a sob as he let the words leave his lips and she knew he wasn’t telling her the whole truth. He’d said that nothing was wrong, but he was a liar and so was she, so she didn’t push him. He’d tell her if he could, if it would make a difference, but clearly, it wasn’t bound to.
A chill touched the air and ahead of them, River noticed Amelia starting to shiver. “Come on, let’s go home.” She spoke softly and Amelia turned, grinning at her parents as she stood, dusting off her skirt.
**
Back inside the Tardis, Amelia disappeared to her room the moment they were through the doors and both the Doctor and River smiled, knowing their intuitive daughter was giving them space. River wasn’t entirely sure what was going on with the Doctor, but she knew that he wasn’t likely to express whatever fears were plaguing him, with Amelia still in the room. He was her hero, her protector, her Dad. He couldn’t appear weak before her, he wouldn’t. He tried his hardest not to.
“I’ll drop you back a few minutes after we picked you up, so that Amelia doesn’t know you were ever gone.”
River smiled up at him through her eyelashes. “Thank you, sweetie.”
“Here,” He wandered around the console, twirling between his fingers, what looked like a sonic screwdriver. But it was different. “Take this with you, on your expedition, you’ll need it.”
“Will I?” River smirked, touching the small device with reverence.
“Spoilers.” He smiled solemnly and River nodded.
“I could probably use your help, with the expedition.” She shrugged and the Doctor tucked his hands in his pockets, rocking on the balls of his feet and nodded his head.
“Send me a message if you do. You know I’ll come.”
“Yeah, I do.” She nodded, licking her lips. The sound of the Tardis landing filled their ears and River looked around to the door, knowing that she was home and feeling a cold sense of dread as she looked back to the Doctor. His eyes were blood-shot from the tears he’d shed on Darilium and his shoulders were hunched over. Not the normal stature of his over-pompous self. It made her nervous.
“I feel like this is the end of something.” She laughed sadly and the Doctor smiled, reaching out to her. He pulled her towards him by her hands, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and hugging her into his chest.
“It’ll never be over for us, River. One of us will always be just starting. River, we’re the lords of time, you and I. Somewhere in time, you’re in Berlin, killing me and I’m on Alphalpha Matraxis, saving you from the Weeping Angels. We’re a never-ending circle, you and I, and because of this, I’ll never say goodbye to you. In some form or another, we’ll always meet again. I do not fear the end, River.”
“What if I do, my love?”
The Doctor smiled, kissing her forehead and holding her far enough away that he could see into her eyes. “You don’t. I know what you fear River, because I fear it too. But know that, I will always love you. When we’re both legends and the stories of our adventures are lost in time, I’ll still love you. Somewhere, I’ll still be running with you. And somewhere else entirely, we’ll be teaching Amelia to walk and sing her Gallifreyan lullabies.” She laughed through tears, at his words. “Don’t be afraid, Melody Pond.” He brushed a curl away from her face. “Because you are magnificent.”
River nodded, taking a deep breath and pushing up on her tiptoes to kiss his lips, long and tender and loving. She wrapped her arms around his neck and she could taste the salt of his tears on her lips, but she didn’t mention it. “I love you,” She breathed, the long syllables of his real Gallifreyan name falling from her lips in a breathless, barely audible whisper, against his mouth.
She stepped away from him, holding onto his hand just that little bit longer as she made her way down the stairs. “Tell Amelia I love her.”
“I will.” He nodded, feeling her fingers fall from his for the very last time.
She wasn’t stupid, the Doctor knew. He couldn’t tell her why his heart was breaking, but he knew she’d have a fairly good idea. His River was clever and he knew that she’d have worked out by now, that even though he’d promised he never would, a part of him had been saying goodbye that night.
She would see him again. And he had to stop himself from telling her not to go.
She was two steps from the door when he had to physically turn away to stop himself from calling out to her, throwing himself forward and blocking the door. He could lock her up in the Tardis, he could tell her that she couldn’t ever leave. He could keep her safe. But the universe would be irrevocably altered if he did. He was a selfish man, he could justify the choice. But he knew she’d never forgive him for sacrificing the chance that Amelia could live.
There was no telling what would happen, if she didn’t die that day. Her death was a fixed point, like his. She had to die for him, because he needed to walk away from that library that day. If she hadn’t have died for him, he’d have never met her. He’d have never married her and he’d have never loved her.
He pressed his hand to his mouth, watching her step through the doors, blowing him a kiss over her shoulder as she stepped through and closed the doors behind her. The Doctor’s legs gave way beneath him and his mind reached out to the Tardis to take them somewhere, anywhere but there. He fell to the floor of the Tardis as she shifted into flight and he didn’t hear Amelia’s footsteps on the stairs. He didn’t realize she was at his side, until he felt her arms around his back; holding him as he heaved and shook, trying to breathe through the guilt.
“Dad, it’s alright. It’s going to be alright.”
He had to tell her. But he couldn’t.
“No, Amelia, it’ll never be alright again.” Because he let her walk away. He waved goodbye and he sent her to her death; he sent her off to meet a fate he knew to be far, far worse. He sent her to a him that didn’t know her and he knew, he knew just how greatly she’d feared that day. He’d sent her anyway.
Chapter: 3 of 4
Rating: PG
Character(s)/Pairing(s): River/Eleven. Amelia (Age 21)
Genre: Romance/Family.
Summary: The sound entered their minds almost unnoticeably at first, filtering in like warmth through the skin before it changed and grew and filled their minds with beauty.
Author's Note: This has become a non-linear series. A collection of stories I will continue to write, hopping in and out of the fictional life of Amelia Song. Created on MSN by myself and gidget_zb.
“You look beautiful,” The Doctor smiled warmly, holding out his hand and waiting for River to take it. He studied her intently, the way her hips swayed with the movement of her feet, how the satiny fabric of the dress Amelia had chosen, gripped tightly to her waist and caressed her figure; every dip and every curve, touched with Tardis blue silk. Her hair was out and loose and the curls, bouncy and free, like wildfire spreading with abandon, its reddish tinge a refreshing change to her signature blonde.
“Thank you, sweetie.”
The Doctor’s pride over her coy blush, did not go unnoticed by either her or their daughter, who’d dashed ahead of them in the hopes of securing a spot down by the glistening water’s edge. They both watched her dance ahead; the Doctor’s attention momentarily distracted from noting everything about his wife that he loved.
They watched Amelia, as they strolled hand in hand. She was all grown up; a woman. She was tall and beautiful and as deadly as her mother, if push came to shove. She had thoughts and ideals and imagination. She had friends and knowledge and a first love waiting in 21st Century Colchester, England. She wasn’t his baby anymore and as he looked down to River, he realized that he was losing them both.
Amelia was gleefully dancing away, with light in her eyes and a spring in her step, as all children must. But River, oh his River; he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side. River didn’t fight it, wrapping her arm around his waist and smiling against his chest as she felt his lips on the crown of her head. His River was slipping through his fingers. And he knew that no matter what he did, he wasn’t going to be able to hold on to her tight enough.
Amelia spun on the spot, seeing them lagging behind and hurriedly waved them over as the lights over the city dimmed and the waters stilled. The Doctor lowered himself to the plush grass, holding River’s hand as she sat down beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. “Thank you for this, sweetie. It’s beautiful here.”
“Wait until you hear them sing.” He smiled, kissing her temple and winking an eye at his daughter before she turned around. The towers started to glow with ethereal beams of golden light and he felt River’s silent gasp against his side; he knew exactly what she was thinking. It looked much like regeneration energy; that slow, beautiful, gradual glow of golden ribbons, twisting and twirling through the sky. The sound entered their minds almost unnoticeably at first, filtering in like warmth through the skin before it changed and grew and filled their minds with beauty.
“Telepathic,” River whispered, pressing her back further into his chest as she sighed in deep contentment. She was right, he smiled to himself. The music of the singing towers was telepathic, silent to all but those with the ability to hear it. The colours in themselves were beautiful and they could see couples nestled together on the darkened banks of the lake, watching the sky as though it were on fire.
But it was the small family of Time-lords, huddled close together on that beach; River’s back against the Doctor’s chest and her hand, clasped tightly in Amelia’s, that could hear the towers for what they were. Stunning.
The Doctor buried his face in River’s hair, his arms wrapped around her so tightly that she couldn’t turn, but she could feel his body shaking with sobs. “Sweetie,” She pressed her hands to his, over her stomach. “What’s wrong?”
He sniffed. “Nothing, just listen to the towers.”
“No,” She demanded quietly, pushing against him until he allowed her to sit up and turn. When she met his eyes, his face fell and he looked down into his lap, tears staining his cheeks with ghastly tracks. “What’s wrong? Tell me.” She pressed her fingers beneath his chin and raised his face to meet hers. “Please, my love?”
The Doctor followed the line of her jaw with his fingers and the shape of her features with his eyes. From her reddish curls that framed her face, untarnished and un-aged, to her soft blue eyes, watching him with worry and confusion. “I love you,” He whispered and River blinked, staring at him. “I barely ever tell you that, River, but it’s true. I do love you. I’ve loved you since Utah, since my Utah. And we’re all timey-whimey and I know that you were already pregnant then, but it was so early for me and I did love you. I couldn’t work out why, River,” He breathed, running his fingers through her hair, his nails scraping along the back of her neck as she pressed her eyes closed and felt the warmth of his touch and the lilting melody of the Towers, inside her mind. “But I did love you. Somehow, I always have. I just want you to know that.”
A tear escaped River’s eye and the Doctor noticed Amelia edging further away. She was trying to give her parents some privacy, she was trying to pretend that she was fixated on the towers, but he knew different. She was listening to every word and he could see a tear escape from the corner of her eye.
“It’s almost like you’re saying goodbye, my love. But I’m not going anywhere.” River tilted her head, smiling warmly, comfortingly and the Doctor pulled her into his arms. She went willingly, closing her eyes again, when he kissed her forehead.
“I’ll never say goodbye to you, River.” She heard him choke back a sob as he let the words leave his lips and she knew he wasn’t telling her the whole truth. He’d said that nothing was wrong, but he was a liar and so was she, so she didn’t push him. He’d tell her if he could, if it would make a difference, but clearly, it wasn’t bound to.
A chill touched the air and ahead of them, River noticed Amelia starting to shiver. “Come on, let’s go home.” She spoke softly and Amelia turned, grinning at her parents as she stood, dusting off her skirt.
**
Back inside the Tardis, Amelia disappeared to her room the moment they were through the doors and both the Doctor and River smiled, knowing their intuitive daughter was giving them space. River wasn’t entirely sure what was going on with the Doctor, but she knew that he wasn’t likely to express whatever fears were plaguing him, with Amelia still in the room. He was her hero, her protector, her Dad. He couldn’t appear weak before her, he wouldn’t. He tried his hardest not to.
“I’ll drop you back a few minutes after we picked you up, so that Amelia doesn’t know you were ever gone.”
River smiled up at him through her eyelashes. “Thank you, sweetie.”
“Here,” He wandered around the console, twirling between his fingers, what looked like a sonic screwdriver. But it was different. “Take this with you, on your expedition, you’ll need it.”
“Will I?” River smirked, touching the small device with reverence.
“Spoilers.” He smiled solemnly and River nodded.
“I could probably use your help, with the expedition.” She shrugged and the Doctor tucked his hands in his pockets, rocking on the balls of his feet and nodded his head.
“Send me a message if you do. You know I’ll come.”
“Yeah, I do.” She nodded, licking her lips. The sound of the Tardis landing filled their ears and River looked around to the door, knowing that she was home and feeling a cold sense of dread as she looked back to the Doctor. His eyes were blood-shot from the tears he’d shed on Darilium and his shoulders were hunched over. Not the normal stature of his over-pompous self. It made her nervous.
“I feel like this is the end of something.” She laughed sadly and the Doctor smiled, reaching out to her. He pulled her towards him by her hands, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and hugging her into his chest.
“It’ll never be over for us, River. One of us will always be just starting. River, we’re the lords of time, you and I. Somewhere in time, you’re in Berlin, killing me and I’m on Alphalpha Matraxis, saving you from the Weeping Angels. We’re a never-ending circle, you and I, and because of this, I’ll never say goodbye to you. In some form or another, we’ll always meet again. I do not fear the end, River.”
“What if I do, my love?”
The Doctor smiled, kissing her forehead and holding her far enough away that he could see into her eyes. “You don’t. I know what you fear River, because I fear it too. But know that, I will always love you. When we’re both legends and the stories of our adventures are lost in time, I’ll still love you. Somewhere, I’ll still be running with you. And somewhere else entirely, we’ll be teaching Amelia to walk and sing her Gallifreyan lullabies.” She laughed through tears, at his words. “Don’t be afraid, Melody Pond.” He brushed a curl away from her face. “Because you are magnificent.”
River nodded, taking a deep breath and pushing up on her tiptoes to kiss his lips, long and tender and loving. She wrapped her arms around his neck and she could taste the salt of his tears on her lips, but she didn’t mention it. “I love you,” She breathed, the long syllables of his real Gallifreyan name falling from her lips in a breathless, barely audible whisper, against his mouth.
She stepped away from him, holding onto his hand just that little bit longer as she made her way down the stairs. “Tell Amelia I love her.”
“I will.” He nodded, feeling her fingers fall from his for the very last time.
She wasn’t stupid, the Doctor knew. He couldn’t tell her why his heart was breaking, but he knew she’d have a fairly good idea. His River was clever and he knew that she’d have worked out by now, that even though he’d promised he never would, a part of him had been saying goodbye that night.
She would see him again. And he had to stop himself from telling her not to go.
She was two steps from the door when he had to physically turn away to stop himself from calling out to her, throwing himself forward and blocking the door. He could lock her up in the Tardis, he could tell her that she couldn’t ever leave. He could keep her safe. But the universe would be irrevocably altered if he did. He was a selfish man, he could justify the choice. But he knew she’d never forgive him for sacrificing the chance that Amelia could live.
There was no telling what would happen, if she didn’t die that day. Her death was a fixed point, like his. She had to die for him, because he needed to walk away from that library that day. If she hadn’t have died for him, he’d have never met her. He’d have never married her and he’d have never loved her.
He pressed his hand to his mouth, watching her step through the doors, blowing him a kiss over her shoulder as she stepped through and closed the doors behind her. The Doctor’s legs gave way beneath him and his mind reached out to the Tardis to take them somewhere, anywhere but there. He fell to the floor of the Tardis as she shifted into flight and he didn’t hear Amelia’s footsteps on the stairs. He didn’t realize she was at his side, until he felt her arms around his back; holding him as he heaved and shook, trying to breathe through the guilt.
“Dad, it’s alright. It’s going to be alright.”
He had to tell her. But he couldn’t.
“No, Amelia, it’ll never be alright again.” Because he let her walk away. He waved goodbye and he sent her to her death; he sent her off to meet a fate he knew to be far, far worse. He sent her to a him that didn’t know her and he knew, he knew just how greatly she’d feared that day. He’d sent her anyway.