(no subject)
Recently (Easter Sunday) my [Lloydminster] best friend's dad died. I had a dream this past Thursday that my dad died just a few days before K---'s dad, so of course I was desperately unhappy (plus I felt all this guilt about not being close to him and whatnot as I imagine I would feel were my father to actually die in the near future), but once her dad died I didn't feel like I had any right to talk about how unhappy I was, and I completely ignored myself so I could take care of her. Also nobody except for my family (and possibly my very closest friends, my dream wasn't clear) knew my dad was dead, and I didn't want to take the sympathy and focus from K--- by jumping in when people were commiserating with her by saying something like "Oh, my dad's dead too." So nobody around me knew anything was wrong and if my friends did they didn't mention it and even though after I woke up it occured to me that it would make more sense to share in our mutual pain, the only logical course of action in my dream was to put myself on a shelf and pretend nothing had happened.
Coincidentally, I felt really unhappy for the last few months and I decided to do something about it shortly before her dad died, and I started anti-depressants again the day after her dad's funeral. And now I don't feel like I can mention this massive weight of unhappiness that drags me down and is the reason for my occasional unusual behaviour, because it has no real reason or anything. (ANd of course because I don't feel able to talk about it I really want to.) And our other best friend is one of those people who makes everything about her or always has an experience more dramatic/meaningful than one's own, so I really don't want to come across as, I don't know, doing something like that.
I had no one to tell this dream to because the friend whose dad died I obviously don't want to unburden myself to, and she's the one I confide in most. But I couldn't let it be forgotten.
On a less cathartic note, I also had a dream that I was cleaning the bathroom in my basement and there were four cats in our basement that are not ours (nor did they bear any resemblance to any of our deceased/departed cats). Mostly they were all fat and fluffy, although some were small. We had a devil of a time separating the two cats that actually belong to us from the four that did not, who inexplicably appeared in our house. Like all of my dreams in the past year or so and most from my whole life, these two dreams took place in a reality exactly like ours, with differences so subtle and random it's hard to pinpoint them at times. Mostly they're not even things that can't happen in our world, per se, but rather highly improbable events. Or else weird angles; that's one way in which the architecture of my dreams differs from that of the real world. At times my dreams are so similar to life that I can't remember if something was a dream or not, and on a few occasions I've had dreams that took place on the night I was dreaming them. I haven't jad a dream where something as impossible as flying took place ... probably since I moved to Saskatoon. It's really unsettling to not know if something actually happened or not, to have to ask someone if they said or did (or if YOU said or did) something before reacting to/commenting on it the next day.
Coincidentally, I felt really unhappy for the last few months and I decided to do something about it shortly before her dad died, and I started anti-depressants again the day after her dad's funeral. And now I don't feel like I can mention this massive weight of unhappiness that drags me down and is the reason for my occasional unusual behaviour, because it has no real reason or anything. (ANd of course because I don't feel able to talk about it I really want to.) And our other best friend is one of those people who makes everything about her or always has an experience more dramatic/meaningful than one's own, so I really don't want to come across as, I don't know, doing something like that.
I had no one to tell this dream to because the friend whose dad died I obviously don't want to unburden myself to, and she's the one I confide in most. But I couldn't let it be forgotten.
On a less cathartic note, I also had a dream that I was cleaning the bathroom in my basement and there were four cats in our basement that are not ours (nor did they bear any resemblance to any of our deceased/departed cats). Mostly they were all fat and fluffy, although some were small. We had a devil of a time separating the two cats that actually belong to us from the four that did not, who inexplicably appeared in our house. Like all of my dreams in the past year or so and most from my whole life, these two dreams took place in a reality exactly like ours, with differences so subtle and random it's hard to pinpoint them at times. Mostly they're not even things that can't happen in our world, per se, but rather highly improbable events. Or else weird angles; that's one way in which the architecture of my dreams differs from that of the real world. At times my dreams are so similar to life that I can't remember if something was a dream or not, and on a few occasions I've had dreams that took place on the night I was dreaming them. I haven't jad a dream where something as impossible as flying took place ... probably since I moved to Saskatoon. It's really unsettling to not know if something actually happened or not, to have to ask someone if they said or did (or if YOU said or did) something before reacting to/commenting on it the next day.