WHERE THE PAGES YELLOWED
I really didn't know we could come so far. I still remember then, when we were both unknown to each other, brought together by our surrounding friends and our cca. The first impression of him? Bashful and reticent. He doesn't talk a lot in my point of view years back. I first notice him when I was sec 2, although we were in the same cca since sec1. Similarly, he told me the first time he noticed me was during our Odac annual camp at dairy farm when we were sec2, and at that moment I was crying cause I lost my specs during the night walk. So embarrassing.. I was kinda well known due to my crying during camps and competitions for our cca.
We started hanging out together with a bunch of friends, as there were a few connections here and there between different cliques. Soon, we were in the same clique from our cca and we got in touch much more often. He wasn't that kind of guy whom is equipped with several social networks, but we did messaged each other. If I'm not wrong I remembered that I was his 'sister',like those kind of god brother and god sister. During EOY period when the exams were nearing, we met up with other friends and studied through the night at fast food restaurant or the library, bringing us closer together. But there was still a concrete wall blocking the both of us.
However through all odds and shyness, we got together on chirstmas, 25 december 2008. Actually, he did not specifically asked me to be his girlfriend. AH I DON'T WANT TO SAY IT HERE. HEEE.. But we still got together(: At that time, I am VERY sure this isn't Puppy love like the others.
These few years was tough but lovely. Especially after we'd gone our separate ways, me Poly, him JC. Time management is important, as told by my senior based on his experience. As what I've typed, indeed 2010 and 2011, is a rocky path for our relationship. We never quarreled before, only cold wars, but it is enough to bring down the both of us, and the trust instilled. Cried a lot these two years and I've thought a lot. Thinking am I really fit to be with him. I ignored everything other friends said, saying he is too good to be mine, saying how much he has changed, saying how much girls in his school favors him. But if you're in my shoes, could you stop thinking about it? I just felt so vulnerable, felt so weak. I know I'm lacking of the confidence and the self-esteem is low. That's me.. I wish I didn't feel this way. I'm starting to feel we stay together out of fear of dying alone. I have to face the way the truth that no one could ever look at me like you do - like I'm something worth holding onto. There's times I think of leaving, but it's something I'll never do, because you can do better than me, but I can't do better than you. But I love you, G. This is tough. Now, his parents knew about our relationship, and this add on to the burden, fearing that they might object to it, fearing that they might pull us apart. To add on, is my parents. I managed to lie to them all these years, without telling them I have a boyfriend. I know its wrong to lie, but they will definitely object to it.. Sigh. *sulk*.. I'm just trying to treasure every single moment now.
