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speakseverely

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Jun 09, 2008 18:26

Oh thank god. No more tour. And I'm done doing my little stint on Last Comic Standing. Rejoice for I have returned to the land of Holy Shit It's Fucking Hot As Sweaty Balls.

When I got home, it was 100 degrees in my house. IN MY HOUSE. What kind of shit is this??

So how are you lovely people?

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hookahed June 11 2008, 03:22:03 UTC

You looked mucho fabuloso, chiquita. Oh, I can believe! How long have you had to sit there? Who was the worst?

speakseverely June 11 2008, 03:25:55 UTC

Aw shucks, darlin, thanks. We fucking had to sit there for like.. I think I was there a total of 13 hours or some shit. There was a guy who had cheeta print spandex and called himself Cheetaqua and tried to make jokes about cheetas. JOKES ABOUT CHEETAS, MADAME BUTTERFLY. My brain, she exploded.

hookahed June 11 2008, 03:40:05 UTC

...Why am I getting flashbacks of the Gong Show?

I mean, the program showed clips of those that didn't make it, but only focused on a few - I don't know if I could've done it. How did you survive?

speakseverely June 11 2008, 03:45:03 UTC

I fucking wish I had a fucking gong. I would've hit him over the head with it.

There were horrid ones. And one guy flashed me. I mean his penis was shaped like a bow, but come on. That's only funny if you point and laugh.

I drank. Snuck it under the table.

hookahed June 11 2008, 04:00:56 UTC

Or the huge, padded mallet the judges hit the gong with. That probably would've been more funny than some of the acts themselves.

A bow? Are there pictures?

I like the way you think. Didn't anybody ask you, "Hey, what are you doing there, sitting under the table?

speakseverely June 11 2008, 04:12:36 UTC

I'd say get the hook, but then I'd just want to hook them in their tiny little eyeballs and pluck them out.

I might have taken some. >.> Seriously, a bow. It was fucked up. I think he got it smooshed in a smooshy thing.

Well sure they did, but then I just blew them while I was down there and they shut up.

hookahed June 11 2008, 11:48:44 UTC

So violent! Tsk, tsk.

For some reason, I'm having a difficult time picturing this. But is sounds painful, regardless. Email them to me?

Thus providing them with distraction from the same awful auditions. How kind of you.

speakseverely June 11 2008, 18:28:02 UTC

I can't help it, they deserve it and it's in my nature.

Sent and sent. Have fun looking at those. It's begging to be macro'd but I can't think of anything funny enough to put on there.

At least this time when they laugh during it, I know it's probably not me.

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