May 15, 2008
im disappointed that loyalty, integrity, decency and honesty are not common characteristics in most people. i have so many thoughts racing through my mind right now. im not the smartest person in the world. i know im not the only one to have these thoughts. but why is this an issue in america. and i swear to you its only in america. i left texas only to move back. biggest mistake ive made in a while. its only more apparent here that no one cares about anything except themselves and their stature. its gross. honestly sickening. money cars clothes hoes. where the fuck is the love. honestly. i would start talking globaly but we cant even get our fucking heads out of the fucking town. san antonio (including austin and i believe dallas) is in the top ten of the LEAST homeless friendly cities in the united states. thats off topic but its still horrible if you read the laws against homeless people. i try to meet people but ive yet to meet a handful that i would call friends. im a little off, trust. i know this. im trying to figure out who i am. there was a point in time when i was comfortable with everything about me, but my world came crashing down. so yes while trying to live sober i get a little strange. but i am an honest decent loyal person. for the most part, im not a fucking saint.
i know i fucked up. and i know karma comes back ten fold. but did i seriously throw that much negative shit out there. im thankful for everything i have i just am disappointed with the lack of character people possess. sometimes i meet someone that i can feel with my heart and the words they speak and the presence they have fills my entire body. i know that sounds gay.but its like. they just disappoint. i think its my fault. i think i have expectations again. and no ones going to reach them. i look very highly at certain people. and it devastates me when they act another way than i perceived them as. but its not entirely me. they put themselves out there a certain way. i dont know. it just boils down to people being phony. and i do hate phony fucks. i love life and i love people. but san antonio has broken my heart
i know i fucked up. and i know karma comes back ten fold. but did i seriously throw that much negative shit out there. im thankful for everything i have i just am disappointed with the lack of character people possess. sometimes i meet someone that i can feel with my heart and the words they speak and the presence they have fills my entire body. i know that sounds gay.but its like. they just disappoint. i think its my fault. i think i have expectations again. and no ones going to reach them. i look very highly at certain people. and it devastates me when they act another way than i perceived them as. but its not entirely me. they put themselves out there a certain way. i dont know. it just boils down to people being phony. and i do hate phony fucks. i love life and i love people. but san antonio has broken my heart