update
so, no one reads this anyway. so here is. i've been dating/sleeping with this girl from arkansas. i feel nothing, at first i thought i was pushing thoughts of another girl out of my mind. so fuck it, why not see what happens, but now im so sick of it, so irritated, that even now, when shes not over, she calls me and im very short and to the point. i wast no time with pleasantries. but i find that the more time i spend with her i find the other showing up in my mind. i miss my asian friends, they are all viet, (cept richard, hes half chinese) they were so true, so honest, so polite. but i've pushed them away for people at my school that are just in it for their own interest, which i cant blame them for it, its human nature. but i used to think i was somewhat smarter. but, after all that. i love texas. im moving home in two months, and i can wait but im always gonna look back and see how much fun i had here.
i've learned a few things since i moved here. i've started to see the whole world in a cycle, a system we can fight, but often theres no reason to. i find my self fighting for a dream in my head, but everything is flowing in the other direction. i have the tiniest chance of working things out the way i want. at this point giving up is not a possibility, i've tried, doesnt happen.
i miss the gang from florida. Dave, Fish, Nick. i miss sunny. but the rest i have mixed feelings about. some getting into drugs, some running off to college. everyone changes, and i guess i just expect people to stay the same, so i dont have to adjust.
i had a job, at a import shop, and my boss didnt care if i got stoned, he said "if you fail a drug test, your getting fired, 1. for doing drugs, and 2. for not sharing." i never had time to get stoned. so instead, i became more and more scatter brained, fucking up on shit, not paying attention when i need to. so now i fear my new job when i move home. i afraid of fucking up. its an amazing opportunity. alot of money,(to me) and alot of responsibility, running a tire shop. assistant manager. when i worked the amount of hours i was working and what i was getting paid a week it = 50 hours a week divided by $260 a week. that equals $5.20 an hour. so i tell my self thats why i fucked up, cause there was no incentive. maybe thats it, or maybe im just not cut out for this industry. who knows, in two months ill be home and maybe i'll be able to obtain my old life, and maybe ill step up to the job.
i've learned a few things since i moved here. i've started to see the whole world in a cycle, a system we can fight, but often theres no reason to. i find my self fighting for a dream in my head, but everything is flowing in the other direction. i have the tiniest chance of working things out the way i want. at this point giving up is not a possibility, i've tried, doesnt happen.
i miss the gang from florida. Dave, Fish, Nick. i miss sunny. but the rest i have mixed feelings about. some getting into drugs, some running off to college. everyone changes, and i guess i just expect people to stay the same, so i dont have to adjust.
i had a job, at a import shop, and my boss didnt care if i got stoned, he said "if you fail a drug test, your getting fired, 1. for doing drugs, and 2. for not sharing." i never had time to get stoned. so instead, i became more and more scatter brained, fucking up on shit, not paying attention when i need to. so now i fear my new job when i move home. i afraid of fucking up. its an amazing opportunity. alot of money,(to me) and alot of responsibility, running a tire shop. assistant manager. when i worked the amount of hours i was working and what i was getting paid a week it = 50 hours a week divided by $260 a week. that equals $5.20 an hour. so i tell my self thats why i fucked up, cause there was no incentive. maybe thats it, or maybe im just not cut out for this industry. who knows, in two months ill be home and maybe i'll be able to obtain my old life, and maybe ill step up to the job.