Wedding dress shopping
Today was an incredible day. I went out to help my best friend pick out her wedding dress. It's amazing how much the day affected me. It's hard to even explain it really. So first off, I absolutely LOVE her fiance. They are perfect for one another. They make each other better people. She is bad at planning things, so he invites me to more events than she does. I see her a lot more because he texts me invites to events. They honestly make one another better.
Mr. Perfect and I broke up. I have been taking it pretty badly, crying all the time, feeling like I lost the love of my life. We only dated for a year and a half, but I'd told him pretty early on that if things stayed as perfect as they were, I assumed we'd be engaged by October...when bar results came out. Well, bar results day was two weeks ago. I dumped Mr. Perfect about 3 weeks before the bar exam...on July 2, 2012, to be exact. It felt like he wasn't trying, like he didn't care...it just wasn't working. So right after the bar, I went to Costa Rica and California and Michigan...I partied and forgot about our relationship. Then I remembered we broke up, and I missed him. I have been spending a TON of time and energy being sad and missing him, but in reality, we just weren't right together. He wasn't right for me, and it is right for us to be apart. It's hard to remember that a lot of the time. My head knows that he just couldn't be it for me...but my heart doesn't feel that way yet.
Mr. Perfect's coworker, aka Tucker Max's persona in person (we'll call him TM), called a few days ago and told me ALL about who MP is sleeping with. It turns out that MP is sleeping with his coworker. She is far and smokes like a chimney, and compliments him ALL the time saying how big his muscles are, how great he is in bed (announcing it to the office!! So tacky!!), and all sorts of other meaningless fluff. Anyways, MP keeps emailing me that he's finally thinking about all the things I brought up that were problems in our relationship...I tried for a year to get him to talk to me or go to a therapist, and NOW he's doing all of it. One of the many problems I apparently caused was making him feel like less of a man. I wanted to reply: You know what? I have a strong personality...get over it, or match it and contain it. If you can do the second, I will love and respect you for ever. If you keep pretending to do the first and resenting me for it? Well, then our relationship will turn out exactly as it did - sexless with all sorts of unspoken wrongs. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that he was just plain, flat-out wrong for me. And now I know. Or I will know, over time and once the healing process actually starts happening.
Back to wedding dress shopping. I've been thinking about the MP thing a lot lately, obviously. I thought he was the one, and I thought we'd be engaged now...I thought a lot of things that just wont ever come to fruition, nor should they. But I've been sad and thinking about it a lot lately. So the bride-to-be, my bff from college, tries on this dress today and it's PERFECT. She is beaming and can't stop staring at herself. It's just like in the show "Say Yes to the Dress" - she was in love and there was no stopping her. She tried on one dress afterwards just to be sure, and she really wanted to like it. She kept pointing out things about it she liked, details about it she enjoyed. Finally, the sales lady interrupted her ramble with - "look, you aren't marrying the second best." Essentially she said: "hey lady, why would you get married in the second best dress? You certainly wouldn't marry the second best dude." It got me all emo (inside only, thank goodness) because it's such a nice thought! I wouldn't marry in the second best dress, and I'm certainly not going to marry the second best guy. Even though right now it feels like I'll never find him, the best dress...and man is yet to come.
Mr. Perfect and I broke up. I have been taking it pretty badly, crying all the time, feeling like I lost the love of my life. We only dated for a year and a half, but I'd told him pretty early on that if things stayed as perfect as they were, I assumed we'd be engaged by October...when bar results came out. Well, bar results day was two weeks ago. I dumped Mr. Perfect about 3 weeks before the bar exam...on July 2, 2012, to be exact. It felt like he wasn't trying, like he didn't care...it just wasn't working. So right after the bar, I went to Costa Rica and California and Michigan...I partied and forgot about our relationship. Then I remembered we broke up, and I missed him. I have been spending a TON of time and energy being sad and missing him, but in reality, we just weren't right together. He wasn't right for me, and it is right for us to be apart. It's hard to remember that a lot of the time. My head knows that he just couldn't be it for me...but my heart doesn't feel that way yet.
Mr. Perfect's coworker, aka Tucker Max's persona in person (we'll call him TM), called a few days ago and told me ALL about who MP is sleeping with. It turns out that MP is sleeping with his coworker. She is far and smokes like a chimney, and compliments him ALL the time saying how big his muscles are, how great he is in bed (announcing it to the office!! So tacky!!), and all sorts of other meaningless fluff. Anyways, MP keeps emailing me that he's finally thinking about all the things I brought up that were problems in our relationship...I tried for a year to get him to talk to me or go to a therapist, and NOW he's doing all of it. One of the many problems I apparently caused was making him feel like less of a man. I wanted to reply: You know what? I have a strong personality...get over it, or match it and contain it. If you can do the second, I will love and respect you for ever. If you keep pretending to do the first and resenting me for it? Well, then our relationship will turn out exactly as it did - sexless with all sorts of unspoken wrongs. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that he was just plain, flat-out wrong for me. And now I know. Or I will know, over time and once the healing process actually starts happening.
Back to wedding dress shopping. I've been thinking about the MP thing a lot lately, obviously. I thought he was the one, and I thought we'd be engaged now...I thought a lot of things that just wont ever come to fruition, nor should they. But I've been sad and thinking about it a lot lately. So the bride-to-be, my bff from college, tries on this dress today and it's PERFECT. She is beaming and can't stop staring at herself. It's just like in the show "Say Yes to the Dress" - she was in love and there was no stopping her. She tried on one dress afterwards just to be sure, and she really wanted to like it. She kept pointing out things about it she liked, details about it she enjoyed. Finally, the sales lady interrupted her ramble with - "look, you aren't marrying the second best." Essentially she said: "hey lady, why would you get married in the second best dress? You certainly wouldn't marry the second best dude." It got me all emo (inside only, thank goodness) because it's such a nice thought! I wouldn't marry in the second best dress, and I'm certainly not going to marry the second best guy. Even though right now it feels like I'll never find him, the best dress...and man is yet to come.