(no subject)
i seriously do not know how the hell i'm going to maintain my grades this year. they are already really low. im pretty sure i have a c in physics and bio after those horrible tests. english well i just suck at essays. calculus i have a B in...i seriously thought i could rely on an A in that class...but no. this is what i get for studying for physics instead of calculus. 78 on physics and 87 on calc. seriously. what is up with me? i keep thinking that "well we just got back and im not in the groove yet" but then i think...what if i never get in that groove? what if i get in the groove of getting c's?!?! how the hell am i going to keep a good GPA with c's!?!? HOW!?!? on top of that...how the hell am i going to get into college with c's?!?!! seriously. SERIOUSLY! esp since c's are like f's to me. how could i bring up those grades??!?!
and sydnee DO not keep telling me that it's my fault that i put myself in this situation.
i do not consider it a "fault" at all. it was my decision to keep my classes so that i can get into the college i want to so that they will see that i am challenging myself and not slacking off my senior year. i'm too invested in my classes now to drop them. i mean i wouldn't want to drop physics b/c i do like that class...i just need to grasp the concepts better i guess. and bio i need to study harder. english...well...idk bout that at all.
everyday just seems to get worse and worse. i get into these moods were its like "it's ok. everythings ok. i can handle it. it's only reading and studying and time management and i can do it." and then test day or essay day comes and after i take the test or write the essay i'm thinking "what the hell was that!??!! what did i just do? did i seriously just summarize the books when we were told NOT to? did i just write down random numbers and guessed equations? i totally just b.sed that. oh crap i did it wrong!! omg omg omg omg omg im failing im failing im failing omg omg omg." and then the day comes when i get the test or essay back and i'm like "holy shit. i am not going to pass this class." and then i go into depression & stress mode for 20 minutes. let it subside until it comes back the next day or some later date. seriously. it's a horrible horrible cycle. and i'm feeling as if im all alone in this. who else has 2 ap sciences to worry about and an ap class you just DO NOT belong in and editor responsibilities and a stupid sophomore thinking hes really cool when really everyone wants to kill him. and holy crap! i wasted 40 minutes i need to do my politics.
crap crap crap crap crap crap crap. i hate school with a passion. no time for anything. i really just do not know how i am going to survive this year at all. not a good year at all. i just don't know anymore. my confidence has gone down. i feel immensely unintelligent this year. last year i was so like "oh i know this i can do it it's easy" this year i can't have that mentality. i need to get rid of it. i need to study. read. work. read. study. work. study. work. read.