(no subject)
I wish I could just take back this entire last two days. Or even just today. It's funny, I wrote that whole "things changing" entry down below, and god, look how much I fucked my life up after writing that. screw one day, I can ruin my life in 3 hours!
First off, as great as the feeling of painkillers plus rum was, now that I'm back down on the ground, I really fucked up. It's really ironic, I took the meds to numb myself and just escape from my life for a night, and in the process did so much more damage.
Sarah, I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear that right now, but I am. I wish I could stop myself from liking you. Despite what my earlier entries might imply, I'm not mad at you for Friday night. I'm not all that hurt, it just ended up being the final straw on a situation thats been building for a long time. Please don't blame yourself for what I did tonight, first off you didn't lead me on ever. Secondly, you aren't the reason that I cracked tonight. I am fully responsible for my own actions. I broke tonight, it's been coming for a while and it just happenned to occur today. It probably would have occured today even if Friday hadn't happenned. The expo this weekend left me exhausted both emotionally and physically. With everything else thats gone on in last couple months, and everything that happenned Thursday/Friday, I was heading towards disaster.
I think I should just go to bed now before I manage to screw anything else up.
First off, as great as the feeling of painkillers plus rum was, now that I'm back down on the ground, I really fucked up. It's really ironic, I took the meds to numb myself and just escape from my life for a night, and in the process did so much more damage.
Sarah, I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear that right now, but I am. I wish I could stop myself from liking you. Despite what my earlier entries might imply, I'm not mad at you for Friday night. I'm not all that hurt, it just ended up being the final straw on a situation thats been building for a long time. Please don't blame yourself for what I did tonight, first off you didn't lead me on ever. Secondly, you aren't the reason that I cracked tonight. I am fully responsible for my own actions. I broke tonight, it's been coming for a while and it just happenned to occur today. It probably would have occured today even if Friday hadn't happenned. The expo this weekend left me exhausted both emotionally and physically. With everything else thats gone on in last couple months, and everything that happenned Thursday/Friday, I was heading towards disaster.
I think I should just go to bed now before I manage to screw anything else up.