I feel so small against the big picture.

[spaztickiddo]

I've been stuck at my mom's house for the last few months. Time just passes and it seems to go more and more quickly each and every day. I stay hopefully, but I honestly do not know why. The only jobs right now are in restaurants and offices. I ask myself every day why I went to school for theater. Why did I spend so much time on something that society has now redeemed useless because there isn't money to be made. For-Profit. I hate it. Everything is FOR-PROFIT. EVERYTHING. I'm so tired of everything. MONEY. That of which people tell me not to worry too much about is the cause of so many issues in the world. SO many selfish reasons. All I want is a place to call my own and a little piece of land to grow vegetables and my self. I want to travel to see how others in the world live their lives. I know that I, myself, have it better here sitting in thousands of dollars of debt in good health than many. But things have got to change. People need help everywhere and Americans just need their 100 dollars to make sure their cable stays on. So they can watch the History channel and its shit programs. Programs. They are programming us to be dumb and it's working. They are PROGRAMMING us to be complacent. And we are. Because what will they do? Take away our money. Take away our poisoned foods. Take away our poisoned air. Take away the very shelter we have. I will live in a tent and farm land. But who's land? Who owns land? The federal reserve owns everything. I'm glad the Sioux tribes have learned the system. Take a loan out with them and the interest will sky-rocket until they have enough to get their land back. By the time that happens, the entire country will be poisoned and contaminated. It's sad and true. Big oil isn't going to last forever, but they will find something else to rape and steal. Reap and Sow. Reap and Sow. Tiny house. Large land. You can't farm someone else's land. They want profit. It drives me mad! I've lost a lot of motivation in my life. I do things because I enjoy them, not for financial gain. And that's what I need to do? That's how I need to live my life? Furthering myself into debt by going to school for a piece of paper. Might as well call it a receipt. Crumble that shit up and burn it. It's useless. What isn't useless is love. Love for yourself. Love for mankind. THAT's something they can't take away from me no matter how hard they try. THAT's why art and music are so important. It is the beauty of the world that doesn't cost a cent. How can you make money off natural beauty? You can't. I can't anyway. I need a change. I need one fucking day without a fucking commercial telling me to go out and fucking buy something made in another country with someone else's hands. I want to enjoy what MY two hands make. I want to enjoy what MY neighbor has created. I want to combine all our hands together and create something beautiful and FREE. THAT is what FREEDOM is.

"In a decaying society, ART, if it is TRUTHFUL, must also reflect decay. And unless it wants to break faith with its social function, art must show the world as changeable. And HELP IT CHANGE." -Ernst Fischer