"pounding it"
I have officially decided that the concept of "pounding it" is the stupidest thing in the world. It's just like a ghetto version of the high five. Oh so you're too cool to slap the palms of your hands together? Just turn it into a fist and it's the new cool thing to do. Fucking gay. I also think it's stupid that every time a guy does something "awesome" they find it necessary to "pound it" as some sort of showing of appreciation or respect or just retarded understanding of that thing they did.
So then why don't I express this to the cute boy in my psychology class that pulls out his fist and calls a "pound it" on me every time I answer a question in class. I just consent and do it every time, and inevitably smile when he makes the click noise every time our fists hit. I hate it, and yet I can't help but do it.
I don't think I'm the only one with this issue. Constantly humans do things they don't want to do, or things they hate doing, just because that's what they do. Not even on the issue of pathetic attempts to be accepted into specific "crowds", I mean even in regard to simple things such as waiting in traffic every morning and being late to class or work when they know that if they just drag their asses out of bed five minutes earlier they could beat it by a landslide. Or riding someone's ass all the way down the street and bitching and moaning that they aren't going fast enough and yet complaining to no end when they do the same to you. We're stuck in this cycles of behavior we don't like for reasons we don't understand.
I'm really enjoying my psychology class. Like, more than any other class I've taken ever...besides theatre of course. I'm actually even considering pursuing it as a major. "But English and writing is your dream" you say? Well I was thinking about that today and...well is it really?
I filled out the job application to write for my college's newspaper and as I'm answering the question "what would you like to focus on reporting for us" all I could think was that I didn't want to report on anything. I don't want to interview people. I don't want to have to track down upperclassmen and ask them the wrong questions about the strangest subjects that I honestly could care less about. All through my internship at the Gazette I kept thinking...I hate it now but I'll love it in college. Now I'm thinking...I don't want to do it now but I will when it's my job. But why? Why do I keep fooling myself into thinking that. I love writing, yes, but I can't stand reporting.
That's it. I no longer want to be a journalist.
So then what will I do with my English major. My only goals in life were to become a journalist, then eventually a wife and mother. What will I do now? I want to have a job so that my husband and I can save money until our children come. Then I will be a stay at home mom and love it. But what sort of a job do I want to do beforehand. Journalism was it. It was perfect. I could work from home if we needed me to and go full time when it was available. But that isn't a reason to make a career out of it.
I always wonder how many people actually like their jobs. Obviously ... well I was just about to give an example of someone who inevitably loves their job, but I couldn't think of one. I can't think of a single profession where someone will love every aspect of it. Even artists, yes they're doing what they love, but usually they're poor. Lawyers and doctors maybe, but they're so involved in their career and making money that there's no way they can have a nice clean balance between that and their families. No one is totally happy.
So should I just accept the fact that any job I get won't be completely satisfying to me. Any path in life that I choose will either lead to a great family with no money or a rich life with no family?
With God all things are possible...but then why am I struggling so much with these possibilities?
I just looked across the library and saw someone that looks just like Brittney Lutey. If you're reading this and you don't know who she is, don't worry about it, you aren't missing much. I went to middle school with her and no one really liked her. She was one of those snobby popular girls that you just put up with because everyone else did...but they only did because you did. How do people like that get on top in the first place? Whatever, not the point. As much as everyone delt with the annoyingness of this girl, the only memory I remember from her personally was when she hugged me and let me cry on her shoulder when I didn't make the cheerleading squad in the 7th grade. Why do I remember that? Why was she so nice? I might never know. There's no way in any form of hell that I'll go talk to her...but it's strange to wonder.
One thing that I definently love the most about college is that if you don't like someone, you just plainly don't talk to them. It's that simple. You aren't forced to interact with people that you hate...ever. I see more people from my high school daily than I thought I'd ever see again in my life. For all but two people I have just walked right by and we all pretend that we don't even recognize eachother. It's awesome. In high school, you see someone you know, you say hi. I hate that.
That isn't to say that I've kept completely to myself. To be honest I have wanted to stay away from getting attached to too many people where I get distracted from my work because I want to go see that person or go to that thing. But knowing myself I knew I wouldn't last a week without making some friends. So I've limited myself and only forced myself to meet a few people. I sit with Sean every day between my first and second class. Today we even went to lunch together. And then when I see Tom Rocharz we'll stop and chat or walk together. It's nice to have someone to walk around with. It gets lonely walking all around campus by yourself. But it sure does give me alot of time to think.
I can't believe how much I'm writing. No one in their right mind would have read this entire thing. I'm just killing time. But I'm going to stop now. I've felt my style dwindle down. That always happens. I'll start off a paper or something and it will sound really really good, but after awhile I get comfortable in poor routine and it will all fall apart.
I need to work on that.
So then why don't I express this to the cute boy in my psychology class that pulls out his fist and calls a "pound it" on me every time I answer a question in class. I just consent and do it every time, and inevitably smile when he makes the click noise every time our fists hit. I hate it, and yet I can't help but do it.
I don't think I'm the only one with this issue. Constantly humans do things they don't want to do, or things they hate doing, just because that's what they do. Not even on the issue of pathetic attempts to be accepted into specific "crowds", I mean even in regard to simple things such as waiting in traffic every morning and being late to class or work when they know that if they just drag their asses out of bed five minutes earlier they could beat it by a landslide. Or riding someone's ass all the way down the street and bitching and moaning that they aren't going fast enough and yet complaining to no end when they do the same to you. We're stuck in this cycles of behavior we don't like for reasons we don't understand.
I'm really enjoying my psychology class. Like, more than any other class I've taken ever...besides theatre of course. I'm actually even considering pursuing it as a major. "But English and writing is your dream" you say? Well I was thinking about that today and...well is it really?
I filled out the job application to write for my college's newspaper and as I'm answering the question "what would you like to focus on reporting for us" all I could think was that I didn't want to report on anything. I don't want to interview people. I don't want to have to track down upperclassmen and ask them the wrong questions about the strangest subjects that I honestly could care less about. All through my internship at the Gazette I kept thinking...I hate it now but I'll love it in college. Now I'm thinking...I don't want to do it now but I will when it's my job. But why? Why do I keep fooling myself into thinking that. I love writing, yes, but I can't stand reporting.
That's it. I no longer want to be a journalist.
So then what will I do with my English major. My only goals in life were to become a journalist, then eventually a wife and mother. What will I do now? I want to have a job so that my husband and I can save money until our children come. Then I will be a stay at home mom and love it. But what sort of a job do I want to do beforehand. Journalism was it. It was perfect. I could work from home if we needed me to and go full time when it was available. But that isn't a reason to make a career out of it.
I always wonder how many people actually like their jobs. Obviously ... well I was just about to give an example of someone who inevitably loves their job, but I couldn't think of one. I can't think of a single profession where someone will love every aspect of it. Even artists, yes they're doing what they love, but usually they're poor. Lawyers and doctors maybe, but they're so involved in their career and making money that there's no way they can have a nice clean balance between that and their families. No one is totally happy.
So should I just accept the fact that any job I get won't be completely satisfying to me. Any path in life that I choose will either lead to a great family with no money or a rich life with no family?
With God all things are possible...but then why am I struggling so much with these possibilities?
I just looked across the library and saw someone that looks just like Brittney Lutey. If you're reading this and you don't know who she is, don't worry about it, you aren't missing much. I went to middle school with her and no one really liked her. She was one of those snobby popular girls that you just put up with because everyone else did...but they only did because you did. How do people like that get on top in the first place? Whatever, not the point. As much as everyone delt with the annoyingness of this girl, the only memory I remember from her personally was when she hugged me and let me cry on her shoulder when I didn't make the cheerleading squad in the 7th grade. Why do I remember that? Why was she so nice? I might never know. There's no way in any form of hell that I'll go talk to her...but it's strange to wonder.
One thing that I definently love the most about college is that if you don't like someone, you just plainly don't talk to them. It's that simple. You aren't forced to interact with people that you hate...ever. I see more people from my high school daily than I thought I'd ever see again in my life. For all but two people I have just walked right by and we all pretend that we don't even recognize eachother. It's awesome. In high school, you see someone you know, you say hi. I hate that.
That isn't to say that I've kept completely to myself. To be honest I have wanted to stay away from getting attached to too many people where I get distracted from my work because I want to go see that person or go to that thing. But knowing myself I knew I wouldn't last a week without making some friends. So I've limited myself and only forced myself to meet a few people. I sit with Sean every day between my first and second class. Today we even went to lunch together. And then when I see Tom Rocharz we'll stop and chat or walk together. It's nice to have someone to walk around with. It gets lonely walking all around campus by yourself. But it sure does give me alot of time to think.
I can't believe how much I'm writing. No one in their right mind would have read this entire thing. I'm just killing time. But I'm going to stop now. I've felt my style dwindle down. That always happens. I'll start off a paper or something and it will sound really really good, but after awhile I get comfortable in poor routine and it will all fall apart.
I need to work on that.