Update
I'm not entirely sure who still read this.
So the first month of school was this huge emotional rollercoaster.
Everyday is so hard to feel normal. I dont even know what normal is I guess.
I constantly feel so depressed right now. Hardly able to eat or sleep well.
I had that one week of being manic period and it was both the best and worst week of school by far.
I'm going to start thearpy and medication once again. I really need it. My mood swings are extremely severe and my phases of hypermania arent good at all. I get a little promiscuous when I am like that and very self destructive. On monday before therapy around 3pm, I went to my lab partners room, she had smirnoffs there and I thought "what the hey I already feel like crap why not lighten the mood a little." So I drink 3 of them.. and go to therapy. No I wasnt trashed from just 3 but it was enough to make me extremely talkative in my therapy session.
My therapist asked if I was currently entering a manic phase because of how I was at the moment. I couldnt very well admit to drinking at 3pm in the afternoon on a monday. I just felt really guilty. At times last week I felt so unsafe while alone. I felt like harming myself, ODing on anything I could get my hands on. I just wanted to hurt myself. I tried so hard to control the urges.
I'm feeling a lot better then I did a week ago. I still am moderately depressed I barely sleep lol. But I dont think I will harm myself.
Been listening to extremely mellow stuff as of late. Basically its Elliott Smith and Nick Drake religiously. They were so much alike when they were alive weren't they? I love them though. Glad they lived long enough to make music.
New Beck album btw is superb. I recommend.
So the first month of school was this huge emotional rollercoaster.
Everyday is so hard to feel normal. I dont even know what normal is I guess.
I constantly feel so depressed right now. Hardly able to eat or sleep well.
I had that one week of being manic period and it was both the best and worst week of school by far.
I'm going to start thearpy and medication once again. I really need it. My mood swings are extremely severe and my phases of hypermania arent good at all. I get a little promiscuous when I am like that and very self destructive. On monday before therapy around 3pm, I went to my lab partners room, she had smirnoffs there and I thought "what the hey I already feel like crap why not lighten the mood a little." So I drink 3 of them.. and go to therapy. No I wasnt trashed from just 3 but it was enough to make me extremely talkative in my therapy session.
My therapist asked if I was currently entering a manic phase because of how I was at the moment. I couldnt very well admit to drinking at 3pm in the afternoon on a monday. I just felt really guilty. At times last week I felt so unsafe while alone. I felt like harming myself, ODing on anything I could get my hands on. I just wanted to hurt myself. I tried so hard to control the urges.
I'm feeling a lot better then I did a week ago. I still am moderately depressed I barely sleep lol. But I dont think I will harm myself.
Been listening to extremely mellow stuff as of late. Basically its Elliott Smith and Nick Drake religiously. They were so much alike when they were alive weren't they? I love them though. Glad they lived long enough to make music.
New Beck album btw is superb. I recommend.