He's Just Not That Into You
this is the second time I've made mention of this book/movie in my journal, and by my count that's about three times too many. the book was, overall, a good message for women that actually read, understood, and put some of those practices into use in their dating lives. however, I couldn't control my feminist/logical rage upon finishing the movie version. in my defense, I only downloaded it because 1. Justin Long is adorable and 2. I saw the preview where Scarlet Johanson goes skinny dipping. worst case scenario is that I waste a couple hours watching Long be dorky and Johanson be various forms of naked, right? right?!
roll call:
Redhead: the actress whose name I don't know. she goes on lots of dates but can't get men to call her back. she is basically the prototypical single girl for all single women in the audience to project their dating fails onto
Jennifer Connelly: happily married, building a nesthome for her babies that she's going to have, because that's all women think about once they get married.
Hangover Guy: one of the guys from The Hangover. the attractive one. whatever, he's married to Connelly and that's all we need to know about him
Justin Long: bartender/Redhead's love adviser throughout her stalker-ish attempts to attract men
Jennifer Aniston: for argument's sake, we'll say she's about 37. she is in a relationship and wants oh-so-badly to finally get married (that's all women want, if I can understand what I've been programmed to believe)
Ben Affleck: Aniston's boyfriend of seven years. argues that marriage is for the insecure couple
Scarlet Johanson: ♥ ♥ uhhh I mean a hot yoga instructor trying to jump start her singing career
Entourage Guy: the short guy from Entourage. real estate agent, completely obsessed with Johanson, but she's doing that cute girl thing where she strings him along and uses him when she feels like it. it was like watching Bella and Jacob in Eclipse (Twilight, lulz) before it even becomes a movie
Drew Barrymore: barely in the movie. trying to find a man on the internet but only gets losers. is obviously old because she "doesn't do texting"
the story starts with Redhead and Entourage going on a date and him not calling her (OMGZ the nerve). she responds with normal female behavior: calling, then stalking him where he mentioned he hung out after work. she meets Long, who counsels her about the ways of men and tells her that she is the RULE, not the exception, and to not listen to the crazy stories of women for whom a shitty situation turned awesome. I hope you paid attention, there will be a quiz later. to women who don't get to spend extended amounts of time around guys, I can see how this is enlightening/helpful. it was basically verbatim anecdotes and ideas from the book, which is fine. any way to get these women to shut their mouths and LISTEN, jeez. this friendship continues throughout the movie, where Redhead will call Long for advice and he becomes increasingly attached to her; though, because he's a big, strong man, he doesn't notice the hints he's dropping to her that ALL GIRLS will eat up. but I'm getting ahead of myself
Connelly and Redhead, meanwhile, have girl pow-wows about men being stupidheads and Aniston joins in to talk about her sister's best friend's cousin's husband's friend's dead relative that knew a girl who had a situation just like Redhead's and everything worked out hunky-dory and they're married and happy. ok, I know that women tell these stories to one another to make their friends feel better about being a sucky date, but who goes, "YEP that's real life, guys, TOTALLY not fantasy!" ?! ...being an engineer means I can't accept the female definition of reality. annnnnnyway, Redhead tells Connelly and Aniston about how much sense Long makes when he talks about how guys that won't call/date/have sex with/marry you just aren't that into you. I hope you see what I did there. Aniston becomes crazy, realizing that Affleck will never marry her. she goes home and breaks up with Affleck because he has no intentions of ever marrying her. go girl power? I guess?
Entourage comes home to whine about Johanson to Long, because she's being a skank and not calling him back and not sleeping with him anymore and obviously NOT being into him /headdesk. Johanson is meeting Hangover in a grocery store and flirting and trying to network with him because he knows agents for singers, until he tells her he's married and can't talk to her because...because she's hot. right. Barrymore works at a newspaper and is friends with Johanson (inexplicably) and gets advice from her gay coworkers on how to meet men. she is also helping Entourage with his ads in the paper
skipping the boring middle part, Hangover and Johanson totally do it and he tells Connelly, who doesn't break up with him but begins to slowly eat herself alive from the inside out. Connelly also harasses Hangover constantly about lying to her about quitting smoking, and he always denies. she appears nagging and we find out that they're only married because she gave him an ultimatum: marry me or I leave (that's the way to a man's heart; a shortcut to the stomach, really). Johnason leads on Entourage like it's her job to be a selfish, whiny, insecure girl and he just lets her do it. probably because she's got nice boobs. Redhead throws herself at Long, thinking it's the right thing to do, and he resists saying AGAIN (god, weren't you LISTENING the first time?!) that if a man wants to be with you he'll make it fucking happen. Aniston is emo because her baby sister gets married and every asks about Affleck. Barrymore...is absent
Connelly and Hangover break up because she found a carton of cigarettes in his closet. not so much because of the sex with other people or unfulfilling relationship, but because of the cigarettes. maybe some people watching it thought, "yes, that's exactly how I would've dealt with it" but not me. or maybe cigarettes were supposed to be the breaking point? I can't tell. sadly, this was the most encouraging story arc ending in the whole damn movie. Affleck realizes that he's finally willing to compromise and get married, in order to fully please Aniston. and Long realizes how he's been stringing Redhead along and comes to her apartment to deliver the most awkward kiss I've been forced to view in closeup, and this gem: "you're my exception". BARF
ok, so far, we've got a pretty good message for women: live for yourself, not a man. if he doesn't call you, he's not going to, and he's not going to because he's NOT INTERESTED. just get over it and meet someone else. if you're Aniston's age and you've dated the same man exclusively for seven years and you want to get married but he won't ask you, he's NOT GOING TO. don't waste your time on someone who is clearly NOT INTERESTED. all solid, right?
oh, wait, here comes the failending: Barrymore and Entourage meet face-to-face and start dating. Affleck proposes to Aniston! Long comes around after being a complete ass to Redhead! THIS. IS. NOT. REAL. LIFE. why, why did you do this to the idiot women who watched this movie? you spent an hour and a half telling them how to have happier love lives and then went, "haha, just kidding, everything ends up working out!" shame on you for creating a movie where women walk in KNOWING that they will identify with at least one character and then feeding them bullshit at the end. that doesn't help anyone, especially coming from a movie based on a book meant to save women from themselves when dating. if I had written the ending it would've gone something like this...
Affleck helps Aniston when her father almost dies. she is appreciative but assertive in remaining friendly, not relationship-y. if he realizes that he wants to be with her and marry her, she considers. if he wants to go back to just being bf/gf, she hits him in the face with a wooden paddle (scrolling text at the bottom tells viewers to rent Dazed and Confused). Long is sad that he was a douche to Redhead, but either half-heartedly apologizes or does nothing (men are cowards). she moves on and continues to date men and doesn't get hung up when someone doesn't call. after all, you can't help it if someone flat-out doesn't like you. and Barrymore and Entourage never happens. that part was just fluff to round out the story and it was only more happy-go-lucky life-will-turn-out-awesome-eventually-if-you-wish-hard-enough trash
I'm so frustrated with this crappy mixed message. I have zero time for this movie and how much I hated the ending
roll call:
Redhead: the actress whose name I don't know. she goes on lots of dates but can't get men to call her back. she is basically the prototypical single girl for all single women in the audience to project their dating fails onto
Jennifer Connelly: happily married, building a nesthome for her babies that she's going to have, because that's all women think about once they get married.
Hangover Guy: one of the guys from The Hangover. the attractive one. whatever, he's married to Connelly and that's all we need to know about him
Justin Long: bartender/Redhead's love adviser throughout her stalker-ish attempts to attract men
Jennifer Aniston: for argument's sake, we'll say she's about 37. she is in a relationship and wants oh-so-badly to finally get married (that's all women want, if I can understand what I've been programmed to believe)
Ben Affleck: Aniston's boyfriend of seven years. argues that marriage is for the insecure couple
Scarlet Johanson: ♥ ♥ uhhh I mean a hot yoga instructor trying to jump start her singing career
Entourage Guy: the short guy from Entourage. real estate agent, completely obsessed with Johanson, but she's doing that cute girl thing where she strings him along and uses him when she feels like it. it was like watching Bella and Jacob in Eclipse (Twilight, lulz) before it even becomes a movie
Drew Barrymore: barely in the movie. trying to find a man on the internet but only gets losers. is obviously old because she "doesn't do texting"
the story starts with Redhead and Entourage going on a date and him not calling her (OMGZ the nerve). she responds with normal female behavior: calling, then stalking him where he mentioned he hung out after work. she meets Long, who counsels her about the ways of men and tells her that she is the RULE, not the exception, and to not listen to the crazy stories of women for whom a shitty situation turned awesome. I hope you paid attention, there will be a quiz later. to women who don't get to spend extended amounts of time around guys, I can see how this is enlightening/helpful. it was basically verbatim anecdotes and ideas from the book, which is fine. any way to get these women to shut their mouths and LISTEN, jeez. this friendship continues throughout the movie, where Redhead will call Long for advice and he becomes increasingly attached to her; though, because he's a big, strong man, he doesn't notice the hints he's dropping to her that ALL GIRLS will eat up. but I'm getting ahead of myself
Connelly and Redhead, meanwhile, have girl pow-wows about men being stupidheads and Aniston joins in to talk about her sister's best friend's cousin's husband's friend's dead relative that knew a girl who had a situation just like Redhead's and everything worked out hunky-dory and they're married and happy. ok, I know that women tell these stories to one another to make their friends feel better about being a sucky date, but who goes, "YEP that's real life, guys, TOTALLY not fantasy!" ?! ...being an engineer means I can't accept the female definition of reality. annnnnnyway, Redhead tells Connelly and Aniston about how much sense Long makes when he talks about how guys that won't call/date/have sex with/marry you just aren't that into you. I hope you see what I did there. Aniston becomes crazy, realizing that Affleck will never marry her. she goes home and breaks up with Affleck because he has no intentions of ever marrying her. go girl power? I guess?
Entourage comes home to whine about Johanson to Long, because she's being a skank and not calling him back and not sleeping with him anymore and obviously NOT being into him /headdesk. Johanson is meeting Hangover in a grocery store and flirting and trying to network with him because he knows agents for singers, until he tells her he's married and can't talk to her because...because she's hot. right. Barrymore works at a newspaper and is friends with Johanson (inexplicably) and gets advice from her gay coworkers on how to meet men. she is also helping Entourage with his ads in the paper
skipping the boring middle part, Hangover and Johanson totally do it and he tells Connelly, who doesn't break up with him but begins to slowly eat herself alive from the inside out. Connelly also harasses Hangover constantly about lying to her about quitting smoking, and he always denies. she appears nagging and we find out that they're only married because she gave him an ultimatum: marry me or I leave (that's the way to a man's heart; a shortcut to the stomach, really). Johnason leads on Entourage like it's her job to be a selfish, whiny, insecure girl and he just lets her do it. probably because she's got nice boobs. Redhead throws herself at Long, thinking it's the right thing to do, and he resists saying AGAIN (god, weren't you LISTENING the first time?!) that if a man wants to be with you he'll make it fucking happen. Aniston is emo because her baby sister gets married and every asks about Affleck. Barrymore...is absent
Connelly and Hangover break up because she found a carton of cigarettes in his closet. not so much because of the sex with other people or unfulfilling relationship, but because of the cigarettes. maybe some people watching it thought, "yes, that's exactly how I would've dealt with it" but not me. or maybe cigarettes were supposed to be the breaking point? I can't tell. sadly, this was the most encouraging story arc ending in the whole damn movie. Affleck realizes that he's finally willing to compromise and get married, in order to fully please Aniston. and Long realizes how he's been stringing Redhead along and comes to her apartment to deliver the most awkward kiss I've been forced to view in closeup, and this gem: "you're my exception". BARF
ok, so far, we've got a pretty good message for women: live for yourself, not a man. if he doesn't call you, he's not going to, and he's not going to because he's NOT INTERESTED. just get over it and meet someone else. if you're Aniston's age and you've dated the same man exclusively for seven years and you want to get married but he won't ask you, he's NOT GOING TO. don't waste your time on someone who is clearly NOT INTERESTED. all solid, right?
oh, wait, here comes the failending: Barrymore and Entourage meet face-to-face and start dating. Affleck proposes to Aniston! Long comes around after being a complete ass to Redhead! THIS. IS. NOT. REAL. LIFE. why, why did you do this to the idiot women who watched this movie? you spent an hour and a half telling them how to have happier love lives and then went, "haha, just kidding, everything ends up working out!" shame on you for creating a movie where women walk in KNOWING that they will identify with at least one character and then feeding them bullshit at the end. that doesn't help anyone, especially coming from a movie based on a book meant to save women from themselves when dating. if I had written the ending it would've gone something like this...
Affleck helps Aniston when her father almost dies. she is appreciative but assertive in remaining friendly, not relationship-y. if he realizes that he wants to be with her and marry her, she considers. if he wants to go back to just being bf/gf, she hits him in the face with a wooden paddle (scrolling text at the bottom tells viewers to rent Dazed and Confused). Long is sad that he was a douche to Redhead, but either half-heartedly apologizes or does nothing (men are cowards). she moves on and continues to date men and doesn't get hung up when someone doesn't call. after all, you can't help it if someone flat-out doesn't like you. and Barrymore and Entourage never happens. that part was just fluff to round out the story and it was only more happy-go-lucky life-will-turn-out-awesome-eventually-if-you-wish-hard-enough trash
I'm so frustrated with this crappy mixed message. I have zero time for this movie and how much I hated the ending