(no subject)
I am sad today. I dont have anyone to tell that i am sad without going into a whole conversation about how im better off without him and how i need to be moving on. i am sad today and i dont know how to make it go away. tuesday nights used to be our night. he would call when he was on his way over after a long evening of work and he would walk in the door and grab me and kiss me with such passion like it was the only thing on his mind, he couldnt stop thinking about kissing me all night. he would take me in his arms and love me and he was just he and i. no one else in the world existed. even though we both knew that he couldnt stay long and he would have to go back to his real life and i would be left holding on to the love and passion that we had just shared. I thought he would love me forever. he always said that he would. i know that i will love him forever and i am just going to have to deal with having to love him from a far like i had become so used to before. i had the love of my life. i was so unbelievably happy with everything. and now everything is gone and i have nothing. i have no hope for things getting better. i have nothing to look forward to. i have no one to share my love and my life with. i know i am too young to be saying things like this but i dont see how im ever going to meet someone to share my life with. i thought i had the one. what do you do how do you go on when you have lost the one thing that made me love living, made me love life. i wish i could be like him and just go out and find someone else to sleep with or move onto so i wouldnt have to sit here and wish i could somehow get him back. he clearly doesnt want me back. i have said everything that i can but he doesnt want me. he said that he has found someone new that he is interested in. i thought i was going to puke when he told me that and then followed it with how he had almost slept with two girls but apparently couldnt follow through because he was thinking of me. if that is so true and he is missing me too then why are we apart. why cant we just be together and see where it goes. he just wants me out of his life he wants nothing to do with me. he says he wants to be friends but i can tell that that is just out of pity. i wish i didnt feel like such a loser. i wish i liked myself. that would make everything easier. i liked me cause someone liked me. now he doesnt like me and i have no reason to like myself. im nothing special. i guess im just going to have to continue faking being happy everyday just like i have been for the past 3 months. i wish i could be happy. i wish i could be loved.