(no subject)
while away....this is what i learned about someone. and for whatever reason, im still battling inside about her for whatever dumb reasons. i want to let go. its not working. i wrote this the other night.
"the hardest things to understand are the opposites. i enjoy the challenge. the only downside is it leaves me feeling inadequate sometimes and that i do the wrong things. but ive come to understand its not all my fault and that some arent used to a person like me who is freelance and able to be committed at the same time. i cant help the person i am or change anything. even the vagrants have hearts and watch over people from far and near. full of love, and no one to share it with. i thought i had someone but they are just as locked in solidarity as i am. all i can do for them is watch from afar and make sure theyre ok because it feels like they need me on a level they may not understand. ive seen this happen before, it will always happen."
and this a few weeks ago.....
"as much as i do, i still need to know that im alright from others. protectors need protectors. even the beast can show love and needs it in order to live in relative peace in themselves and with the rest of the world."
yet still being back, im still tyring to figure out why i feel incomplete even though i lifted much weight off my shoudlers the way i always do. my incompatability here is showing again and all i hear are the murder city devils words pouring through my mind (namely "bunkhouse"). im trying to understand the opposite as well. i care more than i should. i want to force my mind into taking a loss now.
well i cant seem to make you mine. i cant sit around all the time. you fly around like a bee, hurting everything you see. well i tried everything that i know to make you want to love me so. the only thing you do is you try to put the hurt on me......
"the hardest things to understand are the opposites. i enjoy the challenge. the only downside is it leaves me feeling inadequate sometimes and that i do the wrong things. but ive come to understand its not all my fault and that some arent used to a person like me who is freelance and able to be committed at the same time. i cant help the person i am or change anything. even the vagrants have hearts and watch over people from far and near. full of love, and no one to share it with. i thought i had someone but they are just as locked in solidarity as i am. all i can do for them is watch from afar and make sure theyre ok because it feels like they need me on a level they may not understand. ive seen this happen before, it will always happen."
and this a few weeks ago.....
"as much as i do, i still need to know that im alright from others. protectors need protectors. even the beast can show love and needs it in order to live in relative peace in themselves and with the rest of the world."
yet still being back, im still tyring to figure out why i feel incomplete even though i lifted much weight off my shoudlers the way i always do. my incompatability here is showing again and all i hear are the murder city devils words pouring through my mind (namely "bunkhouse"). im trying to understand the opposite as well. i care more than i should. i want to force my mind into taking a loss now.
well i cant seem to make you mine. i cant sit around all the time. you fly around like a bee, hurting everything you see. well i tried everything that i know to make you want to love me so. the only thing you do is you try to put the hurt on me......