stay eighteen forever
depressed again.
called ben; no help. wanted him to visit, but he didn't.
ian makes me feel small and helpless. i want to run away. how melodramatic.
one of the things i hate the most about myself is how melodramatic i am. i really, honestly hate myself about ninety eight percent of the time. and that other two percent of the time i'm asleep. the human species is a fucking joke. we have to contemplate every fucking thing there is to contemplate until we dissolve into this bottomless pit of misery. and then we die.
i really wanted to cut tonight; i wanted it so bad i could taste it. but i decided it would make everyone furious with me [because you all care that much], and so instead i smoked three cigarettes and drank waaay too much vodka in one sip. my stomach hates me for the vodka. and i hate smoking. i could never get addicted.
but sometimes you really just need destructive behaivior.
my hair was really cute and frizzy today. i hot curled it. ben was the only one who noticed. "i like your curl," he said; proving that he didn't even notice properly.
melodrama. this is lame. i should... like... do something productive.
the urge to cut really is getting under my skin. i'm an insomniac. an insomniac who tonight will be vomitting all night because of that one drink of vodka. smart, soph; real smart.
called ben; no help. wanted him to visit, but he didn't.
ian makes me feel small and helpless. i want to run away. how melodramatic.
one of the things i hate the most about myself is how melodramatic i am. i really, honestly hate myself about ninety eight percent of the time. and that other two percent of the time i'm asleep. the human species is a fucking joke. we have to contemplate every fucking thing there is to contemplate until we dissolve into this bottomless pit of misery. and then we die.
i really wanted to cut tonight; i wanted it so bad i could taste it. but i decided it would make everyone furious with me [because you all care that much], and so instead i smoked three cigarettes and drank waaay too much vodka in one sip. my stomach hates me for the vodka. and i hate smoking. i could never get addicted.
but sometimes you really just need destructive behaivior.
my hair was really cute and frizzy today. i hot curled it. ben was the only one who noticed. "i like your curl," he said; proving that he didn't even notice properly.
melodrama. this is lame. i should... like... do something productive.
the urge to cut really is getting under my skin. i'm an insomniac. an insomniac who tonight will be vomitting all night because of that one drink of vodka. smart, soph; real smart.