boring life
well, all day, boring. r.lee stopped by and we chatted, i gave him back his neckalace. i love him so much. im gonna miss him. i had my dosage of r.lee. hes like a drug, u hang out with him for a while, and ur really psycho around him, and then once he leaves, ur still kinda psycho but u calm down cuz theres no fuel to ur psycho-osity. lol, i dunno. hes so much fun. he told me he liked me for a while back in the beginning of the school year. i knew he liked me, but he never said 'a while' so that makes me angry i didnt notice that. poo. hes such a great guy. he didnt like nick, and he didnt like tyler, so i wonder if he likes bradley. cuz all the guys he doesnt like end up being total douches. too bad hes engaged, or i'd do him. lol. too bad i like bradley so much, or i'd do r.lee even though hes engaged.
i realized today that i give up on love. every time i think i love someone i get hurt really really bad. like with bryan. i think i did love him, in my 13 year old girl kinda way. and when i couldnt have him, i felt like dying. and then tyler, the only reason i had sex with him and lost my virginity was because i thought i loved him. obviously i didnt. obviously i was an idiot. so i know that i wont love bradley because if i do i'll get hurt, or end up having sex with him. i dont want either. i just want some romance, and i need to get all this pent up affection out. i hate to think of breaking up with him so early in our relationship, but u know what. it'll happen. high school love/relationships rarely last, and for me to believe mine would was ignorant of me.
im just afraid that i'll hold back my feelings for him and kinda push him away. but i dont wanna lunge right into it and then have it fiddle later. i dunno. i'll just take it as it comes i guess, but i know for a fact i do NOT want to have sex with him and i do NOT want to love him....knowing me it'll still happen
i realized today that i give up on love. every time i think i love someone i get hurt really really bad. like with bryan. i think i did love him, in my 13 year old girl kinda way. and when i couldnt have him, i felt like dying. and then tyler, the only reason i had sex with him and lost my virginity was because i thought i loved him. obviously i didnt. obviously i was an idiot. so i know that i wont love bradley because if i do i'll get hurt, or end up having sex with him. i dont want either. i just want some romance, and i need to get all this pent up affection out. i hate to think of breaking up with him so early in our relationship, but u know what. it'll happen. high school love/relationships rarely last, and for me to believe mine would was ignorant of me.
im just afraid that i'll hold back my feelings for him and kinda push him away. but i dont wanna lunge right into it and then have it fiddle later. i dunno. i'll just take it as it comes i guess, but i know for a fact i do NOT want to have sex with him and i do NOT want to love him....knowing me it'll still happen