Betrayal
Title: Betrayal
Band: Dir en Grey
Pairing: Kyo/Die, Kaoru/Kyo
Rating: R
Chapter: One-shot.
Disclaimer: Dir en Grey still belongs to Dir en Grey.
Summary: Sometimes it made the guilt overwhelming, made Die feel as though he was about to ruin something sacred, but at other times he would find himself startling apathetic because, ultimately, he knew there was nothing sacred about their relationship to begin with.
Warnings: Brief mentionings of sexual situations, probably anti-Kyo.
Author's Note: First things first (because I know someone's going to wonder about the anti-Kyo warning), I don't hate Kyo. It's actually quite the opposite. And I actually didn't want to write this simply because of the incredibly malicious Kyo in this fic, but after an idea bothers you enough, you kind of break down and go, "Fine! I'll write it if you stop bothering me!" And thus its existence.
EDIT: Revised. Nothing that affects the story. Just fixing passive voice issues and other English problems.
Die knew that everything about this was betrayal of the worst kind, that of all people to be involved intimately with he had to be with Kyo. Die could feel disgust well up inside of himself whenever he allowed himself to be selfish, permitted himself to touch the blond in ways he shouldn't have, especially when Kyo was already involved with Kaoru. Kyo was a narcotic to him, and once he had allowed himself to be so close to the vocalist he found he couldn't stop; Kyo was an addiction, something he both loved and abhored. And like a drug, Die knew that if he didn't stop he would destroy everything.
The worst part of the situation was how oblivious Kaoru was to their sin, how the band leader lived in a reality where their affairs never happened. Sometimes this made the guilt overwhelming, made Die feel as though he was about to ruin something sacred, but at other times he would find himself startling apathetic because, ultimately, he knew there was nothing sacred about their relationship to begin with. He also found that sometimes he would be overwhelmed by envy, loathed those rare moments when Kaoru would forget that he wasn't alone with the blond and would rain down affectionate touches and words upon Kyo. And Die could feel a noose tightening around his neck whenever he witnessed one of those moments.
Sometimes Kyo would tell Die that he loved him, and in the beginning Die believed that. He believed that Kyo was only with Kaoru due to unfortunate circumstances, that eventually he would leave the band leader and that Kyo would be Die's only. Of course, in those early days Die hadn't quite noticed how empty Kyo's words of love were.
"I love you," Kyo whispered into his ear, wrapping his tattoo-decorated arms loosely around the redhead. Die nodded, but despite the words, despite the embrace, he felt no warmth from the vocalist. Kyo pouted, disappointed by Die's blatant apathy, and pressed their mouths together, stubbornly demanding some sort of pleasing response from the guitarist. And Die complied, but just like Kyo's empty affections, the guitarist's response was a deadened one. That was what their betrayal had deteriorated into, a dead sin based purely on habit and unhealthy addiction, not love or emotional intimacy.
Die used to believe Kyo genuinely loved him, but he knew better anymore. In all actuality, Die felt disgusted with himself for ever thinking that would eventually love him, hated himself for blindly ignoring the signs in order to follow the malicious blond.
"Kyo, why?" Die asked and looked at Kyo pleadingly, wanting the blond to quit playing his malicious games and instead explain his sadistic machinations. But he got nothing of the sort. Kyo merely flashed a comma of a half-smile at him, almost as though he was enjoying a joke only he understood, and then placed a brief kiss against the redhead's forehead.
"Don't ask questions," Kyo chided him as though he was a foolish child, "you won't like the answers."
Die leaned his head against the cool metal of the tour bus and lowered the beer bottle. He could hear them from inside the tour bus again, Kaoru's soft, loving words and Kyo's practiced, hollow responses. This routine seemed to be growing increasingly common between the two, hiding in the tour bus while the rest of the band was elsewhere, unaware of the guitarist eavesdropping on the unfortunate romance.
"I love you," Die managed to hear Kaoru whisper to the blond, and the words felt like a knife twisting in his heart.
"Yeah, I love you too."
And Die fell to his knees and cried.
Kaoru loved Kyo. Sometimes he felt like he was addicted to the blond, that Kyo provided something necessary for his life. And of course, Kyo did provide more to his life, gave him a person to shower with affection. In turn, Kyo would be by his side, would offer gentle touches and words of his own. All in all, it seemed perfect, but Kaoru still felt that there was something inherently wrong beneath the surface, that perhaps Kyo was nowhere near as ideal as he portrayed himself. He continued to write his suspicions off as paranoia, refused to think less of Kyo for reasons he couldn't put his finger on, but found that the unsettling feelings refused to dissipate.
And then he stumbled upon the betrayal.
At first, he found himself unable to articulate any sort of coherent thought, was only capable of simply staring at the nightmare that paraded in front of him. Kyo was on top of Die, making the redhead scream, the two traitors blissfully unaware of Kaoru watching them. Kyo leaned down, and he whispered sweet affections--sweet lies--into Die's ear as he repeatedly slid into him.
Eventually the band leader couldn't bare to watch the scene anymore and fled, Die's pleased cries chasing him down the hallway. Only when he stopped running did he realize how badly he was shaking, notice how overwhelmed he was by emotions. Rage, distress, and shock twirled around inside him like a cyclone, mixing into a poisonous concoction. He slumped against the wall and pressed his face against the cool paint. And then Kaoru's stoic exterior fell to pieces, and he sobbed.
"What are you saying, Kaoru?"
Kaoru stared at Kyo, flabbergasted. "You know what I'm saying. Don't pretend you don't."
"No, I don't," Kyo snapped irritably, "all I know is I was trying to be nice and suddenly you tell me you want to end things!"
"You would too if I was sleeping with one of our band mates!"
Kyo fell silent, and looked away, as though by not seeing Kaoru he could someone live in a reality where he was never caught. "So you know."
Kaoru sighed, exasperated, and he rested his head against his hands. The world seemed to be shattering around him, and if he wasn't careful he would slice himself of the glass pieces. "Kyo... why?"
And Kyo said nothing, couldn't vocalize even the simplest of answers for the distraught man. Instead he slid out from beneath the blankets, threw on his clothes, and--before Kaoru realized what exactly the blond was doing--left. Kaoru stared, stunned, horrified, and shattered. However, beneath his superficial layers of distress, he couldn't help but not be overly surprised by Kyo's actions.
Kyo swore softly under his breath and dropped the phone back down on the charger, finally surrendering to the endless ringing. He knew that Kaoru wouldn't want to speak to him, knew that the brunet's anger was entirely understandable, but at the same time he found himself infuriated by the lack of communication. However, Kyo was also quite aware that they could not maintain this sort of relationship, that the band would not survive for long if the leader refused to speak to the vocalist.
"Well, what did you expect?"
Kyo's eyes flickered as he glared at Die and reached for his pack of fags and his lighter. "I don't need to get lectured by you. In case you've forgotten, he blames you too."
And that made Die flinch and look away as though Kyo had just smacked him. Guilt weighed down on his face like a cumbersome veil. "He loved you, you know."
Kyo's malicious half-smile appeared, the blond seeming to be amused by the thought of Kaoru's unfortunate affections. "How does that make you feel, Die? Knowing that you destroyed a relationship and helped break Kaoru's heart?"
Die couldn't help but stare at him now, sickened. "You're a monster."
"And yet you keep coming back to me." Kyo lit up the fag, the flick of the lighter seemingly to be the period at the end of their conversation, the red glow of the fag so much like a bad omen. Of course, he knew that Die had no coherent response for that. Die was too dependent on his addiction to have an answer to his blunt observation.
When Die looked up Kyo was quietly exiting the tour bus, a malicious half-smile on his face. "I really can't believe you, Kyo," he remarked, his voice hard and exasperated. Everything about the situation seemed surreal, too impossible to believe; it was as though he was in a warped nightmare, and he couldn't wake up even if he pinched himself.
The vocalist chuckled in response and pushed him up the against the cool metal of the bus, tangling his hands in the long hair and pulling the guitarist down for a loveless kiss. "Who was I to deny him if he wanted me back?"
And as much as Die wanted to hate him, wanted to shove Kyo away, he found himself incapable of it. Once again he couldn't break away, stop another downward spiral of betrayals. The blond was just too powerful a drug for him to abandon. If he did back away then the withdrawal would devour him. Instead, he wound his arms around the blond and returned the dead kiss.
Band: Dir en Grey
Pairing: Kyo/Die, Kaoru/Kyo
Rating: R
Chapter: One-shot.
Disclaimer: Dir en Grey still belongs to Dir en Grey.
Summary: Sometimes it made the guilt overwhelming, made Die feel as though he was about to ruin something sacred, but at other times he would find himself startling apathetic because, ultimately, he knew there was nothing sacred about their relationship to begin with.
Warnings: Brief mentionings of sexual situations, probably anti-Kyo.
Author's Note: First things first (because I know someone's going to wonder about the anti-Kyo warning), I don't hate Kyo. It's actually quite the opposite. And I actually didn't want to write this simply because of the incredibly malicious Kyo in this fic, but after an idea bothers you enough, you kind of break down and go, "Fine! I'll write it if you stop bothering me!" And thus its existence.
EDIT: Revised. Nothing that affects the story. Just fixing passive voice issues and other English problems.
Die knew that everything about this was betrayal of the worst kind, that of all people to be involved intimately with he had to be with Kyo. Die could feel disgust well up inside of himself whenever he allowed himself to be selfish, permitted himself to touch the blond in ways he shouldn't have, especially when Kyo was already involved with Kaoru. Kyo was a narcotic to him, and once he had allowed himself to be so close to the vocalist he found he couldn't stop; Kyo was an addiction, something he both loved and abhored. And like a drug, Die knew that if he didn't stop he would destroy everything.
The worst part of the situation was how oblivious Kaoru was to their sin, how the band leader lived in a reality where their affairs never happened. Sometimes this made the guilt overwhelming, made Die feel as though he was about to ruin something sacred, but at other times he would find himself startling apathetic because, ultimately, he knew there was nothing sacred about their relationship to begin with. He also found that sometimes he would be overwhelmed by envy, loathed those rare moments when Kaoru would forget that he wasn't alone with the blond and would rain down affectionate touches and words upon Kyo. And Die could feel a noose tightening around his neck whenever he witnessed one of those moments.
Sometimes Kyo would tell Die that he loved him, and in the beginning Die believed that. He believed that Kyo was only with Kaoru due to unfortunate circumstances, that eventually he would leave the band leader and that Kyo would be Die's only. Of course, in those early days Die hadn't quite noticed how empty Kyo's words of love were.
"I love you," Kyo whispered into his ear, wrapping his tattoo-decorated arms loosely around the redhead. Die nodded, but despite the words, despite the embrace, he felt no warmth from the vocalist. Kyo pouted, disappointed by Die's blatant apathy, and pressed their mouths together, stubbornly demanding some sort of pleasing response from the guitarist. And Die complied, but just like Kyo's empty affections, the guitarist's response was a deadened one. That was what their betrayal had deteriorated into, a dead sin based purely on habit and unhealthy addiction, not love or emotional intimacy.
Die used to believe Kyo genuinely loved him, but he knew better anymore. In all actuality, Die felt disgusted with himself for ever thinking that would eventually love him, hated himself for blindly ignoring the signs in order to follow the malicious blond.
"Kyo, why?" Die asked and looked at Kyo pleadingly, wanting the blond to quit playing his malicious games and instead explain his sadistic machinations. But he got nothing of the sort. Kyo merely flashed a comma of a half-smile at him, almost as though he was enjoying a joke only he understood, and then placed a brief kiss against the redhead's forehead.
"Don't ask questions," Kyo chided him as though he was a foolish child, "you won't like the answers."
Die leaned his head against the cool metal of the tour bus and lowered the beer bottle. He could hear them from inside the tour bus again, Kaoru's soft, loving words and Kyo's practiced, hollow responses. This routine seemed to be growing increasingly common between the two, hiding in the tour bus while the rest of the band was elsewhere, unaware of the guitarist eavesdropping on the unfortunate romance.
"I love you," Die managed to hear Kaoru whisper to the blond, and the words felt like a knife twisting in his heart.
"Yeah, I love you too."
And Die fell to his knees and cried.
Kaoru loved Kyo. Sometimes he felt like he was addicted to the blond, that Kyo provided something necessary for his life. And of course, Kyo did provide more to his life, gave him a person to shower with affection. In turn, Kyo would be by his side, would offer gentle touches and words of his own. All in all, it seemed perfect, but Kaoru still felt that there was something inherently wrong beneath the surface, that perhaps Kyo was nowhere near as ideal as he portrayed himself. He continued to write his suspicions off as paranoia, refused to think less of Kyo for reasons he couldn't put his finger on, but found that the unsettling feelings refused to dissipate.
And then he stumbled upon the betrayal.
At first, he found himself unable to articulate any sort of coherent thought, was only capable of simply staring at the nightmare that paraded in front of him. Kyo was on top of Die, making the redhead scream, the two traitors blissfully unaware of Kaoru watching them. Kyo leaned down, and he whispered sweet affections--sweet lies--into Die's ear as he repeatedly slid into him.
Eventually the band leader couldn't bare to watch the scene anymore and fled, Die's pleased cries chasing him down the hallway. Only when he stopped running did he realize how badly he was shaking, notice how overwhelmed he was by emotions. Rage, distress, and shock twirled around inside him like a cyclone, mixing into a poisonous concoction. He slumped against the wall and pressed his face against the cool paint. And then Kaoru's stoic exterior fell to pieces, and he sobbed.
"What are you saying, Kaoru?"
Kaoru stared at Kyo, flabbergasted. "You know what I'm saying. Don't pretend you don't."
"No, I don't," Kyo snapped irritably, "all I know is I was trying to be nice and suddenly you tell me you want to end things!"
"You would too if I was sleeping with one of our band mates!"
Kyo fell silent, and looked away, as though by not seeing Kaoru he could someone live in a reality where he was never caught. "So you know."
Kaoru sighed, exasperated, and he rested his head against his hands. The world seemed to be shattering around him, and if he wasn't careful he would slice himself of the glass pieces. "Kyo... why?"
And Kyo said nothing, couldn't vocalize even the simplest of answers for the distraught man. Instead he slid out from beneath the blankets, threw on his clothes, and--before Kaoru realized what exactly the blond was doing--left. Kaoru stared, stunned, horrified, and shattered. However, beneath his superficial layers of distress, he couldn't help but not be overly surprised by Kyo's actions.
Kyo swore softly under his breath and dropped the phone back down on the charger, finally surrendering to the endless ringing. He knew that Kaoru wouldn't want to speak to him, knew that the brunet's anger was entirely understandable, but at the same time he found himself infuriated by the lack of communication. However, Kyo was also quite aware that they could not maintain this sort of relationship, that the band would not survive for long if the leader refused to speak to the vocalist.
"Well, what did you expect?"
Kyo's eyes flickered as he glared at Die and reached for his pack of fags and his lighter. "I don't need to get lectured by you. In case you've forgotten, he blames you too."
And that made Die flinch and look away as though Kyo had just smacked him. Guilt weighed down on his face like a cumbersome veil. "He loved you, you know."
Kyo's malicious half-smile appeared, the blond seeming to be amused by the thought of Kaoru's unfortunate affections. "How does that make you feel, Die? Knowing that you destroyed a relationship and helped break Kaoru's heart?"
Die couldn't help but stare at him now, sickened. "You're a monster."
"And yet you keep coming back to me." Kyo lit up the fag, the flick of the lighter seemingly to be the period at the end of their conversation, the red glow of the fag so much like a bad omen. Of course, he knew that Die had no coherent response for that. Die was too dependent on his addiction to have an answer to his blunt observation.
When Die looked up Kyo was quietly exiting the tour bus, a malicious half-smile on his face. "I really can't believe you, Kyo," he remarked, his voice hard and exasperated. Everything about the situation seemed surreal, too impossible to believe; it was as though he was in a warped nightmare, and he couldn't wake up even if he pinched himself.
The vocalist chuckled in response and pushed him up the against the cool metal of the bus, tangling his hands in the long hair and pulling the guitarist down for a loveless kiss. "Who was I to deny him if he wanted me back?"
And as much as Die wanted to hate him, wanted to shove Kyo away, he found himself incapable of it. Once again he couldn't break away, stop another downward spiral of betrayals. The blond was just too powerful a drug for him to abandon. If he did back away then the withdrawal would devour him. Instead, he wound his arms around the blond and returned the dead kiss.