Not about me
taken from the damnportlanders community.
I was about 8 or 9, and was over at the next door neighbor's house with my mom and my sisters. My mom was dating the next door neighbor at the time. I was helping him put laundry away and he handed me some socks to put away in his drawer. I opened the drawer and spied what I thought was the bottom part of a gas mask. I picked up the gas mask and yelled "incoming chemical warfare!" or something and clamped it over my face, taking deep breaths as if inhaling oxygen to the full capacity of my lungs.
When he and my mom got done laughing hard enough to wet themselves, they explained to me what a protective cup is used for.
more stories like
Apparently when I was three, my mom had a girl friend over and I woke up from a nap and walked into the living room and pooped on the floor in front of them while smiling.
and
When my baby sister was 3 I took her to the zoo. We were sitting on the lawn eating lunch and a peacock came over to investigate our crackers. She jumped up and yelped "WHAT IS THAT?! A turkey?" and I said "no, it's called a peacock." So she settled down and the peacock ate crackers out of her hand. It was adorable. So the peacock lost interest and started to wander away. She stands up and yelled at the top of her lungs "BYE BIG COCK!" as I'm mortified saying to her "NO, Michayla it's PEA-cock. PEA-cock." The mom sitting near us was doubled over with laughter. "out of the mouth of babes." ;)
want more? go here http://www.livejournal.com/community/damnportlanders/5958051.html?page=1#commentsthey are fucking halarious