(Untitled)

[spastic_rhythm]

First cross-country meet is this weekend. I'm only in the 5k this time around, because the coach and I both want to see how I can handle it. He's gotten so used to me being a sprinter...hell, I have too. But I enjoy the challenge of distance more, so we'll see what happens. I have high hopes of kicking ass! On the track anyway

Comments

Screened to Kamio

[iron_strength]

...

...You really are that seriously pissed over me doing that, aren't you?

...Look. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I upset you and Shinji with me behaving that way, but...I felt I was doing the best thing for me at the time. I don't like to talk about personal shit normally and you know that, Kamio. Seriously, how many deep heart to hearts can you count that we've had? Not many? That's because I don't like them since they make me uncomfortable. And feel like a damn girl. Something I don't need when I've been in the fucking role of man of the house since I was 11. ...But for once I got worked up enough about something and couldn't keep it bottled up without risking punching the fucking team captain. I can't do shit like that here like I could at Fudoumine, though, so I went to Shinji to talk. ...And suddenly after that when I decide to go back to normal and back to old habits, everybody starts fucking worrying about me because I'm not talking again. Well that worrying shit just makes me wanna keep to myself even more

Screened to Tetsu

[spastic_rhythm]

Yes, I was seriously that fucking pissed!! Dude, seriously. Despite what you may think, my pissiness has VERY little to do with you thinking you'd be a fucking girl for talking about your problems! Though that way pretty shitty, how you treated Shin...wanting to talk to him, getting him worried, then saying everything's fucking fine. Thought you knew HIM a bit better than that anyway. It has to with just fucking ignoring us outright, and making me, at least, feel like our friendship didn't fucking MATTER to you anymore! With ignoring ALL comments and attempts just...fucking hang out! If you don't fucking want me in your life anymore, than just fucking SAY it already

Re: Screened to Kamio

[iron_strength]

...Dude, no offense, but even though what you say is often valid, sometimes I swear an actual chill pill would do you a lot of fucking good....I wanted him to drop it. I'd calmed down enough to where I wasn't violently frustrated anymore after talking to him, and that was good enough for me to work with things on my own. But he seemed to not get that. So I guess we both didn't quite know each other on that front. ...And your friendships mean more to me more than anything. But...these days, and being apart from all of you for all this time, it does feel like I don't know what to say to you anymore at times. We don't see each other everyday like we used to. ...And...I'm not smart like the both of you. I can't talk to you about school-related stuff, and I feel stupid just listening to you both talk about your classes at Hyoutei. ...So it feels like all we've got left to talk about *is* those issues that make me uncomfortable, when then leaves us with nothing, since I don't like to talk about them

Re: Screened to Tetsu

[spastic_rhythm]

Don't I fucking know it. But that's not happening any time soon.

...you mean you haven't noticed the way I'm seriously too dumb for this place? you HAVEN'T noticed the other shit I'm doing, and the other shit I've been mentioning in my fucking entries that you can't think of a SINGLE thing else to talk about then your fucking feeling inferior?? You can't think of a SINGLE FUCKING THING that we could talk about outside of classes? For EITHER of us? Seriously??

Then you've fucking lost me already, Tetsu. Because that's how you treat a fucking acquaintance that you've been hoping to lose track of. "Oh, well, we don't go to the same school anymore. Guess there's nothing to talk about that." FUCK THAT!! I can think of TWENTY fucking things we could talk about that have NOTHING to do with school, and you...you...can't....

Fuck. Maybe I'm the one that fucked up. I failed, didn't I? Failed you as a friend, failed you as a captain. I get the hint now.

Re: Screened to Kamio

[iron_strength]

...You're kidding, right? Kamio, you might think otherwise, but you're one of the smartest people I know. Sure, Shinji usually gets the credit for being the brainiac among us, but you're smart as hell too. You've just always used yours in a more practical way than Shinji does. Doesn't mean it's not there though. And Tachibana-san sure as hell wouldn't have ever picked you to lead us if he didn't think so too. You wouldn't have succeeded in leading us either if you weren't intelligent. ...Because trust me. I know what a fucking stupid captain looks like, and you're nowhere close to being like him. So you're not too dumb for being at Hyoutei. You wouldn't be there to begin with if you were. ...You'd be stuck going to public schools still like the rest of the gang or trying to scrape by to go to a place like Yamabuki like me instead

Re: Screened to Tetsu

[spastic_rhythm]

No, I'm NOT kidding. If you'd seen my grades, you'd know. I can run, and I can talk shit. The extent of my skill set right there. Maybe good at bullshitting answers, too. Believe me, some days I wish I'd stuck to public school.

How hard is it to understand track, or my "father" is being a jackass even worse than in middle school? Fine. Let's talk things out then. Name the time and place and we'll see what happens.

Yeah, I have plenty of reasons, because otherwise maybe I would've seen this happening a long time ago.

(ooc: second strikes are deleted.)

Re: Screened to Kamio

[iron_strength]

You're going to a school that's a far cry from Fudoumine in pretty much every way, including academics. So of course it's not going to be easy to get good grades there. I know I sure as hell wouldn't have been able to. I don't even get decent grades here at Yamabuki. But that doesn't mean you're not capable of it. You got into the school in the first place, which means you're smarter than the average person to begin with...and are capable of actually going somewhere with your life. So stop pretending like you aren't. You're not some...common street riffraff like the rest of us. Neither you nor Shinji are. You're meant for better things and are clever enough to accomplish it. No you don't. Because Masaya and the others sure as hell wish they weren't still stuck there. But they weren't as lucky as us to escape it. So don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I'm sure any of them would gladly trade places with you if they could, no matter how hard you insist it is there.I'm not picky. I have my commitments to work and the baby sister, but I'