Yuki: Lingering Issues
A/N: OMG I know this is super super super super late, but I finally got it done! I've been distraced with life, and my internet was total crap for the longest time. I know this doesn't go with the current storyline of Parents Approval, it's a tad bit behind it. Though I will catch up. Just give me time. :P
Enjoy!
A few days had passed since our house warming party with the family and friends. And since Kei and I kissed. No matter how much Yuya says he forgives me, I still feel horrible about it. I just can't shake off the feeling that hes not telling me how he truly feels about it. I mean hes become just a bit distant with me, I don't think he realizes it though.
It wasn't much longer till I found myself in Rai's office at the orphanage. It was the first time I've confronted her since the party. I felt horrible about how I treated her there. Even though I was in a state of panic, I should have known better than to act the way I did to her. Just when I had thought I had been doing so good, I relapse. Am I ever going to get better?
“Ne, Rai...what's wrong with me?” I asked as I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. Being in her office always made me feel nervous.
“What do you mean, Yuki?” she asked as she tapped the end of her pen on her desk making me look up at her.
“I mean, I kissed Kei. I feel horrible about it, but there's a part of me that doesn't. That part of me wanted it.” I explained before biting my lip and fidgeting with the hem of my shirt once more.
“Yuki, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It's normal to feel that way sometimes.”
“It doesn't feel normal, it feels wrong. I hurt Yuya.....” tears began to well up in my eyes.
“It was wrong Yuki, but it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. How does Yuya feel about it?” Rai asked.
“I'm not sure anymore. He forgave me, demo, I feel like hes not telling me how he truly feels. It feels like hes hiding his true emotions about it from me. I can tell he still hurts.” I wiped the tears away as I looked up at Rai once more.
“Have you tried to talk to him about it more?”
“Iie. I've been afraid to bring it up. I don't want to hurt him anymore than I have. It would tear my heart in two if I did. I can't handle that kind of pain, ever.” a long sigh escaped me and I relaxed a little in my seat, just saying that much made me feel just a little better.
“I suggest you talk to him about it more, Yuki. It's not going to go away if you both continue to avoid it, and it's just going to continue to hurt more. What was said the night that happened may have been things you both just wanted to hear for the moment. It didn't truly fix the problem. I hate to say this Yuki, but Yuya may have lost some of his trust in you and in Kei.” Rai said as she wrote down some things before closing the file with my name on it.
“I'm sorry Yuki, but our time is up for today, you know I'd talk with you longer if I didn't have such a busy schedule.” she explained as she glanced at her watch.
“Ah, hai. I know Rai-chan. Thank you though, I feel a little bit better. Demo, I know I won't feel any better till I talk to Yuya about it.” I said as I stood up and slipped my coat on before glancing at my own watch. My lunch break was nearly over.
I looked back to Rai and watched as she quickly wrote something out on a small pad of paper. A moment later she tore the paper off and handed it to me as she stood. “Here, a prescription. These pills will help, Yuki. Take one once a week, they are stronger and longer lasting too.” she explained as I reached out and took the paper.
“Hai. Arigatou.” I looked at the prescription for a moment. I didn't want to take pills anymore, but Rai knew me well.
“Throw out what's left of your old pills. You won't need them anymore.” she smiled kindly.
I returned the smile with a nod before tucking the piece of paper into one of my pockets. “Thanks, Rai-chan.” I said once more before turning and heading out of her office. I waved good bye before heading out of the orphanage.
Yuya was kind enough to let me use the car for the day because of my appointment. Getting in it I buckled up before starting it and pulling out of the parking lot. It was time to head back to work, my lunch break was almost over and I didn't have really any time to stop and get lunch like I had planned.
The rest of my day at work had gone really well. I had gotten another design finished and started working on the next. A never ending cycle it seemed, but I loved it. After work though I went out to eat with Kin, Mako and Hikari, I had already let Yuya know of my plans the day before. Dinner was fun, the four of us talked about work, and some of the rumors going around the Jimusho among other things. When we were done we all said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.
When I arrived at home the house appeared to be empty, though I knew Yuya was home because I saw his shoes at the door. I went up to our room to find that he was already asleep in bed. Quietly I took a shower and dressed for bed. I watched Yuya sleep for a little while, thinking about what Rai had told me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Yuya was probably still hurt by the kiss that happened between Kei and I.
After a bit I lightly shook his shoulder to wake him. It took a few shake but he finally woke and looked at me. He smiled weakly before closing his eyes once more.
“When did you get here?” I pouted as I moved under the sheets.
“A few hours ago..” he sighed.
“Oh..ne...what happened to your face?” I questioned with a frown. Turning to look at me, he gave me an assuring look, though it didn't take away my worry any.
“Daijoubu. Just a little malfunctioning in today's orphanage meeting, that's all. Demo...how was today?”
“Mm..pretty good.” I snuggled closer to him, wanting to try and comfort him, even though inside I knew he and I really needed to talk.
“Ah...be right back.” he said suddenly and slipped out from under the sheets before heading to the bathroom. I couldn't help but frown some as I laid back in the bed. It felt like he didn't want to be near me or something, I felt like I did something wrong. Though in reality I had. I had kissed Kei. When I heard the bathroom door locked I frowned even more and my heart ached. He never locked the bathroom door.
A few minutes later he came back out and got back into bed. Though he laid with his back facing me, this made me hurt more.
“Not feeling well?” I asked sounding concerned, I really was. I wanted to know what was wrong with my Yuya.
“You could say that ne. It's just the pain on my face...” he sighed.
I let out my own sigh before half cuddling up to him. Before I knew it I was fast asleep.
When I woke up the next morning, Yuya wasn't in bed. This really concerned me, Yuya was always there when I woke up. I couldn't help but feel the panic coming on. I took a few deep breathes before I got out of bed and headed to the washroom. I splashed some water on my face and managed to calm myself down. He could simply be down stairs, I reassured myself and got dressed before heading downstairs. It seemed like no one was home. Looking in the kitchen I found a note on the fridge. Taking it down I read it.
Yuki-chan, I'll be gone for about the whole day really. If you need anything just text me alright? Don't call ne? I may not be able to answer it... I won't be using the car, so I think the keys are somewhere around the living room or entrance hallway. Anyways, Kei won't be back either. He left for some work. He may be back tomorrow or two days after that. Hai, Love you.
-Yuya.
I re-read the note once more before letting out a long sigh. After a moment I simply threw it in the trash. So it looked like I was going to be alone for the whole day. I have a free day and no one to spend it with. I contemplated texting Yuya but I decided against it. I figured he needed his space, needed time to think.
With a long drawn-out sigh I pulled open the fridge examining the contents of it. There was plenty of food, Yuya had gone shopping just a few days ago. Though I suddenly wasn't very hungry. Closing the fridge I went to the living room and plopped down on the couch. Grabbing the remote I turned on the TV and began to flip through the channels. There seemed to be nothing on. After a while I finally found a good movie to watch.
That's where I remained for the rest of the day. That's also where Kei found me when he unexpectedly came home. I was curled up on the couch hugging a pillow watching some variety show. There were a couple food wrappers and soda cans on the coffee table. That was unusual of me, I always cleaned up after myself. I just didn't feel like it today. In fact I spent some of that day crying.
“Yuki? Are you okay?” I heard Kei's voice.
I looked over to him and frowned. “No, my heart hurts.” I said and cuddled up to the pillow some more. “I feel like everything is falling apart here at home.” I added as I held back my tears.
“Ano, I feel the same actually....I think we should talk, ne?” he said softly.
I nodded and slowly got up from the couch. I turned off the TV before I picked up my trash and headed to the kitchen, Kei following me. Once I threw my trash away I leaned against the counter and looked over at him. He stood practically on the other side of the kitchen from me. I still felt a little nervous though.
“I think we both need to talk with Yuya as well.” I pointed out and he nodded.
“The kiss, was a mistake. I still feel guilty about it, demo I want it to be in the past. Yuya seems to not be able to let it go.” he said.
I looked down at the floor. “I've been meaning to talk to him about it. He's become a bit distant with me, it hurts. I just want things to be back to normal again, put this all in the past. I hurt Yuya more than I thought at first. I want to make things right, demo I'm afraid of how he might react if I bring it up. I'm scared.”
Kei let out a sigh, “It'll be okay, Yuki. You just need to confront him.”
He's one to talk, I thought. Kei is just as guilty in all of this as I am. I haven't seen him try and make things right, again. I suppose it was up to me to do so. I let out long sigh as I pushed off the counter and headed out of the kitchen. “You better be right...” I grumbled before I headed up the stairs and to the bedroom.
I entered the room finding the lights to be off. I turned on a dim bedside table and found Yuya huddled up in the corner on a futon. I shook my head some, this was getting ridiculous. I stood over him looking down at him.
“Yuya, what are you doing?” I asked
He opened his eyes looking up at me. “Sleeping.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah...”
There was an awkward silence between us, and I didn't know what to do or say. Luckily Yuya was the one to speak first.
“What were you and Kei talking about?” he asked suddenly.
I frowned, sighed and knelled down beside him. “We were talking about all of this avoiding we've all been doing. About that damned kiss.”
I watched as he frowned some. “Oh?”
“Hai, Yuya I know you're still hurting. I'm still hurting too. I feel horrible for what I have done. Drunk or not It was wrong, and I will do anything to make things right again. Yuya, I want things to go back to normal. I would like to be happy again. Demo, I know it won't happen right away. We have to try though, we have to talk our way through this. Hai, I cheated, I kissed Kei and that will never be right, but it will never happen again. My heart aches knowing how much you still hurt. Help me make it right, Yuuyan.” I explained as tears filled my eyes. I know I had been rambling and probably hadn't made too much sense. “I want to know how you feel, your true feelings.”
There was a long moment of silence between Yuya and I. I wasn't sure what to do or say, it was rather awkward really.
“I see..gomen Yuki. “ he said sounding sad all of sudden. I couldn't help but feel a bit bad now. “Ano..I'm going to sleep here on the futon tonight.” he added in that same sound tone.
All I could do was nod. “Okay...I love you..” I replied and would lean down to give him a kiss. He barely returned it and I would stand back up. I went over to our bed and climbed in on my side, slipping under the warm blankets. “Oyasumi..” I said softly.
“Oyasumi.” I heard him reply, though it sounded sad and empty.
It felt like forever, but I was finally able to fall asleep. It was light and dreamless, different from usual.
A few hours later though I was woken up by the sounds of shouting coming from downstairs. My heart began to race as I slipped out of bed and stepped into my slippers. I looked over at the futon on the floor, and Yuya wasn't there. This made me worry even more and I can almost feel the fear panic begin to take over. I took a deep breath though and slipped on my robe and tied it shut as I slowly crept over to the bedroom door.
I peaked out the cracked door for a moment, the shouting grew a bit louder. Taking another deep breath I opened the door enough to slip out and I would head over to the stairs. The shouting became more clear, and I heard that it was Yuya and Kei. Tears began to well up in my eyes as I heard what they were fighting about. Still I was curious, and wanted to make sure it wasn't too bad. I made my way down to the second floor where the shouting was the loudest.
Looking down the hall I saw Kei's door was opened and I would slowly make my way towards it. I was starting to tremble with fear now, and I tried my best to stay calm and not panic. When I got near the door I would peek around into the room. Kei was on one side, and Yuya on the other. They were still shouting at each other, I could see the anger on their faces. It frightened me, I had never seen either of them looking so mad, and angry.
The shouting suddenly escalated and the distance between them began to get smaller. My eyes widened and the worst came to mind. Before I could even begin to panic I had turned and ran down the hall and back up stairs. I went straight back into the bedroom and to my nightstand where my cell phone was at.
With trembling hands I picked up the phone and dialed the first person that came to mind, Kota.
Enjoy!
A few days had passed since our house warming party with the family and friends. And since Kei and I kissed. No matter how much Yuya says he forgives me, I still feel horrible about it. I just can't shake off the feeling that hes not telling me how he truly feels about it. I mean hes become just a bit distant with me, I don't think he realizes it though.
It wasn't much longer till I found myself in Rai's office at the orphanage. It was the first time I've confronted her since the party. I felt horrible about how I treated her there. Even though I was in a state of panic, I should have known better than to act the way I did to her. Just when I had thought I had been doing so good, I relapse. Am I ever going to get better?
“Ne, Rai...what's wrong with me?” I asked as I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. Being in her office always made me feel nervous.
“What do you mean, Yuki?” she asked as she tapped the end of her pen on her desk making me look up at her.
“I mean, I kissed Kei. I feel horrible about it, but there's a part of me that doesn't. That part of me wanted it.” I explained before biting my lip and fidgeting with the hem of my shirt once more.
“Yuki, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It's normal to feel that way sometimes.”
“It doesn't feel normal, it feels wrong. I hurt Yuya.....” tears began to well up in my eyes.
“It was wrong Yuki, but it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. How does Yuya feel about it?” Rai asked.
“I'm not sure anymore. He forgave me, demo, I feel like hes not telling me how he truly feels. It feels like hes hiding his true emotions about it from me. I can tell he still hurts.” I wiped the tears away as I looked up at Rai once more.
“Have you tried to talk to him about it more?”
“Iie. I've been afraid to bring it up. I don't want to hurt him anymore than I have. It would tear my heart in two if I did. I can't handle that kind of pain, ever.” a long sigh escaped me and I relaxed a little in my seat, just saying that much made me feel just a little better.
“I suggest you talk to him about it more, Yuki. It's not going to go away if you both continue to avoid it, and it's just going to continue to hurt more. What was said the night that happened may have been things you both just wanted to hear for the moment. It didn't truly fix the problem. I hate to say this Yuki, but Yuya may have lost some of his trust in you and in Kei.” Rai said as she wrote down some things before closing the file with my name on it.
“I'm sorry Yuki, but our time is up for today, you know I'd talk with you longer if I didn't have such a busy schedule.” she explained as she glanced at her watch.
“Ah, hai. I know Rai-chan. Thank you though, I feel a little bit better. Demo, I know I won't feel any better till I talk to Yuya about it.” I said as I stood up and slipped my coat on before glancing at my own watch. My lunch break was nearly over.
I looked back to Rai and watched as she quickly wrote something out on a small pad of paper. A moment later she tore the paper off and handed it to me as she stood. “Here, a prescription. These pills will help, Yuki. Take one once a week, they are stronger and longer lasting too.” she explained as I reached out and took the paper.
“Hai. Arigatou.” I looked at the prescription for a moment. I didn't want to take pills anymore, but Rai knew me well.
“Throw out what's left of your old pills. You won't need them anymore.” she smiled kindly.
I returned the smile with a nod before tucking the piece of paper into one of my pockets. “Thanks, Rai-chan.” I said once more before turning and heading out of her office. I waved good bye before heading out of the orphanage.
Yuya was kind enough to let me use the car for the day because of my appointment. Getting in it I buckled up before starting it and pulling out of the parking lot. It was time to head back to work, my lunch break was almost over and I didn't have really any time to stop and get lunch like I had planned.
The rest of my day at work had gone really well. I had gotten another design finished and started working on the next. A never ending cycle it seemed, but I loved it. After work though I went out to eat with Kin, Mako and Hikari, I had already let Yuya know of my plans the day before. Dinner was fun, the four of us talked about work, and some of the rumors going around the Jimusho among other things. When we were done we all said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.
When I arrived at home the house appeared to be empty, though I knew Yuya was home because I saw his shoes at the door. I went up to our room to find that he was already asleep in bed. Quietly I took a shower and dressed for bed. I watched Yuya sleep for a little while, thinking about what Rai had told me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Yuya was probably still hurt by the kiss that happened between Kei and I.
After a bit I lightly shook his shoulder to wake him. It took a few shake but he finally woke and looked at me. He smiled weakly before closing his eyes once more.
“When did you get here?” I pouted as I moved under the sheets.
“A few hours ago..” he sighed.
“Oh..ne...what happened to your face?” I questioned with a frown. Turning to look at me, he gave me an assuring look, though it didn't take away my worry any.
“Daijoubu. Just a little malfunctioning in today's orphanage meeting, that's all. Demo...how was today?”
“Mm..pretty good.” I snuggled closer to him, wanting to try and comfort him, even though inside I knew he and I really needed to talk.
“Ah...be right back.” he said suddenly and slipped out from under the sheets before heading to the bathroom. I couldn't help but frown some as I laid back in the bed. It felt like he didn't want to be near me or something, I felt like I did something wrong. Though in reality I had. I had kissed Kei. When I heard the bathroom door locked I frowned even more and my heart ached. He never locked the bathroom door.
A few minutes later he came back out and got back into bed. Though he laid with his back facing me, this made me hurt more.
“Not feeling well?” I asked sounding concerned, I really was. I wanted to know what was wrong with my Yuya.
“You could say that ne. It's just the pain on my face...” he sighed.
I let out my own sigh before half cuddling up to him. Before I knew it I was fast asleep.
When I woke up the next morning, Yuya wasn't in bed. This really concerned me, Yuya was always there when I woke up. I couldn't help but feel the panic coming on. I took a few deep breathes before I got out of bed and headed to the washroom. I splashed some water on my face and managed to calm myself down. He could simply be down stairs, I reassured myself and got dressed before heading downstairs. It seemed like no one was home. Looking in the kitchen I found a note on the fridge. Taking it down I read it.
Yuki-chan, I'll be gone for about the whole day really. If you need anything just text me alright? Don't call ne? I may not be able to answer it... I won't be using the car, so I think the keys are somewhere around the living room or entrance hallway. Anyways, Kei won't be back either. He left for some work. He may be back tomorrow or two days after that. Hai, Love you.
-Yuya.
I re-read the note once more before letting out a long sigh. After a moment I simply threw it in the trash. So it looked like I was going to be alone for the whole day. I have a free day and no one to spend it with. I contemplated texting Yuya but I decided against it. I figured he needed his space, needed time to think.
With a long drawn-out sigh I pulled open the fridge examining the contents of it. There was plenty of food, Yuya had gone shopping just a few days ago. Though I suddenly wasn't very hungry. Closing the fridge I went to the living room and plopped down on the couch. Grabbing the remote I turned on the TV and began to flip through the channels. There seemed to be nothing on. After a while I finally found a good movie to watch.
That's where I remained for the rest of the day. That's also where Kei found me when he unexpectedly came home. I was curled up on the couch hugging a pillow watching some variety show. There were a couple food wrappers and soda cans on the coffee table. That was unusual of me, I always cleaned up after myself. I just didn't feel like it today. In fact I spent some of that day crying.
“Yuki? Are you okay?” I heard Kei's voice.
I looked over to him and frowned. “No, my heart hurts.” I said and cuddled up to the pillow some more. “I feel like everything is falling apart here at home.” I added as I held back my tears.
“Ano, I feel the same actually....I think we should talk, ne?” he said softly.
I nodded and slowly got up from the couch. I turned off the TV before I picked up my trash and headed to the kitchen, Kei following me. Once I threw my trash away I leaned against the counter and looked over at him. He stood practically on the other side of the kitchen from me. I still felt a little nervous though.
“I think we both need to talk with Yuya as well.” I pointed out and he nodded.
“The kiss, was a mistake. I still feel guilty about it, demo I want it to be in the past. Yuya seems to not be able to let it go.” he said.
I looked down at the floor. “I've been meaning to talk to him about it. He's become a bit distant with me, it hurts. I just want things to be back to normal again, put this all in the past. I hurt Yuya more than I thought at first. I want to make things right, demo I'm afraid of how he might react if I bring it up. I'm scared.”
Kei let out a sigh, “It'll be okay, Yuki. You just need to confront him.”
He's one to talk, I thought. Kei is just as guilty in all of this as I am. I haven't seen him try and make things right, again. I suppose it was up to me to do so. I let out long sigh as I pushed off the counter and headed out of the kitchen. “You better be right...” I grumbled before I headed up the stairs and to the bedroom.
I entered the room finding the lights to be off. I turned on a dim bedside table and found Yuya huddled up in the corner on a futon. I shook my head some, this was getting ridiculous. I stood over him looking down at him.
“Yuya, what are you doing?” I asked
He opened his eyes looking up at me. “Sleeping.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah...”
There was an awkward silence between us, and I didn't know what to do or say. Luckily Yuya was the one to speak first.
“What were you and Kei talking about?” he asked suddenly.
I frowned, sighed and knelled down beside him. “We were talking about all of this avoiding we've all been doing. About that damned kiss.”
I watched as he frowned some. “Oh?”
“Hai, Yuya I know you're still hurting. I'm still hurting too. I feel horrible for what I have done. Drunk or not It was wrong, and I will do anything to make things right again. Yuya, I want things to go back to normal. I would like to be happy again. Demo, I know it won't happen right away. We have to try though, we have to talk our way through this. Hai, I cheated, I kissed Kei and that will never be right, but it will never happen again. My heart aches knowing how much you still hurt. Help me make it right, Yuuyan.” I explained as tears filled my eyes. I know I had been rambling and probably hadn't made too much sense. “I want to know how you feel, your true feelings.”
There was a long moment of silence between Yuya and I. I wasn't sure what to do or say, it was rather awkward really.
“I see..gomen Yuki. “ he said sounding sad all of sudden. I couldn't help but feel a bit bad now. “Ano..I'm going to sleep here on the futon tonight.” he added in that same sound tone.
All I could do was nod. “Okay...I love you..” I replied and would lean down to give him a kiss. He barely returned it and I would stand back up. I went over to our bed and climbed in on my side, slipping under the warm blankets. “Oyasumi..” I said softly.
“Oyasumi.” I heard him reply, though it sounded sad and empty.
It felt like forever, but I was finally able to fall asleep. It was light and dreamless, different from usual.
A few hours later though I was woken up by the sounds of shouting coming from downstairs. My heart began to race as I slipped out of bed and stepped into my slippers. I looked over at the futon on the floor, and Yuya wasn't there. This made me worry even more and I can almost feel the fear panic begin to take over. I took a deep breath though and slipped on my robe and tied it shut as I slowly crept over to the bedroom door.
I peaked out the cracked door for a moment, the shouting grew a bit louder. Taking another deep breath I opened the door enough to slip out and I would head over to the stairs. The shouting became more clear, and I heard that it was Yuya and Kei. Tears began to well up in my eyes as I heard what they were fighting about. Still I was curious, and wanted to make sure it wasn't too bad. I made my way down to the second floor where the shouting was the loudest.
Looking down the hall I saw Kei's door was opened and I would slowly make my way towards it. I was starting to tremble with fear now, and I tried my best to stay calm and not panic. When I got near the door I would peek around into the room. Kei was on one side, and Yuya on the other. They were still shouting at each other, I could see the anger on their faces. It frightened me, I had never seen either of them looking so mad, and angry.
The shouting suddenly escalated and the distance between them began to get smaller. My eyes widened and the worst came to mind. Before I could even begin to panic I had turned and ran down the hall and back up stairs. I went straight back into the bedroom and to my nightstand where my cell phone was at.
With trembling hands I picked up the phone and dialed the first person that came to mind, Kota.