Ahhhh where to begin, where to begin.... ok, at the beginning it is.
A few weeks ago Lisa and I spent the evening with some of her old friends - people she had completely lost touch with over the years and out of the blue they were coming to Vancouver and next thing you know, we were at dinner together enjoying stories of good times and playing catch up with each other’s lives.
To say that Michelle freaked out completely is an understatement. Turns out that she disliked one of the women Lisa spent time with. She accused Lisa of lying and hiding our meeting with these women. Lisa apologised for any misunderstandings (again and again) but held firm on two points.
1> She had not and has never lied to or deliberately misled Michelle in this or any other thing in the entire time they have known each other and was not about to make apologies for things she did not do.
2> She had every right to spend time with this woman and Michelle had no right to behave in any way meant to force her to give up that right.
Much drama ensued and in the end, Lisa mailed Michelle and told her that their friendship was over. Michelle’s response to this was to state that yes she needed a break from this and would talk to her later. My wife ended their friendship and this woman took it upon herself to decide that she would be contacting Lisa again, after she had had a break from the drama. Respecting boundaries is not a part of Michelle’s vocabulary and the degree of self righteous disdain for the rights and needs of others was evident in every condescending word she subjected my wife to.
I stayed out of it ... in spite of my misgivings and my disgust that this woman would try to bully and manipulate my wife so blatantly over a person who has not been a part of either of their lives for a very long time.
Unfortunately, I have seen how brutally Michelle bullies and manipulates everyone in her life to get what she wants. Michelle has never been able to tolerate anyone who stands up to her, so seeing her pull her usual crap on Lisa for finally having a backbone came as no surprise.
I have always tried to like Michelle for my wife’s sake but honestly everything about her has always sent up so many red flags it’s alarming. I find myself not the least bit sad that she is now, once and for all, sitting firmly at the curb where she has always belonged.
After it was all over, I posted a comment in my Facebook. MY Facebook, MY private space. After all, Lisa had already ended their friendship and Michelle has never been my friend.
My comment? My horrible crime?
This is what I said.
It never ceases to amaze me how quickly people can throw away something they claim to value so much, just to satisfy their own ego.
And why should I not say what I think in my private space? She would not stop attacking Lisa and Lisa had enough. She gave Michelle every chance to just back off and end the attacks and accusations and she would not. She was not "winning" and so she could not do enough to attack my wife - EGO in the extreme.
Imagine my surprise when I got a mail from Michelle expressing how hurt she is that I could say that and because she’s bipolar and it really isn’t fair that I “subject” her to that. She then requested that I please not post my opinions on my private space so that she will not have to read them. She really wants to keep me as a friend you see ... she really needs to know that I will not speak like that again ...
{Excuse me?? You treat my wife like dirt and I am suppose to think of your feelings?}
I call BULLSHIT! Michelle has never liked me for many, many reasons that have nothing to do with me and everything to do with her intense jealousy of the fact that Lisa is a stronger and more whole person than she will ever be. How dare my wife be happy!!!
Here it is in its entirety:
Michelle
I respect that you did not unfriend me but making hurtful comments that are obviously meant for me is something I do not care to read. You have every right to post what ever you want and I know you feel protective of Lisa but if you have not unfriended me so that I may read such comments then to protect myself I may have to take the step of unfreinding you and well I never had any intentions of doing that.
I am slipping into great saddness over this and I really need to know that I can check my facebook page and not see things like your comment. If you think it best that we unfriend each other than I can accept that, but I wanted to keep the lines of communication open.
Thanks,
Michelle
Peggy
"You have every right to post what ever you want"
You have the right to choose not to read it.
Out of resepct for my wife, I will not tell her about this mail. Do not tempt fate by trying to continue this with me.
Michelle
Wow...your ego has NO bounds. Good thing I know my fate has nothing to do with your pompous, self-important blowhard ass.
Have you ever thought to take a good look around and ask why it is you are unable to find a job? Maybe it's because everyone can see through your egotistical bullshit. You are not even remotely as smart as you seem to think you are and I feel nothing but pity for you.
I tried to reach out to you with respect and compassion and you decided to laughably threaten my "fate".
My God you’re an idiot!!
Peggy
This level of hatred is simply astounding.
Obviously your decision to contact me had very little to do with respect or caring but looking into your deeper motives is your chore, not mine and so I will leave it at that.
I sincerely hope that you will one day learn the lesson of this experience will find your way to something positive.
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I had every reason to believe her first mail was an attempt to manipulate me... seems that I was right.
(Snide moment - sorry punkin but I can see through your shit and always could. I also have a backbone and your games are a waste of my time. )
That level of venom in her response to me is a pretty good indication that respect and compassion was the furthest thing from her mind. I doubt she ever read my response to her crap, I was likely already blocked by that point - as she should have done in the very beginning .
I had every intention of stepping off that crazy train and leaving my wife out of yet another attempt of Michelles to manipulate the situation... the fact that she chose to volley back with an absolute and astonishing amount of hatred pretty much guaranteed that I had no choice but to make my wife aware of it.
More drama ensued and Lisa (again) ended the friendship this time in a way that Michelle had no choice but to respect
Ahh fresh air at last... but it was not to be..
A week later Michelle calls Lisa.. Terri has ended things with her and she needs a shoulder to cry on.
The absolute gall of her to treat my wife like a sack of shit, and then expect instant forgiveness and a shoulder to cry on set off more red flags in one sentence than she ever has in the time I have known her.
“I really need my best friend right now.”
To say I watched the situation carefully is an understatement.
Lisa has been severely abused in her life - protective does not begin to describe my feelings when Michelle expected Lisa to be there for her when she had so recently treated Lisa to such anger and outright cruelty.
I read Michelles Live Journal.
In it she talks about her relationship ending. She takes no personal responsibility. She is ill, she is bipolar, that is why things did not work out between them. She is a wreck she is a mess, she thinks of hurting herself. He daughter is devastated and fears for her mother’s safety.
She is such a mess that her daughter lives in terror that Michelle might try to harm herself. She has reassured Kassy that she will have things in place so that if she *still* feels like this, Kassy will not be dealing with it alone when they move into their own place IN A YEAR. Have a heaping helping of emotional abuse and manipulation.
VETO - stop the train, my wife is getting off AS OF NOW.
Under no circumstances will I stand by and allow my wife to be a shoulder to cry on for someone who is willing to allow their child to feel that kind of fear for even a moment let alone for the year it will take them to get the house sold and their situation settled. If you really feel like that, you never under any circumstances lay this kind of shit at the feet of your children. If you really feel like that you GET HELP.
Michelle is not getting help - she is “almost” checking herself into the psych ward. She is “almost” ready to get counselling for her bipolar issue (that has been “almost” happening for a very long time). She’s been to a Chinese herbalist - apparently tea cures everything. She is doing energy work with Reiki. Kassy on the other hand HAS been seeing a counsellor and is loaded up on meds for ADHD - but if Michelle just has a nice cup of herbal tea, Kassy will stop living in terror of what her suicidal mother will do next.
Pretending at seeking help so that you can continue the psycho-drama and mind games, is emotional abuse of the worst sort and the fact that she could do that to her own child, sickens me in ways that I cannot ever begin to describe.
Of course it always gets better..... The worst drama always does.
I lost it and I responded to Michelle’s most recent post. I was NOT nice and after her revelation of how much she detests me I felt no reason to be nice.
Frankly I had nothing to lose as the next thing I did was explain to Lisa my thoughts and feelings about Michelle’s behaviour and that I wanted to exercise my right to veto.
Lisa felt that my decision to respond was probably not the wisest but she fully agreed how and why the string of comments regarding Kassy would make me feel as I do.
Terri - fully under the influence of the emotional abuse she has suffered at Michelle’s hands over the years(think Stockholm syndrome and you’re close) - felt the need to explain in great detail to Lisa that I am a monster. Oh well, no loss there. Terri does not know me and has always actively avoided me, even in her own home... and the opinion of a stranger really means very little to me.
It was however very interesting to note the “intense panic attack” that Michelle had as the result of being subjected to my opinion. And my guilt over expressing my honest albeit less than supportive opinion was suddenly a little less...
I mean c’mon?? Michelle, having a panic attack over something said by someone she so intensely hates?
If it was a real panic attack, then she should be checking herself into the nearest hospital for evaluation. Michelle is far too full of herself to ever be bothered by anything I might say or think and her panic attack was as far from real as it gets.
Every time she doesn’t get her way her bipolar gets “triggered” and the suddenly becomes a danger to herself until she gets her way.
I cannot stomach the emotional abuse she is heaping on her own daughter just to get her way. If that makes me a monster then so be it, I would much rather be a monster than enable, even marginally, the abuse of a child for personal gain.
While Terri choosing to comment came as no surprise, Lisa and I were both stunned that she would direct herself to Lisa when she had not even been home and had no awareness of what had happened. Later I realized there are many reasons why it was easier to attack Lisa than to approach me directly - not the least of which is fear that Terri might find herself in a position to see who the real monster is.
The fact that I am the one who has given birth and raised children alone is not lost on Michelle. It does not take a rocket scientist to know why Michelle “helped” Terri to decide that approaching the less experienced parent had a better chance of causing the most pain in our home and driving a wedge between Lisa and I.
Reality check: if your behaviour is so erratic that your child is approaching you to discuss your suicidal tendencies, it is your cue to seek immediate help. Allowing your child to fear for the future while you sip herbal tea and make appointments for reiki is unacceptable.
Posting rambling accounts about how your child should fear the things you might do to harm yourself - when there is a chance, however remote, that your daughter will see it and “know” how suicidal you are is a clear sign that you need to drop everything and check into the nearest mental health facility for full time care.
Anything less is emotional abuse of the worst kind and the fact that Michelle is allowing her daughter to feel like that, even for a moment, is utterly disgusting.
Michelle is still sitting on her ass expecting forgiveness for her worst behaviour with the excuse that she is bipolar and refusing to take even a single grain of responsibility for her actions.
That is abuse and Michelle is an abuser of the worst kind - that is what a monster truly is.
Lisa responded to Terri with understanding and tact, but she did not turn on me as Michelle had hoped. Lisa did agree that it would have been wiser for me to keep my peace and stay out of things. Of course that was not enough because the response was intense to say the least.
Lisa did not back down.
The facts of the matter are simple and Lisa said so;
Michelle was very clear in how she felt about me even going so far as to say that I “deserved” to be jobless. She was vicious and cruel and her willingness to be cruel was deliberate.
Michelle admitted she should not have said it.. But, has been very careful to avoid any mention of the fact that she meant it because the truth is that she did mean every word of it.
I felt no need to be considerate or kind in my treatment of someone who hates so deeply and who I feel is emotionally abusing their own child - not to mention the way she has mistreated and used Terri all these years.
I also am entitled to my opinions and to express them even if Lisa does not agree with the way in which I expressed them.
That does not make me a monster and does not obligate Lisa to turn on me just to satisfy micelles outrage.
Lisa stood up to Michelle - again, and this time it went beyond ugly.
Michelle treated my wife horribly and their friendship ended and yet she had the unmitigated gall to turn to her when she needed a friend. Lisa put her own anger aside to be a friend in a time of need.
Regardless of who did what and who behaved badly, Michelle managed, at the end of the day, to lose her temper and reveal to Lisa just how deep her jealousies and resentments over her happiness and growth have become.
I have my wife’s permission to post it and so I will.
I cannot believe you would defend Peggy's actions. I lost myself in my marriage and so have you. You are not the same and it is not for the better. Peggy's influence on you is so acute that it's sickening. And please do not say you were there for me because you took that moment to suggest that both the loss of your friendship and my marriage was connected, to what I am sure is your perceived view of me being a negative person.
I think it is cliched to state that you both will pay karmically, but yea it seems like the thing to do nevertheless. To be abusive, and yes that bitch you call a wife was abusive to me when I was nearly going to check in to the hospital because I was a threat to myself is not something you would have ever defended before, what type of person have you become to do so now? If you think that this will go by unnoticed by the Gods...well you will see how wrong you are...your life can and will get so much worse than it already is.
Make your united front, find people who will support you diseased relationship, it will be your only solace you will find. But in the end you will be alone with your monster of a wife and no one to blame other than you.
SO MOTE IT BE
Michelle believes in her majik. She believes she has the power to cast spells and to send her wishes (for good or harm) into the lives of others. She is a child who plays with things she does not understand.
She revealed her true self and hurled her hate at my wife as a spell.
Her wish for my wife was as brutal as it was evil.
It was the harmless actions of an impotent clown to be sure, but hateful words and harmful intent has been her undoing. I only thank my goddess that she has never had a taste of real power - imagine the harm she would cause!
The rose coloured glasses have shattered and the true monster stands revealed. She was never a friend to my wife and now that it’s been proven, she never will be again.
By your own hand, the bond is broken and the cord undone.
Hate has been given and so it shall return.
I return your evil to you and wash my hands of you once and for all.
Through your own doing, the vortex awaits you.
By the favour of my goddess, so mote it be.