old, new, borrowed, blue
so, i was just about to begin writing my yearly retrospective, when i found the half-written journal entry i'll post here, under a cut. sometimes lj saves the things i half-write, and sometimes it doesn't. in the interest of full-disclosure-journaling i figured i'd post it before my retrospective. yeah.
so, in the midst of writing an entry of epic proportion, the computer decided to be a complete sod and send it away. it always feels a bit disingenuous to attempt to rewrite something without the first draft at hand to reference, but i'll make an attempt anyway...however shoddy it's going to wind up being.
for beginniners, i cannot believe that it has already been a full month since the last time i updated. the best laid plans, right? in my original update i wrote something about my perception of time and how it changes depending on the number of tasks i have to complete in any given day...therefore, seeing as my days have become exponentially busier, the days seem shorter, and months seem incredibly apt at traveling at immense speeds while simultaneously causing everything to seem to have occurred so long ago that i can barely keep my short term and long term memories straight. speaking of exponentials, that was all exponentially less confusing, roundabout, and absurd in the first draft.
moving on....kindergarten is the most tiring/tiresome job i have ever had. though it is undeniably rewarding (as working with children always is), it is also completely exhausting. we spend hours every day on routines and structure, which includes, but is not limited to: having to literally place these tiny people (they're babies, i tell you!) into their line spots (for the fiftieth time: "leigh, please remember to stand behind ondine, okay?" "okay!" "who are you standing behind?" "ondine!" "great, leigh!" ...30 seconds later... "leigh? where is leigh?" ...panic.... spot leigh standing with the fifth graders... "leigh, there you are! what happened, my dear?" "oh...i forgot."), flushing the toilet at least 500 times a day, because they are pee machines (seriously), and teaching all 24 children how to wash their hands because their parents have failed to show them how (dirty pee hands: one of the seven deadly sins, according to my mother). it's not that i don't think they're wonderful (well, maybe i'm not so keen on the parentally-indulged hitter-biter-insulter), it's just the back-breaking, mind-bending, soul-crushing exhaustion that hits me every evening between 7 and 8 that really gets me. it's probably no help that after everyone gets picked up i go teach my afterschool sports class and then babysit (tonight i babysit until midnight), and this week happen to have a serious headcold to boot. i'm not complaining, i'm just tired. it probably sounds more like complaining than i mean for it to, on account of the fact that such a schedule sometimes warrants complaint, i would say. it's a lot. so much different than dealing with one or two children as well, i'd like to add. i've been babysitting regularly for years and years now, and the brand of exhaustion with one or two children is completely different from 24. it requires compartmentalization of hundreds--thousands--of things. at the very least, i feel as though this is wonderful mental practice for when i have have babies of my own.
but back to kindergarten...
i do love teaching. i love schedules (and rearranging them for a well-needed session of interpretive dance), i love organization (and having the system undermined by pictures of sea ponies and batman in between the pages of my records), and i love rules (and having good reason to disobey them). so, we're good. and i'm sure i'll build up a higher tolerance for my long days as soon as i'm done fasting, and through with this head cold.
other than school, there's not much time to breathe, let alone think....which makes the fact that i've been feeling incredibly pensive as of late rather difficult to manage. i've been thinking on the fact that i'd like to work for myself. i know, most people would probably like to be their own boss, it's true...but i can muse on it, regardless, and i will. i am great at doing things for other people. i have always been good at fulfilling specified tasks, and then finding my own unspecified ones to fulfill as well. i can take direction, i am great at anticipating needs. it's a resume right here!
the retrospective coming soon.